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[Mini-phalla] The Phall of Max Payne: Dearest of all my Friends - Vlad & Mona victory

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    kuhlmeyekuhlmeye Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I walked into the station, the file on my desk staring back at. Sometimes thats how it is, your life staring you down. And it can be hard to look away.

    ... a vote count?

    Heh. Forgot the election was today. Whoever the new mayor was, they couldn't make this town better. The low characters of the town rule the streets, like an infestation, and it is a deep infestation.
    Nocturne wrote: »
    ... Maybe when I have more time or am drunk...

    Well, it was nice to hear that !Nocturne was paying attention to his job. This city is doomed.

    kuhlmeye on
    PSN: the-K-flash
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    WasabiBeanWasabiBean Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I ran and I ran. I ran just to keep the pavement from catching up to me. I ran until I hoped the bullet would just catch me and end it. I turned down an alley and found a faceful of bricks, but there it was - spray painted on the wall. SpectralSpork. I always hated ties...

    WasabiBean on
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    NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I spent the whole day just trying to forget, but I can only forget for so long. I stumbled into my apartment at 3:30 AM. I don't remember how I got here, but I do remember why.

    I'm here to stop them. No, not stop. I'm here to kill them. Those that took everything I had. I don't remember very much. There were gunshots, the explosions in my head. And there was a name. Not a name, a letter.

    "Mr. D sends his regards."

    Bang. Everything froze. I was still here, but I don't know why. But I do know what I must do.

    !Mr. Defecation had seen his last sunrise.

    Nocturne on
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    Kay2Kay2 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    As I checked my hair in the mirror, I took one last glance at the overly jovial e-mail open on the nearby laptop.

    'Guise guise guise,' it read. 'omg did u chek the cc listing??? i did!!!!'

    Someone seemed to think that a group e-mail meant all of those that got it were 'innocent'. If any of us punks were innocent. That word had long ceased to have any meaning.

    I straightened my tie, put on my coat, and lit a smoke. They helped. As I checked my gun, I left the apartment. I had an appointment with a guy who was either a dumb member of the Inner Circle, or just a dumb punk. Either way, we were better off without !WasabiBean.

    Kay2 on
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    abotkinabotkin Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    RNG says !pablo_price is a bad dude.

    abotkin on
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    3DS: 0963-0539-4405
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    M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    You foors, i'm nothing speciar just have a speech plobrem.

    SpectlarSplock

    M.D. on
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    BurnageBurnage Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    The_reflection has withdrawn and been replaced by Maximus.

    Burnage on
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    GrimmyTOAGrimmyTOA Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    The cowards run. Slip out the back way like a terrified bride's silent farts. At least they have the decency to provide a replacement, some more grist for this insane mill.

    The rain running down my face tastes of salt and anger -- and I realize that I'm crying.

    GrimmyTOA on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    ...maybE I shoulD withdraW sO I caN stoP talkinG likE thiS

    Dunadan019 on
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    SpectralSporkSpectralSpork Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Given the recent games, I'm convinced it's impossible for the village to not try and shaft itself on day one.
    396389-winterson3_large.jpg
    I'm Valerie Winterson, I investigate people. Don't kill me.

    I'm not around for much longer today, the one day I'll miss the vote close annoyingly enough, or I woulda held off on this just a bit longer. To further save myself... !Mr. Defecation

    SpectralSpork on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    ?wheN dO daY onE revealS eveR turN ouT welL

    Dunadan019 on
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    kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I'll bite, just for the fun of it. !Mr. Defecation

    No idea what the count is though...

    kime on
    Battle.net ID: kime#1822
    3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
    Steam profile
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    TrustTrust Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Dunadun, never. I think the answer is never.

    Trust on
    We Stand Ready
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    kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Trust wrote: »
    Dunadun, never. I think the answer is never.
    Once or twice it works!

    kime on
    Battle.net ID: kime#1822
    3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
    Steam profile
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    SpectralSporkSpectralSpork Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Trust wrote: »
    Dunadun, never. I think the answer is never.

    Agreed, I think I have a slightly better chance of surviving this way though. Hope the guard, if one even exists, helps.

