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I hate everyone on the [Food Network]

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    satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    she does have a freakishly large head

    still kinda hot though

    satansfingers on
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    Toastie ToastToastie Toast Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I do think she's on the attractive side, but I can't decide if it's because she's actually hot or because she makes all that food porn...

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    satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    everyday italian in hd is pretty obscene

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    StaxeonStaxeon Buffalo, NYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Am I the only one who thinks Giada DeLaurentiis has a freakishly large head? I can't even look at her anymore because it creeps me out. She looks like a much less attractive Natalie Portman bobblehead.

    All of her proportions are off. I don't think she's attractive at all. And she's overly bubbly for no reason, maybe she's a crackhead?

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    satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    she is a fabulously wealthy person who has lived a life of luxury and now gets paid to hang out, make italian food and occasionally go on expensive vacations

    i would be confused if she weren't so bubbly

    satansfingers on
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    StaxeonStaxeon Buffalo, NYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Fabulously wealthy? On what, cook books?

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    satansfingerssatansfingers Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    her grandfather is dino de laurentiis

    her family has some money

    satansfingers on
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    StaxeonStaxeon Buffalo, NYRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Of the Hampenshireford De Laurentises?

    (sorry, couldn't resist)

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    HenroidHenroid Mexican kicked from Immigration Thread Centrism is Racism :3Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Henroid wrote: »
    Isn't Paula Dean that one lady who loves to put butter in everything?

    Yeah. This one episode she's taking like half a stick of butter and crumbling it over a salmon steak for her recipe, her son is doing the same but using considerably less butter. Still not a healthy amount, but an amount I'd gladly eat without much thought for my arteries. She looks at the fish, then at him, and says "Why are you using so little butter?"

    "Well Mom, I just don't use as muc-"

    "Put more on there!"

    And she just has this look of murder in her eyes, like it's an affront to all that is holy that he is using a fairly sensible amount of butter in his dish.

    She terrifies me.

    I saw this one special briefly where she had a fan come up to show her how to make deep-fried butter. I'm not fucking kidding. You roll up butter into bite-size balls (ha, balls) and coat them with a bunch of shit and fry them. She was giggling like an idiot while trying them out but seemed thrilled at having a new way to consume butter.

    Henroid on
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    B.C.B.C. is a bee! remember me?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Paula Deen is trying to kill you all.

    B.C. on
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    BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I just want to pop in and say Giada de Laurentiis and Rachel Ray are hot. Guy and Emeral are annoying as fuck and Alton Brown and Mark Summers are the bestest.

    Bucketman on
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    BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Henroid wrote: »
    Henroid wrote: »
    Isn't Paula Dean that one lady who loves to put butter in everything?

    Yeah. This one episode she's taking like half a stick of butter and crumbling it over a salmon steak for her recipe, her son is doing the same but using considerably less butter. Still not a healthy amount, but an amount I'd gladly eat without much thought for my arteries. She looks at the fish, then at him, and says "Why are you using so little butter?"

    "Well Mom, I just don't use as muc-"

    "Put more on there!"

    And she just has this look of murder in her eyes, like it's an affront to all that is holy that he is using a fairly sensible amount of butter in his dish.

    She terrifies me.

    I saw this one special briefly where she had a fan come up to show her how to make deep-fried butter. I'm not fucking kidding. You roll up butter into bite-size balls (ha, balls) and coat them with a bunch of shit and fry them. She was giggling like an idiot while trying them out but seemed thrilled at having a new way to consume butter.

    Just reading about deep-fryed butter has made my stomach upset.

    BYToady on
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    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Paula Dean infuriates me. She sounds like she's deliberately trying to sound southern, and I can't stand to listen to her speak. Especially whenever she's drawing out "Y'AAAAWL." And the way she cooks is just horrifying. No human being should ever eat that much butter in a single dish. She is just plain awful.

    Tyler Florence is awesome, but I rarely ever see his shows. Food Network Canada has much different programming as far as I'm aware, since I haven't seen most of the shit like Semi-Homemade or whatever garbage like that they've been spewing, but it seems like we're missing out on him now, too. I might be mistaken though, since I don't have as much time to watch TV anymore. We do have a bunch of local shows on the Canadian station, most of which actually are pretty good. Michael Smith's shows are quality, as long as you don't mind him speaking in that incredibly friendly maritimer voice that sounds like he's addressing children. There was this one other show I really liked called Food Jammers where the three guys on the show made food in all sorts of crazy ways, including mounting a turkey on a gyroscope over a fire and spinning it continuously during a backyard barbecue, a 30-foot long sausage on custom rollers they built, and ice cream prepared in a machine they built out of an old freezer by drilling into it and putting in a crank so they could agitate the ice cream while it stayed inside.

