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Freshly gay long-time-mate issue [UPDATE #3]

Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
edited June 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
OK, so first a little bit of back-story on this ridiculously annoying situation.

I’m openly gay. Everybody knows that about me. No secrets at all. I’ve been out since…like…forever. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t.

So round about 2 years ago I came to college. Got put into a Film Studies class with one of my best friends and some other random guys. But one guy caught my eye in particular. Name of Karl. Totally gorgeous beyond belief. So much so I found myself staring at him on a regular basis.

Not a big problem at the moment from what I’ve written. But it gets worse.

Around three months after starting college, Karl started dating my mate (who is a girl, which is kind of important). They’d been getting closer and closer for a month or two before that, but at the three-month mark he actually asked her out and they started dating. She had no idea of my immense attraction to him. No clue at all, mostly cause I didn’t tell her.

Now while Karl and her were dating he and I subsequently started spending more and more time together and developed quite a close friendship, and by the time she dumped him (which’ll come into play later) me and him were the best of friends, with him being completely and utterly oblivious to the fact that I was madly into him and regularly used memories of moments where me and him had made brief skin-on-skin contact or joked around about us dating each other (long story, but to put it short we started spending so much time together and got so close and comfy with each other that people thought we were dating :D) as masturbation fantasies. I know, pathetic of me, but I was head-over-heels for this dude, I just couldn’t help it.

So a little info about Karl. He’s a brilliant guy. Really funny, fun to be around, really sweet on occasion, and acted pretty camp. Which lead a lot of people to believe he was gay. He denied it and because of that and him dating a girl the rumours disappeared.

Then however, my mate dumped him. To this day I don’t know why, she just did. Weird thing was she seemed absolutely heartbroken about it but he didn’t seem to care in the slightest. Either he didn’t give a shit, or he was hurting but didn’t show it.

Shortly after him being dumped, the rumours of him being gay were both brought up again, as well as confirmed. See Karl had been caught by the biggest gossip in college with a guy the year below us (we were in our 2nd year by that point) in a cupboard in a position that left little room for speculation about his sexuality.

After that Karl seemed to drop off the radar for a week or two. He just vanished from the public eye, if you will. Nobody saw him around much and he kept to himself. But then he came back into the attention of everyone, seemingly fine with the new revelation of him being gay. Didn’t seem to bother him when the few homophobic tossers in the college called him a faggot and a fudge-packer. After he came back on the scene him and me started hanging out again. Might seem a bad thing to do after the drama with him and my mate, but she’d moved away in that time and was living in Scotland somewhere.

Now he’s the weird twist. Recently when him and me are hanging out together he tends to act a bit flirtier than he used to joke about doing. If I weren’t so socially inept I’d think he was “interested” in me. He certainly seems to be acting like it.

Given that Karl once told me when he was dating my mate, and he said, and I quote: “If I liked guys I’d love to be with you man.” Now that would sound like something he’d joke about but I can tell when Karl’s joking, and he was dead serious about it. And now he’s exposed as liking guys and is acting flirty with me.

Seems kind of cut-and-dry about this situation doesn’t it? Especially so when you add to this the fact I’m still crazy about him.

But my question (finally) is this. Considering his past with my mate and all the drama something like this creates, would it be a wise and sensible choice to get involved with him?

P.S: A bit in information I didn’t include was that at one point while he was with my mate him and I got drunk and, while I’m not sure of the exact details, we did wake up naked in bed together.

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Stevie2Sxc on
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Posts

  • exisexis Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    If you're especially close with this girl you could always ask her if it would bother her if you were to get involved with him.

    But from what you've described I would say go for it. It sounds like he's into you, and you two get along. Unless there's something terrible you've neglected to mention about him and your friends breakup, there's no reason that it should stop you two from being together.

    exis on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    exis wrote: »
    If you're especially close with this girl you could always ask her if it would bother her if you were to get involved with him.

    But from what you've described I would say go for it. It sounds like he's into you, and you two get along. Unless there's something terrible you've neglected to mention about him and your friends breakup, there's no reason that it should stop you two from being together.
    I dunno anything about their breakup. It just happened. Neither one of them ever told me anything about how or why they broke up.

    And I do get on with him better than anyone else I've ever been mates with. And just to reiterate: HE'S HOT AS HELL!!!

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    tl;dr him and I got drunk and [woke] up naked in bed together

    :winky:

    Unless this girl is really, really close to you, in the sense that she'd be a Bro to a heterosexual guy, go for it. Is there an equivalent to "bros before hos" for gay men?

