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Vital Life Lessons (and how you learned them)

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Posts

  • JohannenJohannen Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Johannen wrote: »
    Doctors make mistakes, they're not omniscient when it comes to your problem and sometimes there is just nothing they can do.

    I understand this but when you go to fucking 6+ doctors for a problem and no one has any idea what the problem is our how to fix it I just want to punch them in their collective face.

    Well it's annoying when they are just thinking yeah, I'd just ask for tests if the doctor didn't know what was wrong with me. If they run the tests and can't find anything then it's still not really their fault.

    Johannen on
  • stawkstawk Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    @Tube et al:: I worded it that way because the OP asked for life lessons that I've learned and how. Since I'm not a guy, I didn't word my response in a general way. I suppose I should have worded it in first person, as in "There is no reason for a guy to ever hit me", but that seemed too specific.

    That being said, domestic abuse is wrong, on all levels, in all fashions, no matter the sex of the abuser or the abused.

    There are, however, people that do deserve a good punch or kick every now and then. Like my younger brother. He just needs to be kicked occasionally to realize that he is not the awesomest of awesomesauce ever. There are also ex-boyfriends of mine that deserve to be kicked squarely in the junk.


    Another thing I've learned from my personal experience: Regret Nothing.

    I wish things in my life had been different in some aspects, but I am the adult that I am now because of those experiences. And looking back, I wouldn't change most of my life at all.

    ummm i was under the impression that these were both forms of domestic violence...

    stawk on

    stawk.jpg
  • SerpentSerpent Sometimes Vancouver, BC, sometimes Brisbane, QLDRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    stawk wrote: »
    @Tube et al:: I worded it that way because the OP asked for life lessons that I've learned and how. Since I'm not a guy, I didn't word my response in a general way. I suppose I should have worded it in first person, as in "There is no reason for a guy to ever hit me", but that seemed too specific.

    That being said, domestic abuse is wrong, on all levels, in all fashions, no matter the sex of the abuser or the abused.

    There are, however, people that do deserve a good punch or kick every now and then. Like my younger brother. He just needs to be kicked occasionally to realize that he is not the awesomest of awesomesauce ever. There are also ex-boyfriends of mine that deserve to be kicked squarely in the junk.


    Another thing I've learned from my personal experience: Regret Nothing.

    I wish things in my life had been different in some aspects, but I am the adult that I am now because of those experiences. And looking back, I wouldn't change most of my life at all.

    ummm i was under the impression that these were both forms of domestic violence...

    quiet!

    Serpent on
  • jeddy leejeddy lee Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I honestly hate it when someone says "regret nothing". I have made poor choices in my life that have hurt people, and I regret having done it.

    I do not dwell on it.

    Some life lesson that I have learned and how I've learned it? learned through a moment of clarity that EVERYONE has a reason for being what they are. Weather they are batshit insane, abused or spoiled, (these are just negative examples, positive applies too) everyone has a REASON they perform the actions they do. That reason does not always justify the action, but to that person, at that time, be it through genetics or conditioning, did believe that action was justified.

    The realization of this fact made humanity infinitely more tolerable. It is so much easier to objectively look at a situation when you understand someones reasoning, weather it is good or bad.

    jeddy lee on
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  • Arch Guru XXArch Guru XX Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Cat wrote: »
    here's a life lesson for you: Moral relativism is bullshit. A copout at best, and at worst an excuse for people who want to do nasty things and get away with it.

    While I largely agree with your posts so far in this thread, I am of exactly the opposite opinion regarding moral relativism. Learning that people in other cultures – and even your own culture – can have wildly different viewpoints regarding right and wrong is something that I wish a lot more people would take the time to do. There is nothing that makes my concept of morality any more-or-less valid than the ideas of the next person. Laws may enforce the majority moral view of a given society, but nothing makes something right or wrong. There is no universal truth of what is and isn’t moral.

