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A Dog, a Mother, a Friend and Betrayal!
templewulf
The Team ChumpUSARegistered User regular
The Team ChumpUSARegistered User regular
Hey all,
I don't usually post in H/A, but goddamn this is a fucked up situation. My mother-in-law lives by herself and is chronically ill. She has a pet dog who is pretty much the only person around to keep her company for most days.
Lately, her health took a turn for the worse - as it occasionally does - so she asked her friend to take care of the dog while she recovered. However, this time her injury was pretty bad, so she didn't know if she would recover enough to be able to take care of a dog on her own. The caveat is that if her friend - let's call her K - decides that she can't take care of the dog long-term that my mother-in-law would be involved in the process of finding him a permanent home.
The betrayal is that K took the dog and gave him away to one of her relatives without my mother-in-law's knowledge. We found out just last night, and the family has only had him for four days by the end of Wednesday. The father now says the kids are too attached to him and refuses to give the dog back.
What are our options? The dog has veterinary records and an RFID chip in my mother-in-law's name, if that helps.
Thanks
I don't usually post in H/A, but goddamn this is a fucked up situation. My mother-in-law lives by herself and is chronically ill. She has a pet dog who is pretty much the only person around to keep her company for most days.
Lately, her health took a turn for the worse - as it occasionally does - so she asked her friend to take care of the dog while she recovered. However, this time her injury was pretty bad, so she didn't know if she would recover enough to be able to take care of a dog on her own. The caveat is that if her friend - let's call her K - decides that she can't take care of the dog long-term that my mother-in-law would be involved in the process of finding him a permanent home.
The betrayal is that K took the dog and gave him away to one of her relatives without my mother-in-law's knowledge. We found out just last night, and the family has only had him for four days by the end of Wednesday. The father now says the kids are too attached to him and refuses to give the dog back.
What are our options? The dog has veterinary records and an RFID chip in my mother-in-law's name, if that helps.
Thanks
templewulf on
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Now this will suck for the relatives kids your mom and they are the victims in this, but it is your moms dog and unless she lets it go and says they can have it then the above is the best course of action.
But WTF? She gave someone else's dog away? What was she thinking?
Is it me or do K's relatives come off as only slightly doucey?
"Uh, yeah this dog is really my ailing step-mothers, and she'd really like it back"
"No, fuck you we've become attached to Flurry Jr. Esq, and you shan't have him!"
3DS FC: 4699-5714-8940 Playing Pokemon, add me! Ho, SATAN!
Satans..... hints.....
Yeah, it's just you. Well, at least the slightly part.
Also, update: apparently my mother-in-law especially didn't want the dog to go to these relatives, because the kids' father is a notorious drunkard.
Also, since my mother-in-law lives nearly an hour away from us, she has a state sponsored caretaker to get her to the doctor, pharmacy, grocery store, etc. That caretaker? K herself, who now is punishing my mother-in-law by withdrawing from the program.
tech_hunter:
I figured as much, but I didn't know if the vet records / chip would be enough to conclusively determine ownership. I appreciate your input.
Aydr & MetroidZoid:
Dude is a certified asswipe. He complains that his kids are too attached to the dog they've known for four days, and my wife tells him that her mother has had the dog for nearly two years. His response is "Well, I'm not going to disappoint my kids."
K isn't much better. It's starting to sound like she's just telling everybody what they want to hear, and she's withdrawing her friendship from my mother-in-law now that she's been found out.
Not ours, luckily. They're the relatives of her friend. Still, the friend is fucking her over too, so she's losing out on quite a lot.
I'm going to call my mother-in-law after work today to see what she wants to do. Last night, she indicated she didn't want to call the police about it, but I'll let her know what the options are.
Thanks for all your support and well-wishing, everybody!
Just remember to dial the non-emergency number, not 911.
You obviously know the people involved better than I do.
but in my experiences if someone is petty/crazy enough to do something like this... then they are petty/crazy enough to drive an hour to do something terrible for crossing them
First of all, someone needs to inform this cuntrag drunk that the complete and total failure that is his life will, in the long run, be a much bigger disappointment to his kids than giving up a dog that doesn't belong to them after having it for 4 days.
Second, I disagree with the people suggesting that you threaten to call the police. The extensive conversation with your wife was more than enough warning. Just call the police. He doesn't deserve another chance, and considering all the other fucked up shit he and K has done, I wouldn't give him an opportunity to potentially do something horrible and stupid before the cops get there.
I would also suggest that you get the dog back even if it is against your MIL's wishes. You will definitely be improving this dog's life by removing it from that house. If Drunky McFailure gets what he wants by bullying your wife and elderly MIL, the world will be a worse place. Maybe one of you could stay with your MIL for a few days- long enough for the state to assign another caretaker, or find a more deserving family for the dog.
