MongerI got the ham stink.Dallas, TXRegistered Userregular
edited April 2009
You know, I think I'm a bit relieved Zenigata wouldn't fit. Every time I'd see it, it would just remind me that Zidane isn't named Lupin. I don't know if I could deal with that. Also, Awesome.
This absolutely needs you to keep embedding soundtrack links or youtubes or whatever. This game has a wonderful OST - and is, notably, Nobuo Uematsu's own favorite FF OST - and people deserve to hear the highlights.
I guess we're just going to call it the Vista from now on, because there's nothing Prima about that wreck.
Baku: "Just our luck to crash into this forest... It's gonna get
interesting..."
Cinna: "What do you mean, 'interesting,' Boss? I hear no one's ever
made it outta here alive."
Blank: "Boss! There's fire everywhere! It's outta control!"
Baku: "Quit yer whinin' and get it under control! And get the wounded
outta here!"
Blank: "Alright!"
"And Heaven help you all if you forget my vast collection of Tonberry smut. You don't need everyone's grudge, baby, you just need mine."
"Nuts like balls, my friend."
A neat feature of FFIX is called the ATE, or Active Time Event. Basically, while storyline scenes are going on, you have the option to press Select and see another scene happening simultaneously to yours.
We have our first one here:
No no not doing this no no no run away run away this is my special run away song so I do not get killed by scary monster.
Well, if there's one person we should listen to, it's the hippo in S&M gear with claws for hands. Let's go.
Well, that's pretty straightforward.
"No shit she's in trouble. She's a Princess. That's all they ever do."
Awesome and Bowie vs...oh dear. It's a monster that has Garnet, and it has tentacles. I've seen enough anime to know what happens next.
This fight is easy. You'll note the fact that Bowie has gone Super Sayian. That's Trance, the Limit Break of FFIX. Bowie gets access to some neat new abilities, one that hits one enemy and one that hits every enemy. Basically a tutorial instead of a fight.
Probably off to ravage her every orifice with a multitude of naughty tentacles.
"Aw, don't worry Vivi. The monster'll probably have her every which way it desires before eating her. Actually that's probably not very comforting. Forget I said anything."
Awesome: "How could I let this happen!?"
Bowie: "Don't worry. She's not dead yet. That monster was only a
minion. He's probably gonna take her to his master."
Awesome: "That means the princess might still be-- Come! We must go
find her at once!"
Vivi: "WHOA!!!"
Another Prison Cage, another fight.
This fight's a little harder, if only because I need to make sure Vivi doesn't die as I steal everything from the boss.
We beat the boss, but we're sprayed with some evil mist before it dissolves. No fair.
Vivi wakes up back at the Vista.
Blank: "You guys are lucky. If it weren't for Bowie, you'd both be
dead. Some of the monsters in this forest reproduce by planting
seeds in other animals. And when the seeds sprout, it's hasta
la vista: you become beef jerky."
Vivi: "Um... A-Am I gonna die?"
Vivi: "Ugh...eeyuck..."
"Something involving chains, a ballgag, a can of Fluffernutter, a zucchini, and a bottle of whiskey, but hey, a plan's a plan."
Awesome: "Ugh... I can't take it anymore... God help me!"
[He chugs the medicine.]
Awesome: "Hey... Not bad."
"Wait we're not counting the fact that I already went outside, right?"
That's not true. He's also a pig. Or a bat. Debate rages on, even to this day.
Flintstone Chewables double as seed remover.
Vivi: "Oh... Th-Thank you for helping me."
Bowie: "Ah, don't mention it. Besides, it was your black magic that
saved the day. You know, you've got some major power for such
a little guy."
Vivi: "......"
Bowie: "What's wrong...? Are you peeved at me because I called you
little? Hey, you're a great mage with great powers, alright?
To hell with looks. It's what inside that counts."
Vivi: "I'm sorry. When that monster caught her, I couldn't do anything..."
Bowie: "Hey, don't worry about the princess. I'll get her back. I
promise."
Vivi: "Thank you, Mr. Bowie."
"Or Ziggy Stardust. Whatever floats your boat, really."