    If someone believes in a specific religion and they use that to guide their moral view that’s great, but they need to be aware that there are hundreds of other belief structures out there. No matter what religion you (I mean ‘you’ in general, not specifically you, The Cat) believe in or how fervently you believe it, the majority of people in the world do not share those beliefs. It is insulting, not to mention stupid, to dismiss most of the beliefs and moral viewpoints on this planet as wrong and inherently incorrect (and The Cat, I’m not saying you were doing that, clearly there is room for clarification around what I quoted and I assume that your message isn’t ‘fuck you if you disagree, I’m right’).

    Personally I totally agree that DV of any type is offensive and unacceptable. However, I don’t get to legislate the morals of places it is acceptable. Every society – and person – gets to figure things out for themselves, and not everyone reaches the same conclusions.

    Arch Guru XX on
    Should have been a rock star.
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Incenjucar wrote: »
    I actually think what I said is ontopic.

    Clarity is important.

    No, people cannot read your mind.

    No, people do not "know what you mean".

    You should get used to it.

    This is the life lesson for this thread.

    Also: When someone says something that looks incredibly stupid you should probably ask for clarification just in case before you start telling them how incredibly stupid it is.

    Actually outside of the intertrons people almost always know exactly what I'm saying when I start talking either too fast or about things I don't know the proper names of and end up sputtering and gesturing. I think it's because I tend to know the right things to point at when saying "that thing" and "this whatsit".

    ViolentChemistry on
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Cat wrote: »
    here's a life lesson for you: Moral relativism is bullshit. A copout at best, and at worst an excuse for people who want to do nasty things and get away with it.
    Every society – and person – gets to figure things out for themselves, and not everyone reaches the same conclusions.

    Yes.

    And some of them are wrong. There have been lots of unjust societies throughout history. The fact that they had their own process for coming up with something that appeared (at least to the people in control) to be "just" doesn't absolve them of erecting and maintaining unjust social structures.

    MrMonroe on
  • The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2009
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    here's a life lesson for you: Moral relativism is bullshit. A copout at best, and at worst an excuse for people who want to do nasty things and get away with it.
    Every society – and person – gets to figure things out for themselves, and not everyone reaches the same conclusions.

    Yes.

    And some of them are wrong. There have been lots of unjust societies throughout history. The fact that they had their own process for coming up with something that appeared (at least to the people in control) to be "just" doesn't absolve them of erecting and maintaining unjust social structures.

    Pretty much this. I mean, I get where he's coming from, but I've seen the concept of MR used too often to abandon responsibility to safeguard others from barbaric practices (for instance, FGM, or the expulsion/abandonment of surplus young males from polygamist cults). When I say 'moral relativism is bullshit', I'm not declaring that everyone ought to live like me, but that there are certain basic principles that society must follow in order to allow all of its members to participate in it, otherwise that society isn't sustainable or stable. I haven't exactly written a manifesto or anything, but those really aren't much more complicated than the usual 'do unto others' stuff.

    The Cat on
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  • Arch Guru XXArch Guru XX Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    The Cat wrote: »
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    The Cat wrote: »
    here's a life lesson for you: Moral relativism is bullshit. A copout at best, and at worst an excuse for people who want to do nasty things and get away with it.
    Every society – and person – gets to figure things out for themselves, and not everyone reaches the same conclusions.

    Yes.

    And some of them are wrong. There have been lots of unjust societies throughout history. The fact that they had their own process for coming up with something that appeared (at least to the people in control) to be "just" doesn't absolve them of erecting and maintaining unjust social structures.

    Pretty much this. I mean, I get where he's coming from, but I've seen the concept of MR used too often to abandon responsibility to safeguard others from barbaric practices (for instance, FGM, or the expulsion/abandonment of surplus young males from polygamist cults). When I say 'moral relativism is bullshit', I'm not declaring that everyone ought to live like me, but that there are certain basic principles that society must follow in order to allow all of its members to participate in it, otherwise that society isn't sustainable or stable. I haven't exactly written a manifesto or anything, but those really aren't much more complicated than the usual 'do unto others' stuff.

