Captain Gary Thrustwaist
First Mate Dubh McStubblylegs
Chief of Security Matt Scorp
Co-helmsman Tommy Wings
Nano-tech Engineer Loeli
Archivist Locth D'Out
Helmsman Speed Racer
Senior Marketing Manager Tomarli
Seasons 1-5 now on DVD and Blu-ray!
Soundtrack coming soon!
When we last left our heroes, they had completely fucked up reviving the Urson on account of being total assholes. But wait! It turns out there was another way. Being a super advanced race of flying space bears the Urson had planned for this eventuality. The Urson had created four data colonies that, when combined with the Tehlikron, could be used to re-create a non-nazi Urson civilization. Each disc had been hidden on a
distant planet, but not hidden well enough from the scurvy crew of the Ursa Majoris!
Last time on Tales of the Ursa Majoris:
The crew enters the dark heart of space- a true vacuum that (illogically) blots out the stars. Unfortunately, it's not as empty as advertised and the crew finds itself in a place that can only be conceived from the nightmares of the bastard child of Escher and Picasso- someplace where the very laws of the universe are bent, and the hubris of man can result in limbs being blown off...
Will Gary lose his erection? Will Speed stop dying, or Dubh find something to stab?
And what of the nega crew, closing in on Thrustwaist's Eight?
Only time can tell...
[Map of Captain Thrustwaist's Ursa Majoris]
Dubh turns and flees.  Diving behind a dented old cargo container lying in the alleyway. The reflective masks follow. The reflective masks hate
His heart racing, Dubh tries to keep quiet. Dubh tries to hide. Gideon puts a hand on Dubh's shoulder and smiles. Gideon is not afraid. Gideon steps out from behind the cargo container.
The reflective masks hate him
Dubh wakes up, panting, sweating. He is in a room made of bodies. A room made of lost friendships, of lost brothers and sisters. The only light in the room comes from the blood pooling on ground.
The blood on his hands.
Tommy dives into the glade and slams the door shut. The things can not reach him here, and they hate
that. They hate him, but it doesn't matter here. Nothing matters here. Here there is only the babbling of the water, the cool breeze between the trees, and the taste of the berries on the bushes. He is safe here.
The things hate his safety, but it does not matter here.
Tommy can stay here, he can let himself lie here, let himself sleep. He can let himself fade away, become one with the rocks and the plants.
He can disappear here. He can fade away here.
The things would hate that.
Tomarli steps through the fire.
Tomarli awakens in a dark room. There are many people here. They do not notice Tomarli. They do not acknowledge him. They are laughing. They are having so much fun, but Tomarli cannot see what they are laughing at.
Things move amongst the crowd, but they do not see them. They do not acknowledge them.
The things hate
Locth steps through the fire.
He wakes up in a small metal cot, in a small metal room. The only light here is from the glowing of the vidscreen, blaring static at him. He can feel something moving within the white noise on the screen. There are things there, things that swim through the static.
Outside, he can here his mother and father screaming in agony, and the sounds of blades scraping against metal.
The things in the screen hate
[Speed and Ytlkrek]
Ytlkrek's eyes widen in surprise for a moment, but she quickly follows along, wrapping her arms around Speed and returning his advances. The things hate
them. The things hate
their love so much
Speed can feel the weight of the bonding signet around his neck. The car falls to its wheels, it paint gleaming in the pale light of dawn. Its engine hums wearily.
[Matt, Loeli, and Gary]
Still hanging around in the window-room, the remaining three crew members decide it's high time to follow the others, and jump through the gateway.
They arrive in a cramped hallway made of clouds. Heading down the hallway, they eventually reach a small clearing surrounded by a tall wall of clouds. Six strange creatures silently kneel before a strange red-black fire at the clearing's center. The creatures do not seem to notice you.