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Eurovision Song Contest 2009: Why I Hate Europe, by a European

CristoCristo Registered User regular
edited April 2009 in Social Entropy++
Being a proud Dane, and therefore European, I have always prided myself and believed the fact that Europe was the best continent and better than anywhere else on the planet, North America included. We're clever, sophisticated, we have good taste, we have excellent welfare and free healthcare and we make some damned good food and cars to boot. But fuck me, I relinquish my title as "European Citizen" and will only be calling myself a "Scandinavian Citizen" from now on, because whilst we do take part in the Eurovision at least we didn't fucking come up with it. That was probably some French continental Eurofag who said "oh hai guise lets maek sumthin cool wher we can sing and dance and stuff and be all european". Fuck that.

Aside from being completely convoluted with politics and bullshit Eastern bloc alliances where Russia gets 12 points (silent "s" because votes are given in french :x) from all of it's still existing USSR satelite states and vice versa it is completely and utterly homosexual. And in the bad way. I'm no homophobe, but this is like Jack from Will and Grace gay x 1000. It's like one big fat "I'm here, I'm queer" sign. It's almost like it does it just to provoke the wroth of extremist Muslims and redneck Americans, to make them hate us.

Don't hate us.

Just check out the Dutch song or some of the Eastern bloc songs. Jesus. At least we Danes have a decent song.

You can hear these songs from here: http://www.eurovision.tv/mediaplayer/2009/

Songs:

1.Albania
Kejsi Tola - Carry Me In Your Dreams

2.Andorra
Susanne Georgi - La Teva Decisió (Get A Life)

3.Armenia
Inga & Anush - Jan Jan

4.Azerbaijan
AySel & Arash - Always

5.Belarus
Petr Elfimov - Eyes That Never Lie

6.Belgium
Copycat - Copycat

7.Bosnia & Herzegovina
Regina - Bistra Voda

8.Bulgaria
Krassimir Avramov - Illusion

9.Croatia
Igor Cukrov feat. Andrea - Liepa Tena

10.Cyprus
Christina Metaxa - Firefly

11.Czech Republic
Gipsy.cz - Aven Romale

12.Denmark
Brinck - Believe Again

13.Estonia
Urban Symphony - Rändajad

14.Finland
Waldo's People - Lose Control

15.France
Patricia Kaas - Et S'il Fallait Le Faire

16.FYR Macedonia
Next Time - Neshto Shto Ke Ostane

17.Germany
Alex Swings Oscar Sings! - Miss Kiss Kiss Bang

18.Greece
Sakis Rouvas - This Is Our Night

19.Hungary
Zoli Ádok - Dance With Me

20.Iceland
Yohanna - Is It True?

21.Ireland
Sinéad Mulvey & Black Daisy - Et Cetera

22.Israel
Noa & Mira Awad - There Must Be Another Way

23.Latvia
Intars Busulis - Probka

24.Lithuania
Sasha Son - Love

25.Malta
Chiara - What If We

26.Moldova
Nelly Ciobanu - Hora Din Moldova

27.Montenegro
Andrea Demirovic - Just Get Out of My Life

28.Netherlands
The Toppers - Shine

29.Norway
Alexander Rybak - Fairytale

30.Poland
Lidia Kopania - I Don't Wanna Leave

31.Portugal
Flor-de-lis - Todas As Ruas Do Amor

32.Romania
Elena - The Balkan Girls

33.Russia
Anastasia Prikhodko - Mamo

34.Serbia
Marko Kon & Milaan - Cipela

35.Slovakia
Kamil Mikulcík & Nela - Pocisková

36.Slovenia
Quartissimo feat. Martina - Love Symphony

37.Spain
Soraya - La Noche Es Para Mí (The Night Is For Me)

38.Sweden
Malena Ernman - La Voix

39.Switzerland
Lovebugs - The Highest Heights

40.Turkey
Hadise - Düm Tek Tek

41.Ukraine
Svetlana Loboda - Be my Valentine! (Anti-crisis Girl)

42.United Kingdom
Jade Ewen - It's My Time

Cristo on
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Posts

  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    And Norway. Check out fucking Norway. What self-respecting 17 year old guy sings about a fairytale whilst playing a violin? Christ, it's like a competition to see which country can outgay the other.