    Yeah I can agree with that. To me the key is allowing everyone to participate - they might come up with answers I don't agree with but that's their choice. This strikes me as acceptable moral relativism. When a warlord starts handing down laws and killing off anyone who disagrees with him (or her) it's hard to accept it as a functional-if-different moral perspective and not just the ideas of someone who likes being on top and aims to stay there any way necessary.

    Arch Guru XX on
    Should have been a rock star.
  • tyrannustyrannus i am not fat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Is it silly of me to think that it's not always important to be right? Because I am wrong a lot.

    tyrannus on
  • firewaterwordfirewaterword Satchitananda Pais Vasco to San FranciscoRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    tyrannus wrote: »
    Is it silly of me to think that it's not always important to be right? Because I am wrong a lot.

    It's important to be gracious when you're right, and perhaps more important to be willing to learn and improve when you're wrong.

    firewaterword on
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  • HounHoun Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    You feel exactly how you want to feel.

    I learned this after a long spell of depression; I don't like bringing it up, because frankly, in retrospect, I'm flat out embarrassed over the reasons for it, but one day, I literally picked myself up off the floor and decided I was tired of feeling sad.

    That was the day that I learned that your emotions are completely secondary to your willpower. You can feel anything you want, change the way you view and perceive the world, the way you act and behave. You just have to realize that it's all in your head, and you're the one driving.

    Houn on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Houn wrote: »
    You feel exactly how you want to feel.

    I learned this after a long spell of depression; I don't like bringing it up, because frankly, in retrospect, I'm flat out embarrassed over the reasons for it, but one day, I literally picked myself up off the floor and decided I was tired of feeling sad.

    That was the day that I learned that your emotions are completely secondary to your willpower. You can feel anything you want, change the way you view and perceive the world, the way you act and behave. You just have to realize that it's all in your head, and you're the one driving.

    Hi, my name is Pony, and on behalf of all folk who suffer from neurological chemical imbalances that result in emotional states they cannot control, I would like to tell you that you are flat out wrong and I hope that in the future you do not perpetuate this idiotic line of thinking.

    Thank you.

    Pony on
  • tyrannustyrannus i am not fat Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    your brain is a pretty powerful thing. it might be in your head but it's strongly in your god damn head.

    tyrannus on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2009
    Johannen wrote: »
    Doctors make mistakes, they're not omniscient when it comes to your problem and sometimes there is just nothing they can do.

    I understand this but when you go to fucking 6+ doctors for a problem and no one has any idea what the problem is our how to fix it I just want to punch them in their collective face.

    Sadly, the vast majority of misdiagnoses is due to a failure of communication between the doctor and the patient. Patient history is one of the most important diagnostic tools and the doctor and the patient might as well be speaking two different languages for all the good it usually does them.

    I think the quality of healthcare would drastically improve if people were taught on a basic level how to deliver relevant and accurate information during the patient history.

    Premier kakos on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2009
    Houn wrote: »
    You feel exactly how you want to feel.

    I learned this after a long spell of depression; I don't like bringing it up, because frankly, in retrospect, I'm flat out embarrassed over the reasons for it, but one day, I literally picked myself up off the floor and decided I was tired of feeling sad.

    That was the day that I learned that your emotions are completely secondary to your willpower. You can feel anything you want, change the way you view and perceive the world, the way you act and behave. You just have to realize that it's all in your head, and you're the one driving.

    So, you weren't clinically depressed then. Gotcha.

    Premier kakos on
  • HounHoun Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    i was going to add in a disclaimer about *unless you have a neurological condition, but since you decided to be a dick about it...

    Fuck off. I fail to see how MY life lesson can be WRONG. Instead, I'd postulate YOU are wrong, since you are incapable of following my advice. Which brings up another life lesson: Dickery begets further Dickery.

