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Roommate-ing
Free Hotel
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OK, so I've moved into a house with 6 acquaintances who I'm friendly with. This will be the first house for all of us, coming out of the dorms/apartments of early college years. I'm not great friends with any of them but I'm pretty good buds with a few and friendly with everyone else. I'm pretty laid back, I'm clean, I like to spend time in my room or out and about but I'm by no means a shut-in. I go out pretty often (less so now because I'm broke) but I'm not into the club scene like my roommates are.
I'm just looking for general advice on being a good roommate and how to deal with roommates.
I know communication is key and I absolutely will not be the passive aggressive note person
but are there any tips for not sounding like a douche when dishes aren't getting done, when they use my shit, privacy, things like that?
I'm just looking for general advice on being a good roommate and how to deal with roommates.
I know communication is key and I absolutely will not be the passive aggressive note person
but are there any tips for not sounding like a douche when dishes aren't getting done, when they use my shit, privacy, things like that? Free Hotel on
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Just figure out if they want everyone to do their own dishes or if they want a crazy plan where you alternate who cooks and who does dishes or something. Then just stick to the plan and remind people when they forget to do something.
Also try to do stuff together, like Pancake Breakfast Sunday or whatever, to have time for everyone in the house to hang out and act like a family.
My advice is to not live with that many people. You're in for some serious nightmare times unless they're all perfect. Which is doubtful. Living with your friends is also a great way to lose friends. I never live with more than one other person at a time and I generally make sure it's not someone I normally associate with. Friends of friends. Best of luck, but you're probably headed for a serious headache. My best advice is to set a precedent of cleaning up after yourself immediately after you're done doing whatever it is you're doing.
Also you might want to talk about cleaning up common areas, too. I had a roommate once who just left trash and dirty dishes everywhere and never cleaned it up. Really obnoxious.
That is my current roommate. She doesn't seem to understand that when you're done with something it goes in the trash or back to where you found it. She just leaves shit EVERYWHERE. The problem is I LOVE this apartment. It's huge, beautiful, and cheap. Luckily she just told me she's moving to California for college in August! Yay me.
Cliques will almost definitely form in a house with that many people.
You're going to get on someone's nerves.
Someone is going to get on yours.
Some roommates might complain you go out too much.
Some roommates might complain you never come out.
Some roommates might complain you're too loud.
Some roommates might complain you're too quiet.
The list goes on.
Your best bet is to try to be as laid back as possible without becoming a doormat. Pick your battles. Clean up your own shit.
Be considerate. For example, don't play loud music unless it's during a party (no matter what time it is), because I can guarantee there will be at least one other person in the house that doesn't want it on.
If something needs to be cleaned, just start cleaning, and then ask the roommates to help out. It's a lot easier to get someone to help than just getting them to do something themselves. Of course this requires you to not mind helping them clean up their mess in the first place.
Setting rules/guidelines for the house is a good thing to do too.
We had kitchen problems with cleanliness and dishes in the sink and whatever. Sometimes you gotta let shit slide. But asking people nicely when it gets really bad usually works. The key is asking nicely. Oh, and you can only ask if you're not being a hypocrite, because then people won't listen to you.
We also had things like a checklist for taking out the trash so it was a different person each time it was full and rotated through the list.
And if anyone had a party or anything, it was their responsibility to clean up afterwards, or no more parties for them in our suite. Oh and they had to ask everyone in the suite before they had the party if it was cool.
Do shit like that. Establish guidelines, ask nicely, and learn to tolerate some stuff you would not normally tolerate and you'll be fine.
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Yeah, I got that vibe too when the OP said, 'this is our first house.'
You guys may want to setup a Google calendar for the place - you can put down who's got trash day, when bills are due, etc. Can add SMS reminders so they don't forget.
There isn't enough lime in the world. This goes for everything, not just dishes. Everyone has a different idea of what the following mean: a clean livingroom, bathroom, kitchen, coat closet, when it's cool to be playing music, when it's cool to be having people over, etc etc etc. You want to have as many people on the same page before you've commited to living together as possible. At the very very least, you want to know what you're getting into. If you're the only person who thinks it is (or isn't) acceptable to do something relatively inconsequential, like toss your jacket into the living room when you're not wearing it, things could well get ugly.