Nothing humorous to say here. Why ruin the flow?
"Good idea. I'm sure he'll be entirely reasonable about this."
"I know, right? She's a hottie. I'm glad you took this so well."
OW WAIT WHAT
You know the drill. Fight boss, steal from boss, kick boss's ass.
Well let's go get Rustbucket and Vivi and get ourselves some hot princess pus-I mean, let's go save her.
"Look, just because your name is Awesome doesn't mean you get to test your limits like this. You're about this close from being renamed to Decent. Now put the doll down."
"After we're done, I'll buy you an ice cream cone."
Awesome is the gift that keeps on giving.
Bowie: "Captain? I figured you were a private, what with that cheap,
rusty armor... Look, this has nothing to do with Tantalus.
It's something I decided to do on my own. I just wanna save
Garnet."
Awesome: "Hmph...! You had better not be lying! Because if you are, I
won't hesistate to kill you!"
Bowie: "Yeah, yeah. I'm counting on you, Rusty."
Awesome: "Make no mistake. I'm only going with you to rescue the
princess! I'll deal with you personally when this is over!"
Bowie: "...Whatever." (NO BOWIE DON'T DO THIS. This is the Path to Squalldom!)
Awesome: "It may be difficult with just the two of us. We should seek
Master Vivi's help as well."
Bowie: "Why are you calling him 'Master'?"
Awesome: "You fool. That black mage has unimaginable powers... I don't
want to get him involved, but alas, it can't be helped. We
need Master Vivi's help to rescue the princess."
Bowie: "Alright, let's go talk to Vivi."
d'awwwww
I can't really find fault with this. Vivi does kick ass.
Vivi: "B-But...I'm scared. I couldn't even move last time."
Awesome: "Please, Master Vivi. For the sake of Princess Garnet and all
of Alexandria, I humbly request your assistance!"
Bowie: "Come on! You're a black mage, for crying out loud! Show us
what you've got! Alright, let's get going."
Vivi: "...Okay. I'll...try my best."
Awesome: "Thank you, Master Vivi."
As Zidane leaves, Awesome takes Vivi aside and asks him something about Magic Sword.
"If you know what I mean."
"I think I do, Bowie."
"I'm talking about her vagina, Blank.'
"I know, Bowie."
Blank tosses Bowie a de-seeding potion and we go off into the forest, where we find...
A safe area with no monsters and a spring that restores our hp/mp. I level up a bit, but not too much.
Wait how come he can step outside the ship without being beaten up? Man what a jerk our boss was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2nF6qt49dE
Goddamn I love this boss music. And why is it playing? Because we're fighting our first boss!
This is the weirdly named Plant Brain, and he was actually kind of tough. He shot lightning (for whatever reason) for decent damage. Vivi's Fire and Awesome's Fire Sword made short work of him. Bowie spent most of the fight stealing. I'm a klepto, what can I say.
Not pictured is Blank coming in to help when the boss is at like 50%.
"Not a word out of you, Bowie."
Killing the Plant Brain unleashed a bunch of weird mantis rose monsters. Flee! Flee!
Not pictured is Blank resisting being petrified long enough to toss us the map.
I salute you, you badass patchwork thief.
"I would say something, but I'm too busy being mesmerized by our tent. It has a moogle danglyball."
"Yes. Yes I am, Your Highness."
"Heh heh. Snatch her. You hear what I said, Blan-oh. Now I'm sad again."
Awesome: "Impossible!"
Garnet: "It's true."
Bowie: "So what do you say, Rusty? Friends? Come on, let's enjoy this
camping trip while it lasts."
Awesome: "Camping--you imbecile! Surely even you must know something
about the Mist! The vicious monsters it spawns! The
abnormalities it stirs in the mind and body! Princess, we
must leave this dangerous place at once."
Bowie: "You've got to be kidding. She hasn't even fully recovered yet."
Awesome: "Silence! Who asked for your opinion!?"
Bowie: "Alright, tell me... How do you plan to get out of here? We're
standing in a valley surrounded by tall cliffs. And last I
heard, North Gate and South Gate were sealed off."
Awesome: "........."
