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Worry, Anxiety, Depression, Sadness, and a girl.
Luinmac
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I've always had issues with feelings of overwhelming worry and anxiety when it comes to... well, anything really, but friendships and relationships is a big one.
I'm to the point where it's beyond repair for me. I've tried many different things to make myself calm down or stop reading too far into every little thing, but nothing works. At times I can see myself being happy in the back of my head, but it's just stuck there and I'm always unhappy and depressed. It's literally painful, which is ridiculous... my chest hurts all the time, I feel sick, when I think of these situations.
So, I'm ready to get rid of my "proud" dimeanor and get some help. How would one go about doing this? I don't know where to start, how to do this affordably, etc... I'm just sick of always having that deep pain in my chest from being uncomfortable in every situation. And, of course, there's a girl involved. We've been talking for nearly 5 years now, and I'm pretty sure I've been subtly in love with her the entire time, and we're great friends, etc etc... I cling to her, though, and I crave her attention, and at times I know I talk to her too much, and almost spite her when she doesn't talk to me... -_-
Anyway. Problems, I've got 'em. How do I get help or medication or something? What does this sound like to you, and have you found anything to resolve these sorts of issues before? I've been putting this off for a long time because I never really considered anything to be wrong with me... but it's really unbearable anymore. I'd rather live as normal as possible than in constant sadness.
Thank you for any help you have to offer...
I'm to the point where it's beyond repair for me. I've tried many different things to make myself calm down or stop reading too far into every little thing, but nothing works. At times I can see myself being happy in the back of my head, but it's just stuck there and I'm always unhappy and depressed. It's literally painful, which is ridiculous... my chest hurts all the time, I feel sick, when I think of these situations.
So, I'm ready to get rid of my "proud" dimeanor and get some help. How would one go about doing this? I don't know where to start, how to do this affordably, etc... I'm just sick of always having that deep pain in my chest from being uncomfortable in every situation. And, of course, there's a girl involved. We've been talking for nearly 5 years now, and I'm pretty sure I've been subtly in love with her the entire time, and we're great friends, etc etc... I cling to her, though, and I crave her attention, and at times I know I talk to her too much, and almost spite her when she doesn't talk to me... -_-
Anyway. Problems, I've got 'em. How do I get help or medication or something? What does this sound like to you, and have you found anything to resolve these sorts of issues before? I've been putting this off for a long time because I never really considered anything to be wrong with me... but it's really unbearable anymore. I'd rather live as normal as possible than in constant sadness.
Thank you for any help you have to offer...
Luinmac on
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I'd suggest starting with psychodynamic therapy either from a licensed professional counselor or a clinical psychologist. They'll help you determine why you're having coping issues with stress and anxiety and be able to diagnose whether or not you need medication. If that determination is made, escalate to a psychiatrist who can write you an Rx for some meds. Keep seeing the LPC or CP (or find another one you can develop a therapeutic relationship with) after starting the meds because you should still be talking to someone.
If money's a problem or you don't have insurance, ask to be refered to someone who can charge on a sliding scale.
Think of it like having a broken leg. The LPC is your Primary Care Provider or general practioner, and the psychiatrist is like an orthopedic specialist who can address the specific issues regarding the rehabilitation thereof.
Also: no one should ever be too proud to get a broken leg checked. If you're thinking you may need professional help, then you're making a very responsible decision to start looking into treatment. You should be proud of yourself for taking the first step.
I guess one of the only things holding me back are the costs, and the possibility of someone in my family finding out. I'd rather keep this very personal and private, and although I've got great health coverage... I dunno, not sure how much this sort of thing is covered.
And, I guess a side-question... for those that have ever experienced treatment for issues like this, or anti-depressants (if that's even what the treatment for my issues would be, I can only assume...), how do those make you feel? I mean, do they really work? Does it change you as a person? Are you still aware of things that would typically kill you to think about? I dunno, it just doesn't seem like a medicine or treatment could make me feel less anxious about this stuff.
These are common concerns among those leery about starting an anti-depressant.
"How do those make you feel?"
Depends on what anti-depressant and who's taking it. Different anti-depressants work in different ways for different people depending on your personal chemistry. Generally speaking, the goal is to lessen the intensity of your depression. If you find one that isn't working the way you think it should, talk to your psychiatrist and counselor about trying a different medication to see if that affects you in a better way. It will take a bit of experimentation to find the right medication and the right dossage for your specific chemistry.
"I mean, do they really work?"
Short answer: yes. By adjusting the your neurochemical equilibrium, they can modulate the intensity of your depression. The longer answer, as above, is that it will take a degree of experimentation to find the right solution.
"Does it change you as a person?"
Only if you buy into the premise that you are defined by your condition of clinical depression, but that would be like defining yourself as someone who has the flu. You may have clinical depression; clinical depression doesn't have you.
"Are you still aware of things that would typically kill you to think about?"