    Alton Brown is far and beyond my favourite, though. His show is just fascinating and everything he cooks looks delicious, and actually seems pretty easy explained the way he does. The only difficulty I'll ever find with his cooking is getting the right equipment for some recipes. The corniness of the show is surprisingly fun, too.

    I actually hated the fuck out of Michael Smith until I heard him swear.

    Also the time where he spent all episode making food for his kid and at the end he goes "Do you like it?" and the kid goes "NO >:["

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
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    i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Seeing as how I actually live in the stereotypical portion of the south, Paula doesn't annoy me as much as I thought she would. She's pretty much like any other eccentric lady around here that likes to cook which makes it a bit more believable to me. I have a lot of friends up north that say she's totally fake and over doing the southern persona but I've come to learn that some people really are like that. Her husband is totally the FN's equivalent of Oprah's bitch boyfriend. I've seen a few episodes where he's on stage with her and she's all over anything with a penis and is half attractive (to include her ex husband) that happens to walk on stage. As odd as she is sometimes her food can be pretty solid and I recommend giving some of her recipes a shot (particularly the desserts).

    The Barefoot whatever the fuck her name is pisses me off to no end not for any particular reason but just simply because she's breathing.

    Alton is my fav. Tyler seems like a douchebag to me. I'm glad Mark Summers is still on TV, he just reminds me of my childhood. I would tear Giada up without hesitation if given the chance. I've become numb to Rachel Ray and her antics. Bobby Flay is extremely predictable to me, I understand that Mexican infused food is his specialty but not everything needs to be wrapped in a tamale and served with a mango infused corn salsa.

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    Gotta love Alton Brown. He's definitely the best on the network.

    Paula is really irritating to listen to and watch, but damned if she doesn't make some fuckawesome looking unhealthy food.

    Unwrapped is usually fun.

    I like Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives for the content. Guy doesn't bother me as a host, but he's no big deal either.

    I can't stand Rachel Ray.

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    SkankPlayaSkankPlaya Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I can't stand that Sandra Lee lady. She seems like a MILF, but she doesn't do anything except have boobs and play with frosting.

    SkankPlaya on
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    i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    The thing about Alton is that when he cooks he doesn't just throw in ingredients and say "trust me this will be good," instead he actually explains why he does what he does which makes things make a whole lot more sense when cooking.

    Also, you have no idea how unhealthy some of Paula's food is. I regularly make her gooey bar recipe which calls for two whole sticks of butter and an entire pound of powdered sugar just for bars in a 9X9 pan. This doesn't mean that her stuff isn't anything less than delicious.

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    TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    SkankPlaya wrote: »
    I can't stand that Sandra Lee lady. She seems like a MILF, but she doesn't do anything except have boobs and play with frosting.

    I wish the show was that entertaining. She looks like she runs some anti gay marriage organization and should be on fox and friends.

    Her show is basically this: Open package of pre-cut chicken strips then pour ranch all over it. Heat then serve.

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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    The Neelys are the best

    JoeUser on
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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
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    necroSYSnecroSYS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    The OP suffers from a lack of Bobby Flay and that horrible goddamned lush Sandra Lee

    necroSYS on
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    necroSYSnecroSYS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    TheStig wrote: »
    SkankPlaya wrote: »
    I can't stand that Sandra Lee lady. She seems like a MILF, but she doesn't do anything except have boobs and play with frosting.

    I wish the show was that entertaining. She looks like she runs some anti gay marriage organization and should be on fox and friends.

    Her show is basically this: Open package of pre-cut chicken strips then pour ranch all over it. Heat then serve.

    You forgot the mixed drink to serve with it and the tablescape to throw up on afterward.

    necroSYS on
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    FaricazyFaricazy Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    giada has interesting photoshoots

    giada-delaurentiis-3-08073.jpg

    Faricazy on
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    DidgeridooDidgeridoo Flighty Dame Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Faricazy wrote: »
    giada has interesting photoshoots

    giada-delaurentiis-3-08073.jpg

    Good god she is writhing around in a sea of blood

    Didgeridoo on
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    necroSYSnecroSYS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    It's that time of the month.

    necroSYS on
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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    That's a spicy tomato!

    giada-tomatoes.jpg

    JoeUser on
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    Toastie ToastToastie Toast Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    God she looks hideous in that picture. That thing's screaming for a photoshop

