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got dumped, how do i get over this? [w/ updates]
Grim Outlook
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
so i just graduated high school, i'm 18 and i've got three months until school starts in the fall.
i started dating this girl, but before we were dating we were really good friends, best friends in fact.
we met in my junior year and hit it off pretty well, we started talking that may and became really good friends over the summer, we hung out all the time, we talked on the phone, or on aim, or in person for hours a day, it was such an awesome friendship, we really had eachother's backs.
she was the first girl i ever worked up the courage to ask out, it was last november, i went over to her house and i told her how much i liked her, i was ecstatic when she responded by telling me that she liked me too "so much"
so we started dating, we were already talking so much because of our friendship, the relationship was just like that, but more intimate.
for the record, this girl was my first everything, first kiss, first er, "various sexual acts" we both lost our virginity to each other.
we dated for 7 months, i was great with her family, we went to prom, we did it all, i thought she was the one, i thought we were going to get married. (i realize how ridiculously stupid this sounds coming from an 18 year old, i guess i was jsut blinded by infatuation.)
i've never been the kind of guy to have a huge group of friends, i put so much of myself into this relationship i neglected my other friendships, they all died off, i was left with just her, but since i thought it would never end i figured it didn't matter
(i'm basically the main guy from 'i love you man' except i'm not engaged and i'm 18)
but uh, so yeah, she dumped me last friday, after watching terminator of all things. she said that the relationship had changed, that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore and that she still wanted to be my friend. i said i understood, i cried a little, but she was really worked up, sobbing and stuff.
since i stupidly carried all my eggs in one basket i now find myself without well, without any friends. the guys i usually hung out with all moved out of state for college, and any mutual friends i developed during the relationship all kind of took her side.
i feel kind of lost, she meant more to me as a friend than a girlfriend and i still want to know her, she said she needs space and it'll be a while if she ever wants to speak to me again, basically she cut all ties with me, just like that.
she broke up with me and she's already over me completely, i don't think it even bothers her that much, i on the other hand am taking it pretty hard, everything i do reminds me of her. we had so many plans for this summer and now i just find myself sitting at home all day.
i want to go out and meet new people, but it's hard because i don't have a car and pretty much everyone i know moved out of town.
i don't even know what advice i'm asking for, i just feel lost, i don't know what to do. should i get a summer job? work out? i feel like when she left me she took a part of me with her.
i fully expect someone to call me an idiot for getting so emotionally involved with the first girl i ever hooked up with i guess, especially considering my age.
ugh i feel like such an idiot though, she told me all these things about how we were goign to get married and have kids and be happy together, and i gues i jsut really wanted to believe it.
sdgb i'm so stupid.
i don't know, it just really sucks.
i guess i can fully understand why they say friends shouldn't date though.
TL;DR 18 year old gets dumped by high school girlfriend, has no one to hang out with, no car, feeling depressed.
for the record i'm not some social reject, i'm perfectly capable of making friends, i'm pretty normal, just kind of awkward, i don't have major self confidence issues or anything.
i started dating this girl, but before we were dating we were really good friends, best friends in fact.
we met in my junior year and hit it off pretty well, we started talking that may and became really good friends over the summer, we hung out all the time, we talked on the phone, or on aim, or in person for hours a day, it was such an awesome friendship, we really had eachother's backs.
she was the first girl i ever worked up the courage to ask out, it was last november, i went over to her house and i told her how much i liked her, i was ecstatic when she responded by telling me that she liked me too "so much"
so we started dating, we were already talking so much because of our friendship, the relationship was just like that, but more intimate.
for the record, this girl was my first everything, first kiss, first er, "various sexual acts" we both lost our virginity to each other.
we dated for 7 months, i was great with her family, we went to prom, we did it all, i thought she was the one, i thought we were going to get married. (i realize how ridiculously stupid this sounds coming from an 18 year old, i guess i was jsut blinded by infatuation.)
i've never been the kind of guy to have a huge group of friends, i put so much of myself into this relationship i neglected my other friendships, they all died off, i was left with just her, but since i thought it would never end i figured it didn't matter
(i'm basically the main guy from 'i love you man' except i'm not engaged and i'm 18)
but uh, so yeah, she dumped me last friday, after watching terminator of all things. she said that the relationship had changed, that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore and that she still wanted to be my friend. i said i understood, i cried a little, but she was really worked up, sobbing and stuff.
since i stupidly carried all my eggs in one basket i now find myself without well, without any friends. the guys i usually hung out with all moved out of state for college, and any mutual friends i developed during the relationship all kind of took her side.
