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Needing to talk - when there's nobody to talk to
Track Nine
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Okay, this may sound like a daft thing to ask, but just bear with me (or ignore the post).
What do you do if you feel like you need to talk, but you have nobody you can talk to?
To explain - I've admittedly become a bit of a loner. No friends, never really had any friends I could be totally open with anyway, and only really my family for company. Now, normally I'm okay with this, get along fine and have pretty much always been able to deal with my own issues and keep my thoughts to myself. But recently, there's been a few things going on with me, a few personally important things have happened and it's just getting a little tough keeping it all to myself, being the only one that knows and trying to deal on my own. I've done it for years, and always been able to keep my cards to my chest and keep my issues private, but that's proving uncharacteristically difficult and oddly it just feels like it would be better to talk to someone.
The predicament is - there is nobody. No friends and I couldn't possibly talk about these things with a member of my family. Parents wouldn't understand and the main things would really just upset them or at least make them very uncomfortable. I've never been too close to my my brother and he's married and likely to discuss anything I told him with his wife. And professional help would be overkill.
Which leads back to the question. If you need to talk and have nobody to talk to, what do you do?
I think the only viable answer is probably just suck it up and deal with it yourself, which is what I would normally do, but I'm having trouble with it this time and it's making me feel pretty damn isolated doing so. Are there any better options?
What do you do if you feel like you need to talk, but you have nobody you can talk to?
To explain - I've admittedly become a bit of a loner. No friends, never really had any friends I could be totally open with anyway, and only really my family for company. Now, normally I'm okay with this, get along fine and have pretty much always been able to deal with my own issues and keep my thoughts to myself. But recently, there's been a few things going on with me, a few personally important things have happened and it's just getting a little tough keeping it all to myself, being the only one that knows and trying to deal on my own. I've done it for years, and always been able to keep my cards to my chest and keep my issues private, but that's proving uncharacteristically difficult and oddly it just feels like it would be better to talk to someone.
The predicament is - there is nobody. No friends and I couldn't possibly talk about these things with a member of my family. Parents wouldn't understand and the main things would really just upset them or at least make them very uncomfortable. I've never been too close to my my brother and he's married and likely to discuss anything I told him with his wife. And professional help would be overkill.
Which leads back to the question. If you need to talk and have nobody to talk to, what do you do?
I think the only viable answer is probably just suck it up and deal with it yourself, which is what I would normally do, but I'm having trouble with it this time and it's making me feel pretty damn isolated doing so. Are there any better options?
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I think the primary thing to do is to start building a support system by getting out and trying to make some friends independant of your family.
A few things that I have found helpful in the past include:
Writing your feelings down (you don't have to show anyone and you can chuck it in the trash directly after)
Starting a project of some kind to take your mind off of what you have been thinking, or giving yourself some time to digest your feelings and work out the best solution for yourself.
Excercise: Always makes me feel better, energised and focused. Also for the reasons above.
Seeing a therapist: Which can be helpful of you need direction, or if you feel as though your problems are getting the better of you.
Going outside and getting regular sun is also extremely important.
These are just hints to dealing with depression, which you may not have, but general rules to a happier lifestyle
Infact, that can be a great way to meet people. Depending on how tight money is.. try and just dive head first into a new sport that has always interested you. Even if you suck really bad at it. 90% of everyone above the age of 18 that is involved in a sport is doing it for recreation. As such, the social aspect is very high. This doesn't really count at most gyms, because 99% of those people are there to get in, exercise, and get the hell out. Find something you like, join in, and go for it. Most places have classes to start you out on whatever you find interesting, then its just a matter of showing up regularly.
There are a lot of people who are very lonely in this world. In every country, every city, every age group. It is very easy to become to a recluse or a loner. It sucks, but it is something that you become comfortable in... the key part is to break out of it. Not online, chatting with someone is good and all.. but there is a LOT to be said about face to face.
Good luck, I hope it all turns out well.
But now you know why people have friends, why not make a few? If face-to-face is not your thing, you can make friends online in MMORPGS easy enough.
Other than that - go out and join a club at your uni or use a site like www.meetup.com and find a group of people who just want to meet up every now and then and bowl, or go to the bar, or whatnot.
Good luck!
I do exercise and go out walking most days, so I'm on the ball there (mostly). I've tried the diary thing too - sort of - I've been writing thoughts down in a plain old word document for the past few days as a means of venting, but it's not having the desired effect (quite the opposite some days).
I never really did the support network thing, even back when I did have a group of friends. Or rather it was there, but it was a very on-sided deal, with me being the sounding post and everyone else unloading. That's pretty much how I got apt at dealing with my own issues myself.
It's not depression though, it's just that recently things have happened and I've made decisions from which the personal effects are really playing on me (more than I thought they would) and, loathe as I am to admit it, it's just about proving too much to bottle up and file away as I have always been able to do in the past. And that's a worry, because I've always been able to get a handle on whatever has come up and deal with it on my own, but now, for some godforsaken reason, I can't get a grip and just feel this uncharacteristic need to talk and say what's going on - which to my mind may only do more harm than good.
And the real bugger is that I don't drink.. so I can't even drown the damn issue.
A project would normally be a good idea, but I simply can't concentrate right now with this much background noise in my head, so it looks like I'm going to have to hope the writing it down angle will eventually do the trick.
Why not be chatty or PM one of the peeps in the forums that you think would be nice?
What you're used to engaging in is repression, and that's bad juju. Think of it this way: have you ever tried to hold an inner tube or piece of styrofoam under water? Basically tried to submerge any type of floatation device? Yeah, you can do it for a while, but eventually your arm's going to tire out and that object, that thing that is constantly exerting energy to rise to the surface, will do so. Trouble with doing this type of thing with emotions and issues is that when they do eventually rise to the surface, they come back with a bunch of other shit and end up being ten times worse than you remember them being.
You need to express these issues and feelings, get them all out, because I can guarantee you that turning them inward is going to end up destroying you pretty quickly. Don't feel abnormal or ashamed for having to do this. EVERYone should do this. Talk, write, sing, dance, play the banjo, practice kickboxing, do whatever you have an aptitude for that brings you a sense of joy, but get this negative energy the hell out of you.
I found that just writing everything down, ordering my thoughts and feelings in that way, was a huge help.
If you then post that here I think you'd be surprised by the forthcoming support and advice.
It's too personal and even the anonyminity of the internet has it's pitfalls and limits. This all comes from personal circumstances and a decision I made to resolve it. I thought I'd be able to take it in my stride and failed to foresee that having some kind of friendly ear/supportive friend to talk to if I needed it might be necessary. This, I guess, is the unforseen consequence.
Hmmm.. essentially a public diary. Possible, but perhaps not for me.
That depends. Sometimes it's neccesary and can be done if you're capable. If there are other options, then sure it shouldn't be the first choice, but sometimes there just aren't any other options.
I get your point though and where it's possible you're absolutely right.
Ironically this whole mess is in part due to my own efforts to get rid of a long standing negative, so I'm with you on that. There is no room to express in this case. Just the repressive or coping methods like writing it down as mentioned in the thread.
Unfortunately, I must concede that you're right on consequences. I am well and truly buggered on this one. This thread and the question was a grasp at finding something I hadn't thought of and there have been some good suggestions - which I appreciate, but I think I was kidding myself when I asked and hoped for a way to get a lid on it. This caught me off guard and I'm just going to have to try and ride it out - I subscribed too heavily to the idea of self-reliance.. or at least my own self-reliance.
You'd be amazed what you can find on that damn site...
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