A good friend, his band, and college

i n c u b u s

I'll try to make this short:
So I have a good friend I met when I moved to this tiny town about 2 years ago. We both moved here about the same time from large cities and we pretty much hit it off instantly. Since then he's pretty much grown to be one my best/only friends I have here. We both play music as a hobby so we'd often play together and we both go to the same community college. We even got accepted to the same university in the fall and have applied to room together. Everything seemed to be going well and we never really had any complications between us until recently. I guess it all started with this group of friends he encountered while in a music theory class last semester (last october). Since then he's aquired an incredibly annoying/needy girlfriend who occupies the majority of his life pretty much and has even formed a rather successful band. They pretty much went from forming, to recording in a legit studio in Atlanta, to landing a slot in one of the biggest music festivals in the south within a 5 month time frame. Don't get me wrong I'm completely happy for him about this and his friends in the band are all cool guys for the most part and we get along pretty well. The issues that are coming up are two things: I feel like I'm losing him as a friend to all this because he's becoming extremely distant which leads to my second problem which is the whole college situation. He has pretty much said that if this band takes off in a big way he's gonna go for it and skip out on college for now but I asked him if he would commit to living together which he has on a couple occasions. I'm not only afriad that I'm gonna lose a good friend but I'm worried that I'll be screwed out of a room-mate come August. I feel like I shouldn't just sit around and just let this happen but I don't think it's my place to do anything about most of his situation. I really am happy for his success with his band and what not but is that a good enough excuse to just turn your back on your commitments let alone your best friend? I need some advice.

cooljammer00

Hmm, well there is always the off chance that having a new roommate in college will let you make a new friend.

I mean, I guess you could sort of tell him what you're telling us...that you value him as a friend and are happy for his success, but that you don't want to lose him as a friend.

Local H Jay

look, just see it from where he's standing:
he's got a chance to make serious money and fame doing something he loves with people he loves. i'm sure he doesn't want to fuck you over but you have to see it from his point of view.
i'd say start looking for a back up in case he has to start touring around and can't settle into a place with you. there's no harm in looking for other roomies and it's also a good chance to make new friends.
talk to him if it bothers you, but honestly i think you'll do fine wether he's there or not.

GrimmyTOA

There's also this: If you want to lose him as a friend -- for sure -- then you should definitely try to force him to stick around with you instead of chasing his dream. He'll be bound to resent you, whether he stays or goes, and things will never be the same.

He's trying to be a good friend to you by giving you lots of notice of his intentions. Be a supportive friend to him. Let him go, and start looking for a new roommate.

Shazkar Shadowstorm

the roommate thing, i mean, most people going to college live with a random roommate, and for better or worse, it's a good experience to have, unless you are supremely unlucky, which is rare

i n c u b u s

I'm definately not pressuring him to do something he doesn't want to do, the only thing I did do was a couple months ago which was just asking him if he's serious about rooming together so that we'd have the money and application in on time. He's already invested about half a grand on the room and reservations and what not but I suppose thats pretty irrelevant. I've even had a pretty deep conversation with him recently about the whole situation and that even if he decides to go to college that doesn't mean the end of the band because our town is only a 2 hour drive away plus all the venues for shows our college town would provide and the proximity to Atlanta (about an hour away) which is where they record anyway. At the end of that conversation I told him that I'm cool with whatever happens, I won't stop him from doing something amazing but I guess looking for an alternate roomie isn't a bad idea. Only problem with that is that it may be a tad too late to be switching room-mates around and I might just have to be stuck with whoever they assign me.

TychoCelchuuu

Getting stuck with a random roomate is hardly the end of the world. If your friend wants to be out half a grand, that's his decision. Like Shazkar said, most people end up with random roomates.

lifeincognito

You have the right idea about covering your self in the event he bails on you. The sooner you know one way or the other the better you'll feel about going off to college.

Do not worry about your future room mate one way or the other. Either they will be your current friend and life is awesome. They might be someone new to become your new awesome best friend. Or they will be off the wall and become your new awesome source of bar stories.

In any case, enjoy the company of your friend and his band even if his girlfriend is a bit clingy . In all cases she is probable a bit scared/conflicted/confused about him striking out with a band as it would probably require her to adopt a very unique lifestyle to stay with him and give up her other aspirations.

Smurph

If the guy is willing to skip out on college to go try to be a rock star, you may not want to tie your future to him like that. I would look for a new roommate. You aren't preventing him from going to college by not living with him, just let him know that you don't want to depend on him as a roommate considering he might not stick around.

Sentry

I think the roommate issue will work itself out. Frankly, rooming with your best friend does not automatically make everything awesome. It could go either way.

I've seen people who have been best friends since 2nd grade not speaking to each other again after rooming together. And I've seen people randomly assigned a roommate walk away with a best friend.

What you're really upset about is all the sudden changes in your friends life. And that's perfectly normal. It's hard when someone close to you has all this stuff going on and it doesn't feel like you're a part of it. Just recognize it, and realize the times when it's effecting your interaction with your friend and try and keep it in check.

i n c u b u s

Sentry wrote: »

I think the roommate issue will work itself out. Frankly, rooming with your best friend does not automatically make everything awesome. It could go either way.

I've seen people who have been best friends since 2nd grade not speaking to each other again after rooming together. And I've seen people randomly assigned a roommate walk away with a best friend.

What you're really upset about is all the sudden changes in your friends life. And that's perfectly normal. It's hard when someone close to you has all this stuff going on and it doesn't feel like you're a part of it. Just recognize it, and realize the times when it's effecting your interaction with your friend and try and keep it in check.

This makes a lot of sense to me, thank you.