Is my job getting me a hooker?

Meiz

We are pleased to invite you to our fourth workplace Wellness Seminar:

Stress Relaxation Techniques

Overview: Our minds and bodies need rest and recovery breaks to allow us to relax and to reduce the effects of stress. While everyone has days that are more hectic and unfocused, consistently feeling “stressed out”, rushed and constantly on the go can have a detrimental impact on a person, increasing the risk of experiencing a serious physical concern, such as heart disease or stroke. One of the best ways for an individual to care for him/herself is to make time to calm down and reduce stress, using relaxation techniques both proactively and reactively.


Learning Objectives
• Understand what the “Stress Response” is and how it works
• Learn and practice techniques to reduce stress such as:
1. Deep breathing
2. ”Freeze Frame” technique
3. Guided visualization
4. Progressive muscle relaxation

The sessions will take place as follows:

BALEETED

Please note there is a maximum session size of 20 participants per location.

Please confirm your attendance by sending the following information to snip

1. Name
2. Location of session you plan to attend

Note: Due to the nature of the Wellness Seminar, it is not recommended to have members participate by phone as this session is very interactive.

If you decide not to attend the session, please let us know a few days in advance, this way another member will be able to participate in the session.

Please RSVP by May 25th, 2009

Thank you,

Your HR team

I've always wanted to learn the forbidden FREEZUH FRAMUH technique.

I love the company I work for.

What are some of the things that your place of employment does for you that makes you think twice about bailing on them?

Are there any funny work related stories or emails you'd like to share?

Did you ever systematically kick a farm full of rabbits to death?

Tell unkie Meiz.

ascot

it took an hour and twenty minutes today to print my new photo ID card.
They told me to just wait around in the canteen with some coffee.
Rather than walking to 3 minutes back to my office to continue working and call back. I was like yeah alright

Bedigunz

During tax season, someone apparently freaked the fuck out and smashed our printer/scanner/copy machine.

The email about it was pretty awesome.

Dog

Summer Bonus.

1:1 matching on 401k.

Clint Eastwood

i get to make lots of puns about deez nuts and my milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard.

so uh i can't complain.

Halfmex

Meiz wrote: »

2. ”Freeze Frame” technique

I've always wanted to learn the forbidden FREEZUH FRAMUH technique.

You'll be under the direct tutelage of the honorable sensei J. Geils Band.

Centipede Damascus

my company's health care coverage is fantastic and also they will apparently reimburse me for college courses I take outside of work

Aphostile

I get free tuition for as many degrees as I ever want.

But I have to deal with stupid people... FOREVER.

Stale

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Tanolen

1:1 401k, and our company meetings involve being payed to go the the bar.

Run Run Run

I haven't decided what or if I'll be working over this summer. Depends on how many good movies or games come out this year.

Bedigunz

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

Stale

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

Zombies Tossed My Salad!

Stale wrote: »

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

Hey boss :winky:

ascot

Stale wrote: »

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

Pretty sure you promised me that job, you slob

Meissnerd

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

i get to make sandwhiches without paying for them

Bedigunz

Stale wrote: »

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

You have brown fever, stale?

Because I have the medicine for you

it's my semen

Stale

ascot wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

Pretty sure you promised me that job, you slob

are you in Atlanta?


are you?


because I'm waiting here...

Gatsby

I work at my dad's cafe and basically he's like a Chinese-New Zealand version of Gordon Ramsey when it comes to making coffee. He compared being ready to make coffees to being ready in a war zone. He scares me sometimes...

Abracadaniel

up to 3% matching on 401k, they don't mind I don't wear the standard warehouse uniform (I work in their production office) and my boss allows for pretty liberal internet use.

I'm quitting in about three weeks!

Platy

In my job I clean and maintain boxes which in turn contain smalles boxes. I wonder what happened to the last guy.

Glorfindel

I get 20% discount of food. Fuck that, who am I kidding? That's hardly worth working in hospitality for. Can't wait until I graduate.

Sunday_Assassin

I get a fully paid for car. Tax, insurance, fuel... They take care of it all.

Makes up for my pay cheque being so poor.

tallgeeze

I work for a bank, but not one of those fucked up banks you hear about in the news. We bought that bank.

I need me some Progressive muscle relaxation because conversions suck ass.

Zombies Tossed My Salad!

Some one get me a nice job in portland

Jigrah

My future employer is sending me on an all expense paid trip to Quantico Bay, Virgina. They are giving me a sizeable raise compared to what I am making as a server, that and I won't have any expenses for the ten weeks I am down there. Shelter and food are provided, they also coordinate group lessons with their physical trainer. I get to work on my tan, work out a lot and gain leadership training and experience. This is going to be the best summer ever.

ascot

Describing it as "shelter" is somewhat worrying though...

Meiz

This years christmas party revolved around our client inviting the whole department out to eat steaks. We're roughly 15-20 people. After the meal, we were kind of rushed out the door because the place of business apparently are terrible at math and people were waiting on tables. We didn't let that stop us however and proceeded to a nearby pub. A few more drinks, we were down to me, a coworker, my two bosses and 3 people on the client side including the big boss. Somehow, after the client got the tab at the pub as well managed to get all of us into the strip club next door. And that's where we ended the night

Fandyien

I bet if you roll over and whip it out things will eventually resolve themselves

Airking850

I had paid vacation time for my first week on the job, and got back to an email from my boss saying that he's gone for two weeks so I might as well just work from home

Druhim

Stale wrote: »

Bedigunz wrote: »

Stale wrote: »

My office keeps a giant glass cooler stocked full of Soda and another full of beer, there is a cabinet over the sink full of pretzels and cookies


we have a corner office that operates as the game room, with a giant plasma and each major console

Do you need an accountant who doubles as a minority?

no, but I do need a slutty secretary

you called?

B.C.

I just got a 40 cent raise the other week.
Glory be.

vermiculture

Meiz wrote: »

What are some of the things that your place of employment does for you that makes you think twice about bailing on them?

not a single damn thing. every day my life is slowly drained 9 hrs at a time.

cheshire

My company takes us on quarterly employee bonding outings. This time we are going to a Mariner's game and we are also going to a Seahawks game when the season starts.

AMP'd

Zombies Tossed My Salad! wrote: »

Some one get me a nice job in portland

Which Portland?

FortyTwo

You're spending the night with me; Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=23497314

Tweaked_Bat_

I mean, I don't know what the "freeze frame" thing is, but deep breathing and meditation and shit is good for relaxation and stress relief.

So is having a wank I guess.

edit: edited for misunderstanding OP

locomotiveman

Jigrah wrote: »

My future employer is sending me on an all expense paid trip to Quantico Bay, Virgina. They are giving me a sizeable raise compared to what I am making as a server, that and I won't have any expenses for the ten weeks I am down there. Shelter and food are provided, they also coordinate group lessons with their physical trainer. I get to work on my tan, work out a lot and gain leadership training and experience. This is going to be the best summer ever.

So you're joining the Marines?