Bowie: "Yeah. That's what I thought."
Awesome: "Grrrrr..."
Bowie: "The princess can barely walk right now. You went through this.
You should know. I think we should rest here for now."
Awesome: "I will never follow your--"
Bowie: "Awesome!!! State your sworn duty!"
Awesome: "What else!? To protect Princess Garnet Til Alexandros!
...Very well. Until the princess recovers, I will guard this
place with my life."
I would say something snarky like "Let's just use a Soft on him", but damn, he's all the way, you know back there. Unless we use a Soft on the vines and then cut them.
Nah, that'd be silly.
And I'm sure that cavern will be completely uneventful.
I say Garnet/Dagger/Sarah needs to have a completely random name, just so it looks like she has ADHD.
Garnet: "Oh, okay... I understand now. So this is called a 'dagger'..."
Steiner: "Princess! It's a weapon! Please be careful."
Garnet: "I've decided! From now on, my name is... ooh, a squirrel!"
Zidane: "Wait, you want to be called Ooasquirrel? What the heck?"
Obviously that won't fit, but you get the general idea.
BlitzAce1981 on
PSN ID - BlitzAce1981 FFXIV - Raiden Solitaire (Sargatanas)
I say Garnet/Dagger/Sarah needs to have a completely random name, just so it looks like she has ADHD.
Garnet: "Oh, okay... I understand now. So this is called a 'dagger'..."
Steiner: "Princess! It's a weapon! Please be careful."
Garnet: "I've decided! From now on, my name is... ooh, a squirrel!"
Zidane: "Wait, you want to be called Ooasquirrel? What the heck?"
Obviously that won't fit, but you get the general idea.
I say Garnet/Dagger/Sarah needs to have a completely random name, just so it looks like she has ADHD.
Garnet: "Oh, okay... I understand now. So this is called a 'dagger'..."
Steiner: "Princess! It's a weapon! Please be careful."
Garnet: "I've decided! From now on, my name is... ooh, a squirrel!"
Zidane: "Wait, you want to be called Ooasquirrel? What the heck?"
Obviously that won't fit, but you get the general idea.
Man, it's gonna take us forever to find this stupid cave.
Well that was easy.
"There's a lot of ice...and it's a cave...It could be anything, really."
"This is where sno-cones come from, right?"
Apparently Bowie stole the Idiot Ball from the cast of Heroes. Yes this is the cave! It's made of ice!
"Ice in an Ice Cave. You're a silly girl, you silly girl."
"Yes, we must shower him with gifts, and cake!"
Oops.
Man, you said it. I love talking as much as the next person but sometimes you just want to beat wildlife until they give you experience points and gold.
Which is why I'm not allowed back at the dog park.
"If you break it, we'll have to buy it, the sign over there says as much!"
Yaaaay treasure!
I don't really see how it's any more strange than the rest of the walls.
This better not be a load-bearing wall...
Not pictured: Vivi fucking up that wall. It never stood a chance.
I that little guy.
A room or two in we find a Moogle trapped in a block of ice. Vivi uses his fire magic to let him go.
Maybe a little too much fire magic.
Wait, wait. Did a Moogle just call us bastards?
Holy shit it DID. I didn't think Moogles could use such language. Now I'm picturing a Moogle version if FF7's Cid, with whatever a 5 o'clock shadow would look like on a naturally furry being and a three pack a day cigarette habit.
Bowie's joking. I hope.
"If you're alright, stay perfectly still and don't say a word.
...
"Alright, we're good."
Awesome staggers over to see if Vivi's alright, and falls down himself.
"I'm being literal, by the way. Frostbite isn't pretty."
Our caring leader.
That better not have been a pun, Bowie.
Bowie nods off, but then hears the chime of a bell.
"Well, it was a bell, so it was probably those guys who dress up like Santa and guilt you into giving them money. I'll steal his cash and figure out what to do from there."
Boss fight time! Well, he doesn't look so tough, he should be pretty easy to beat.
Aw Christ.
Also, Sealion? I hope the trainers at Gaia's version of SeaWorld are paid a lot more than the ones here.
How are we supposed to beat them?!
