Options

I hate everyone on the [Food Network]

1356718

Posts

  • Options
    JordanthehuttJordanthehutt Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one of the most recent shows for Iron Chef America, the secret ingredient was butter

    BUTTER

    FUCKING BUTTER

    I know that these ingredients are in fact lame, but the purpose of the show on paper is to make these ingredients the main focus/flavor of the dish. So, although the japanese show did have far superior secret ingredients it's still not as easy as it might seem.

    Jordanthehutt on
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one of the most recent shows for Iron Chef America, the secret ingredient was butter

    BUTTER

    FUCKING BUTTER

    I know that these ingredients are in fact lame, but the purpose of the show on paper is to make these ingredients the main focus/flavor of the dish. So, although the japanese show did have far superior secret ingredients it's still not as easy as it might seem.

    I get that

    but come on

    is it really that hard to make butter the focus of a dish? it's butter! it is a flavor juggernaut

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    the vast majority of original iron chef episodes featured proteins as the secret ingredient: chicken, seafood etc. Comparatively this made it very simple to incorporate and center as each of their dishes, especially since the original didn't really feature the whole scope of the meal like ICA (you'll see a lot of chefs on ICA go through the whole set of courses, whereas Japan didn't as much).

    The difference in creative ingredients on both ends is pretty minimal, though. Chicken was used as a secret ingredient maybe a dozen times during the tenure of the original Iron Chef, for example. Oysters and Shrimp and such were used multiple times, too. America has definitely got its repeat acts but it also has its weird ones, like ostrich and andouille and goat and even beer.

    Javen on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one of the most recent shows for Iron Chef America, the secret ingredient was butter

    BUTTER

    FUCKING BUTTER

    I know that these ingredients are in fact lame, but the purpose of the show on paper is to make these ingredients the main focus/flavor of the dish. So, although the japanese show did have far superior secret ingredients it's still not as easy as it might seem.

    I get that

    but come on

    is it really that hard to make butter the focus of a dish? it's butter! it is a flavor juggernaut

    But the thing is if Japan had featured butter it would be a pretty exotic and challenging ingredient, since Japanese cooks don't often use dairy products. On the other hand, river eel might seem to you as an elaborate and difficult theme ingredient, but over there it's an incredibly common protein.

    Javen on
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    well I'm not about to get into a cooking fight with people who actually know how to cook, so I'll just assume you're right.

    still, ingredients like butter and sugar do not exactly stoke the flames of my imagination, so to speak

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    They're not necessarily supposed to.

    It's also worth considering that originality is also a part of their grade, so with something extremely common like butter, using it in a way that hasn't been done to death can be extremely challenging.

    Javen on
  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I wish the food network would just play Good Eats 24/7 and cancel everything else.

    TheStig on
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    ZoelZoel I suppose... I'd put it on Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    but but but mario

    Zoel on
    A magician gives you a ring that, when worn, will let you see the world as it truly is.
    However, the ring will never leave your finger, and you will be unable to ever describe to another living person what you see.
  • Options
    Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    TheStig wrote: »
    I wish the food network would just play Good Eats 24/7 and cancel everything else.

    No thats pretty dumb

    Dr.Funkenstein on
    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I like good eats but they show way too many reruns as it is for that to be a wise programming decision

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Zoel wrote: »
    but but but mario

    I'm fine with mario staying...
    I guess they could buy up some Yan can cook episodes and play them too, that guy isn't on TV enough.

    TheStig on
    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Molto Mario got cut ages ago anyway.

    Which is fucking stupid since he's one of the people who built the station.

    Same goes for Bobby Flay, who's essentially the Food Network whipping boy nowaddays.

    Javen on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Also: Anthony Bourdain either praising or crushing some Food Network stars:

    http://blog.ruhlman.com/ruhlmancom/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html
    I actually WATCH Food Network now and again, more often than not drawn in by the progressive horrors on screen. I find myself riveted by its awfulness, like watching a multi-car accident in slow motion. Mesmerized at the ascent of the Ready-Made bobblehead personalities, and the not-so-subtle shunting aside of the Old School chefs, I find myself de-constructing the not-terrible shows, imagining behind the scenes struggles and frustrations, and obsessing unhealthily on the Truly Awful ones. Screaming out loud at Sandra Lee in disbelief as she massacres another dish, then sits grinning, her face stretched into a terrifying rictus of faux cheer for the final triumphant presentation. I mourn for Mario..and Alton...Bobby and yes--even Emeril, nobly holding the fort while the TV empire he helped build crumbles like undercooked Bundt cake into a goo of Cheez Wiz around him.

    Some thoughts on the Newer, Younger, More Male-Oriented, More Dumb-Ass Food Network:

    ALTON BROWN: How did Alton slip inside the wire--and stay there all these years? He must have something on them. He’s smart. You actually learn something from his commentary. And I’ll admit it: I watch and enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory. Absolutely SHOCKED and thrilled when guys like Homaru Cantu show up as contestants--and delighted when Mario wins--again and again, forestalling his secretly long-planned execution. His commentary is mostly good. And that collar-bone snapping fall off the motorcycle on Feasting On Asphalt? Good television!