    As for the Vote Count

    SpectralSpork- 6
    Mr. Defecation- 6
    Pablo_Price- 2
    Others at 1 or less

    SpectralSpork on
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    TrustTrust Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Spork, I'm assuming you mean you're our seer?

    Trust on
    We Stand Ready
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    SpectralSporkSpectralSpork Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Trust wrote: »
    Spork, I'm assuming you mean you're our seer?

    Yes.

    SpectralSpork on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    .I don'T thinK I voteD foR yoU sporK buT jusT iN casE ,mR .defecatioN

    Dunadan019 on
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    M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Wow, just wow. Dunadan you hollibre arry in the rast pharra, tulning against me.

    M.D. on
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    Orange SodaOrange Soda Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Pablo_Price

    I'm sorry, but I don't like the Mr. D. vote either. At least SS didn't wait until the day AFTER he almost dies to the vote to reveal.

    Orange Soda on
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    M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Oh SS leveared, werr then Ml. D so he doesn't die.

    Waste of the virrage vote though, I rove how pharra game day 1 votes arways rand on a speciar.

    M.D. on
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    Kay2Kay2 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    So, word on the grapevine is that the dumb whateverheis is gonna have to wait for his appointment with a hollowpoint. Sleaze had a way of sliding under the carpet like a waxy-backed roach, it seemed.

    The guy that though going to Chinatown, he needed fixing, so that a detective 'friend' might live.

    Mr. Defecation, that was his name. Poor guy wouldn't know what bit his yellow-fever-stricken ass until it was too late.

    Kay2 on
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    MaximusMaximus Engineer of the Harbinger Engine RoomRegistered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Hello everyone, I say Spectral earns a one day respite. So Mr. D for death.

    Maximus on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Oh SS leveared, werr then Ml. D so he doesn't die.

    Waste of the virrage vote though, I rove how pharra game day 1 votes arways rand on a speciar.

    .I aM noT surE whosE posT restrictioN iS worsT .wE shoulD havE A votE

    .iF thE voteS foR sporK diminisH ,I wilL probablY changE mY votE aS yoU arE mY disableD brethreN

    Dunadan019 on
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    crimsoncoyotecrimsoncoyote Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Dunadan, I think you're the only one truly bothered by your restriction.
    Be a man! Deal with it!

    Mr. Defecation, as there's nothing to go on.

    crimsoncoyote on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Dunadan, I think you're the only one truly bothered by your restriction.
    Be a man! Deal with it!

    Mr. Defecation, as there's nothing to go on.

    .yoU trY typinG likE thiS anD you'lL seE whY

    Dunadan019 on
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    kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Dunadan019 wrote: »
    Dunadan, I think you're the only one truly bothered by your restriction.
    Be a man! Deal with it!

    Mr. Defecation, as there's nothing to go on.

    .yoU trY typinG likE thiS anD you'lL seE whY

    You probably could've just made a quick program to do it for you....

    kime on
    Battle.net ID: kime#1822
    3DS Friend Code: 3110-5393-4113
    Steam profile
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    kime wrote: »
    Dunadan019 wrote: »
    Dunadan, I think you're the only one truly bothered by your restriction.
    Be a man! Deal with it!

    Mr. Defecation, as there's nothing to go on.

    .yoU trY typinG likE thiS anD you'lL seE whY

    You probably could've just made a quick program to do it for you....

    .I couldn'T prograM mY waY ouT oF A papeR baG

    Dunadan019 on
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    NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Really Duna my post restriction is pretty annoying as well.

    Nocturne on
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    DasUberEdwardDasUberEdward Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    My head throbbed with the intensity and thunder of a subway train destined for the black pits of hell. Each time I took a glance at the undulations of Dunadan019's post I was reminded of the filthy dance of back alley whores and prostitutes. All of the seedy motels with heart shaped beds that vibrated for just a few quarters. It was out of place like the sanguine splashes of blood that dotted the path that would lead me to the inner circle.

    DasUberEdward on
    steam_sig.png
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    BurnageBurnage Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Time wore on, its steady march resounding in my skull like the dull thud of my Ingram. There were only two hours until the end of the day.