Like that. I stole a shiny new knife from Sealion first though.
This fight would have been stupidly hard without Trance, by the way. It triggers automatically, so if the bar would have filled up while fighting some rank and file baddies, I'd be screwed here.
Bowie walks off, bad guy ass thoroughly thrashed. The camera pans up...
DUN DUN DUNNNN
Wait, wrong picture.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!
Garnet: "Bowie!"
Bowie: "Hey, there. Everybody okay?"
Awesome: "You! What just happened?"
Bowie: "It was no big deal."
Awesome: "You're hiding something!"
Bowie: "Hey, nothing happened. You heard me."
Awesome: "You...didn't touch the princess, did you?"
Bowie: "Just what are you accusing me of?"
Garnet: "Awesome, he said nothing happened. Why are you being so rude?"
Awesome: "...My apologies, Princess."
Garnet: "Well, I'm glad everyone is safe. Shall we move on? Bowie?
Is something bothering you?"
Bowie: "No... It's nothing."
"Everywhere except your pants..."
"What was that?"
"Uh...Urphants. It's a town near Lindblum."
"Might I suggest Eva Breastia, depraved sex slave to the suave and dapper Don Bowie ow ow Awesome stop punching me!"
Well, we've already had the discussion of inflicting them with ADD before the update by calling her Shiny...
...but if we're going with weapon names, it has to be something pathetic.
Hell with it, call her Spork. Or Beaver, since that'll allow Bowie to make even more innuendos. For example, say she does something incredibly good; Bowie can then turn around and say "Nice Beaver!"
...OK, that one was bad, even for me.
BlitzAce1981 on
PSN ID - BlitzAce1981 FFXIV - Raiden Solitaire (Sargatanas)
Posts
All right, people. It is not a gerbil. It is not a hamster. It is not a guinea pig. It is a death rabbit. Death. Rabbit. Say it with me, now.
XBL/PSN/Steam: APZonerunner
he spends like 5 minutes of the entire game being angsty and he has a good reason for it
as opposed to the heroes of FFVII and FFVIII, Misters .... and .... respectively
XBL/PSN/Steam: APZonerunner
Awesome is officially the best name for Steiner, ever. Thank you for choosing it.
Lovin' this LP all ready. ^.^
Part 4: Can't See The Forest For The (Evil) Trees
Friend found movies on Youtube (Thanks, Bele-chan!). Skip the last 8 seconds, it's a spoiler (omg)
I guess we're just going to call it the Vista from now on, because there's nothing Prima about that wreck.
Baku: "Just our luck to crash into this forest... It's gonna get
interesting..."
Cinna: "What do you mean, 'interesting,' Boss? I hear no one's ever
made it outta here alive."
Blank: "Boss! There's fire everywhere! It's outta control!"
Baku: "Quit yer whinin' and get it under control! And get the wounded
outta here!"
Blank: "Alright!"
"And Heaven help you all if you forget my vast collection of Tonberry smut. You don't need everyone's grudge, baby, you just need mine."
"Nuts like balls, my friend."
A neat feature of FFIX is called the ATE, or Active Time Event. Basically, while storyline scenes are going on, you have the option to press Select and see another scene happening simultaneously to yours.
We have our first one here:
No no not doing this no no no run away run away this is my special run away song so I do not get killed by scary monster.
Well, if there's one person we should listen to, it's the hippo in S&M gear with claws for hands. Let's go.
Well, that's pretty straightforward.
"No shit she's in trouble. She's a Princess. That's all they ever do."
Awesome and Bowie vs...oh dear. It's a monster that has Garnet, and it has tentacles. I've seen enough anime to know what happens next.
This fight is easy. You'll note the fact that Bowie has gone Super Sayian. That's Trance, the Limit Break of FFIX. Bowie gets access to some neat new abilities, one that hits one enemy and one that hits every enemy. Basically a tutorial instead of a fight.
Probably off to ravage her every orifice with a multitude of naughty tentacles.
"Aw, don't worry Vivi. The monster'll probably have her every which way it desires before eating her. Actually that's probably not very comforting. Forget I said anything."
Awesome: "How could I let this happen!?"
