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[Mustachealalia++] MUSTACHES ALL THE TIME
DE?AD
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Starring:
Captain Gary Thrustwaist
First Mate Dubh McStubblylegs
Chief of Security Matt Scorp
Co-helmsman Tommy Wings
Nano-tech Engineer Loeli
Archivist Locth D'Out
Helmsman Speed Racer
Senior Marketing Manager Tomarli
Seasons 1-5 now on DVD and Blu-ray!
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
Soundtrack coming soon!
[Recent Adventures]
When we last left our heroes, they had completely fucked up reviving the Urson on account of being total assholes. But wait! It turns out there was another way. Being a super advanced race of flying space bears the Urson had planned for this eventuality. The Urson had created four data colonies that, when combined with the Tehlikron, could be used to re-create a non-nazi Urson civilization. Each disc had been hidden on a
distant planet, but not hidden well enough from the scurvy crew of the Ursa Majoris!
Last time on Tales of the Ursa Majoris:
The crew enters the dark heart of space- a true vacuum that (illogically) blots out the stars. Unfortunately, it's not as empty as advertised and the crew finds itself in a place that can only be conceived from the nightmares of the bastard child of Escher and Picasso- someplace where the very laws of the universe are bent, and the hubris of man can result in limbs being blown off...
Will Gary lose his erection? Will Speed stop dying, or Dubh find something to stab?
And what of the nega crew, closing in on Thrustwaist's Eight?
Only time can tell...
[Map of Captain Thrustwaist's Ursa Majoris]
[Dubh]
Dubh turns and flees. [16] Diving behind a dented old cargo container lying in the alleyway. The reflective masks follow. The reflective masks hate him.
His heart racing, Dubh tries to keep quiet. Dubh tries to hide. Gideon puts a hand on Dubh's shoulder and smiles. Gideon is not afraid. Gideon steps out from behind the cargo container.
The reflective masks hate him.
Dubh wakes up, panting, sweating. He is in a room made of bodies. A room made of lost friendships, of lost brothers and sisters. The only light in the room comes from the blood pooling on ground.
The blood on his hands.
[Tommy]
Tommy dives into the glade and slams the door shut. The things can not reach him here, and they hate that. They hate him, but it doesn't matter here. Nothing matters here. Here there is only the babbling of the water, the cool breeze between the trees, and the taste of the berries on the bushes. He is safe here.
The things hate his safety, but it does not matter here.
Tommy can stay here, he can let himself lie here, let himself sleep. He can let himself fade away, become one with the rocks and the plants.
He can disappear here. He can fade away here.
The things would hate that.
[Tomarli]
Tomarli steps through the fire.
Tomarli awakens in a dark room. There are many people here. They do not notice Tomarli. They do not acknowledge him. They are laughing. They are having so much fun, but Tomarli cannot see what they are laughing at.
Things move amongst the crowd, but they do not see them. They do not acknowledge them.
The things hate them.
[Locth]
Locth steps through the fire.
He wakes up in a small metal cot, in a small metal room. The only light here is from the glowing of the vidscreen, blaring static at him. He can feel something moving within the white noise on the screen. There are things there, things that swim through the static.
Outside, he can here his mother and father screaming in agony, and the sounds of blades scraping against metal.
The things in the screen hate his parents.
[Speed and Ytlkrek]
Ytlkrek's eyes widen in surprise for a moment, but she quickly follows along, wrapping her arms around Speed and returning his advances. The things hate them. The things hate their love so much.
Speed can feel the weight of the bonding signet around his neck. The car falls to its wheels, it paint gleaming in the pale light of dawn. Its engine hums wearily.
[Matt, Loeli, and Gary]
Still hanging around in the window-room, the remaining three crew members decide it's high time to follow the others, and jump through the gateway.
They arrive in a cramped hallway made of clouds. Heading down the hallway, they eventually reach a small clearing surrounded by a tall wall of clouds. Six strange creatures silently kneel before a strange red-black fire at the clearing's center. The creatures do not seem to notice you.
