I think my parents are lonely

Phil G.

Well the title says it all really. My parents are both Polish immigrants here in Canada for 20 years, both holding jobs. My mom works as a receptionist/secretary/bookkeeper for a small plumbing company, my dad works in the auto industry. My mom's English skills are excellent, my fathers are good enough to converse with (though his sense of humour is strange). They get along fairly well with their co-workers (from what they tell me), and with our neighbours, so it isn't like they are crazy or something)

Anyways, I noticed my parents don't have any friends. My father has acquaintances here in Canada that he sees on occasion (Once or twice every 2 months), and uses Skype to talk to his old friends back in Poland. My mom really has no one. I'm going to be moving out soon, and I feel sorry for them. It isn't like they have never had friends here before. They either grew away from them, didn't really like them, or the friends moved away. Is there anything I can do to help them make friends? I know I'm afraid of loneliness, and it is something I don't want them to suffer.

They aren't very religious so church is out, I could try and get them to go to the Polish Social Club thing but they really dislike it there (I can understand why, most Poles in my area are assholes/crazy/super religious). I can try and set them up with some of my friends parents, but I really don't know how to do that.

Anyways, H/A, any help on getting them friends, approaching them on this and the like would be much appreciated.

Hobbit0815

Well for group activities, you could always have them go to bingo or out bowling, if there's that stuff around your area. For introducing them to your friends' parents, that's easy, go out for dinner as families.

Not much else you can do to make them get some friends, they have to want the socialization.

Phil G.

Hmmm, it is a thought. The entire Bingo thing isn't really them, and bowling is out because they both have back problems. I'll look into book clubs or something similar. I know my mom loves kids so I can see if there is some sort of volunteering thing she can get into. I'll try that dinner thing soon, thanks for the advice!

I think they do want friends, I mean humans are social animals after all, but they might just be intimidated/unable to break out of the immigrant mindset.

illig

Hah, funny coincidence

My parents are also Polish immigrants, here for a number of years, and have had a hell of a time making friends

it's taken them years to develop a very small social network, and it's still mostly made up of family and co-workers

I don't have any ideas for you, but I just wanted to jump in and mentioned your parents are not alone in this... it seems to be a frequent thing for immigrants that choose not to ghettoize themselves in national-communities within their new country

ceres

What, aside from the fact that they don't socialize much, makes you think they're lonely?

Just putting that out there, because sometimes people are just happier interacting with others less. They have each other, and if they don't bother keeping lots of friends, maybe it's because they're more comfortable that way. I am one of those people, so I find it worth mentioning.

I'm not saying that you're wrong, you know them better than me... like I said, just putting it out there.

Ultarune

My mother is welsh and my father is swiss and they've both lived in America for 26 years, and your post is almost exactly how I feel about them. They've decided to move back to Europe, England specifically, because as they put it, I'm the only reason for them to stay. They are approaching retirement age and I want them to enjoy spending time with the family they sacrificed for a quarter of a century giving me the opportunity to grow up in America. Have you asked them if they would be happier back in Poland?

TexiKen

Have your parents considered getting a dog? Not only does it add a companion, if they walk the dog in the area it adds a way to break the ice with other dog owners, or they could participate in events for that breed of dog.

Phil G.

Illig: Yes, I was speaking to a friend of mine about this tonight and he noticed his parents were the same. I can't imagine how hard it is to move to a new country, I had trouble going into a new school and all kids that age care about is if you can play soccer or not :P. I'm planning on setting up this friends parents and mine for dinner sometime soon.

ceres: I know where you're coming from, I just get the feeling that they are. I'm definitely going to talk to them about it before I go ahead with anything, and if they say that they are happy, I'll leave them be.

Ultarune: I actually have asked them if they would prefer to be back in Poland and they both said no. While they do love their country, they much prefer living here in Canada. No bribery, not nearly as much crime, no batshit insane capitalism (this coming from one of the more conservative members on the board. Honestly, I think Poland is pretty messed up politically).

TexiKen: They've been talking about getting a dog after I left, and though my mom's allergies have been holding her back, I know she really wants one and therefore will probably get one. There is a local dog park right nearby, so they will probably socialize there.

I'll talk to them tomorrow and give an update for everyone here. Thanks for the advice so far!

cooljammer00

They have shots/pills for that now, so your mom shouldn't have any real problems. The wonders of Western Medicine!

Phil G.

Okay, now update time:

I talked to my parents, and they're going to dinner with some of my friend's parents. I'm sure they'll like them.

Thanks everyone!

cooljammer00

Aww.

So were they lonely? Or were you just paranoid?

Phil G.

A bit of column a, a bit of column b. They appreciated it, told me how hard it was to keep in touch with old friends when they moved away.

Shawnasee

You're a good son.

Horus

Actually this is the case of my parents, they came from Mexico not having any family. So their lives basically revolved around the kids. Now that we all are older and out of the house (except me yay for the recession) they picked up new things.. my dad is in love with Spanish Soaps and building stuff. My mom never really had friends. She did start a business which was a big deal since she was a housewife and that resulted in having some friends. Also she is a surrogate grandmother to my neighbors who live in US and don't have local family so that keeps her happy.
I think just talking to them what are plans they have when you move out might help


also your a good son on thinking about your family when you begin your own life... its hard for many young people see things like you did.... most just think of boooze, sex and other ruckuses