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Girlfriend Problems
El Whito
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I'm in a relationship with a great girl. We've been together for almost eight months now, and things are going great. Except I feel like I'm screwing a lot of stuff up.
She's told me that I'm the first boyfriend she's had that she's been really happy with. And she makes me the happiest I've ever been. I love her so much and I don't want that to change.
She told me the other day that things have changed so much. And not in a good way. I'm not fun anymore, the way I used to be. I worry constantly, about everything, even things I shouldn't worry about. When we're together I get offended by little things I didn't before. She'll say something as a joke and I'll just get all quiet and stop talking. I just don't know what's wrong with me. And when we're hanging out or something and she wants to invite her friends, sometimes I just don't want them to come, no matter what we're doing. I know I'm being incredibly selfish; I just don't know why and I don't know how to stop. I've tried to just stop, but the feelings are still there, no matter what I do.
Like, let's say we're partying together with her friends and my friends. Sometimes it bothers me that she goes off and has fun with her friends and leaves me alone. I know that shouldn't bother me. But it does. And I've been working on this, but there are so many other things. It's like... I don't know. Maybe I'm too needy. In fact I'm fairly certain I'm too needy. But I don't know what else to do. I need help.
I just need to figure this out. I want to be with her more than anything, and I don't want to lose her. But I feel like she's only gonna put up with my shit for so long before she decides I'm not worth it. No matter how much she wants to be with me.
She's told me that I'm the first boyfriend she's had that she's been really happy with. And she makes me the happiest I've ever been. I love her so much and I don't want that to change.
She told me the other day that things have changed so much. And not in a good way. I'm not fun anymore, the way I used to be. I worry constantly, about everything, even things I shouldn't worry about. When we're together I get offended by little things I didn't before. She'll say something as a joke and I'll just get all quiet and stop talking. I just don't know what's wrong with me. And when we're hanging out or something and she wants to invite her friends, sometimes I just don't want them to come, no matter what we're doing. I know I'm being incredibly selfish; I just don't know why and I don't know how to stop. I've tried to just stop, but the feelings are still there, no matter what I do.
Like, let's say we're partying together with her friends and my friends. Sometimes it bothers me that she goes off and has fun with her friends and leaves me alone. I know that shouldn't bother me. But it does. And I've been working on this, but there are so many other things. It's like... I don't know. Maybe I'm too needy. In fact I'm fairly certain I'm too needy. But I don't know what else to do. I need help.
I just need to figure this out. I want to be with her more than anything, and I don't want to lose her. But I feel like she's only gonna put up with my shit for so long before she decides I'm not worth it. No matter how much she wants to be with me.
Mass Genocide is the most demanding activity one can take part in. Next to soccer. - Loki, Dogma
El Whito on
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I'm not going to lie, from a female perspective, that kind of behaviour from a boyfriend will get old very quickly. It sounds asthough you aren't enjoying the relationship, more so, not allowing yourself to enjoy it. I personally have done the same thing in my relationship.
This kind of thought pattern may stem from a lack of trust in the relationship? Or a general lack of self confidence on your part. You need to be strong in the fact that your girlfriend loves you for who you are and isn't going to stray, otherwise it will be the only thing on your mind. That is when fun conversations that you once had, and chillaxing time goes out the window.
In saying all of this, your girlfriend also has the responsibilty to assure you that you are who she wants to be with. Not by reassuring you constantly, because that in itself is unhealthy. But her behaviour and contribution in your relationship together needs to be enough for you to have faith in it.
It's all very hard to boil down to one answer. Do you feel you have issues with trust in regards to her straying? Or do you feel it's more you not being enough for her?
But we talked it over, actually about an hour after I posted this. And it really did help just writing all this stuff down here, and to see how ridiculous I really act sometimes. But I know she wants to be with me, and I know I want to be with her. And I am trying to change. I realized if I don't try to be any specific person, then I'm just who I am naturally, and that's the person she wants me to be. I've just been overthinking everything, but I guess that's the problem.
But anyway, thanks for the help guys. It's good to talk to people who are objective about it, and see what their opinion is. So thank you. This really helped.