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girl thread help
L.E.O.
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
so here is the situation, i met this girl at college about 3-4 weeks ago, we started talking and we seemed to have a lot in common as people and shared some interests, so now we kind starting to mess around like kissing and shit, and that's pretty cool by me. The thing is that she said she is bi-polar, but i didn't really think anything of it, but i went to her house yesterday and we were both doing homework, and suddenly she just starts crying, and i don't know what to do, and this happened like 3 times, and when i asked her about it she cried again, i really don't know what to do. does anybody have any experience with bi-polar people? how will it effect the relationship? i do like her a lot, but the crying thing scares me. so please, any advice?
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if she has and refuses to or can't afford the medication.... well i don't know.
Not to be a callous asshole - wait, I am a callous asshole - but at "3-4 weeks" into a relationship, it's not his job to be Dr. Fucking Phil and "do everything he can."
You ask her if she's gone to a doctor.
You suggest she goes to one if she hasn't.
And if that doesn't work, you tip your hat to the conductor, get off the train while it's still at a low speed, run back to the platform, and be thankful you're not on board when it goes off the rails.
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I do not want to offend anyone here, but this could become a heavy load on your back, she could need a lot of treatment from a doctor, and a lot of patience and support from your part (this if you don't mind devoting your life to her).
if she knows she is bi-polar, she should be on medication and thus should have already seen a doctor
if she has not yet seen a doctor, encourage her to see one
do all this out of care for her as a person, not necessarily as someone you are attracted to
if she refuses to listen to you despite your reasonable efforts, then yeah, as Peregrine said in more trite terms, it may not be worth it if you're not ready to deal with it as a factor in your fledgling relationship... for most, it's not worth the trouble, but it's up to you to decide if it is or not
if she IS on medication and you just caught her in a bad spell, ask her directly what you can do to make her more comfortable when something like that happens, and make your decisions based on what she tells you
E: and just to argue what Fantasma said, you don't have to devote your life to her to want to hang around, for christ's sake... it's also reasonable to stick around and see how things go if you think you can handle it and later walk away if it becomes evident you can't, so long as you make it clear to her that that's what you're doing
3-4 weeks is nothing at all, by offering support you are just caring about another person, not jamming a ring on her finger, christ
im thinking im just going to try and forget about her disesase and just enjoy her for what shes got, and if she does have another episode then i dont know, well see. anyways thanks for all you guyzez responses.
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My advice is, its not going away anytime soon (like ever), so if you can't deal mebbe let that one go. I'm lucky in that pretty cryers actually turn me on a little, and so snuggles and cuddles during an episode are well within my abilities.
Keep in mind, its most likely not anything about you or what you're doing, see also: Nothing You Can Fix. Its certainly not personal. So let it ride, and it ends on its own. From what I can figure, its a sudden dip in seratonin or like chemicals, sending thoughts into a nasty little depressive cycle which is somewhat removed from standard rational thinking.
It really doesn't matter what you say, or how you try to console, everything will get swept up in that swirling black hole and become part of the cycle. No way out but through. So hang tight, just be around, get involved (with her) on other things and it will pass. Sometimes quickly like a few hours or after a nights sleep, sometimes a low grade ebb on a couple of days. IME, the duration is inversely proportionate to the severity- harsh ones are over quickly, lesser episodes take some time.
No lies though, it can be pretty taxing, so figure out whether or not you're cut out for that sort of thing.
My ex-WIFE turned out to be bi-polar. We found out about half-way through our marriage. She would be happy for a while, then unhappy for a while. The real problem came when she was unhappy and she would try to find a reason for her unhappiness. Through-out the marraige it got blamed on location, religion, school, friends, and finally me. We found out she was bi-polar, but when she was in the lows she still refused to accept that she was sad due to her condition. Finally, one day she blamed the unhappiness on me and she left. A year later she calls me up and apologizes and says that she now realizes I was the only thing that really made her happy.
The point of the above story? People with this problem need to KNOW they have the problem, are willing to accept and deal with it while they are in the lows. Otherwise, you will eventually be blamed for her unhappiness and she'll jet.