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My (ex)wife is having a kid - adoption
Spherick
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Registered User regular
So im not sure how many of you remember my story about 6 months back.
Long story short my wife cheated on me with a guy from California.
They are still together and we are still legally married.
Apparently she is now 7 months pregnant and according to the Doctors estimated week of conception its mine. Now this esitmated week is while we were still sexually active, but after she had cheated on me for a week in California.
According to her, she wants to give it up for adoption, which is fine with me. She says I need to sign some papers waiving my right as a legal father.
Now the only thing I care about in this whole affair is getting away with no strings attached. I thought I escaped this whole situation and now she drags me back into it.
Im afraid that after the birth, she will change her mind and I will be stuck with child support.
I dont know if even the child is mine and im hoping if she does keep it her and the guy she cheated on me with, can raise it together without me.
Any help in this clusterfuck of problems. If it helps this is in Florida.
This is seriously fucking me over and im sick of this cheating whore ruining my life.
Long story short my wife cheated on me with a guy from California.
They are still together and we are still legally married.
Apparently she is now 7 months pregnant and according to the Doctors estimated week of conception its mine. Now this esitmated week is while we were still sexually active, but after she had cheated on me for a week in California.
According to her, she wants to give it up for adoption, which is fine with me. She says I need to sign some papers waiving my right as a legal father.
Now the only thing I care about in this whole affair is getting away with no strings attached. I thought I escaped this whole situation and now she drags me back into it.
Im afraid that after the birth, she will change her mind and I will be stuck with child support.
I dont know if even the child is mine and im hoping if she does keep it her and the guy she cheated on me with, can raise it together without me.
Any help in this clusterfuck of problems. If it helps this is in Florida.
This is seriously fucking me over and im sick of this cheating whore ruining my life.
Spherick on
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Also, get a divorce.
1. "They are still together and we are still legally married."
I really, really hope you're separated and moving towards "divorced."
2. "She says I need to sign some papers waiving my right as a legal father."
If you sign the paperwork waiving your right as legal father, that means she cannot go after you for support on those grounds. She can go after you on the grounds of divorce support though; but with her living with the other guy and infidelity on the record, you've got a strong case. (IANAL, and not terribly familiar with FL law either.)
3. "according to the Doctors estimated week of conception its mine."
I hate to be harsh here, but odds are very good that it's not yours. If she was intending to put it up for adoption, you'd want to keep paternal rights in case you ever wanted the child to be able to find his/her biological dad.
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If she balks, you're not the father; this might also cause her to pull back the offer of the "relinquish paternal rights" paperwork, since it sounds like she's a complete and utter cunt and that's something one would do.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I just need to fill out the paperwork and get the $325 together to take to the courthouse.
So, if I sign this waiver of legal father rights (whatever its called), then even if she changes her mind - she can't come after me for child support?
Also, I think I read that im only the legal father if were married when the child is BORN, not conceived.
Thanks for the help guys, apparently she has a case worker from an adoption clinic all ready to go and I need to go sign this - I just dont want to sign this and get fucked by it later.
I think this point is a biggie, however I have to also ask: before this whole mess started, were the 2 of you trying to get pregnant and have kids? If so, do you have any thought about possibly taking the child, which could potentially be yours? I mean, this is a life- it's not a cat.
I am just looking at it from the light of being a parent of 2, and we had a hell of a time having our first one. It would be a shame to see you let this child go, then end up being in a relationship with someone else who can't get pregnant etc.
Just my .02
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I feel like a shitheel just wanting to get rid of this, but I just dont want anything to do with her ever again.
On an other note, what if the baby did turn out to be yours? Are you really okay with putting it up for adoption? If that child is yours he or she will be part of you. The thought of what ever became of him or her will more then likely haunt you for the rest of your life. I'm half adopted, I never knew my biological father. I was recently put in touch with him through a series of events and the first thing he said was that he constantly thought about me. He didn't even know my name so he had no way of contacting me. My Grandfather put one of his children up for adoption, when they were reunited a few years ago the reunion was tearful to say the least.
What I'm trying to get at here is if the child is yours give a lot of thought about the future of the kid what he or she is going to experience and what he or she deserves to experience.
Have you already established in the divorce paperwork that there will not be any alimony, or you had a prenup? If not, I would try to get that established as part of the waiver of rights.
Also, go sit down for a half-hour chat with a real, IRL, flesh-and-blood lawyer experienced in this field, and they will be able to give you actual law-on-the-books proof of her being unable to pursue you for child support, the status of you as "father", etc.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Im sure this will haunt me for the rest of my life and it will always be with me, but thats just one of the many scars im taking away from this horrible marriage.
Life lessons and all that jazz.
I have a 15 minute appointment with a lawyer through my university thats free. Im not sure how experienced he/she is or if its merely a reference service in disguise, but hes gonna call me on the 7th and hopefully I can jut shotgun questions to him.
Totally agree on all of the above. I understand if you and your wife weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but the fact of it all is now she is. I would wait for the paternity test results and go from there. Also, if she's looking to give the baby up for adoption, could you let her "give it away" and have her part of it be over with, then adopt the child yourself? That way, you'd be rid of her but would still have that little part of you. You honestly might want to have that child in your life one day- life does weird things to people as they get older, I can tell you that first-hand. Again, not being holier-than-thou, just trying to let you know how special of a thing this child can be if in fact it is partly yours.