Yes -- but when you bring your chemical levels back in balance, it doesn't feel nearly so overwhelming. Clinical depression isn't what makes you feel sad -- it's the echo chamber that amplifies it. After finding the right medication, you will still feel sad and disappointed when things don't go your way, but it will be easier to cope with those feelings.
The trick is finding the right medication in the right dossage. If you are diagnosed with clinical depression, work with your LPC, clinical psychologist and psychiatrist to make sure you are on the right meds. There is always a danger of side effects when starting a new drug. Your doctor will discuss those side effects with you. If you experience any of them, consult with your doctor or therapist immediately.
The stigma that surrounds mental health problems is thankfully starting to disappear, particularly for things like you're describing. A great many people are on various anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, my own wife has a prescription for anti-anxiety meds, and she's long expressed that thanks to them she feels much like she did before she developed any anxiety issues. So in many cases people feel more like their "old selves." So there's no shame in seeing a professional psychiatrist or being referred to one by your primary care physician and don't let anyone tell you differently.
Other folks have addressed the questions you had about 'changing' your personality and such and they're right on the money. Chemicals in your brain may affect you, but they don't define you or make your decisions, that's something that you do. Granted of course that chemicals are involved in neurons firing etc. and thusly are involved in your decision making, but that's at your brain's behest so to speak. So in the end, you're the master of your own destiny, not some chemical compounds.
All this stuff is very confidential, and these companies take it very seriously. If it got out, you'd be in a VERY actionable position, and probably be due some serious dough. My company has the same thing, and ours treats your issue as an instance, and as many meetings as you need to get around it. this might be different from yours. ask them when you first call what the deal is, they should be very upfront with you about it. However, they will refer you if prescriptions or long term care is needed. i'd go to them to start with. this stuff is not cheap and at least you'd get a referral out of it. probably better than letting your fingers do the walking to find a therapist.
@Landostander: These drugs are not to be taken lightly. Sure if they work, they could set you right as rain. but if you have a bad reaction, the side effects can be severe. i've known people on Paxil who were very different, and some on the same drug that were "fixed" so to speak.
Luinmac, if and when you do get a prescription, be sure to keep in contact with your doctor. your brain is not something you want to leave up to chance, and whatever you do; if given a prescription DO NOT stop taking them because you are feeling better and want to get off of them. i don't mean to scare you but these drugs are prescribed for a reason. if you feel drugged up or whatever, tell your doctor so he/she can switch you over to another med safely.
I believe you are jumping to fast to the "Medication will solve my problems" route. If something causes anxiety in your life, try staying away from it for sometime. You don't actually need to be surrounded by friends and girls all the time, especially if you are not mature enough to handle certain situations.
Try simple things like physical exercise, Meditation, Yoga, read a masterpiece of Science Fiction or just a Poem.
I know many will disagree, but sometimes we need to be alone and stop thinking and quit worrying about all the things we can't control or make it the way we want.
Then I went away to college. I had new surroundings, new friends, new worries and concerns. All my issues pretty much melted away as I realized it really didn't matter whether or not girl X liked me or how popular I was with group Y, because both could and probably would be replaced at some point. Because that's how life is.
Actually the reason I didn't weigh in about the confidentiality of your employer's assitance program is that if it only allows for six appointments per year, that's not going to be an adequate long-term therapeutic solution. They'll be able to give you a referal to a practitioner who uses a sliding scale if you need to pay out of pocket because you don't want it on your insurance, but you're going to need to consult with someone fairly regularly, especially if you end up taking meds, because it's something that requires proactive oversight.
On a side note: no one is going to seriously think badly of you if they find out you're getting help with depression. The anxiety you feel about people finding out you're getting help? Yeah, that's just another expression of the general anxiety you're feeling. It's paranoia caused by your condition, not a rational concern.
Don't be afraid to get help. Don't let your condition trick you into not treating it.
Also: don't listen to Fantasma. He means well, but I'm gathering from the fairly obvious anxiety you feel about 'putting aside your pride' and the concern that others might judge you that you've probably been going the "I don't want to get professional help" route for a while now. You've tried that and it hasn't worked. Go talk to a LPC or a clinical psychologist and start looking for new solutions (which may or may not involve pharmacological treatment).
I'm jumping to that because my feelings are absolutely irrational. I take offense at the slightest things and I've tried to let everything go and distance myself from the situations, but it just makes me more depressed. Honestly, talking to this person feels like the only thing that gives me hope or makes me have a happy feeling anymore... but again, that's irrational and unhealthy, and I'm aware of that, but it's effecting me far too much for me to handle anymore, and it's having an obvious effect on my performance elsewhere.
Right, and I'm aware that this is likely a temporary thing/fleeting feeling, even though it's been around forever... but I know saying anything would ruin the friendship (long-distance, basically internet-based). I've resorted to just keeping quiet and letting her initiate conversations... because in my mind, I'm irritating and need to stop talking. But once I get that happy feeling after we've talked for a bit, I can't shut up -_- and I take all bits of silence personally even though I'm well aware everyone has their own personal life (but that just doesn't click with me, apparently).
