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constant feeling of utter terror
misosoup
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I constantly feel scared, dosen't matter what is happening I always feel incredibly scared, I have this horrible guttural feeling of utter terror all of the time, it really stops me from doing anything. The only time it vaguely subsides is if I drink for a while, but there is this grace period where I start drinking shit is cool but then after a few drinks it comes back and I can't talk to anyone or properly fuction at all. It's incredibly debilitating, I never used to feel like this, I now just feel so awkward because I shit myself (not literally) at the smallest of things, I sometimes can't go outside because I'm too scared to move, most of the time I can't talk to anyone because I'm too worried about making a dick out of myself, but I end up doing it anyway, but being so awkward that I inevitably end up knocking something over or some such. does anyone else feel like this? am I alone in my constant fear?
I think it mainly extends from my existential terror of being, and honestly not knowing what to do with myself, I don't know what makes me happy anymore or what to really do with myself, should I try to involve myself in more stuff even though I hate it, or should I try and find something else, I just feel so stuck internally beacause I'm just so scared of putting myself out there, and when I try to I just make a dick of myself and end up ranting at people about shit they don't want to hear, noone wants to hear that dancing makes them look like a fool! But I always seem to end up telling people this shit when I do put myself out there and try to connect with people who are my friends.
has anyone else experienced this and found a way to block it out, or deal with it someway? or does anyone have any advice, I'm sick of feeling terrified by everything, and it's not just people, it's literally everything, I get scared when I'm cooking food because I feel like I'm doing it wrong, I get scared when I'm putting music on because I'm scared that I won't like it, I get scared when I shower because I feel like I might miss a part, I just get scared that I'm going to fuck everything up even the most minor of stuff.
I think it mainly extends from my existential terror of being, and honestly not knowing what to do with myself, I don't know what makes me happy anymore or what to really do with myself, should I try to involve myself in more stuff even though I hate it, or should I try and find something else, I just feel so stuck internally beacause I'm just so scared of putting myself out there, and when I try to I just make a dick of myself and end up ranting at people about shit they don't want to hear, noone wants to hear that dancing makes them look like a fool! But I always seem to end up telling people this shit when I do put myself out there and try to connect with people who are my friends.
has anyone else experienced this and found a way to block it out, or deal with it someway? or does anyone have any advice, I'm sick of feeling terrified by everything, and it's not just people, it's literally everything, I get scared when I'm cooking food because I feel like I'm doing it wrong, I get scared when I'm putting music on because I'm scared that I won't like it, I get scared when I shower because I feel like I might miss a part, I just get scared that I'm going to fuck everything up even the most minor of stuff.
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Bscly best thing for you to do is seek a medical professional. They will be able to a) direct you toward a shrink who can help you sort out personal issues that may be affecting your daily functions or b) direct you toward a psychiatrist who will asses you on the basis of whether or not you need drugs to help balance out the chemicals in your brain.
Long answer is the above, in addition to the following: First, you need to stop using phrases like "Existential terror of being" - it doesn't mean anything, and you're obviously getting tied up in this coarse pseudo-philosophy. Second, you need to take a deep breath and think logically - in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter if you make a mistake in your spaghetti sauce or forget to wash behind your ears. In fact, you should embrace your mistakes. That's how we learn.
Honestly, your doctor's going to be able to prescribe something to get your anxiety under control so that you can function, and refer you to a professional to get to the root of this fear. Make an appointment ASAP. Enlist a friend to drive you there and make sure you go. But first, you have to want to get better.
Thank you, Rubacava!
As for whether it is psychological or physiological that would be the responsibility of the doctor who assess you.
Never think that you have to take on these kinds of things alone, there is always someone willing to help.
If possible, go directly to a psychiatrist. If not, then yes, go to your GP. Nobody on this forum is going to be able to tell you if it is a chemical imbalance or a purely psychological thing. Given the severity of the condition as you describe it though, my best guess is that medication would be a good starting point to hopefully provide some immediate relief. Regular sessions with a psychologist or other qualified therapist are going to be the next step.
And no, you shouldn't keep trying to sort this out yourself. I felt the same way (about getting over things myself) and dealt with years of major depression before finally recognizing that no matter how much I wanted to I was not going to get through things on my own, and that I needed to see someone about it. Lifestyle changes may be in order, but leave those suggestions to a qualified professional who will have more of the details than we do now.
(sorry for the double post)
It really just sounds like you need to talk to someone, and please don't be afraid of that. Therapists are professionally trained to make you feel at ease and they really can do a lot of good without drugs.
e: No matter where you go, just make it clear you are not interested in pharmaceutical treatments and you want to work through the problem with therapy. Nobody is going to give you a prescription if you don't want one.
GAD
General Anxiety Disorder.
Everyone ever has or will have at some point an anxiety attack. The problem with GAD is that you've always pretty much got crazy anxiety about everything and even nothing. Which will include seeing psychologists and psychiatrists, and avoiding drug treatments that even though they will help and will not do anything negative... well, you'll avoid.