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Good man. Write up a list of questions beforehand - with only 15 minutes you're probably limited to three solid, in-depth ones. If he can't give you the answer in short order see if he's willing to look into it and call you back later on in the day.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I bet it does keep you up at night. I know it would do the same to me. I feel for you man, and all things considered I hope this child isn't yours, but I wouldn't look at that child as scar from your marriage.
My best advice is if you are going really be ok with the adopting thing is never look at the baby. Don't even be there when its born. Your pain will be multiplied 1000x if you do.
As for alternatives should the child turn out to be yours: Daycare is probably just as outrageous where you are as it here so I won't really list that as an option. What about your parents? Would they be able to help babysit? Also there should be some kind of free state run child care service you could check into that and see what the waiting list is like. There is probably also a ton of support groups for single dads (or parents in general).
Worst case scenario, if you're comfortable signing that waiver, sign it, and at least you have your bases covered down the road.
Also, I have her half of the divorce paperwork signed, just need to get mine filled out.
Free being the key word there. If its court ordered and the kid isn't yours then its the responsibility of the mother to pay the fee. If its yours then its your responsibility to pay the fee.
It doesnt say if its prenatal or not. Does the child need to be born for the test to happen?
Because I think it would be best just to sign my right away(I am 100% ok with this - I know) and just have it put up for adoption.
The catch is, if she changes her mind and decides to keep it, then what does that waiver of legal parental right actually mean?
I've heard of paternity tests that can done on an unborn child but I have no idea how they go about doing them.
It means that from a legal standpoint that you are not the child's father. She won't be able to chase you for child support.
Once again IANAL but interpretation is that it means "I am the father, but I and the mother have mutually agreed that I am absolved of all rights and responsibilities thereby obtained."
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Thats excatly what I want to hear. If this ca absolve all my rights then ill be a lot happier.
Im trying to get a copy of the form from the caseworker so I can look at it and see what the verbage says and maybe even post it here.
You need to consult
(a) an attorney familiar with the relevant statutes of family law in your state
(b) Maury Povich Maury Povich
I knew Maury was going to come out sooner or later :P
I know, right? Much like the OP's ex-wife, it was a little too easy.
oh SNAP
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
If you sign anything, you may be stuck paying child support even if it's later determined that the child isn't yours. Biased link, but i've heard of this happening other times as well:
http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/?p=2104
Don't sign the form covered by section 63.182 of the Florida Statutes. By signing this, you are aknowledging you are the father of this child. This can cost you dearly if she chooses to not put the child up for adoption. All you need to do is make sure when the child is born, the other guy is listed on the birth certificate. That will absolve you of all responsibility. If she lists you as the father, demand a DNA check. If you turn out to be the father, then that is the only time you would need to sign away parental rights.
Also, signing away parental rights does not absolve you of financial responsibility if the child isnt adopted. It is only saying you will allow the child to be adopted.
Never admit guilt/responsibility in writing without proof.
* Amniocentesis: This test is performed in the second trimester, anywhere from the 14th-20th weeks of pregnancy. During this procedure, the doctor uses ultrasound to guide a thin needle into your uterus, through your abdomen. The needle draws out a small amount of amniotic fluid, which is tested. Risks include a small chance of harming the baby and miscarriage. Other side effects may include cramping, leaking of amniotic fluid, and vaginal bleeding. A doctor's consent is needed to do this procedure for paternity testing.
* Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS): This test consists of a thin needle or tube which a doctor inserts from the vagina, through the cervix, guided by an ultrasound, to obtain chorionic villi. Chorionic villi are little finger-like pieces of tissue attached to the wall of the uterus. The chorionic villi and the fetus come from the same fertilized egg, and have the same genetic makeup. This testing can be done earlier in pregnancy from the 10th-13th weeks. A doctor's consent is needed to do this procedure for paternity testing.
407-87-LEGAL is the number for the Moses Law Firm. They do good family work in the Orlando area. Talk to a lawyer before signing or hell, even doing anything. Anything can come back and bite you in the ass. It's not like the baby is already in the world, you do have a tiny amount of time to cover your ass.
My wife had to have this done for both of our children as part of a screening process (for possible birth defects) since she's over 35, and let me tell you if you can get this woman to do this for you in your current situation, I'll be really surprised. They take a needle about the length of your forearm and stick it into her abdomen, and they don't really anesthitize first, so it hurts like hell for the woman. But yes, this will definitely determine who the father is from what they review in the amniotic fluid.
I watched the first time. I did not the 2nd if that tells you anything..
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Edit: Doubly so since she is so okay with you signing this paper work.
When is that scheduled for?
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
edit: its just a 15 minute free thing through my uni
Even still, they should be familiar enough with this paperwork to tell you what the deal is.
You do have some time though, so make sure you talk to a lawyer you are comfortable with.
IANAL but this looks baaaaaaaaad. If you are unsure if you are the father and you don't want to sign anything or affirm that you are-- otherwise if they decide to not put up the child for adoption (which even conceivably is their plan if they're sneaky) you could be obligated to pay child support.
Lawyer up.