    EMERIL: I’m actually grateful when I channel surf across his show. He’s STILL there--the original Behemoth. And I STILL find him unwatchable. As much mileage as I’ve gotten over the years, making fun of Emeril; he deserves a lot more respect than I’ve given him. He does run a very successful and very decent restaurant group. He is--in fact--a really nice guy. And-as much as I hate the show-- compared to the current crop of culinary non-entities, he looks like Escoffier. He will probably be the last of the Real Chefs. I’m sure they’re growing future replacement options in petrie dishes somewhere, conducting Top Secret focus groups at suburban malls with their latest Bright Young Hopeful. I’m just glad he’s still there--a rebuke to the geniuses who brought us such Great Ideas as Dweezil and Lisa.

    BOBBY FLAY: They seem to have noticed Bobby’s strong “negatives” among some viewer responses during focus groups--and decided to respond by subjecting poor Bobby to THROWDOWN; the object of which is to allow every web-fingered geek with a backyard grill--or half-mad muffin maker to proclaim, “I beat Bobby Flay at makin’ barbeque!” at the heart-warming end of show--before returning to tend their meth labs.. I watched poor Bobby battle to a draw recently in some bogus Southwestern “Chili Face-Off.” Now…does ANYONE actually believe that Bobby Flay can’t make a better chili than a supermarket ground beef bearing amateur? I don’t. It’s a cruel exercise in humiliation. A variation on “Dunk Bozo” or “Shoot The Geek,” at the carnival. And whatever I might have thought of Flay’s previous TV efforts, I find the network’s misuse of one of their founding chefs to be nauseatingly cynical. The conspiratorial-minded might be tempted to suspect this as yet another part of the Secret Plan to rid themselves of the annoyingly big ticket chefs--by driving Bobby to quit--or insane with misery. He may not be Mr. Cuddlesworth, but he’s a successful businessman and a good chef--and he doesn’t, after all, need this shit.

    MARIO!
    Oh, Mario! Oh great one! They shut down Molto Mario--only the smartest and best of the stand-up cooking shows. Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!

    THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: Hey…He’s got talent! And..he seems to be a trained chef! And he’s really making food--and selling it in a real business! I think…I like it! If I have one reservation, it’s that I have no idea if the stuff actually TASTES good. It LOOKS really creative and quirky--and I’m interested but…I mean...it’s like construction going on over there from what we’re told and shown. One suspects that the producers don’t want to waste valuable time talking about anything so technical as food--on “Food” Network. I mean...what’s in those cakes, beneath the icing and marzipan and fondant? That said, it’s the only “kicky, new, cutting edge, in-your-face” hopeful they’ve managed to trot out of any quality in memory. Hope it lasts. Wait till they try and put the poor bastard on a pony--or do a “Tailgate Special” with the usual suspects. Or a “Thanksgiving Special” where he has to sit down with the bobbleheads and pretend to like it. On balance, it’s still probably the best new project they’ve come up with in a long, long time.

    GIADA: What’s going on here!? Giada can actually cook! She was robbed in her bout versus Rachael Ray on ICA. ROBBED! And Food Net seems more interested in her enormous head (big head equals big ratings. Really!) and her cleavage--than the fact that she’s likeable, knows what she’s doing in an Italian kitchen--and makes food you’d actually want to eat. The new high concept Weekend Getaway show is a horrible, tired re-cap of the cheap-ass “Best Of” and “40 Dollar a Day” formula. Send host to empty restaurant. Watch them make crappy food for her. Have her take a few lonely, awkward stabs at the plate, then feign enjoyment with appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning..Before spitting it out and rushing to the trailer. Send her to Italy and let her cook. She’s good at it.

    RACHAEL: Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?” Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”

    PAULA DEEN: I’m reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady. Even if her supporting cast is beginning to look like the Hills Have Eyes--and her food a True Buffet of Horrors. A recent Hawaii show was indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par with the last scene of Pink Flamingos. But I’d like to see her mad. Like her look-alike, Divine in the classic, “Female Trouble.“ Paula Deen on a Baltimore Killing Spree would be something to see. Let her get Rachael in a headlock--and it’s all over.

    SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.

    AND FINALLY: Some IRON CHEF AMERICA match-ups I’d REALLY like to see:

    * Mario Batali (with one arm tied behind his back--and drunk) vs. Regina Schrambling
    * Michael Ruhlman, swacked on Ripple, vs. John Mariani-- in a Charcuterie Challenge
    * Grant Achatz vs. That Guy In Australia Who Ripped off his recipes as his own
    * Marco Pierre White vs. Gordon Ramsay
    * Charlie Trotter vs. Martin Picard (Chicken Livers vs. Foie Gras)
    * Chris Cosentino, Fergus Henderson, Martin Picard vs. Alain Passard, Roxanne Klein and Charlie Trotter (Cooked vs. Raw Challenge)
    * Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray (bare knuckle cage match)
    * Ducasse vs. Robuchon
    * “Mikey” from Top Chef vs. Sandra Lee

    Javen on
  • Options
    Kuribo's ShoeKuribo's Shoe Kuribo's Stocking North PoleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I love Anthony Bourdain

    Kuribo's Shoe on
    xmassig2.gif
  • Options
    Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    i have a healthy dislike of that gay fire guy

    Dead Legend on
    diablo III - beardsnbeer#1508 Mechwarrior Online - Rusty Bock
  • Options
    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I want to see Bobby Flay and Emril fight to the death gladiator style. Maybe with food as weapons, like drumstick nunchucks or pans full of hot sauces to whip at each other.