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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    Javen wrote: »
    Also: Anthony Bourdain either praising or crushing some Food Network stars:

    http://blog.ruhlman.com/ruhlmancom/2007/02/guest_blogging_.html
    I actually WATCH Food Network now and again, more often than not drawn in by the progressive horrors on screen. I find myself riveted by its awfulness, like watching a multi-car accident in slow motion. Mesmerized at the ascent of the Ready-Made bobblehead personalities, and the not-so-subtle shunting aside of the Old School chefs, I find myself de-constructing the not-terrible shows, imagining behind the scenes struggles and frustrations, and obsessing unhealthily on the Truly Awful ones. Screaming out loud at Sandra Lee in disbelief as she massacres another dish, then sits grinning, her face stretched into a terrifying rictus of faux cheer for the final triumphant presentation. I mourn for Mario..and Alton...Bobby and yes--even Emeril, nobly holding the fort while the TV empire he helped build crumbles like undercooked Bundt cake into a goo of Cheez Wiz around him.

    Some thoughts on the Newer, Younger, More Male-Oriented, More Dumb-Ass Food Network:

    ALTON BROWN: How did Alton slip inside the wire--and stay there all these years? He must have something on them. He’s smart. You actually learn something from his commentary. And I’ll admit it: I watch and enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory. Absolutely SHOCKED and thrilled when guys like Homaru Cantu show up as contestants--and delighted when Mario wins--again and again, forestalling his secretly long-planned execution. His commentary is mostly good. And that collar-bone snapping fall off the motorcycle on Feasting On Asphalt? Good television!

    EMERIL: I’m actually grateful when I channel surf across his show. He’s STILL there--the original Behemoth. And I STILL find him unwatchable. As much mileage as I’ve gotten over the years, making fun of Emeril; he deserves a lot more respect than I’ve given him. He does run a very successful and very decent restaurant group. He is--in fact--a really nice guy. And-as much as I hate the show-- compared to the current crop of culinary non-entities, he looks like Escoffier. He will probably be the last of the Real Chefs. I’m sure they’re growing future replacement options in petrie dishes somewhere, conducting Top Secret focus groups at suburban malls with their latest Bright Young Hopeful. I’m just glad he’s still there--a rebuke to the geniuses who brought us such Great Ideas as Dweezil and Lisa.

    BOBBY FLAY: They seem to have noticed Bobby’s strong “negatives” among some viewer responses during focus groups--and decided to respond by subjecting poor Bobby to THROWDOWN; the object of which is to allow every web-fingered geek with a backyard grill--or half-mad muffin maker to proclaim, “I beat Bobby Flay at makin’ barbeque!” at the heart-warming end of show--before returning to tend their meth labs.. I watched poor Bobby battle to a draw recently in some bogus Southwestern “Chili Face-Off.” Now…does ANYONE actually believe that Bobby Flay can’t make a better chili than a supermarket ground beef bearing amateur? I don’t. It’s a cruel exercise in humiliation. A variation on “Dunk Bozo” or “Shoot The Geek,” at the carnival. And whatever I might have thought of Flay’s previous TV efforts, I find the network’s misuse of one of their founding chefs to be nauseatingly cynical. The conspiratorial-minded might be tempted to suspect this as yet another part of the Secret Plan to rid themselves of the annoyingly big ticket chefs--by driving Bobby to quit--or insane with misery. He may not be Mr. Cuddlesworth, but he’s a successful businessman and a good chef--and he doesn’t, after all, need this shit.

    MARIO!
    Oh, Mario! Oh great one! They shut down Molto Mario--only the smartest and best of the stand-up cooking shows. Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!

    THAT ACE OF CAKES GUY: Hey…He’s got talent! And..he seems to be a trained chef! And he’s really making food--and selling it in a real business! I think…I like it! If I have one reservation, it’s that I have no idea if the stuff actually TASTES good. It LOOKS really creative and quirky--and I’m interested but…I mean...it’s like construction going on over there from what we’re told and shown. One suspects that the producers don’t want to waste valuable time talking about anything so technical as food--on “Food” Network. I mean...what’s in those cakes, beneath the icing and marzipan and fondant? That said, it’s the only “kicky, new, cutting edge, in-your-face” hopeful they’ve managed to trot out of any quality in memory. Hope it lasts. Wait till they try and put the poor bastard on a pony--or do a “Tailgate Special” with the usual suspects. Or a “Thanksgiving Special” where he has to sit down with the bobbleheads and pretend to like it. On balance, it’s still probably the best new project they’ve come up with in a long, long time.

