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Of sex buddies and possibile relationships
69Taicho69
__BANNED USERS regular
__BANNED USERS regular
For a few months now I've been in a casual "sex buddy" situation with a mate of mine. All is good in my life 
But if and when people find out me and her have been sleeping together, they always tell me the same thing: "this is gonna land you in a committed relationship".
Is that true? Is there NO way me and her can just maintain a casual sleeping together sort of relationship without getting into a "proper" relationship? Cause I like where me and her are at right now. I don't want to end up in a serious relationship
But if and when people find out me and her have been sleeping together, they always tell me the same thing: "this is gonna land you in a committed relationship".
Is that true? Is there NO way me and her can just maintain a casual sleeping together sort of relationship without getting into a "proper" relationship? Cause I like where me and her are at right now. I don't want to end up in a serious relationship
69Taicho69 on
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Now, I don't think that's saying you can't make it work. Some have, but usually...not so much.
I honestly wouldn't worry about it. It's working for you two right now, things will evolve in they do and they won't if they don't.
Go have some sex and don't fret about it.
This is not something I'd bring up with her unless you think (1) she's thinking you're exclusive or (2) she's overly attached.
"They" are saying you'll land up in a committed relationship because that's what happens to them, or maybe they think you're a cute couple, or should settle down or whatever. It is likely though that with the regular sex, someone's going to get attached and that it will end in them getting hurt; it's not impossible for fuck buddies to amicably stop the "fuck" part of the relationship though.
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The only thing that seperates sex and a serious relationship is "feelings". Thats not a hard and fast rule, but I've found generally that when feelings (and can be any feeling - jealousy, longingness, etc.) get involved the dynamic changes because no longer are you reacting to a bang-buddy, but to someone you CARE about.
And what others have said is true. Now she may not be looking for a relationship with YOU, but that might not mean shes not looking for a relationship, and its possible one of you might feel that sting of adandonment if/when one of you sees something else they like.
I really don't know why people are equating getting their rocks off with a fuck buddy because it's different. It may be subtle at first but, well, generally if you're not going around for a one night stands with people you're probably looking for something with a little more involvement and reliability. Otherwise, again, you'd use your fucking hand.
Yes, talk it over with your fuck buddy, because whether you approve or not, this is something that can be emotionally disastrous for one or both of you. And you'd probably rather hook up at some future point in time than get your balls knocked back because you didn't discuss it properly.
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I lol'd
There is a connection with sex, of course, so it's really not different from simple casual dating. You're dating this girl, even if you don't have very strong "serious" feelings. That's no different than having a girl that you go on dates with but don't really ever want to move in with.
The friend who supposedly wanted some no-strings sex flipped out.
I don't normally endorse playing games with people to figure out what they're about, but I'm incredibly glad that I did test this girl in this particular instance. She was already being dishonest with me about what she wanted -- basically she was thinking she could use sex to trap me in a relationship because it was comfortable. Since she was being dishonest, the only way I could get a truthful answer was to challenge the status quo she proposed.
Then this is simple, if you feel like she's getting emotionally attached to the point where if you decided to stop or see someone else she'd be hurt then it's time to put a stop to the sex. She's a great girl like you said and you don't want to take advantage of her and her feelings.
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Eventually, someone is going to get attached and I dare say that you may be already based on your "she's great and I love spending time with her" remark.
I have to ask why you WOULDN'T be getting attached:
1 - you have good sex
2 - she's great
3 - you like spending time with her
What's wrong with her? Is she married?
but you see her in a "I don't want to lose this good thing I got so let me ask people how I don't screw it up" kind of way? :winky:
The longer you let a relationship like this drag on, the more that one of you will be hurt when it ends. There's not much you can do about it. Can you honestly say you wouldn't be even slightly hurt or jealous if she called you up and said it was over, and she was sleeping with someone else?
Personally, yeah, I'd talk to her and lay everything out on the line. Make your own intentions clear and be sure that you understand hers. Who knows, you might just be overthinking it and she's not interested in romantic involvement any more than you are. But to go on any assumptions will likely only serve to cause some misunderstandings and could very well muck things up pretty severely.
Wow wall of text.
Because it's not a "good thing going" if he's already worried about such a thing. Sex is never without other emotions attached. Otherwise he'd be content with pounding one out in the shower. In a situation where you have an open fuck buddy relationship, it's a REALLY FUCKING GOOD IDEA to talk it over with each other before someone gets hurt.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking about sex with a person you're having sex with.
1) Make an honest relationship out of it.
2) Continue banging away, and understand that at some point in the possibly near future you're going to get "dumped", be hurt to some extent, and probably be uncomfortable hanging out with her and her new beau.
3) End the relationship and try for a semi-soft let down for all parties.
Plus talking to her about it, and specifially saying "i don't feel about you the way you might feel about me", especially if it turns out she DOESN'T feel that way, could make more problems than it solves
EDIT: In response to the post above, EXACTLY.
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If she's offended or put off by that, then it likely would have ended poorly anyway because she clearly would have been emotionally invested in it.
If, on the other hand, she simply says "Yeah totally, you're a great guy but, no offense, I'm not really into you in a romantic sense" then you've got clear sailing ahead.
Do think about how you're going to bring up the issue. Personally I'd do it as obliquely as possible. No one really wants to pay too much attention to the fact that the relationship is essentially your using one another; that can be off-putting.
Well, I apologize for being blunt, but this is just making up excuses so you can avoid something that you think will be uncomfortable and possibly deprive you of a warm wet place to park your wang. Like it or not, you're in some sort of relationship, and if you don't keep a firm hand on the reins, it's likely to steer itself into someplace where either you or her are going to get hurt. You may not "love" her in exactly that sense, but at least have enough respect for her to communicate, be honest, and make sure you're both on the same page.
Take 5 minutes to sort this out, I know you can find the time.
She's "hot", loves sex with you, is "absolutely fantastic", and is your "best mate".
Seriously, you should change the thread title to "sex buddies at the moment but I want more..."
Everything you have said is screaming at me that you are in love with this woman.
Does no one else get this impression?
Regardless of my conspiracy theories, why can't your friends know you guys are bumpin uglies? Why does it have to be a secret? And this is just me being nosy. Sorry.