I've seen so much shit happen beetween TWO people , i can't even begin to imagine the epic shitstorms that are going to come with six.
:^:
Let some things go and adapt. Small things and habits not likely to change. Like feet on the coffe table, loud singing in the shower, lint in the dryer (if you got one), piles of mail on the kitchen table.
don't be these people
All of this post but especially the limed part.
My experience of living with people is that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you do talk to people about the things they do wrong they nearly always take it as a personal attack and things can get strained but if you say nothing you will end up as someones unpaid maid unless you like living in squalor. That's your basic choice.
Just try to set the boundries you can live with right away without being too much of a nazi but be aware that in any roomate relationship there is a LOT of give and take, in my experience it's usually take. As it's been said just pick your battles and be prepared to let a lot of shit go.
1. Don't live with other people.
If you can't do that, then here are some helpful tips.
1. Don't fucking leave notes. Man up and talk to your roommates in person.
2. Pick your battles.
3. Don't be loud. I had a roommate who set up his goddamn drum set in his room and would practice while the rest of us were trying to study. Get a good set of headphones if you like your music/video games loud.
4. Clean up your shit. Don't leave your crap all over the place.
5. Don't discuss house/chore related problems if you're drinking/drunk. It will only end in fist fights.
Not everyone will abide by these simple rules but you will be the perfect roommate if you do.
Also, probably most important, is don't get involved in the little individual tiffs between other roommates or take sides. Don't get yourself stuck in the middle, it will really muck up your life.
As for the rest, if something isn't working for you - just come at it from a reasonable perspective. I've had good roommates and bad ones and it's really true that the more passive aggressive behavior involved, the worse the situation gets. Since you're thinking about this up front rather than after a problem happens, you will probably be well prepared to have a good living situation.
Also, be willing to move if the situation becomes unbearable for any reason. It's stupid to stay in a place where you're miserable.
Man, i wish i knew about that site with my last roommate... fucker would leave me at least one note a day, ranging from "Clean the fucking bathroom, i saw a hair in the sink" to "Dont touch the thermostat, if you dont like it, MOVE THE FUCK OUT" (Thermostat was constantly set to 50F) to "Dude im moving out, landlords picking up the keys saturday." (this was thursday... morning... after a 12 hour night shift).
My current roommate is awesome though. Unfortunately OP, good roommates are hard to find, and i guarantee out of six people youre going to have at least one pain in the ass, if not 5. The key to living well with someone is to find someone just like you. My current roommate and I are so much the same person its fucking scary, and we get along awesome. If you cant find someone like that though, just try to mesh into the house as well as possible, and try not to get on anyones nerves. If you notice someone is a real bitch about cleaning up everything the very second youre done using it, try to do that. I know it sucks but i mean, its so much easier to take a glass and put it in the dishwasher than it is to sit through the 30 minute rant that will ensue if you dont. If you know someone always does their laundry at 8pm on sunday nights, dont use the washing machine at that time. If you know someone will freak out if theres a single hair in the bathroom, dont leave any hair behind, stuff like that.
But still, some people are going to be just completely unreasonable, so youll just have to learn to deal with that too.
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HOWEVER
The mentality you need to have, and need to at least express to everyone else is simple "It doesn't matter who does something, it just has to get done." That works wonders for cleaning. Dishes in the sink? Clean them. Not all yours? So? It still has to be done. These other people have jobs and lives too, they aren't going to do it everytime, and neither are you.
No one ever said it "couldn't work". It's just a really great way to learn more about your friends and their habits (which will probably drive you crazy) than you would ever want to know. No more surer way of possibly destroying a friendship. It has in the past worked for me as well, it's just rare.
I've moved in with best friends and had our friendship ruined within 6 months (mostly my fault), and I've moved in with other friends and got along famously. So it really can be the luck of the draw, but just try to be chill and you'll be fine.