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    tl;dr him and I got drunk and [woke] up naked in bed together

    :winky:

    Unless this girl is really, really close to you, in the sense that she'd be a Bro to a heterosexual guy, go for it. Is there an equivalent to "bros before hos" for gay men?
    I'd assume it's "bros before bros" but that seems very confusing...

    and thx for the :winky: emote

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • DodgeBlanDodgeBlan PSN: dodgeblanRegistered User regular
    edited April 2009
    there is no reason not to go for it

    DodgeBlan on
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  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'd assume it's "bros before bros" but that seems very confusing...

    and thx for the :winky: emote

    You'd get a fist-pound just as much as if a straight friend hooked up with a hot girl on a whim. :P

    It's more the sense of how long you've known this lady friend - for example, if we flip genders and I'm looking at a buddy's ex-girlfriend, I'm going to be a lot more careful if I've known him since the second grade than if I met him two months ago. The former, I'm not going anywhere near her without notarized authority. The latter, I would have woken up naked in bed with her after a night of drinking oh wait

    So yeah, I reiterate, ":winky:" + do it.

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'd assume it's "bros before bros" but that seems very confusing...

    and thx for the :winky: emote

    You'd get a fist-pound just as much as if a straight friend hooked up with a hot girl on a whim. :P

    It's more the sense of how long you've known this lady friend - for example, if we flip genders and I'm looking at a buddy's ex-girlfriend, I'm going to be a lot more careful if I've known him since the second grade than if I met him two months ago. The former, I'm not going anywhere near her without notarized authority. The latter, I would have woken up naked in bed with her after a night of drinking oh wait

    So yeah, I reiterate, ":winky:" + do it.
    I've known her for about 5 years now...at least I think it's five.

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • KalTorakKalTorak One way or another, they all end up in the Undercity.Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'd assume it's "bros before bros" but that seems very confusing...

    and thx for the :winky: emote

    You'd get a fist-pound just as much as if a straight friend hooked up with a hot girl on a whim. :P

    :^::v:

    KalTorak on
  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I say hit it.

    Spawnbroker on
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  • ShawnaseeShawnasee Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Spawn is correct

    Hit that.

    :winky:

    Yeah, that emote is awesome...

    Shawnasee on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    I'm hearing a resounding "go for it" response.

    I'm just a bit uneasy about creating some unneccesary drama just because of listening to my penis's logic

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • tsmvengytsmvengy Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'm hearing a resounding "go for it" response.

    I'm just a bit uneasy about creating some unneccesary drama just because of listening to my penis's logic

    Is there really drama? You could ask the girl if she has a problem with it. But if she does, maybe she needs to realize that he's GAY and isn't coming back for her any time soon.

    tsmvengy on
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  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    tsmvengy wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'm hearing a resounding "go for it" response.

    I'm just a bit uneasy about creating some unneccesary drama just because of listening to my penis's logic

    Is there really drama? You could ask the girl if she has a problem with it. But if she does, maybe she needs to realize that he's GAY and isn't coming back for her any time soon.
    I dunno if there will be but stuff of this nature tends to always blow up in my face. And I have a suspicion that the breakup may have happened because she found out he was gay

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • tsmvengytsmvengy Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    tsmvengy wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'm hearing a resounding "go for it" response.

    I'm just a bit uneasy about creating some unneccesary drama just because of listening to my penis's logic

    Is there really drama? You could ask the girl if she has a problem with it. But if she does, maybe she needs to realize that he's GAY and isn't coming back for her any time soon.
    I dunno if there will be but stuff of this nature tends to always blow up in my face. And I have a suspicion that the breakup may have happened because she found out he was gay

    Well maybe you should talk to her about it then, but I really see no reason why this wouldn't be OK.

    tsmvengy on
    steam_sig.png
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    tsmvengy wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    tsmvengy wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    I'm hearing a resounding "go for it" response.

    I'm just a bit uneasy about creating some unneccesary drama just because of listening to my penis's logic

    Is there really drama? You could ask the girl if she has a problem with it. But if she does, maybe she needs to realize that he's GAY and isn't coming back for her any time soon.
    I dunno if there will be but stuff of this nature tends to always blow up in my face. And I have a suspicion that the breakup may have happened because she found out he was gay

    Well maybe you should talk to her about it then, but I really see no reason why this wouldn't be OK.
    I know. She's had a few other boyfriends since then, she knows I'm gay, and she seems to be totall over him. Everything has fallen into place.

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • ShawnaseeShawnasee Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    I thought she moved to Scotland?

    Yeah, you said "she’d moved away in that time and was living in Scotland somewhere."

    This is a go, bro.