    Cristo on
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I feel sorta proud that we consistently do terrible in this competition. It's like we show up just to humour the rest of this god-forsaken Union, but really don't give a shit. Though it is hilarious every time Wogan turns the whole thing into some cold war spy thriller just on the voting. You half expect Alec Baldwin to turn up halfway and shoot some Russians the way he whines about the bloc voting.

    The_Scarab on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Hahaha yeah, the UK gave up years ago just after the Iraq/Afghanistan war when they realised that continental Europe started seeing you as the world saw America. It's like, you're the USA of Europe AND BY JOVE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WIN THE EUROVISION EVER! THAT'S OUR PUNISHMENT!!

    So you just start sending really shit and ridiculous acts like Scoot to humour all the frenchies :P

    You know Graham Norton is taking over now though? The problem is he loves camp stuff like this, so I'm afraid he's actually going to enjoy it rather than be really bitter and sardonic.

    Cristo on
  • PaPaPaPa Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I heard a rumour that continental Europe actually takes this seriously. It's not true, is it?

    PaPa on
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    PaPa wrote: »
    I heard a rumour that continental Europe actually takes this seriously. It's not true, is it?
    Germany: Somewhat.
    Switzerland & Austria: No.

    Platy on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Eastern Europe takes it deadly serious.

    Didn't you see the Andrew Lloyd Webber documentary where he goes to Eastern Europe to find out why they lvoe it so much?

    It's because it was the first Western capitalist thing to really hit through and penetrate (lawl) Eastern Europe after the fall of the Berlin wall.

    Cristo on
  • SnowbeatSnowbeat i need something to kick this thing's ass over the lineRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    PaPa wrote: »
    I heard a rumour that continental Europe actually takes this seriously. It's not true, is it?
    Germany: Somewhat.
    Switzerland & Austria: No.

    France: very yes

    Snowbeat on
    Q1e6oi8.gif
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Cristo wrote: »
    Eastern Europe takes it deadly serious.

    Didn't you see the Andrew Lloyd Webber documentary where he goes to Eastern Europe to find out why they lvoe it so much?

    It's because it was the first Western capitalist thing to really hit through and penetrate (lawl) Eastern Europe after the fall of the Berlin wall.

    Really shitty music can apparently break all barriers.

    The_Scarab on
  • That Dave FellaThat Dave Fella Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    how does ireland keep qualifying?

    That Dave Fella on
    PSN: ThatDaveFella
  • RocketScienceRocketScience Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Eurovision wasn't always that bad.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b46d_zk5CKI

    RocketScience on
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I know the songs are terrible and the whole show's kind of silly, but I like to watch it nonetheless. It gives off a certain vibe which is hard to describe. The acts combine American-style pop music with randomly selected folkloric elements. There are swarthy men and women doing over-sexualized dance moves and men in pink skirts chanting nonsensical English.

    Platy on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Holy Shit, Eurovision spawned that song?

    Cristo on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    I know the songs are terrible and the whole show's kind of silly, but I like to watch it nonetheless. It gives off a certain vibe which is hard to describe. The acts combine American-style pop music with randomly selected folkloric elements. There are swarthy men and women doing over-sexualized dance moves and men in pink skirts chanting nonsensical English.

    I watch it for Wogan, and now Norton's, funny commentary and piss-take.

    Cristo on
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Wow, look there are awful things distributed everywhere throughout the world.

    Whodathunk

    NotASenator on
  • Mr BubblesMr Bubbles David Koresh Superstar Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    But if it wasn't for Eurovision how could we witness acts of such brilliance as this

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTtY_wIRTd8

    Mr Bubbles on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    Cristo on
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    Canada.

    The_Scarab on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    Cristo on
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The_Scarab wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    Canada.

    This is like the fifth time I've had to repeat one of your posts to my fiancee after it made me laugh.

    NotASenator on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Post the other 4!!!

    After that Ukraine debacle I need a laugh or 4!!

    :[

    Cristo on
  • Panda4YouPanda4You Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The_Scarab wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    Canada.
    Oh snap.

