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Problem, moving in with a friend I don't want to move in with, what do I do.
Chop Logic
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Registered User regular
I just finished my Freshman year of college, in NYC.
Next year, the plan is that I'm getting an apartment with my friends Jason and Chris, possibly this other kid Derek.
Jason was basically my best friend last year at school, kind of. What I mean by that is we hungout the most. Mostly what we did when we hungout was smoke weed. All the time. Smoking weed all the time for me is a problem because I get lazy, apathetic and it is just a big waste of money and I have better things to do with my time.
The problem is now, that I'm realizing that I want to stop smoking permanently once I get back to school. My grades last year were terrible because of me smoking and that is just ridiculous, and unlike me.
The problem is that, moving in with Jason, weed is his hobby. If I were to say, we can never smoke in the apartment ever, he would give me a lot of shit about it, and honestly, knowing him, he would just do it anyway when I wasn't home. I don't want our apartment to smell all the time because they are smoking in it all the time, and I don't want to have to act like a mother and hassle them about smoking.
Also, I know this is going to be a problem: Jason and I were talking with our friend Tom the other day, and Jason goes, "Oh Tom, did you get set up with that delivery service (weed delivery)?" Tom says, oh, no, Mike (tom's room mate and another friend of ours) isn't really cool with it so we might have to do it at your place. I say, wait, what? Why isn't Mike cool with it? Tom says, oh because the dealer comes in the apartment and Mike doesn't like that. I said, what the fuck? I'm not cool with that either, that is sketchy as fuck and I don't want some drug dealer in our apartment. They both acted like I was being ridiculous. This one is kind of serious for me because I know that if I put my foot down about this, he would just have the dealer come by when I wasn't home, and I don't want to have to worry about a fucking drug dealer being in our house.
TL;DR: Basically it's this: I don't want our apartment to be smoking den. I want to be able to bring people back and not have it smell, I want it to be a fun place where things other than smoking weed take place, and I don't want drug dealers in our apartment. I know that if I put my foot down about these things that Jason and probably Chris would give me a really hard time about it, and knowing Jason, he would just do these things when I wasn't home.
The problem is that I smoked with Jason all the time last semester, so I don't really know how to say: You smoke way too much and it is too big a part of your life, I can't live with you, especially since it is the middle of June now and we plan on moving in at the end of August.
What do I do.
Next year, the plan is that I'm getting an apartment with my friends Jason and Chris, possibly this other kid Derek.
Jason was basically my best friend last year at school, kind of. What I mean by that is we hungout the most. Mostly what we did when we hungout was smoke weed. All the time. Smoking weed all the time for me is a problem because I get lazy, apathetic and it is just a big waste of money and I have better things to do with my time.
The problem is now, that I'm realizing that I want to stop smoking permanently once I get back to school. My grades last year were terrible because of me smoking and that is just ridiculous, and unlike me.
The problem is that, moving in with Jason, weed is his hobby. If I were to say, we can never smoke in the apartment ever, he would give me a lot of shit about it, and honestly, knowing him, he would just do it anyway when I wasn't home. I don't want our apartment to smell all the time because they are smoking in it all the time, and I don't want to have to act like a mother and hassle them about smoking.
Also, I know this is going to be a problem: Jason and I were talking with our friend Tom the other day, and Jason goes, "Oh Tom, did you get set up with that delivery service (weed delivery)?" Tom says, oh, no, Mike (tom's room mate and another friend of ours) isn't really cool with it so we might have to do it at your place. I say, wait, what? Why isn't Mike cool with it? Tom says, oh because the dealer comes in the apartment and Mike doesn't like that. I said, what the fuck? I'm not cool with that either, that is sketchy as fuck and I don't want some drug dealer in our apartment. They both acted like I was being ridiculous. This one is kind of serious for me because I know that if I put my foot down about this, he would just have the dealer come by when I wasn't home, and I don't want to have to worry about a fucking drug dealer being in our house.
TL;DR: Basically it's this: I don't want our apartment to be smoking den. I want to be able to bring people back and not have it smell, I want it to be a fun place where things other than smoking weed take place, and I don't want drug dealers in our apartment. I know that if I put my foot down about these things that Jason and probably Chris would give me a really hard time about it, and knowing Jason, he would just do these things when I wasn't home.
The problem is that I smoked with Jason all the time last semester, so I don't really know how to say: You smoke way too much and it is too big a part of your life, I can't live with you, especially since it is the middle of June now and we plan on moving in at the end of August.
What do I do.
Chop Logic on
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As somebody who has lived with MANY unacceptable roommates, if you already know that he'll just do all this shit behind your back, talking to him won't do shit.
so, find other students to live with, or get your own apartment.
If you do not want your apartment to smell like weed, don't move in with them. It's not a super complicated situation. I have plenty of friends who I enjoy hanging out with, but would never live with. You can't reasonably expect him to change anytime soon, there's really only one solution.
Your uncertainty towards this situation has already answered your question.
If you already signed a lease, start looking for a replacement. Let him know you have had a change of plans and start looking for another living situation.
Finding someone to live with that you don't want to stab in the neck after a few months is near enough impossible as it is even if you don't have something that you know is going to be a huge point of disagreement.
If you know it's not going to work then save yourself some time and money and live elsewhere.
*ESL = English as a Second Language
This, you could also add that you are trying to quit. One of my best friends had bad habits (not drugs) that brought me with them, so I just told him the jist of the above and we're still best friends. It might be your responsibility to find a new place though.
And yeah, you need to let them know ASAP or make up a compromise. My old roommates knew I didn't like smoking so they smoked in their room or outside. Sure I got ribbed every now and then, but we discussed it beforehand and they were cool with it.
Looks like it
http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=86741
Like Makershot said, don't make it about him. This is about you. You're the guy who doesn't want to be a stoner any more.
So just tell him you are trying to quit. If you can't even tell your friend you are trying to quit, what are you chances of actually quitting?
https://medium.com/@alascii
This seems reasonable if you can make it happen - it could be an interesting opportunity to get to know him better, and at worst would be the lesser of two evils.
Yeah, there's going to be static because you're blindsiding them, but if you make efforts to keep contact you might be able to get past that and stay friends. Though if you become a non-smoker and they stay smokers you'll probably see them a lot less just because of what you each choose do to do with your time.
What everyone else said. Don't try to demand changes of them, and change your living arrangements.
Don't move in with him, end of story, thread closed...
However, reading the OP, this is even easier than I previously thought.
Now you have a bonafide reason to not move in with him...you're trying to quit the weed.
Tell him you're trying to get away from smoking pot, don't move in with him, end of story, thread closed.
Cut and dry as they say.