    From what you have said she may be your friend but you're not exceptionally close. She didn't tell you why she dumped him and you didn't know exactly where in Scotland she actually lived. This all leads me to believe that deep meaningful conversations aren't things that you two share. You two sound more like good acquaintances than really good friends. Is there something I am missing?

    Regardless, if she was really, really heartbroken about the break up, maybe giving her a heads up about you wanting to hook up with old boy is warranted. Not asking permission, mind you, but some fair warning.

    Now go grab the lube, a box of condies, a couple bottles of wine and hit that shit! :winky:

    edit: disregard everything but the fair warning and the laundry list of naughtiness.

    Shawnasee on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    We occasionally had meaningful conversations. not often though. and not knowing exactly where is mostly down to my weirdly selective memory. I just randomly forget information.

    I think I'll throw her a quick heads up as Karl's removing my boxers. That'd work. Haha :winky:

    edit: I've just noticed an immense ammount of :winky:'s on this thread...

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Wait, is this the guy who wasn't gay but still made bets that resulted in you blowing him?

    matt has a problem on
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  • MuddBuddMuddBudd Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Now he’s the weird twist. Recently when him and me are hanging out together he tends to act a bit flirtier than he used to joke about doing. If I weren’t so socially inept I’d think he was “interested” in me. He certainly seems to be acting like it.

    He's interested.

    He may just not be used to hitting on dudes, though. Ask him out for coffee or something.

    MuddBudd on
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  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Wait, is this the guy who wasn't gay but still made bets that resulted in you blowing him?

    After a quick search, that was "Gavin" and not "Karl."

    Edit - And Gavin wasn't gay? Right, and neither is Richard Simmons.

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • darthmixdarthmix Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    You're a champ for being this concerned about how she'll feel, but I think you should also be at least a bit concerned about him. He carried on an apparently serious relationship with a girl while he was still in the closet, and it ended up hurting her while he remained (apparently) emotionally detached. If you give him the benefit of the doubt the best you can say about him is that he was confused. Possibly he didn't understand how a real relationship with a real emotional connection ought to feel. Which means he's probably new at all this, so you should expect that it'll be somewhat rough going; you might be his first real relationship, which is always treacherous.

    And that's best-case. Worst-case he really is just emotionally detached, and he enjoys flirting but when things get serious he doesn't invest and winds up hurting people, as a pattern. You describe him as really charming, which sort of fits the type I'm thinking of.

    I'm not saying don't do it. Do it, since you clearly want to, but keep an eye out.

    darthmix on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Wait, is this the guy who wasn't gay but still made bets that resulted in you blowing him?

    After a quick search, that was "Gavin" and not "Karl."

    Edit - And Gavin wasn't gay? Right, and neither is Richard Simmons.
    I know I was being an idiot with that thread. I was all discombobulated.o_O

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    The obvious solution here is to hit it and hit it good! :winky::winky::winky:

    KeyScourge on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    Wait, is this the guy who wasn't gay but still made bets that resulted in you blowing him?

    After a quick search, that was "Gavin" and not "Karl."

    Edit - And Gavin wasn't gay? Right, and neither is Richard Simmons.
    I know I was being an idiot with that thread. I was all discombobulated.o_O

    Have you considered that all of your friends are gay, and they are just completely fucking with you?

    Sentry on
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  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Sentry wrote: »
    Have you considered that all of your friends are gay, and they are just completely fucking with you?
    Tbh I wouldn't put it past them. It's exactly the sort of ridiculous shit they'd pull for a laugh.
    KeyScourge wrote: »
    The obvious solution here is to hit it and hit it good! :winky::winky::winky:
    I like your thinking!

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • SpawnbrokerSpawnbroker Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Man, I just realized there are a whole fuckload of gay guys on this forum. And every single one of you that posts in H/A refuses to believe that a male friend might be gay even when he's slapping your face with his cock and requesting blowjobs. It's just a pattern I've noticed developing.

    My advice still stands from before. Hit that.

    Spawnbroker on
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  • ShawnaseeShawnasee Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Man, I just realized there are a whole fuckload of gay guys on this forum. And every single one of you that posts in H/A refuses to believe that a male friend might be gay even when he's slapping your face with his cock and requesting blowjobs. It's just a pattern I've noticed developing.

    My advice still stands from before. Hit that.

    LOL...classic.

    Shawnasee on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    My advice still stands from before. Hit that.
    I damn sure intend to

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • AydrAydr Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    tl;dr him and I got drunk and [woke] up naked in bed together

    :winky:

    Unless this girl is really, really close to you, in the sense that she'd be a Bro to a heterosexual guy, go for it. Is there an equivalent to "bros before hos" for gay men?
    I'd assume it's "bros before bros" but that seems very confusing...

    and thx for the :winky: emote

    She-bros before man-hos?