    Burnage on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Really Duna my post restriction is pretty annoying as well.
    .postinG iN A differenT fonT iS morE annoyinG thaN thiS?

    Dunadan019 on
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    NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Dunadan019 wrote: »
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Really Duna my post restriction is pretty annoying as well.
    .postinG iN A differenT fonT iS morE annoyinG thaN thiS?

    No I was just making a Comic Sans joke.

    Nocturne on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Dunadan019 wrote: »
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Really Duna my post restriction is pretty annoying as well.
    .postinG iN A differenT fonT iS morE annoyinG thaN thiS?

    No I was just making a Comic Sans joke.

    .I hatE yoU :P

    Dunadan019 on
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    DaiusDaius Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    The city was buzzing with noise and fury, but as the bard once shrewdly observed, this meant jack-shit. Anyone can shoot a gun, mouth-off, run through the streets asking every pair of preying eyes to swivel their way, but it would all seamlessly blend into the backdrop of this feature, another layer of scum on the the water's surface.

    One man however, was jumping out of the woodwork like a kangaroo on heat, and this didn't bode well for me at all.

    Seems I'd have to pay old man !Mr "Huan Sun" Defecation a little visit.

    Daius on
    bigbosssig.png
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    EipnoomEipnoom Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    I feel really bad for everyone with post restrictions, looks like it's a real pain.

    I'd normally assume that had powerful abilities with those restrictions, but since Dunadan said he had nothing else I look at putting as if they're being put out of their misery.

    Also, I wish I had the noir writing style down like many of the posters, it's truly fun to read. :)

    Eipnoom on
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    DelmainDelmain Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Mr. D, and I can't say anything else because I'm no good at sounding all noir-y

    Delmain on
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    Dunadan019Dunadan019 Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Eipnoom wrote: »
    I feel really bad for everyone with post restrictions, looks like it's a real pain.

    I'd normally assume that had powerful abilities with those restrictions, but since Dunadan said he had nothing else I look at putting as if they're being put out of their misery.

    Also, I wish I had the noir writing style down like many of the posters, it's truly fun to read. :)

    .I likE youR stylE, sincE dunadaN saiD sO iT musT bE truE :P

    Dunadan019 on
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    BurnageBurnage Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Day One has ended. An inner monologue shall shatter the darkness soon.

    Burnage on
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    BurnageBurnage Registered User regular
    edited May 2009
    Day Two: In the Middle of Something

    alfredwoden.jpg

    The word on the street was that Tony "Mr. Defecation" Arezzo knew something. He was a real low-life; he'd earned his nickname after one too many tired-eyed hookers decided to gossip about his tastes in the bedroom.

    We all have our dirty secrets, I suppose.

    Fortunately for Mr. Shits, he didn't have what I was looking for. I made it a lot less painful than it had to be for him.

    As the echoes died down from the round I'd put through his lower intestines, I caught a glimpse of a mocking television screen.

    Red and black flickered out between bursts of static, like my nightmares all over again.

    Alfred Woden's manor was burning. The old man had been found dead, no doubt a victim of his former "friends".

    It wasn't just the manor that was igniting. The rest of the city had erupted into violence, like a powder-keg filled with hatred.

    The newsreader read off a list of the dead. It seemed like a gang-war had sounded off tonight, the trumpet of the apocalypse to herald my coming.

    The names were the familiar scum, bar one; Arkady Kuhlmeye, a senator from out of state. He was too high profile to be just another mobster. One of the Inner Circle had already died.

    Now I just had to hunt down the rest.


    The Dead;
    kuhlmeye - Inner Circle member
    CJ Iwakura - Alfred Woden
    Kay - mobster
    Mr. Defecation - mobster
    Abotkin - mobster


    Jdarksun and Drez are on inactivity watch. If they do not vote today, they will be replaced.

    Day Two will end at midnight GMT on friday, in approximately 24 hours.

    All PMs will be going out in a few moments. If you think I should have sent you something, and I haven't, get in touch.

    Burnage on
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