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Can't get "attention"

KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
edited April 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Lame title, I know.

Anyway, a bit of info first. I've been with my boyfriend now since Valentine's Day this year. He's just incredible and I can't even imagine anybody better. He's amazingly sweet, really caring, very funny, and just...well, just plain hot!

But here's the problem. For the past few times we've tried (key word there) having sex I can't seem to get it up, if you know what I mean.

It's never happened to me before in my life, so it's really got me freaked out there might be something seriously wrong with me.

Is there any possible, and hopefully easy to solve, solution for this sort of issue?

KeyScourge on

Posts

  • SpherickSpherick Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Are you a virgin?

    First time I was losing my virginity, I was so worried about my performance and excited I was finally losing it - that I couldn't get it up either.

    Its also possible you just dont feel comfortable enough.

    Do you normally get aroused around him and if you don't do you think of him when you do get aroused?

    edit: Also, FOREPLAY!

    Spherick on
  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Spherick wrote: »
    Are you a virgin?

    First time I was losing my virginity, I was so worried about my performance and excited I was finally losing it - that I couldn't get it up either.

    Its also possible you just dont feel comfortable enough.

    Do you normally get aroused around him and if you don't do you think of him when you do get aroused?

    edit: Also, FOREPLAY!

    No, I'm not a virgin. And me and him have had sex before, so sorry if my OP was a tad misleading. It's just been the past few times we've been getting into it that I haven't been able to get it up.

    And it isn't that I'm uncomfortable with it. Not at all. And normally I do get aroused around him, and I'm always thinking about him when I do.

    Foreplay is something we always do. We never just go straight into the main course. Starters at every meal (my god what a lame analogy...)

    KeyScourge on
  • SpherickSpherick Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Have you been masturbating before meeting him or maybe you're not getting enough sleep.

    Do you feel like its a physical or mental thing?

    Can you get erections when you're not around him?

    Spherick on
  • GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    At this point you're probably just freaking yourself out. It happens, and when it does, nothing works. I'm going to re-cycle Dan Savage's advice to someone in a similar situation here: He's often right about this sort of thing.

    Take the stress out of the situation. Right now you're going into it saying "I hope it works this time," which is a great way to insure that it doesn't. Try just fooling around for a few days -- and make it clear that you'll just bee fooling around. Learn to forget about what's going on downstairs for a bit. You've got to retrain yourself to let it take care of itself, which it will once you forget all about it.

    GrimmyTOA on
  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Spherick wrote: »
    Have you been masturbating before meeting him or maybe you're not getting enough sleep.

    Do you feel like its a physical or mental thing?

    Can you get erections when you're not around him?
    Tbh since I've gotten together with him I haven't masturbated at all. And I have been getting less sleep than usual, specifically in the last few days, but that's just the regular bout of insomnia I get every few months.

    And in terms of physical or mental, I'm fairly sure it's psysical. Cause when me and him are fooling around I get as excited as ever it just...doesn't respond.

    KeyScourge on
  • kaliyamakaliyama Left to find less-moderated fora Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    KeyScourge wrote: »
    Spherick wrote: »
    Are you a virgin?

    First time I was losing my virginity, I was so worried about my performance and excited I was finally losing it - that I couldn't get it up either.

    Its also possible you just dont feel comfortable enough.

    Do you normally get aroused around him and if you don't do you think of him when you do get aroused?

    edit: Also, FOREPLAY!

    No, I'm not a virgin. And me and him have had sex before, so sorry if my OP was a tad misleading. It's just been the past few times we've been getting into it that I haven't been able to get it up.

    And it isn't that I'm uncomfortable with it. Not at all. And normally I do get aroused around him, and I'm always thinking about him when I do.

    Foreplay is something we always do. We never just go straight into the main course. Starters at every meal (my god what a lame analogy...)


    You could be freaking yourself out in a vicious cycle, but it could well by physiological. Anything that messes with blood vessels - smoking, drinking, being overweight, circulatory problems - could be the problem. I just had to d some research on this topic myself, and i'd recommend getting a referral to a urologist.

    kaliyama on
    fwKS7.png?1
  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    kaliyama wrote: »
    KeyScourge wrote: »
    Spherick wrote: »
    Are you a virgin?

