Funeral help.

Rhino

Long story short, a friend of the family died. I'm the only one in our family that can attend the funeral (due to location). Anyways, my dad said to get them an nice "Arrangement" from our family to theirs and he would reimburse me.

What is a funeral arrangement and were can I get one in the next, um, 13 hours?
I'm assuming it's just a big basket of flowers?

Also, do I just carry it in with me? They are having a um... pre-vist [?] at 10 am, the funeral starts at 11. I can't get there till 11 due to another long story. Do I just carry it in with me? A big basket of flowers?



Sorry, I don't know funeral protocols. I'm going to wear some really nice black slacks and a nice light gray or light blue button up shirt. I don't have a "suit jacket" and I dont' know how to tie a tie (I have a black one and a grey one I think, but can't work them). My belt and boots are black. They are both nice. Is that ok?

Pheezer

You can tie a tie. Any idiot can. Here's how to do a simple, classic knot that will work with a tie of virtually any length:


Here's a step by step video if you're that impaired: http://www.tie-a-tie.net/halfwindsor.html

Here's how you plan a funeral, it will address all of your questions:
http://www.funeralplanning101.com/


You will note that if you google "funeral arrangement" (without the quotes) that this is like the first hit.

I'd Fuck Chuck Lidell Up

as for clothing it depends on who it was. I have been to funerals where everyone is supposed to dress like they are going to a party, and then later a party is held. this is creepy and awful but eh not my funeral. some like you to be in ultra fashion. usually just church dress is fine. you can wear a tie but I'm not sure if either tie will match either shirt as i can't see either or both

Duffel

I would wear the grey shirt (or a white one if you have it). Depending on what part of the country you're in some funerals are very traditional so you probably want to dress as conservatively as possible. It's probably not a big deal, though.

Also, I would think the florist would deliver any floral arrangements, so you shouldn't have to worry about that.

a penguin

Rhino wrote: »

What is a funeral arrangement and were can I get one in the next, um, 13 hours?
I'm assuming it's just a big basket of flowers?

Also, do I just carry it in with me? They are having a um... pre-vist [?] at 10 am, the funeral starts at 11. I can't get there till 11 due to another long story. Do I just carry it in with me? A big basket of flowers?

Yes it is, and you get someone to deliver it. The short notice might have screwed you over on that one though.

Figgy

You could have ordered the arrangement and had it delivered to the visitation, which is usually the day before the funeral at the home. That's what I've done and what I've always seen done.

Here is an idea of what you were supposed to order.

By now, you're going to have to go with a little basket, but you're quickly running out of time to have it prepared. You can't just walk into a flower shop and pick one off the shelf--they make them to order.

My condolences and the best of luck!

Rhino

I found one place that was opened. They said "oh noes, we ussually need more time then that and we were just closing". They said they could do it by "it'd cost me".

Would it be ok if I sent them (mainly the widow) a fruit or meat basket next week? I vaguely remember people sending my parents food when my uncle died. Would that be ok?

noir_blood

A meat basket seems incredibly funny and sad at the same time.

Rhino

On their website it says "Memorials are preferred".

What does that mean?

Rhino

I mean, something like this:

http://www.amazon.com/Meat-and-Cheese-Gift-Basket/dp/B0009X4WN4

would that be appropriate?

a penguin

I don't know, it strikes me as a little inappropriate. Food baskets are usually sent for happy occasions.

As for food for stuff like this, what I usually see is people making meals and whatnot that just need to be thrown in the oven or whatever, thus saving them from having to cook. People did that for us when we had our first kid, it was nice.

You should check and see if there's a charity or something that they want money donated to in lieu of giving flowers. Alot of people do that these days, the thinking being that money on flowers is kinda wasted, but money to charity does more good. Maybe that's what they meant by Memorials.

Figgy

Don't send them meat.

Duffel

Whoa, dude, don't get a food basket.

Just go to the florist and tell them you want an arrangement sent to the funeral home. You're going to be running on really short notice so you may have to throw some extra money at them to make sure it gets there on time. Do it if you have to, the last thing you want is something arriving in the middle of the ceremony. I hate to say it but it kind of sounds like your dad dropped the ball on this one and pushed it off on you at the last minute.

Also, penguin's idea is a good one - if you can donate some money to a charity for them it would save you some trouble, but that may not be an option.

EDIT: If these people were Christians, sometimes people will have things set up to where you can buy Bibles for charity "In Memory" of someone. I have no idea how you set that up, though. You might ask the funeral director if you're really running out of options and don't want to look like a cheapskate - that is, assuming it's even a possibility.

VisionOfClarity

If someone sent me a fruit basket when my father passed away I would have been incredibly confused and slightly put off. I requested donations to the cancer hospital my father stayed at in lieu of flowers and have been very grateful that many people chose to contribute to that. The guys who worked for him and some family friends sent flower arrangements but the shops typically need 36 hours at least. You could always pick out a nice bouquet somewhere in a vase. We received some arrangements like this in the days before the memorial and brought them to the funeral home for the service because they were very lovely.

A card in and of itself is nice as well. My sisters and I enjoyed reading through other people's memories of my father.

Rhino

ok, thanks. I'll stay away from food. I just remember people sending things like that to my parents when my uncle passed away. I was really young at the time, so my memory might be off.

But, yes, I'll try and get a card. I don't think I'll have time for flowers unless I get a little vase or something.

Does it matter what type of flowers? Just some white tulips or something? I suppose the floweriest could help me pick something appropriate. I'll try and ge to the flower store first thing in the morning. hope they open early!

Duffel

Rhino wrote: »

ok, thanks. I'll stay away from food. I just remember people sending things like that to my parents when my uncle passed away. I was really young at the time, so my memory might be off.

But, yes, I'll try and get a card. I don't think I'll have time for flowers unless I get a little vase or something.

Does it matter what type of flowers? Just some white tulips or something? I suppose the floweriest could help me pick something appropriate. I'll try and ge to the flower store first thing in the morning. hope they open early!

The florist will know what to do, don't worry about it. Just tell them you want something "appropriate" and they'll help you pick something out, it is their jobs after all.

EDIT: Also, you're probably remembering people bringing potluck to your family. Lots of people do that immediately after a death so the family doesn't have to cook, and it gives them a chance to show their support.

EDIT 2: Sometimes people also send little statues and stuff instead of flowers, so you might want to keep that in mind if you're running really low on time and they might not have time for a full arrangement.

Rhino

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

A card in and of itself is nice as well. My sisters and I enjoyed reading through other people's memories of my father.

I'll do that. The card thing. I honestly, didn't know the guy. He was a very close family friend though. That is why my parents are sending me, because they can't be here and they want me to pay respects on their behalf. I'm not sure what exactly is involved there.

I can just put something like "Our condolescences to you and your family from ours "? I won't be able to talk to my father tonight or tomorrow, so not sure what to write in there.

VisionOfClarity

EDIT: You can put in the basic condolences and that will be fine. Don't stress about it. I got so caught up in everything the day of my father's service I barely noticed who brought what until I looked at it later.

Duffel

Keep it simple, write something about how much his friendship always meant to your family and how they're there for his family in their time of grief. It doesn't have to be really elaborate; they're grieving, they just want to know that people care.

Sorry about your situation, dude, it sounds like you really got stuck in an awkward spot.

Rhino

ok, thanks for your help guys. I'll get a nice card and maybe some flowers if I can find them.

also thanks for letting me in on the food protocol of these things. That might of been a bit out of place of me if I got them a meat basket or such.

thanks.