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Darwin's Cookie the webcomic!
Badsalt
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So we've changed the art style quite a bit since we started, and hopefully even the writing is evolved, I'm going to post the 2 most recent pages, but feel free to go back and talk about earlier stuff, not that there's a whole bunch of it. Plus we know what our worst stuff is.
So critiques are fine, I will read and respond and such, just mainly looking to show people that we exist. And such.
Thanks for the time, here are some images.
-D
So critiques are fine, I will read and respond and such, just mainly looking to show people that we exist. And such.
Thanks for the time, here are some images.
-D
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
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No no i'm kidding. It's actually pretty bad.
Terrible Terrible writing. Fire the writer.
This comment made me laugh out loud.
In fact, these comments are all hilarious.
So in that sense, Badsalt, you have succeeded. I won't miss a single one of your posts. Please continue.
I highly, highly recommend soliciting reader responses on your site. Make them easy to create, put them in a predominant spot, and keep up the bizarro-world logic. You're on to something here, but only if your audience works with you.
That's like arguing whether beating your slaves is ethical or not. What the hell is a "Transition scene" doing in the last panel of a comic? What is it transitioning to?
Your comic suffers from a similar problem as Ctrl+Alt+Del. Too much of the strip is based on being "zany" and not enough of a punchline. Many webcomics now have tossed the punchline, though, so it's not as if you need one, especially if you are like Questionable Content or Order of The Stick and have a sort of ongoing story (wherein the readership is attracted to the strip to find out what happens).
Specifically, for the first comic: Where's the joke? What is funny? For your viewership (who are probably gamers, based on the CS:S specificity) the idea of someone leaving to grab a beer at a critical moment is cliche. The "friendy fire" quip at the end was kinda amusing, but really just felt factual.
I am having a real hard time actually following the second comic, so I can say the problem there just boils down to too much text without flow.
As has been said; if it works for your readership, and you're doing OK, then don't listen to me, but you came asking for critiques, and I've obliged.
EDIT: Of note, though, the art isn't too bad. It works for the strip, and nothing is particulalry out of proportion or weird. It's just the writing that needs help.
XBL: LiquidSnake2061
To go for the flow thing, that's kind of what I was asking about in the first place. Our system for actually creating the comics is a bit flawed at the moment. But is getting better week to week. It comes down to being on the same page. And a lot of our "readership" is directly from counter strike servers we frequent, and they asked us to do an "ode" to them. So we did.
As far as the transition scene part, it's just a throwback to classic Batman. Way to throw in a slaves reference though. Surprisingly evil for a webcomic forum. Or maybe not so surprisingly.
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
Welcome to Penny Arcade.
Magic Online - Bertro
Yeah we all got that, but you didn't transition to anything. A transistion would indicate that we were going somewhere else, you can't transistion into oblivion, it's untransistionable sir! You are messing with forces you don't understand!
What he's saying is that throwing in a cheap reference for the sake of a cheap reference is pretty much the definition of gratuitous.
What? Too soon?
Although ostensibly linked to a webcomic, the PA forums are an almost entirely autonomous entity.
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
EDIT: that was socially unacceptable.
...and as always, I hope there's no hotlink blocking, cause that'll just kill the joke.
That should be an indicator. If the mice are coming out of the woodwork to insult your webcomic, that's really saying something.
-D
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
For starters, you flat-out said your main objective was to sitewhore, and that you would be "fine with critiques." As though we needed permission, or that critique wasn't the charter goal of the forum.
They're playing Counter Strike. They are by the bomb. This is not an easy task. I assume they just fought their way to the bomb. Again, not an easy task. So, after finally getting to the bomb, Nate just goes "Oh, beer!" and leaves? This makes no sense to me.
thats what makes it funny!!! what are you retarded?
Hey NZ how far are you from quohog?
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
We did a new font. I agree. It's better. It's not great, but it was free. And I have no monies.
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
And again, sword bear washing machine the balls is that panel even doing at the beginning?
Basically, as srsizzy just said, it's clear the target audience for these is you and your friends -- and there's really nothing wrong with that, the art, the writing, the humour are all perfectly adequate for this purpose. Just carry on enjoying what you're doing.
But if it's a comic about and for you and your friends, then surely it's pointless putting it on the internet for criticism?
If you want this to appeal to a wider audience, let me give you a brief list of things to consider re: comedy writing:
1. Stop the comedic blocking. "No" is rarely an acceptable answer as a punchline - it robs the scene of its momentum. "Can I pick the game?" "No." "Okay, where do we go from here?"
2. Spend more time planning the strip. Start with the germ of an idea, and then think "Okay, how do I make this funny? Where's the absurdity in this situation?"
3. Pay attention to Chekhov's Gun. You mention this "cosmic coincidence" that brought them the plasma TV, and yet it has no bearing on the joke.
4. Porn is lazy.
5. Don't tie yourself to one page size. If you have already drafted 30 sheets of paper with a four-panel layout, you've wasted a lot of money. Let the joke dictate the number of panels. If you can finish this thing off in three, then there's no sense wasting space.
6. Make sure the art and words work together. Play with angles, take some more artistic chances, and throw in some visual gags.
For instance, with this latest comic, you could focus more on the effect this new TV will have on their lives (since it's obviously so important.)
BEARDO: 1080p resolution, HDMI input, and the smell of hot plasma. Our TV watching has entered a golden age, my friend.
SIDEBURNS: Hail our high-resolution masters!
BEARDO: And to christen this technological marvel, what will we watch?
SIDEBURNS: We shall watch 1988's "The Bear"
THE BEAR CHARACTER: (Surrounded by blood and fire) Mother, No! It's TOO... REAL...
It's not perfect, and it's pretty absurd but you see the flow of the joke? Scenario, setup, punchline.
Thank you, Rubacava!
It looks like beardy's dialogue comes first and the other guy's line goes last.
It's not just the height that dictates in what order we read these things, it's also the proximity, amongst other things.