    I kinda like having ESC on in the background, every other year some nation send a good track that finishes 9th last place or somesuch, or just generally silly performances abound that you can laugh at and never have to endure again.
    I also have great expectations of Borkistan this year; eastern yurop loves their early 90's untz untz untz and have a big legacy of opera, so they'll have to fucking lick up a combination of the two. Plus, that song was very much an unexpected underdog victory nationally.

    Panda4You on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Lordi should win this every year.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1Z30O3ycbg

    Clint Eastwood on
  • Mr BubblesMr Bubbles David Koresh Superstar Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I love his little hat

    Mr Bubbles on
  • FoodFood Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I don't know what you guys are talking about, Serbia's entry this year is absolutely fantastic. The combination of accordion player and deep voiced blonde afro guy is breath taking. Czech Republic isn't far behind either.

    Food on
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Snowbeat wrote: »
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    PaPa wrote: »
    I heard a rumour that continental Europe actually takes this seriously. It's not true, is it?
    Germany: Somewhat.
    Switzerland & Austria: No.

    France: very yes
    The French entry in 2007 was quite catchy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4VcSQE7DXg

    Platy on
  • Bad-BeatBad-Beat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I remember last year France got all pissy because their song was in English. Stupid France.

    Bad-Beat on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    What annoys me is that most of the countries sing their song in their native langauge, so no-one knows what the fuck they're singing. At least Denmark always has an Englishentry or a Danish song but translated to English.

    Cristo on
  • SalSal Damnedest Little Fellow Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    What the hell Russia

    Why is your entry sung in Ukrainian

    Sal on
    xet8c.gif


  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.

    The Otaku Suppository on
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.

    Size is insignificant. Density is king.

    The_Scarab on
  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.
    Europe, Russia and Turkey = 800 million people
    US of A = 300 million

    Platy on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Haha I thought it was funny Georgia's original entry was named "We don't wanna Put In"

    Cristo on
  • Bad-BeatBad-Beat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I heard Terry Wogan has given up on this and isn't taking part anymore. Eurovision seems like it'll probably be 99% less entertaining now.

    Bad-Beat on
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.
    Europe, Russia and Turkey = 800 million people
    US of A = 300 million

    I'm not sure what population has to do with this.

    The Otaku Suppository on
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Cristo wrote: »
    Haha I thought it was funny Georgia's original entry was named "We don't wanna Put In"

    In case no-one got it, phonetically it sounds:

    We don't want a Putin


    Also, Graham Norton is taking over for Wogan.

    Cristo on
  • Bad-BeatBad-Beat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Also, most nations have some sort of ___ idol, or some variation of it.

    Bad-Beat on
  • The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.
    Europe, Russia and Turkey = 800 million people
    US of A = 300 million

    I'm not sure what population has to do with this.

    I'm not sure what the size of states has to do with this either but you brought it up.

    The_Scarab on
  • The Otaku SuppositoryThe Otaku Suppository Bawstan New EnglandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The_Scarab wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.
    Europe, Russia and Turkey = 800 million people
    US of A = 300 million

    I'm not sure what population has to do with this.

    I'm not sure what the size of states has to do with this either but you brought it up.

    I was just pointing out while Eurovision may draw from 42 nations, American Idol draws from 50 states of which some are the same size as those 42 nations. So to somehow say Eurovision is drawing from a greater pool of diversity is just silly.

    The Otaku Suppository on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    The_Scarab wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Platypus Beirut wrote: »
    The Otaku Suppository wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    Dead Legend wrote: »
    Cristo wrote: »
    What, as awful as this, exists in North America?

    American Idol.

    Pffff, that's just America.

    Eurovision spans 42 nations.

    We have 50 states. Some of which are the size of countries. Each with their own retarded idiosyncrasies.
    Europe, Russia and Turkey = 800 million people
    US of A = 300 million

    I'm not sure what population has to do with this.

    I'm not sure what the size of states has to do with this either but you brought it up.

    I was just pointing out while Eurovision may draw from 42 nations, American Idol draws from 50 states of which some are the same size as those 42 nations. So to somehow say Eurovision is drawing from a greater pool of diversity is just silly.

    In conclusion, suck it, Europe.

    Dead Legend on
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