    Houn on
  • Premier kakosPremier kakos Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 2009
    Houn wrote: »
    i was going to add in a disclaimer about *unless you have a neurological condition, but since you decided to be a dick about it...

    Fuck off. I fail to see how MY life lesson can be WRONG. Instead, I'd postulate YOU are wrong, since you are incapable of following my advice. Which brings up another life lesson: Dickery begets further Dickery.

    Except we have scientific data showing that your life lesson is wrong.

    Another life lesson: scientifically-backed dickery is the most awesome dickery of all.

    Premier kakos on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    So, because you made a sweeping statement that you felt applied to everybody and didn't make any sort of attempt to make an exception for people who cannot, in fact, simply overcome their mental and emotional states with enough willpower, you're mad at me for calling you out on it.

    Listen, Houn, if you simply overcame your own depression through force of will and self-confrontation, good for you. I'm happy for you, chief. It's not a thing a lot of people can do, and it's something that is impossible for some people to do because they have actual medical conditions making them incapable of doing so.

    But you said something rude and short-sighted and posed it as universal advice that applies to everybody, and then got pissy when someone told you were you wrong.

    Grow up.

    Pony on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    tyrannus wrote: »
    your brain is a pretty powerful thing. it might be in your head but it's strongly in your god damn head.

    It is a bit of a pain to get out of there, I'll give you that.

    ViolentChemistry on
  • HounHoun Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Pony,

    I thought this was a thread for sharing life lessons we personally have learned. I recall nothing in the op, or in my post, that stated it must apply to everyone equally, only that we explain why we feel it was a lesson to us. If I have made a mistake in my understanding, I apologize, however, I do not beleive this is the case, and will be unable to verify for a bit, due to loss of cell signal.

    Houn on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    See, that was a much more mature reaction than "FUCK YOU THIS IS MY LIFE YOU ARE WRONG".

    Really, the reason I reacted as strongly as I did to your post is because as a dude who personally suffers from a serious psychological disorder, I find it endlessly infuriating when people posit the idea that emotional and psychological issues can simply be overcome by enough force of will.

    I realize it is true for some folk, and that's great for them. But for a lot of people, it isn't, and it's a way of thinking I consider dangerous to espouse and somewhat insulting.

    If that wasn't your intention, that's fine, but nonetheless that's why I reacted to it the way I did.

    Pony on
  • HounHoun Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Back. I get no signal in the bus tunnel.

    No, it was never my intent to belittle anyone, especially those that do have to deal with conditions like that; brain chemestry can be a tricky thing, and I've known a few people with varying conditions that require diet/medications to help control, and I can't begin to imagine how life-affecting it can really be.

    That said, my point was that, in my case, I CAN change my mood by will alone, assuming I recognize the opportunity to do so. There was a poster a few pages back that stated "If you want your life to change, go out and change it." This is a similar concept, but instead of your life, I'm talking about your attitude specifically. I could choose to continued being riled up over this whole thing, or I can choose to let it go, because it's not worth the headaches that anger can cause.

    No, this won't work for everyone. It does work for me, and hopefully, someone who reads it will remember it at some point, and choose to be a happier person, too.

    Houn on
  • AsiinaAsiina ... WaterlooRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Can we all have a group hug now?

    I'm of two minds (lol) on the subject. There are quite a few real psychological afflictions where the solution has to be more than "walk it off" but I find that if you're not suffering from some sort of chemical imbalance, a lot of the time forcing yourself through your emotions is good.

    I willed myself to not be shy. I willed myself out of a sadness in high school (I wouldn't call it depression, but it felt like it at the time). There is something to be said about putting on an act for a short time until the feelings become genuine. And I've never felt that I'm hiding any part of myself, I'm just becoming what I want to be.

    I mean, getting out of the house and forcing yourself to do fun things while you're depressed is not BAD advice, it just should not be the only advice if you have a serious problem.

    Asiina on
  • poshnialloposhniallo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Mood isn't mental illness.

