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How can I just be myself?
LifeVirusZERO
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Recently my best friend pointed out the fact that I act differently when I'm around girls that I like. I had never noticed before, but he gave me some specific examples that just made me go "oh my god, you're right!"
It seems that this is part of the reason behind my horrible luck with the ladies. Ever since he said that, I've been second-guessing everything I do. Before I do something, I always ask myself if it's me doing this or if it's me just trying to impress someone. I'm a fairly self-conscious person and I always have been, which definitely doesn't help.
Do you guys have any tips? It's almost like I don't know who I am.
It seems that this is part of the reason behind my horrible luck with the ladies. Ever since he said that, I've been second-guessing everything I do. Before I do something, I always ask myself if it's me doing this or if it's me just trying to impress someone. I'm a fairly self-conscious person and I always have been, which definitely doesn't help.
Do you guys have any tips? It's almost like I don't know who I am.
LifeVirusZERO on
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Try not to worry too much.
In other words, once you stop caring about what gender the person is, you stop acting different around them. That's often why you hear about people who are attracted to those in long-term relationships -- the confidence they have about knowing their relationship is steady means they act like themselves, and not someone trying to score or impress.
You don't have to be in a long-term relationship, though. I went through this in college, where I was a loser for about a year. Complained quietly to myself that I was boring, no girl would like me ever, I was going to die alone, wah wah. At one point I just said "fuck it, I don't need a girlfriend, I'm just gonna be myself, and if it makes girls hate me, so be it." Of course, it turns out there wasn't anything actually wrong with me, and after about a month I was going on more dates than I had in my entire life. I, perhaps unfortunately, quickly found my future wife, though, so perhaps it was something else, but I certainly felt a lot better about meeting up with, well, people in general. They just happened to have boobs.
I'm in a relationship and it seems like I'm recieving a lot more female attention (which is pretty annoying).
Just maintain a totally casual mindset. You may have heard a lot of advice ranging from "Be aloof" to "Have confidence" all the way to "Girls like jerks". The confidence that this questionable advice is trying to quantify comes from ignoring the fact that she's a girl and just treating her in a regular sort of way. Like she's a dude.
edit: i'm kidding... I know there's a difference between being polite and acting differently haha
Get some better jokes. I swear pretty constantly, I'll confront someone on an opinion I find ridiculous or contradictory to what I think is reasonable. I find that if you treat someone with boobs as a human and don't take any shit from them, you find out really quickly who's worth hanging around. Some get away with a lot of crap for being cute, and when they get called on something tend to go away.
If you act like yourself, everyone who you would not normally get along with will leave you alone, leaving you with people you can be yourself around.
If you find yourself totally alone, maybe you could work on yourself just a little. Needing some work and being unable to get along with cockbags are entirely separate ends of the spectrum, though.
Wouldn't hurt to figure out what you really like doing and do it, being yourself is easier when you know who you want to be.
edit: Hooking up at bars and parties is some sort of strange social mating ritual. It in no way reflects your personal attractiveness to most women. People who go to bars to hook up with other people are there looking to be shallow and idiotic. You didn't mention it, but I just wanted to point out there's only a fraction of people who go to bars and shit, plenty others out there would rather do other things. Go out, drink, have fun.... but don't beat yourself up over going home alone.