Bouncing back and forth between homes can be very stressful for animals, and honestly it doesn't sound like this is a one time thing, but a thing likely to re-occur with longer and longer periods of alternative caretaking. What's nice? What's healthy? Consider that a decision may need to be made regarding the long term.
Im not saying these people aren't being underhanded; K had no right to give something away that wasn't hers, and they have no right to keep it. In the long term though, if you can't take care of it, your mom is a bit of a shut in, and there are no other preferred families availible for alternative care, and K obviously doesn't want to do it, then you a) yoink back the dog and give it to someone else, crushing toes and handing out fuckyousirgood'daysirs, b) vent your anger and accept the situation, c) find alternative people and a good temp care/visitation setup for your mom.
It's a fairly short list, and it would likely be helpful to figure out which of these is pleasing, and which of these is possible.
Please keep us updated, I would like to know if (when!) you've gotten the dog back. A.K.A. the property that is rightfully yours.
And "friend" K is a bitch.
In general, especially with regards to Sarcastro's comments, I don't think she'll be able to have the dog long-term. My wife and I urged her to get a cat instead, as it would be easier to care for, but she's pretty stubborn and has trouble accepting the extent of her illnesses. She's not even elderly, she just has some chronic illnesses that I won't get into here.
I think the ideal situation is that we'll get the dog back, then she will find an adoptive family that is less...asstastic? If it weren't for them being jerks about the whole thing, I might even encourage giving the dog to a family friend / friend of a friend.
Oops, Work authorization just came through, I'll post more later.
Hope everything works out well temp,
my initial thoughts, response and feelings when i read that line was: "Fuck that. That's MY dog". That should be a lesson of selflessness for the kids. And the dog was never K's to give up and as such, it's K's responsibility to bring the world shattering news that the kids can't keep the dog.
This. This guy is obviously being a dickbag just for the sake of being a dickbag; he knows his kids aren't really attached to the dog yet. Don't give him any time to prepare if you decide to get the police involved or in all likelihood he will find a way out of it.
It's fortunate that the dog's got the RFID chip, otherwise you wouldn't have a chance at getting it back.
They installed it in the back of my dog's neck, which from talking to my family members with dogs seems to be the norm.
That's how they did it with our cats and my mother-in-law's dog as well.
Update:
I just talked to my wife on my short break, and it looks like the guy is now offering to buy her a new dog so he can keep the dog in question. From the sounds of things, she's not going to call the cops, but she also refuses to accept his offer. I'm not sure what she's thinking, but I just don't want him to think he can get away with this.
Why wouldn't he just buy a new dog for his kids and give her dog back? I don't doubt the kids are attached, but it's not like adults can't be attached to pets too, and 2 years > 4 days. Give the kids a puppy and they'll forget about the other dog.
Not quite how the chips work. If the dog gets lost, the pound will scan the dog in a full body scanner and get the info imbedded in the RFID, and contact the owner in the chip. Sadly, there is no lojack for dogs.
Yet.
XBL: Torn Hoodie
@hoodiethirteen
True, but the OP is getting boned based on the bad actions of a few people, whereas Mr. Father-figure here is boned because of his own previous malfeasances. Not taking responsibility for past wrongs and whatnot.
if you file a case with the police department, and show owner's documentation (which should state distinguishing physical features, but im not sure) and establish at the very least the evidence that K was in contact with a little old lady and now said old lady doesn't have her dog and K's folks do, it will be treated as reasonable suspicion /probable cause like any other case of THEFT which is what this is.
seriously, call the cops NOW. don't even bother trying to talk to them you never should have. People who give away your dog behind your back and/or are content to keep a stolen dog that they know the owner wants back can't be talked to.
Every minute you spend not getting law enforcement involved affords these people more time to get the chip removed and implant their own.
Don't give them the benefit of the doubt.
Yeah because these people are dog-theft themed super villians. Also wtf? do you think there's some kind of illegal undergrounds vets running a dog chopshop?
it's certainly doable at a legit vet if you convince them it's a rescue dog you found malnourished on the street.
They're not supervillains but they are basically criminals.
I appreciate the perspective you're presenting here, but it's less "I'd really like to compensate you for this dog to keep my kids happy" than "I refuse to give you back your property". He's been pretty antagonistic towards my wife and her mother.
At this point, I'm just pissed that he has such an overreaching sense of entitlement. I wasn't able to get ahold of my mother-in-law yesterday, but I think I can give her a call today. I'll post back with the resolution.
You could always pull a Tonya Harding on his bitch ass.