    Hunter on
  • Options
    PharezonPharezon Struggle is an illusion. Victory is in the Qun.Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Anthony Bourdain is so great.

    Pharezon on
    jkZziGc.png
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Emeril's not on Food Network anymore.

    Javen on
  • Options
    futilityfutility Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    so food network is now just like tech tv

    futility on
  • Options
    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    it is bizarre to me to see him praising Bobby Flay. the man just gives off tremendous douchebag vibes to me.

    Centipede Damascus on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    it is bizarre to me to see him praising Bobby Flay. the man just gives off tremendous douchebag vibes to me.

    Bourdain seems to give due praise to anyone who can both cook well and build a formidable business from doing so. Character aside, Flay performs both of these things impeccably.

    It's also worth noting that Bourdain fulfills these criteria himself (cook, businessman, douchebag)

    Javen on
  • Options
    futilityfutility Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    a little off topic. but when I go to PAX I want to try and eat at Mario's parent's restaurant. Bordain said it was someplace you should eat at before you die.

    futility on
  • Options
    futilityfutility Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    Javen wrote: »
    it is bizarre to me to see him praising Bobby Flay. the man just gives off tremendous douchebag vibes to me.

    Bourdain seems to give due praise to anyone who can both cook well and build a formidable business from doing so. Character aside, Flay performs both of these things impeccably.

    It's also worth noting that Bourdain fulfills these criteria himself (cook, businessman, douchebag)

    I ate at his restaurant in Caesar's Palace... it was fucking fantastic

    futility on
  • Options
    satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    bourdain and batali are super best friends

    it does look great, though

    satansfingers on
  • Options
    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    robothero wrote: »
    id fuck rachel ray

    and then she could cook me a nice meal to eat

    Oh god how awful, how awful to live with Rachael Ray. How awful to watch what happens. How awful to eat what happens.

    Centipede Damascus on
  • Options
    Charles KinboteCharles Kinbote Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I feel weird being attracted to Nigella Lawson

    because she has the same last name as me

    and the first name of a man

    Charles Kinbote on
  • Options
    Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    God Rachael Ray should just lose some weight and look hot again

    At least then there would be a positive about her

    Dr.Funkenstein on
    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I FUCKING HATE BOBBY FLAY AND WISH DEATH UPON HIM

    also, javen, the original iron chef featured a lot of multiple course meals, including dessert
    and the chefs had different specialties

    for fucks sake, sakai was trained as a classical french chef

    also, it didn't have bobby flay making it infinitely superior

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    it is bizarre to me to see him praising Bobby Flay. the man just gives off tremendous douchebag vibes to me.

    I will now describe every thing bobby flay has ever made

    it contains corn, chili powder and is grilled


    I am done

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    wait

    they cut Molto Mario?

    I'm gonna cut them

    that was the only thing on the Food Network I would put up with watching with my ex girlfriend

    MrMonroe on
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    also, nigela looks fantastic for being close to 50

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    wait

    they cut Molto Mario?

    I'm gonna cut them

    that was the only thing on the Food Network I would put up with watching with my ex girlfriend

    uh, it hasn't been on in years

    also, despite mario's tremendous smugness and AWFUL FUCKING SHOES, he's talented and a smart businessman

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Mario is actually one of the less smug ones.

    If you ignore the ponytail, I guess.

    Javen on
  • Options
    Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    also crocs


    CROCS

    Dr.Funkenstein on
    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • Options
    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Javen wrote: »
    Mario is actually one of the less smug ones.

    If you ignore the ponytail, I guess.

    he overpronounces everything and corrects people's pronunciations constantly

    the french chefs at the school aren't even as bad as him, and they're actually from france

    PiptheFair on
  • Options
    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I don't give a damn that the man had no fashion sense

    I just care that his food looks like sex

    MrMonroe on
  • Options
    tech_huntertech_hunter More SeattleRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Anyone see the iron chef episode where Jeffery Steingarten trashed all of Cat Cora's dishes and it looked like she was going to just start to cry?

    tech_hunter on
    Sig to mucho Grande!
  • Options
    HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Yes. I hate Cat Cora and delight to watch her fail on that show.

    Hunter on
  • Options
    VALVEjunkieVALVEjunkie Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    futility wrote: »
    so food network is now just like tech tv

    this

    this

    this

    THIS

    VALVEjunkie on
  • Options
    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Anyone see the iron chef episode where Jeffery Steingarten trashed all of Cat Cora's dishes and it looked like she was going to just start to cry?

    THAT guy is the douchiest person on food network.

    Flay aint got nothin on him

    Javen on
Sign In or Register to comment.