    Aydr on
  • YoippYoipp Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Is there an equivalent to "bros before hos" for gay men?

    Mates before dates :winky:

    Yoipp on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Yoipp wrote: »
    Is there an equivalent to "bros before hos" for gay men?

    Mates before dates :winky:
    Yeah but what if your date is also your mate?

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • an_altan_alt Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    There's a clearly established rule of etiquette you're ignoring here and it does a damn fine job of putting a stop to the drama before it starts. You are to ask your friend for permission to date the ex. Before anyone starts bitching about people being property, think about what's really going on with this scenario.

    First, realize that you're not really asking a question. What you're saying is that you're going to be dating his or her ex unless they give you a very, very good reason not to. Acceptable reasons almost always involve information you're not aware of and are quite rare. In cases where there are still some emotions involved, it can be an eye opener for your friend to realize that he or she can't come up with any good reason to say no. This is the key.

    You're making it clear to you friend that you respect his or her feelings and even more importantly, the asking permission preemptively takes the wind out of any future drama. You asked first and they said it was ok. Your friend doesn't really have any choice but to say yes and it's tough to get upset at a later time because hey, they already gave their permission.

    an_alt on
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  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    I called up my mate in Scotland earlier this morning and told her about Karl's new "preference" and that I'm really interested in him. Turns out she's got a serious boyfriend up north so she doesn't mind that I'm interested in Karl.

    So tomorrow when I see Karl I'm just gonna go for it and see how it plays out. I might give an update here if it goes well, or if any of you actually care (which seems unlikely)

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • KillgrimageKillgrimage Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    So tomorrow when I see Karl I'm just gonna go for it and see how it plays out. I might give an update here if it goes well, or if any of you actually care (which seems unlikely)

    I, for one, would really like to hear how this goes :winky: Good luck to you sir!

    Killgrimage on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Then I'll throw an update up. Again there are a ridiculous ammount of :winky:'s on this thread...

    ...

    ...

    :winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky:

    Stevie2Sxc on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • ShawnaseeShawnasee Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    Then I'll throw an update up. Again there are a ridiculous ammount of :winky:'s on this thread...

    ...

    ...

    :winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky:

    That's because this :winky: is the best emote ever.

    Yes, updates are great! My wife wants to know too.

    Shawnasee on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Shawnasee wrote: »
    Stevie2Sxc wrote: »
    Then I'll throw an update up. Again there are a ridiculous ammount of :winky:'s on this thread...

    ...

    ...

    :winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky:

    That's because this :winky: is the best emote ever.

    Yes, updates are great! My wife wants to know too.
    Glad to know my weird tale of friends, breakups and jumbled sexualities is fun for the whole family. I'm thinking of writing a book about it tbh.

    and your right. :winky: is the best emote under the sun

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • KeyScourgeKeyScourge __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    I know I want to find out how this works out for you. Update as soon as you can :D Oh, and :winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky::winky:

    KeyScourge on
  • Stevie2SxcStevie2Sxc __BANNED USERS regular
    edited April 2009
    Update time for the few people that actually give a rat's arse about my predicament.

    So yesterday I rang up my mate who's now in Scotland, as I mentioned. I told her what was up and since she's apparently now in a serious committed relationship to some guy up there she said she didn't mind if I went for it with Karl. So I'd basically been given the "all aboard".

    With that all sorted, this afternoon I met up with Karl like we'd made plans to meet up at his place. Perfect setup, thy name is Karl's house. Haha. So were round his place and I was totally destroying him at SSBB like I always do.

    But we got bored of playing so we just sat around talking for a while. I was desperately trying to avoid the subject. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how I felt about him. A fact not helped by him being shirtless. But eventually I got some sense into myself and just got it over with. I told him everything. Told him I've loved him for nearly 2 years.

    He was shocked to say the least. Again, not helped by my inability to stop babbling. I just kept rambling stuff like "i know you hate me now" and "i'll just go away now" but then he shut me up by kissing me. And oh my god! You'd never believe a single kiss could be that good. Give that sense of warmth, and security, and happiness. But every single atom in my body was screaming with joy.

    And the only thing that changed between between that first kiss and the time I had to leave was we ended up laying down on the couch with him on top of me, I ended up shirtless too, with my hands down the back of his jeans and his down the front of mine.

    So all in all, a good day with very enjoyable results.

    Stevie2Sxc on
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  • ronzoronzo Registered User regular
    edited April 2009
    :winky:

    ronzo on
This discussion has been closed.