    Sad isn't depressed.

    If you could change it by really wanting to, it wouldn't be mental illness, any more than Crohns Disease could be cured by me thinking really hard about it.

    poshniallo on
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  • eHeroeHero Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Time heals all wounds.

    I never really believed it, but it's proven time and time again. You may never forget the wound, but it won't be as painful. And if you disagree with this, you just need more time. And if you still disagree with it, then just wait some more. You can't beat me.

    That really embarrassing thing that happened a long time ago that you hope everyone forgot? They didn't. And they tell it to everyone they know. Often. Because it was hilarious.

    eHero on
  • CorlisCorlis Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    eHero wrote: »
    Time heals all wounds.
    Except headshots. Those'll stick with ya.

    Ooooh, something else: Do not enter university while recovering from a mental illness! It's good for neither your marks nor your major selection.

    Corlis on
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  • MrMisterMrMister Jesus dying on the cross in pain? Morally better than us. One has to go "all in".Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    poshniallo wrote: »
    Mood isn't mental illness.

    Sad isn't depressed.

    If you could change it by really wanting to, it wouldn't be mental illness, any more than Crohns Disease could be cured by me thinking really hard about it.

    Although, it's important to note, that therapy is effective at treating depression, and that, from what I understand, some therapy techniques include teaching people how to be positive, the importance of light exercise, and so on. So it's not entirely true that your methods of thought are irrelevant to your illness, and part of your illness can in fact be overcome by learning to change them. In addition, of course, some people will require serious medications, as I understand Pony to do.

    Also, there's a big difference between actual therapy and passing advice to try to get over it.

    MrMister on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    MrMister wrote: »
    poshniallo wrote: »
    Mood isn't mental illness.

    Sad isn't depressed.

    If you could change it by really wanting to, it wouldn't be mental illness, any more than Crohns Disease could be cured by me thinking really hard about it.

    Although, it's important to note, that therapy is effective at treating depression, and that, from what I understand, some therapy techniques include teaching people how to be positive, the importance of light exercise, and so on. So it's not entirely true that your methods of thought are irrelevant to your illness, and part of your illness can in fact be overcome by learning to change them. In addition, of course, some people will require serious medications, as I understand Pony to do.

    Also, there's a big difference between actual therapy and passing advice to try to get over it.

    Pretty much.

    Even if you have some kind of mental or emotional disorder, if a definitive diagnosis exists for it then there is most likely a method of treating or at least managing it.

    Might be therapy, might be a combo of therapy and medication, etc.

    What is important to understand is that even in the case of severe mental or emotional disorders, there is usually a way you can get help.

    The most important thing when dealing with any sort of depression or other difficulties in your life that might be psychological and/or emotional in nature is that if you can come to understand the problems themselves, you can start to understand why they are happening.

    If you can do that, you can often take steps to try to find a way to deal with it. Maybe you don't need therapy, maybe you just need a little willpower and self-confidence. Maybe you do need therapy, and maybe you even need to be diagnosed by a doctor with a very real medical condition that needs medication to ameliorate.

    There exists mental conditions and psychological disorders which are, currently, outside the realm of effective diagnosis and are difficult if not impossible to treat properly as a result. However, these are extremely rare and in most cases, even if you have a real medical condition causing your emotional state there is probably help for you if you can figure out you need it.

    Pony on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Goddamn it, I hate MST. I missed the re-showing on G4.
    Fine, you win. I'll watch it on a tiny screen.

    Improvolone on
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  • Loren MichaelLoren Michael Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Learning how to smile, when to shut up, and how to dress are the three most significant factors in the improvement of my social life.

    Loren Michael on
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  • TubeTube Registered User admin
    edited April 2009
    Johannen wrote: »
    Doctors make mistakes, they're not omniscient when it comes to your problem and sometimes there is just nothing they can do.