    First time I was losing my virginity, I was so worried about my performance and excited I was finally losing it - that I couldn't get it up either.

    Its also possible you just dont feel comfortable enough.

    Do you normally get aroused around him and if you don't do you think of him when you do get aroused?

    edit: Also, FOREPLAY!

    No, I'm not a virgin. And me and him have had sex before, so sorry if my OP was a tad misleading. It's just been the past few times we've been getting into it that I haven't been able to get it up.

    And it isn't that I'm uncomfortable with it. Not at all. And normally I do get aroused around him, and I'm always thinking about him when I do.

    Foreplay is something we always do. We never just go straight into the main course. Starters at every meal (my god what a lame analogy...)


    You could be freaking yourself out in a vicious cycle, but it could well by physiological. Anything that messes with blood vessels - smoking, drinking, being overweight, circulatory problems - could be the problem. I just had to d some research on this topic myself, and i'd recommend getting a referral to a urologist.

    I smoke one cigar a month, so that's ruled out. Don't drink at all because...well I have my reasons. I'm not overweight, but how would I know if I had some sort of circulatory problem? Any tell-tale signs that can be easily noticed?

    KeyScourge on
  • PheezerPheezer Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2009
    Typically coldness in the fingers or toes is a good sign of poor circulation.

    Pheezer on
    IT'S GOT ME REACHING IN MY POCKET IT'S GOT ME FORKING OVER CASH
    CUZ THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MIDDLE AND IT'S GIVING ME A RASH
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Do you do any exercise (beyond sex)? I find that having a workout of some sort, even if it's just a 30 minute bikeride or something, to really help me feel better, have better circulation, AND seems to boost my libido. That's without any goofy "health supplements" or whatever; just me doing some physical work for a while.

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    EggyToast wrote: »
    Do you do any exercise (beyond sex)? I find that having a workout of some sort, even if it's just a 30 minute bikeride or something, to really help me feel better, have better circulation, AND seems to boost my libido. That's without any goofy "health supplements" or whatever; just me doing some physical work for a while.
    I cycle to and from college every day. Half hour ride each way, sometimes even do it twice in one day. It sucks but it's the fastest way to get there.

    KeyScourge on
  • Post BluePost Blue Redmond, WARegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Try a change of scenery to kickstart things. I go through one to two week periods where I'm not any more physically attracted to human beings than I am to dirt, but these things come and go, and, barring any actual physical ailments, I suspect it has mostly to do with stress/energy levels.

    Post Blue on
    Moments before the wind.
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    KeyScourge wrote: »
    EggyToast wrote: »
    Do you do any exercise (beyond sex)? I find that having a workout of some sort, even if it's just a 30 minute bikeride or something, to really help me feel better, have better circulation, AND seems to boost my libido. That's without any goofy "health supplements" or whatever; just me doing some physical work for a while.
    I cycle to and from college every day. Half hour ride each way, sometimes even do it twice in one day. It sucks but it's the fastest way to get there.

    Do you do this year round? Is your seat comfortable? No pinches or soreness after a ride?

    EggyToast on
    || Flickr — || PSN: EggyToast
  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    EggyToast wrote: »
    KeyScourge wrote: »
    EggyToast wrote: »
    Do you do any exercise (beyond sex)? I find that having a workout of some sort, even if it's just a 30 minute bikeride or something, to really help me feel better, have better circulation, AND seems to boost my libido. That's without any goofy "health supplements" or whatever; just me doing some physical work for a while.
    I cycle to and from college every day. Half hour ride each way, sometimes even do it twice in one day. It sucks but it's the fastest way to get there.

    Do you do this year round? Is your seat comfortable? No pinches or soreness after a ride?
    Yup, all year round. Unless it's totally pissing it down with rain so much you can't see past your own nose. Seat used to be when I first started but I got a weird sort of padded one now, so it's fine, and there isn't any pinching or soreness afterwards.

    KeyScourge on
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