i feel kind of lost, she meant more to me as a friend than a girlfriend and i still want to know her, she said she needs space and it'll be a while if she ever wants to speak to me again, basically she cut all ties with me, just like that.
she broke up with me and she's already over me completely, i don't think it even bothers her that much, i on the other hand am taking it pretty hard, everything i do reminds me of her. we had so many plans for this summer and now i just find myself sitting at home all day.
i want to go out and meet new people, but it's hard because i don't have a car and pretty much everyone i know moved out of town.
i don't even know what advice i'm asking for, i just feel lost, i don't know what to do. should i get a summer job? work out? i feel like when she left me she took a part of me with her.
i fully expect someone to call me an idiot for getting so emotionally involved with the first girl i ever hooked up with i guess, especially considering my age.
ugh i feel like such an idiot though, she told me all these things about how we were goign to get married and have kids and be happy together, and i gues i jsut really wanted to believe it.
sdgb i'm so stupid.
i don't know, it just really sucks.
i guess i can fully understand why they say friends shouldn't date though.
TL;DR 18 year old gets dumped by high school girlfriend, has no one to hang out with, no car, feeling depressed.
for the record i'm not some social reject, i'm perfectly capable of making friends, i'm pretty normal, just kind of awkward, i don't have major self confidence issues or anything.
Grim Outlook on
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Not to belittle what you're feeling, but trust me, this will work itself out.
Kidding aside...really the age old adage is true, Time heals all wounds.
And college is freaking awesome if you give it a chance.
You're going to need to cut off all contact with her for awhile. Call any of your old guy friends who are still in town, tell them what happened, and if they're at all worthwhile, they'll hang out and commiserate with you.
Basically, it'll be okay. But don't sit around and wait for it to be okay. You had hobbies, things you enjoyed doing at some point or other. Go out and find other people who share your hobby. Do you have a bike? Spend your summer outside as much as you can. And of course, it will all be a skillion times easier when you start college. In a year, she'll be that girl you dated in high school.
Weeks or even months, I'd say.
Its not stupid to fall in love and have your heart broken. Everyone does it and everyone feels like they are going to die from it. Its important to learn from the experience. I started to type "Its important to learn from the mistake" but its not a mistake. This is part of becoming an adult.
all i've been doing all day is sitting at home on myspace watching her post bulletins about how awesome her summer is going and posting pictures of her with this guy.
i think my main problem is that part of me still wants to win her back, but i need to give up on that don't i? i really need to just move on.
Definitely don't wallow in self-pity or anything, thats the worst thing you can do.
You don't want to win her back. I know it feels like that, but Than is right. Going to college encumbered just delays you meeting new people and having a great time. Forget about her. She's in the past. Stop looking at her mySpace page... it's the technological equivalent of cutting yourself.
Call up old friends you've let slip away. It's the summer before college, everyone feels a bit nostalgic so it won't seem too weird. Get out and do things with friends, if you can, alone if you must. Just remember, the relationship ending now is way better then it ending in October and fucking up your first semester of college.
It's going to suck, but the sooner you cut the ties the better, I've been exactly where you are at. Call up some buddies that you lost contact with and get back with them.
Best of luck, and hang in there.
Oh god, stop doing this right now. Its the equivalent of getting shot in you stomach and then poking the bullet wound with a pencil all day. Remember all the ways she annoyed you? Remember all the fights?
haha i don't know if any of you guys watch how i met your mother, but i've been watching episodes of it all week, since i couldn't sleep. (we always used to compare our relationship to lily and marshall's, we thought that's how we'd end up)
i keep expecting to hear indie music start to play while bob saget does a nice voice over and teaches me some moral about relationships and life, but your words are just as good :]
This will work out for the best.
Thank you, Rubacava!
Next time, don't do that.
Yes you should get a summer job and work out. More money and fitness are going to be the absolute best things you can do to prep for college. Also read books, watch classic films and do anything else that's going to give you tons and tons of stuff to connect and talk with people about when you get there.
Sweet christ on a popsicle, stop doing that! Its like pouring salt in your eyes. Stop looking at her myspace, remove anything that sends you updates from her myspace or facebook, cut off all contact. If that means dropping her off friends lists, do it.
So, you need to keep busy doing other stuff. Its summer, go outside, take up a sport, go to the gym, start running, whatever. The physical exercise will improve your mood, as will the sunshine.
See the red? Red means bad. This is bad. Don't do this.
also
Stay.Away.From.Her.MySpace.
You'll get through this...we have ALL been through this and survived. You will too.