DE?AD on
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Posts
http://www.audioentropy.com/
"It's about time we got to the party. Haven't done anything fun since Kit'Han."
Tomarli forces his way through the crowd and tries to see what the people are laughing at.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
you have six mouths? That explains your waistline!
wait how drunk is Bear
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
lollin' — this is the best scale.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
[Speed and Ytlkrek]
Jumping into the car, Speed tears off across the broken asphalt, his hoverpads screeching in protest. The car is fast, but it is not as fast as it was. It will probably never be as fast as it was. It will never win another race. It will never be a champion again. The roar of its engine will fall silent as other cars pass it on the track.
The car's driver will be disappointed. The car's driver will move on. The car's driver will find another car. A car that was not broken. A car that can still go fast.
Ytlkrek begins to fade away in her seat. She does not seem to notice.
[Tomarli]
Tomarli shoves his way through the crowd, but it is too large, and he cannot make his way through. He looks behind him, but he can only see more legs, a sea of people stretching out forever. Tomarli is lost here, within the push-and-shove of the crowd. He an hear them laughing far above him, but he cannot see what they are laughing at. They do not see him. They do not feel him.
There are things here with him, moving about the forest of legs. The things hate the crowd, but they hate Tomarli more.
They hate him so much.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
http://www.audioentropy.com/
Can you feel it?
Can you feel my disappointment?
Gary is in a small, circular clearing at the center of a cloud-cluster. There are six strange creatures kneeling before a red-black fire at the center of the room. Matt and Loeli are also there.
"What are you talking about?" Ytlkrek asks as her skin begins to peel away from her face. The car's engine whines.
[Loeli, Matt, and Gary]
The creatures do not seem to exist. At least, not as far as the skorokov can tell.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
"M...margarita party?"
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
CAPTAIN GARY, YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL"
Did you enjoy it??
<If they do not exist... they pose no physical threat. This place, though, it was boosting manceric properties. Most unusual!> Loeli muses to nobody in particular, walking forward with Gary.
The creature turns to Gary, suddenly standing. It opens its mouth and begins to let out a high-pitched scream.
[Locth]
Locth steps into the next room. There is no light here, and the metal walls are covered in something dark, sticky, and warm. There is the sound of wings in the distance, and the screams of the dying. They have been dying for years now. They die everyday.
The sound of wing-beats grows closer.
The wing-beats hate Locth. If they find him, they will hate him even more. If they find him, Locth will become one of the dying people. He will die every day. His screams will join theirs. If he does that, the wing-beats will stop hating him. The wing-beats do not hate the dying. The wing-beats only hate the survivors.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
"Loeli, we've fought zombies and an elemental. We've been on a planet with a race of rebellious cat people. We've fought a psychic whale that sucks brains. By now, I'm certain that nothing is able to hurt us, and I mean nothing as something."
Matt swiftly unsheathes his Psimitar.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
Ytlkrek looks at Speed, worried, hurt. A tear forms at the corner of her eye. Her mouth moves, but the words do not match the movements. "I'm sorry," she says flatly. "The car is broken. It will never be as fast again. I only drove it because it was fast. It is nothing anymore. I hate it."
Ytlkrek is gone, and Speed is alone.
There is a fire in the car's engine.
I did see Dubh get hurt?
Locth was the one who pulled his out once they were separated. Dubh tried his back when we first got here and they flipped out.
exactly.
Scarlet, the way DE?AD's describing these things, it sounds like I didn't see Dubh get hurt.
e: well shit. This adventure's way confusing.
http://www.audioentropy.com/
He turns on his suit lights.
I'm talking about the psimitar exploding the fuck all over Dubh, dude. Nothing to do with these creatures.
and I'm still not sure why they exploded the fuck all over and were like 90 feet long. those Hereclan Crystals are manceric and those power the blades, right? otherwise I'm lost.