    I understand this but when you go to fucking 6+ doctors for a problem and no one has any idea what the problem is our how to fix it I just want to punch them in their collective face.

    I know how you feel, but sometimes there's just nothing they can do. I have a problem that's been affecting me for ten years, getting worse and worse. It's ruined my career. Doctors don't know what causes it, it's not common enough to be profitable so there's no pharmacology. It sucks, but that's life.

    Tube on
  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Johannen wrote: »
    Doctors make mistakes, they're not omniscient when it comes to your problem and sometimes there is just nothing they can do.

    I understand this but when you go to fucking 6+ doctors for a problem and no one has any idea what the problem is our how to fix it I just want to punch them in their collective face.

    I know how you feel, but sometimes there's just nothing they can do. I have a problem that's been affecting me for ten years, getting worse and worse. It's ruined my career. Doctors don't know what causes it, it's not common enough to be profitable so there's no pharmacology. It sucks, but that's life.

    Man those hairy palms can be a bastard.

    RedTide on
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  • ErgandarErgandar Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Two from my limited life experience:

    1. Do not judge others based on first impressions

    2. Do not worry about how people judge you

    Ergandar on
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  • The Lord of HatsThe Lord of Hats Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Learn from history's mistakes, but accept no responsibility for them.

    This may seem obvious, but it bears saying. I am a white, American male. I understand that I am advantaged in countless ways in today's society. I also enjoy learning about history. But far, far too many times, I have been given the message, although it is never outright stated, that my kind are the dictatorial scum of the earth, and that somehow, that diminishes in some small way anything I could ever achieve.

    I know about the Trail of Tears, of the spreading off smallpox to the native tribes, of slavery and Jim Crow laws, of the Japanese internment camps, and the limitations women face even in today's society. I understand that they are all terrible things. But I refuse to accept any kind of guilt for the actions of others. I will never allow myself to feel like less than I am, merely because people who have shared my gender, nationality, and skin color have committed atrocities.

    The Lord of Hats on
  • PonyPony Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Learn from history's mistakes, but accept no responsibility for them.

    This may seem obvious, but it bears saying. I am a white, American male. I understand that I am advantaged in countless ways in today's society. I also enjoy learning about history. But far, far too many times, I have been given the message, although it is never outright stated, that my kind are the dictatorial scum of the earth, and that somehow, that diminishes in some small way anything I could ever achieve.

    I know about the Trail of Tears, of the spreading off smallpox to the native tribes, of slavery and Jim Crow laws, of the Japanese internment camps, and the limitations women face even in today's society. I understand that they are all terrible things. But I refuse to accept any kind of guilt for the actions of others. I will never allow myself to feel like less than I am, merely because people who have shared my gender, nationality, and skin color have committed atrocities.

    h5

    Pony on
  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Difference between taking responsibility for and acknowledging benefit from. The former is stupid, but failing to do the latter makes the former less stupid.

    ViolentChemistry on
  • MorninglordMorninglord I'm tired of being Batman, so today I'll be Owl.Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Difference between taking responsibility for and acknowledging benefit from. The former is stupid, but failing to do the latter makes the former less stupid.

    I'm afraid that was too condensed. I have no idea what you just said. I mean I have an idea, but could you maybe explain it out a bit more.

    Morninglord on
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  • ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Difference between taking responsibility for and acknowledging benefit from. The former is stupid, but failing to do the latter makes the former less stupid.

    I'm afraid that was too condensed. I have no idea what you just said. I mean I have an idea, but could you maybe explain it out a bit more.

    It was just a life lesson, it bears no expansion.

    ViolentChemistry on
  • FoodFood Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    One of the biggest things I've learned in life is that being introverted isn't a negative personality trait. For a long time, I thought I was a bad person for liking to be alone more often than most people. In high school I would force myself to go to parties and hang out with large groups of people that I didn't really know even though I was always painfully uncomfortable in those situations. These days I take it easy and find other people who like to take it easy to take it easy with. And I'm happy!

    Food on
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