Bowie: "Don't worry. She's not dead yet. That monster was only a
minion. He's probably gonna take her to his master."
Awesome: "That means the princess might still be-- Come! We must go
find her at once!"
Vivi: "WHOA!!!"
Another Prison Cage, another fight.
This fight's a little harder, if only because I need to make sure Vivi doesn't die as I steal everything from the boss.
We beat the boss, but we're sprayed with some evil mist before it dissolves. No fair.
Vivi wakes up back at the Vista.
Blank: "You guys are lucky. If it weren't for Bowie, you'd both be
dead. Some of the monsters in this forest reproduce by planting
seeds in other animals. And when the seeds sprout, it's hasta
la vista: you become beef jerky."
Vivi: "Um... A-Am I gonna die?"
Vivi: "Ugh...eeyuck..."
"Something involving chains, a ballgag, a can of Fluffernutter, a zucchini, and a bottle of whiskey, but hey, a plan's a plan."
Awesome: "Ugh... I can't take it anymore... God help me!"
[He chugs the medicine.]
Awesome: "Hey... Not bad."
"Wait we're not counting the fact that I already went outside, right?"
That's not true. He's also a pig. Or a bat. Debate rages on, even to this day.
Flintstone Chewables double as seed remover.
Vivi: "Oh... Th-Thank you for helping me."
Bowie: "Ah, don't mention it. Besides, it was your black magic that
saved the day. You know, you've got some major power for such
a little guy."
Vivi: "......"
Bowie: "What's wrong...? Are you peeved at me because I called you
little? Hey, you're a great mage with great powers, alright?
To hell with looks. It's what inside that counts."
Vivi: "I'm sorry. When that monster caught her, I couldn't do anything..."
Bowie: "Hey, don't worry about the princess. I'll get her back. I
promise."
Vivi: "Thank you, Mr. Bowie."
"Or Ziggy Stardust. Whatever floats your boat, really."
Nothing humorous to say here. Why ruin the flow?
"Good idea. I'm sure he'll be entirely reasonable about this."
"I know, right? She's a hottie. I'm glad you took this so well."
OW WAIT WHAT
You know the drill. Fight boss, steal from boss, kick boss's ass.
Well let's go get Rustbucket and Vivi and get ourselves some hot princess pus-I mean, let's go save her.
"Look, just because your name is Awesome doesn't mean you get to test your limits like this. You're about this close from being renamed to Decent. Now put the doll down."
"After we're done, I'll buy you an ice cream cone."
Awesome is the gift that keeps on giving.
Bowie: "Captain? I figured you were a private, what with that cheap,
rusty armor... Look, this has nothing to do with Tantalus.
It's something I decided to do on my own. I just wanna save
Garnet."
Awesome: "Hmph...! You had better not be lying! Because if you are, I
won't hesistate to kill you!"
Bowie: "Yeah, yeah. I'm counting on you, Rusty."
Awesome: "Make no mistake. I'm only going with you to rescue the
princess! I'll deal with you personally when this is over!"
Bowie: "...Whatever." (NO BOWIE DON'T DO THIS. This is the Path to Squalldom!)
Awesome: "It may be difficult with just the two of us. We should seek
Master Vivi's help as well."
Bowie: "Why are you calling him 'Master'?"
Awesome: "You fool. That black mage has unimaginable powers... I don't
want to get him involved, but alas, it can't be helped. We
need Master Vivi's help to rescue the princess."
Bowie: "Alright, let's go talk to Vivi."
d'awwwww
I can't really find fault with this. Vivi does kick ass.
Vivi: "B-But...I'm scared. I couldn't even move last time."
Awesome: "Please, Master Vivi. For the sake of Princess Garnet and all
of Alexandria, I humbly request your assistance!"
Bowie: "Come on! You're a black mage, for crying out loud! Show us
what you've got! Alright, let's get going."
Vivi: "...Okay. I'll...try my best."
Awesome: "Thank you, Master Vivi."
As Zidane leaves, Awesome takes Vivi aside and asks him something about Magic Sword.
"If you know what I mean."
"I think I do, Bowie."
