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Extra Baggage (Girl Thread)
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So my stories are well documented here, I won't give much background information.
Anyway, so I go to the same school as my ex. With a campus of 20,000 strong I don't see her at all on campus; however, we share two mutual friends and recently after our break up she decided that she was "like me" and started going to all of our athletic events. Now the second point is trivial at best, but this is kind of where my confusion comes from.
Going to the baseball game yesterday I saw her there, no big deal but when I see her it just brings back these emotions. I don't know if they're good or bad but my mind is just telling me that, "Hey. There's something here." And really I don't want anything bad to happen to her because that's not the type of person I am. I am still frustrated about a lot of things that happened and heartbroken, yes, but I have no real sense of animosity towards her.
I can't as well ask her politely to not come because that's not sensible (mostly because of my pending case with her.) Anyway, but I feel that me not going sends a message of weakness to myself and her. And it's not about proving anything to her, but to myself I wouldn't want to do that. That, "Still she has an effect on you and dictates what you do/how you do it."
Also, she was there with another guy. Not a big deal, she's allowed to date and I'm with another girl as well. What bugs me, though I guess, is that despite my angst and troubles with her I ended coming out of the situation looking like the bad guy. And yea, I wasn't perfect; I get that, and often times I don't care how people perceive a situation as long as I know. But seeing this guy (someone I'm buddies with, not necessarily great friends with) with her just made me go, "what the hell?" That after all I went through with her that someone as good of as a guy as this guy would go and get mixed up in it all with her. I also grant that it's not my place to guide him or anything but it's still something that bugs me.
Also, with the girl I'm with now... I have these moments where I'm so in love with her. So happy. I can listen to a sappy love song and be all, "omg. that's me and her." and all of that stuff. But then I get so frustrated easily with her and am so paranoid about things because the last girl left me scared, scarred and hurt. For whatever reason I think I can take it out on her (current girl) and I hate that. I know it sounds something about my comfortability with her, but I don't want to take advantage of that in this capacity. I also often think of other girls and often talk to them in a bit MORE than flirtatious ways than I should. It never leads to anything, but sometimes I just act like I don't have a girlfriend and I hate this. BEcause I do love her and can see myself with her for a long time---if I don't fuck everything up before we can get to a long time.
So I'm sure you guys have had experience with this- maybe like situations or been through the same thing. I just need some help on how to deal with it all, and not get so caught up and keep letting her hurt me.
Thanks.
Anyway, so I go to the same school as my ex. With a campus of 20,000 strong I don't see her at all on campus; however, we share two mutual friends and recently after our break up she decided that she was "like me" and started going to all of our athletic events. Now the second point is trivial at best, but this is kind of where my confusion comes from.
Going to the baseball game yesterday I saw her there, no big deal but when I see her it just brings back these emotions. I don't know if they're good or bad but my mind is just telling me that, "Hey. There's something here." And really I don't want anything bad to happen to her because that's not the type of person I am. I am still frustrated about a lot of things that happened and heartbroken, yes, but I have no real sense of animosity towards her.
I can't as well ask her politely to not come because that's not sensible (mostly because of my pending case with her.) Anyway, but I feel that me not going sends a message of weakness to myself and her. And it's not about proving anything to her, but to myself I wouldn't want to do that. That, "Still she has an effect on you and dictates what you do/how you do it."
Also, she was there with another guy. Not a big deal, she's allowed to date and I'm with another girl as well. What bugs me, though I guess, is that despite my angst and troubles with her I ended coming out of the situation looking like the bad guy. And yea, I wasn't perfect; I get that, and often times I don't care how people perceive a situation as long as I know. But seeing this guy (someone I'm buddies with, not necessarily great friends with) with her just made me go, "what the hell?" That after all I went through with her that someone as good of as a guy as this guy would go and get mixed up in it all with her. I also grant that it's not my place to guide him or anything but it's still something that bugs me.
Also, with the girl I'm with now... I have these moments where I'm so in love with her. So happy. I can listen to a sappy love song and be all, "omg. that's me and her." and all of that stuff. But then I get so frustrated easily with her and am so paranoid about things because the last girl left me scared, scarred and hurt. For whatever reason I think I can take it out on her (current girl) and I hate that. I know it sounds something about my comfortability with her, but I don't want to take advantage of that in this capacity. I also often think of other girls and often talk to them in a bit MORE than flirtatious ways than I should. It never leads to anything, but sometimes I just act like I don't have a girlfriend and I hate this. BEcause I do love her and can see myself with her for a long time---if I don't fuck everything up before we can get to a long time.
So I'm sure you guys have had experience with this- maybe like situations or been through the same thing. I just need some help on how to deal with it all, and not get so caught up and keep letting her hurt me.
Thanks.
Penguin_Otaku on
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Now you've got the classic dilemma. Whether or not they are meetings that are preventable, the fact of the matter is that the fastest way you get over an ex is by not seeing them. Not. Seeing them. Remove them on facebook, don't talk to them, don't go out to events or bars or whatnot in groups if you have mutual friends. The dilemma comes in when you realize that avoiding her is a sign of weakness. It's very, very frustrating trying to decide between these two.
Suffice to say, I chose wrong in my last relationship.
Once you realize that there's not a lot of difference between her going to games and you suddenly going, and you going to games and her suddenly coming along, then your choice is clear. Swallow your pride. If you don't care about her - or, more importantly, you don't WANT to care about her and you want to focus on what you have in your life right now (like your current girl) - then don't go to those baseball games. Do something else with your girlfriend. Hang out with your mutual friends but don't hang out in groups involving your girlfriend. Distance yourself until she officially becomes an Acquaintance. Then you can ease back into life. The more you forget about how happy she made you, the easier it will be to see her on a purely acquaintance level.
I wish I knew that advice a year ago.
But more than anything, sort yourself out for your own good. Spend some time on your own, man.
Get over it, dude. You don't trust this chick (or probably really care for her) because you're so hung up on the ex. Just explain to her the situation. If its meant to be, it'll be. But if you can't even see the old girl without feeling emotions you are not ready for a new relationship.
Stay away from that kind of crazy. Yeah, it sucks if you can't go to sports stuff for awhile, but don't see it as you're "weak" by not showing up. Think of it as you're not crazy because you don't want to be around her.
Also, do not take out your general frustrations with women on your new girlfriend. Eventually she will get sick of your shit and dump you if you keep that up...at least I would. No offense, but while nice people might be willing to work through your baggage...most people aren't that nice. If you do care for her a lot but you get very frustrated with her and very quickly...you might be better off as just friends, where you don't care as much about her actions. You seem like you have a lot of things to sort out with women anyway, it might not be so bad to be single for awhile.
Dont think about how things were good at times and oh i guess shes pretty and all that shit
focus on all the ridiculous shit she put you through and realize how much better off you are to not have to deal with her and her insane bullshit
That is the best advice anyone could give you. Not only is it the truth but in the end it will help you. I was in a pretty intense relationship, my first one actually and I was in love with the broad, or so i thought. it didn't take me till about 4 months later for me to realize that she was bat-shit insane.
Sounds like you're either a masochist or not as over your ex as you think they are.