Remember that when you're young your views can change dramatically so don't wallow in the "what about me made her want to break up? I must suck." No! You do not suck. People change, end of story.
And as someone above stated, she did you a favor. Being single in college, well, buy condoms. :winky:
Chin up little brother. ;-)
Mua ha ha.
Huh.
edit: But yeah, man. Go do stuff to keep your mind off of her.
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This is the most important thing for you to do. You will not be able to move on until you stop deliberately reminding yourself about her. I know it's hard to stop thinking about her, but checking her MySpace is the exact opposite of what you should be doing. Which is removing everything that reminds you of her from your life.
Try not to get bored, personally I've found that it is what messes you up most in these situations.
She obviously wasn't the one, so consider yourself fortunate to have ended it now. You'll have a great time at college, and be exposed to tons of girls better than she is anyways.
There isn't enough lime in the world for this statement; I have a couple other regrets, but that's definitely up there
I'm also agreeing with that. It made my last two semesters a real hassle. Take the situation by the horns and use it for an entirely fresh start. Whoever said "cut off all contact" as well deserves a shiny gold star; these situations are one of the rare occasions where the Ostrich Syndrome really pays off.
I went through something similar, although it was me who suggested her and I become just friends.
Do not look at her facebook or myspace. Remove her from those maybe, but definitely block her/remove her on msn or anything similar.
It is IMPOSSIBLE to go from a relationship to friends by just stating "let's be friends". Beings friends evolves, it isn't an overnight change.
For your sanity call up some friends and get busy. Maybe try going to the gym or anything active? It'll take your mind away, use energy and will make you physically feel great.
Honestly dude, everyone is 100% correct about how awesome college/uni is. You will meet tons of like minded people.
Uni > High School by leaps and bounds is so many ways.
I'm starting my 3rd year in Sept but my first year was insanely fun. Get involved and you'll have an unforgettable time.
Good luck man.
Get a job first, then a car, get fit (check out the workout thread is SE++) set yourself these goals and work towards them as strongly as possible
When I read the first couple of lines of this thread I was going to guess that this was the classic (My gf dumped me because shes going to college and whats to meet other guys) situation and I'm not saying that this is what happened exactly but she seems like she wasn't as sincere as you had thought. She may have just lost the feelings she had for you a little while ago giving her time to get over you that much faster. But all that aside you shouldn't focus on why and what happened but whats going on now and in the next couple of months. I'm going to college in the fall as well after 2 years of CC and if your anything like me your excited as hell for it. It'll be such a life changing experience that you're not going to have any problems getting over this girl in your now past. But if I can recommend you anything it is to STAY FOCUSED when you get to school. You can't imagine how bad you can screw yourself over by slacking off your first year just because your hung up on something insignificant (I say this because it really is). You'll be fine sooner than you think.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
1. As has been stated a lot, cut off all contact. If she calls you fine, don't be a dick, but don't call/msn/aim/text/facebookmyspace stalk or anything like that. If its super tough to do this, delete her contact. When I broke up with my last girl friend, I deleted all of her contact info from everything I had any info for her on.
2. Get a haircut, join a gym, do something that changes the way you are right now. I cannot stress how awesome this is. Its not about making you look more appealing to her, its about getting yourself in a position to not be the guy you were with her. And thats the key.
3. Be sad. Seriously. When you're sad, all you want to do is be sad. And all other people want to do is make you not sad. But fuck them. Listen to sad music. Watch sad movies. Its awesome to be sad, and you deserve it. You are mourning the death of a relationship. Yes, it sucks. Feel bad. But,
4. Move on. There is no set time limit for you to feel bad, its different with everyone. I broke up with my girlfriend when I started college, and it took my 2 years to get over her. Granted, thats a super long time, but yeah, it'll take awhile I am sure. But you WILL get over her, and it WILL be better again.
Thats pretty much all I can think of in regards to this. You are a young guy, (I know 18 doesn't feel young when you are 18, but trust me, you're young) you are about to go to college, and probably meet the friends that you are going to have for the rest of your life. Embrace that, work all summer, stay busy, don't give yourself time to feel bad. EXCERSISE! This is the best thing you can do. When you think about it, remember the good times, and forget the bad times.
i feel kind of better, still a little down, but i guess that's natural, my sleep schedule's getting back to normal and my appetite's back. (she was vegan, so i was too, for like four of the seven months, i don't know how i did it.)
but yeah,
is it normal to feel like no girl will ever find me appealing ever again?
took about 2 more to be on a stable sort of plane, after that it's really just a tingle that will leave with time