"I'm talking about her vagina, Blank.'
"I know, Bowie."
Blank tosses Bowie a de-seeding potion and we go off into the forest, where we find...
A safe area with no monsters and a spring that restores our hp/mp. I level up a bit, but not too much.
Wait how come he can step outside the ship without being beaten up? Man what a jerk our boss was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2nF6qt49dE
Goddamn I love this boss music. And why is it playing? Because we're fighting our first boss!
This is the weirdly named Plant Brain, and he was actually kind of tough. He shot lightning (for whatever reason) for decent damage. Vivi's Fire and Awesome's Fire Sword made short work of him. Bowie spent most of the fight stealing. I'm a klepto, what can I say.
Not pictured is Blank coming in to help when the boss is at like 50%.
"Not a word out of you, Bowie."
Killing the Plant Brain unleashed a bunch of weird mantis rose monsters. Flee! Flee!
New cutscene starts at like 40 seconds in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aFSYwPL5wE
Blank saves us one last time...
Not pictured is Blank resisting being petrified long enough to toss us the map.
I salute you, you badass patchwork thief.
"I would say something, but I'm too busy being mesmerized by our tent. It has a moogle danglyball."
"Yes. Yes I am, Your Highness."
"Heh heh. Snatch her. You hear what I said, Blan-oh. Now I'm sad again."
Awesome: "Impossible!"
Garnet: "It's true."
Bowie: "So what do you say, Rusty? Friends? Come on, let's enjoy this
camping trip while it lasts."
Awesome: "Camping--you imbecile! Surely even you must know something
about the Mist! The vicious monsters it spawns! The
abnormalities it stirs in the mind and body! Princess, we
must leave this dangerous place at once."
Bowie: "You've got to be kidding. She hasn't even fully recovered yet."
Awesome: "Silence! Who asked for your opinion!?"
Bowie: "Alright, tell me... How do you plan to get out of here? We're
standing in a valley surrounded by tall cliffs. And last I
heard, North Gate and South Gate were sealed off."
Awesome: "........."
Bowie: "Yeah. That's what I thought."
Awesome: "Grrrrr..."
Bowie: "The princess can barely walk right now. You went through this.
You should know. I think we should rest here for now."
Awesome: "I will never follow your--"
Bowie: "Awesome!!! State your sworn duty!"
Awesome: "What else!? To protect Princess Garnet Til Alexandros!
...Very well. Until the princess recovers, I will guard this
place with my life."
I would say something snarky like "Let's just use a Soft on him", but damn, he's all the way, you know back there. Unless we use a Soft on the vines and then cut them.
Nah, that'd be silly.
And I'm sure that cavern will be completely uneventful.
cracked up at the vagina exchange
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
Me on Twitch!
anytime his name is pictured, and relevant, and hilarious, I am saving this image
and when we are done, all of these images will be collated and presented in a single spoiler for your viewing pleasure
it's the least I can do to help, Minion
also geez I didn't remember this game being so chatty
The Pipe Vault|Twitter|Steam|Backloggery|3DS:1332-7703-1083
I'm still for naming Garnet Garnet, BTW.
Brahne: Where is princess turducken
Awesome: I must protect turducken!
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
Me on Twitch!
Oh yes. Anyone who introduces themselves as 'The Flaming ________' is asking for someone to give them a funny name.
Too many letters.
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
Garnet: "Oh, okay... I understand now. So this is called a 'dagger'..."
Steiner: "Princess! It's a weapon! Please be careful."
Garnet: "I've decided! From now on, my name is... ooh, a squirrel!"
Zidane: "Wait, you want to be called Ooasquirrel? What the heck?"
Obviously that won't fit, but you get the general idea.
Shiny.
It makes EVERY character seem like they have ADD.
Too many letters.
aww
Handmade Jewelry by me on EtsyGames for sale
Me on Twitch!
This.
The Pipe Vault|Twitter|Steam|Backloggery|3DS:1332-7703-1083
A few examples of our current adventure:
Edit: linking them instead since they're 200kb'ish each.
Listen up.
Two words.
Rev. Phelps.
PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
Yes.
but I'm starting a campaign for Amarant being named Homosexual
Amarant should be Potato. Just putting that out there.
I was thinking Poofter, personally. That's just me.
"I am the Flaming Poofter."
Tee hee.
did Zidane get it on with Freya at any point?
Part 5: She Shook Me Cold
Man, it's gonna take us forever to find this stupid cave.
Well that was easy.
"There's a lot of ice...and it's a cave...It could be anything, really."
"This is where sno-cones come from, right?"
Apparently Bowie stole the Idiot Ball from the cast of Heroes. Yes this is the cave! It's made of ice!
"Ice in an Ice Cave. You're a silly girl, you silly girl."
"Yes, we must shower him with gifts, and cake!"
Oops.
Man, you said it. I love talking as much as the next person but sometimes you just want to beat wildlife until they give you experience points and gold.
Which is why I'm not allowed back at the dog park.
Music time!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HCPtoGirdM
"If you break it, we'll have to buy it, the sign over there says as much!"
Yaaaay treasure!
I don't really see how it's any more strange than the rest of the walls.
This better not be a load-bearing wall...
Not pictured: Vivi fucking up that wall. It never stood a chance.
I
A room or two in we find a Moogle trapped in a block of ice. Vivi uses his fire magic to let him go.
Maybe a little too much fire magic.
Wait, wait. Did a Moogle just call us bastards?
Holy shit it DID. I didn't think Moogles could use such language. Now I'm picturing a Moogle version if FF7's Cid, with whatever a 5 o'clock shadow would look like on a naturally furry being and a three pack a day cigarette habit.
Bowie's joking. I hope.
"If you're alright, stay perfectly still and don't say a word.
...
"Alright, we're good."
Awesome staggers over to see if Vivi's alright, and falls down himself.
"I'm being literal, by the way. Frostbite isn't pretty."
Our caring leader.
That better not have been a pun, Bowie.
Bowie nods off, but then hears the chime of a bell.
"Well, it was a bell, so it was probably those guys who dress up like Santa and guilt you into giving them money. I'll steal his cash and figure out what to do from there."
Boss fight time! Well, he doesn't look so tough, he should be pretty easy to beat.
Aw Christ.
Also, Sealion? I hope the trainers at Gaia's version of SeaWorld are paid a lot more than the ones here.
How are we supposed to beat them?!
Like that. I stole a shiny new knife from Sealion first though.
This fight would have been stupidly hard without Trance, by the way. It triggers automatically, so if the bar would have filled up while fighting some rank and file baddies, I'd be screwed here.
Bowie walks off, bad guy ass thoroughly thrashed. The camera pans up...
DUN DUN DUNNNN
Wait, wrong picture.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!!!
Garnet: "Bowie!"
Bowie: "Hey, there. Everybody okay?"
Awesome: "You! What just happened?"
Bowie: "It was no big deal."
Awesome: "You're hiding something!"
Bowie: "Hey, nothing happened. You heard me."
Awesome: "You...didn't touch the princess, did you?"
Bowie: "Just what are you accusing me of?"
Garnet: "Awesome, he said nothing happened. Why are you being so rude?"
Awesome: "...My apologies, Princess."
Garnet: "Well, I'm glad everyone is safe. Shall we move on? Bowie?
Is something bothering you?"
Bowie: "No... It's nothing."
"Everywhere except your pants..."
"What was that?"
"Uh...Urphants. It's a town near Lindblum."
"Might I suggest Eva Breastia, depraved sex slave to the suave and dapper Don Bowie ow ow Awesome stop punching me!"
"I fell in love with a moron."
"Wait, what's a hand?"
You know the drill!
SCIMITAR
EPEE
RAPIER
ANYTHING SWORD RELATED
...but if we're going with weapon names, it has to be something pathetic.
Hell with it, call her Spork. Or Beaver, since that'll allow Bowie to make even more innuendos. For example, say she does something incredibly good; Bowie can then turn around and say "Nice Beaver!"
...OK, that one was bad, even for me.
That or Buns.
I mean, shit, look at dat ass. Never before had a FF character had such a juicy bubble butt.
What?
Stop judging me.