    GIADA: What’s going on here!? Giada can actually cook! She was robbed in her bout versus Rachael Ray on ICA. ROBBED! And Food Net seems more interested in her enormous head (big head equals big ratings. Really!) and her cleavage--than the fact that she’s likeable, knows what she’s doing in an Italian kitchen--and makes food you’d actually want to eat. The new high concept Weekend Getaway show is a horrible, tired re-cap of the cheap-ass “Best Of” and “40 Dollar a Day” formula. Send host to empty restaurant. Watch them make crappy food for her. Have her take a few lonely, awkward stabs at the plate, then feign enjoyment with appropriately orgasmic eye-closing and moaning..Before spitting it out and rushing to the trailer. Send her to Italy and let her cook. She’s good at it.

    RACHAEL: Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?” Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”

    PAULA DEEN: I’m reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady. Even if her supporting cast is beginning to look like the Hills Have Eyes--and her food a True Buffet of Horrors. A recent Hawaii show was indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par with the last scene of Pink Flamingos. But I’d like to see her mad. Like her look-alike, Divine in the classic, “Female Trouble.“ Paula Deen on a Baltimore Killing Spree would be something to see. Let her get Rachael in a headlock--and it’s all over.

    SANDRA LEE: Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see. This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban--or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themseles with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.

    AND FINALLY: Some IRON CHEF AMERICA match-ups I’d REALLY like to see:

    * Mario Batali (with one arm tied behind his back--and drunk) vs. Regina Schrambling
    * Michael Ruhlman, swacked on Ripple, vs. John Mariani-- in a Charcuterie Challenge
    * Grant Achatz vs. That Guy In Australia Who Ripped off his recipes as his own
    * Marco Pierre White vs. Gordon Ramsay
    * Charlie Trotter vs. Martin Picard (Chicken Livers vs. Foie Gras)
    * Chris Cosentino, Fergus Henderson, Martin Picard vs. Alain Passard, Roxanne Klein and Charlie Trotter (Cooked vs. Raw Challenge)
    * Martha Stewart vs. Rachael Ray (bare knuckle cage match)
    * Ducasse vs. Robuchon
    * “Mikey” from Top Chef vs. Sandra Lee
    that was very enjoyable to read
    god bless you Anthony!

    Druhim on
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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I miss Molto Mario

    Usagi on
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    mullymully Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    i really love ace of cakes

    mully on
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    OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Those pictures of Giada are both hilarious and frightening. Did no-one stop to think she looks like a homicidal maniac bathing in/crushing the bodily juices/insides of a human?

    Alton Brown is about the only guy I like on Food Network anymore. I used to like Ace of Cakes, but it just got boring after awhile. I don't mind Bobby Flay a whole lot, but he's not amazing either.

    Rachel Ray and Paula Deen are annoying as hell. I also can't stand Guy Fieri and avoid the network more now that they're over-exposing the hell out of him.

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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    the only food network shows I'll watch are Good Eats and Iron Chef America

    Centipede Damascus on
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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    is it weird I watch more food related shows on the Travel channel than on Food Network?

    No Reservations obviously, but also Man Vs. Food is pretty fantastic

    Usagi on
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    MysstMysst King Monkey of Hedonism IslandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    JoeUser wrote: »
    That's a spicy tomato!

    giada-tomatoes.jpg
    man I would have sex with her in the full knowledge that in the morning I will probably be eating parts of myself

    Mysst on
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    necroSYSnecroSYS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    Omeks wrote: »
    Alton Brown is about the only guy I like on Food Network anymore.

    Sorry, the point at which he's hawking Welch's Grape Juice and looking like a child molestor is the point at which he's lost me.

    necroSYS on
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    DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    I can see why some find Giada attractive, but that beak of a nose always makes me think of an insane, homicidal bird that will peck my eyes out.

    Druhim on
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    Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    for me it's her teeth

    she looks like she has at least three rows of needle-sharp teeth

    Centipede Damascus on
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    UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Druhim wrote: »
    I can see why some find Giada attractive, but that beak of a nose always makes me think of an insane, homicidal bird that will peck my eyes out.

    Kevin?

    Usagi on
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    JoeUserJoeUser Forum Santa Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    for me it's her teeth

    she looks like she has at least three rows of needle-sharp teeth

    giadae.jpg

    JoeUser on
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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    JoeUser wrote: »
    for me it's her teeth

    she looks like she has at least three rows of needle-sharp teeth

    giadae.jpg

    GAH FUCK

    Metzger Meister on
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