Anyway... I just requested some information from the work-related EAP. I'm hoping to make some progress here.
SammyF, I know what you're saying, but it still seems like it would make me a different person. I don't want to treat anyone differently, and I want to be myself with them... not how a medication/treatment tells me to be, or makes me be. You know what I mean?
The medication could help you be yourself, i'm no doctor but your issues could be from a chemical imbalance. drugs may be the only thing can help fix this. these drugs can be EXTREMELY helpful, so please don't be scared of them. My previous post was just trying to impart that they deserve respect as well, because they are certainly not like tylenol or something that wears off in a few hours.
I understand that you want to be yourself, but if you do have clinical depression--and that's if, no one should attempt to diagnose you via the Internet, I just want to let you know what the possibilities are--then I'd like to ask you this: if you think you're being irrational and over-anxious to the point of thinking you need professional help, what makes you believe that you're being yourself now?
Do you think you're supposed to be an irrational person who feels like his emotions are "killing" him?
You might need pro help, sure. You might just need a way to release all that stuff you've got building up inside you - there's a number of ways to get it out.
Also, this girl. It's not good to dwell man, not usually. Don't get me wrong, I can throw on a lengthy brood and be the darkest motherfucker in the joint, but it doesn't change what is. If your thoughts or your habits are taking you back to bad places, consider changing them. Try something out of character. Allow yourself to take productive breaks, not sitting in a chair, but having something to do, something to make, or somewhere to go. Express yourself. Explore your options. Work that energy out. It's funny how the little things can make a huge difference.
These drugs are not going to reprogram your personality. Instead they will allow you to manage the disappointments in your life and effectively deal with them. They are not some sort of magic happy pill that eliminates free will. It just doesn't work like that. Do you know anyone currently on anti-depressants? I do, before they were medicated they were constantly living under a dark cloud and were unable to help themselves. Afterwords, they are still sad, they still have feelings, but the effects of the medication allow them to deal with those negative feelings without being completelly overwhelmed. Their personality wasn't altered. The drug doesn't tell you anything.
Talk to a psychologist and probably a psychaitrist, at a minimum. They aren't going to force you to take anti-depressants, but they may be able to allay some of your fears about them.
And really (thankfully) depression is not the red letter it used to be. I'd venture to say most people now know someone who has struggled with it, lessening the stigma. And your EA program isn't going to tell anyone, seriously. There are HEUG legal liabilities for doing so, and the company has no incentive to do so anyhow. Depression is common, and a company has no interest in trying to set up some sort of extremely costly and elaborate honey trap to root it out.
When you guys say it helps you "deal with" those feelings, what do you mean in regards to that? If the feelings of dejection, sadness, and lack of calm still exist... what really changes? I know that ideally things would just stop causing these feelings in me. Simple and everyday things that normal people don't stress about like I do.
So, if these feelings are never really even resolved now, how does a chemical "re-balance" assist in easing them? I'm sorry if I' not explaining it very well, or sound doubtful, I'm just trying to understand to the best of my ability if this is a viable or helpful route. I don't really know what I want... I don't want to be numb to things that typically bother me... but I also don't want to remain depressed and anxious about these things either for as long as I do. Do treatments aim for a middle-ground, so to speak?
Let's pretend your brain is a stereo-system. The music playing on the system is your emotions, thoughts and feelings. And all the settings on your stereo -- the volume, the trebble/bass balance, and the speaker balance -- that's your chemical levels, your hormones, your serotonin, etc.
If you have clinical depression, some of the levels on your stereo are off -- the trebble is turned all the way down so you can't hear the harmony, the bass is turned all the way up so all you hear is this constant thud-thud-thud, and the volume is turned all the way up so that you can't tune it out. The music doesn't sound right, and it's defeaningly loud. What you need to do is adjust the balance. Turn the bass down to a reasonable level so you can hear the harmony again, and return the volume to the right level so you don't go deaf.
We're not talking about re-wiring your stereo. We're not talking about unplugging your speakers. We're not telling you that you need to listen to different music. We're just talking about adjusting the levels so that you can listen to the same music on the same stereo system--only now you can hear the entire song, and it's not so overwhelmingly loud that you can't have a conversation about music with the other people around you.
To bring it back to your real world issues: you'll still feel dejected or sad sometimes. Everyone does. It's just not going to cause you overwhelming physical anxiety. It's not going to seem like everything that goes wrong is the end of the world.
You should share your concerns about medication with whoever you end up seeing. It's very common for people to be wary about such things.
You dont change your personality, you arent put on an artificial high, thats the thing thats so misunderstood about anti-depressents and anti-anxiety drugs.
SammyF's analogy is apt.
As is theclam's advice.
You'll often find the best way to tackle this kind of thing is a two pronged attack, medication and therapy.
Again though, all this advice is just speculation, you need to see a proffesional.