Anyways, there's a huge, especially in these forums, weird avoidance of psychology and psychiatry. Phychologists really are more than drug dealers with PhDs.
Get help. See someone. Your GP will probably say "Here are some psychotherapists" to you if you talk to them about it, but really see anyone in the medical or psychological field for this.
The important thing is to find anyone who has any expertise in this and talk to them about it and getting help for it.
...Especially when you are having problems to the extent that you are unable to function normally. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Especially when you need it to survive.
They can help you, so let them.
They won't think your dumb, and they won't drug you if you don't want it.
They want to help you, so let them.
Bluntly: yes, it's irrational. Go see your doctor. They may not prescribe medication at all, and seeing your physician is often the fastest way to get in front of a therapist or psychiatrist.
Don't be afraid of the medication they prescribe you. It is not permanent. You can always stop taking it or ask to try something else if you don't like it. Keep an open mind about it, and remember that it's not going to change who you are or turn you into a zombie. If it doesn't help or has side effects that make it not worth taking, the very worst that can happen is you stop taking them and you're back to square one.
I would absolutely recommend a psychiatrist for the OP. No offense OP, but there is some kinda fucked up going on in your head right now, and you should have it seen to before it gets worse. My armchair guess is mild (and often very treatable) schizophrenia, though there are a number of things that kick up internal stimulants that way- for example, if you are dosing on any kind of upper, like speed (meth) or exctasy, you need to cut that shit out. If you're perfectly clean, which might very well be the case, you need a doc.
Like immediately. Because you are just a half step shy of losing your shit, and if its from natural causes, you may not be able to get back. So if you want to be afraid of something, be afraid of that, and get yourself checked out by a pro. I would put down money on you needing medication, to get yourself back to normal. Not zombie 'normal', just normal- and that solution is out there dude, you just have to go get it.
You can talk to NHS Direct on the phone for free, but what they're going to do is tell you you need to see your GP ASAP, so that you can get a referral to a professional. Don't worry about choosing between a psychiatrist and psychologist or who to choose or whatever, that's your GPs call (it's going to be a psychiatrist).
Keep in mind that even if you are prescribed pills, there are many people you may well respect and admire that take them, and don't say anything about it. Both Gabe and Tycho take medication, and often describe how much better their lives have become because of it. If you are prescribed medication, it's not like getting a dose of antibiotics and never seeing the doctor again, you go back to see your doctor to make sure the pills are working and you are OK with them. If you're not, they try something else. The fear of becoming a zombie is also unfounded, as from what you've said, right now is your zombie state.
That shit is scary as hell! If I were you I would be calling the doctor to set up an appointment right now!
but they're listening to every word I say
Not helpful positive reassurance, try again.
If scaring the hell out of him into going to the doctor works then I don't see the problem. He has a liability that I'm saying he should turn into an asset.
but they're listening to every word I say
They are not just for suicidal people, but also for people in distress like you.
You can email them as well as talk to them.
Don't even consider not going to the Doctor's - you clearly need it.
Don't be afraid of medication. You are already taking a very powerful and dangerous medication - alcohol. Whatever the doctor puts you on (if anything) is going to be safer and milder than alcohol.
Make sure the doctor knows exactly how you feel. Perhaps you could print out this thread and bring it with you to the GP's appointment?
and i'm saying your an idiot and that kind of reverse psychology is both unhelpful and moronic.
I missed this the first time.
There is nothing at all the doctors will give you which could possibly be any worse for your mental or physical health than alcohol. I was abusing alcohol in order to deal with my mental health issues for a while and just the act of quitting the sauce helped me immensely and immediately, perhaps more than actively taking the meds they prescribed me.
That's just like, your opinion, man
If he finds that's what works for him.
but they're listening to every word I say
What you said is terrible advice. You clearly don't know what you're talking about, and you'd do best to bow out politely. The very last thing someone with an anxiety problem needs is to hear, "yeah, but aren't you worried about THIS?", no matter whether it's something to be legitimately worried about. It will likely do a significantly larger amount of harm to the recovery process than help.
oh, and Jebus, not helpful man.... not helpful, I'm pretty fucking terrified of being insane already so compacting that shit aint cool...
but they're listening to every word I say
See the trick is to a: ignore Jebus, and b: talk very explicitly with anyone you talk to about your fears. They really can help, but don't be afraid(ba-dump tschhh) to be specific about it.
I dunno, I thought he was pretty funny. He just expressed it... poorly...
I don't know if it's similar to what you're going through, but you're going to have to get over the thought that you might be able to do this on your own or even without medication, because chances are you won't. Whether you get counseling or medication or both.
This does not make you weak, and don't let anybody tell you that.
Good luck with this, honestly. There is absolutely a light at the end of the tunnel, with effort and some help you'll be able to feel normal again soon enough
Thing is, this isn't a situation that's funny. All he's doing is making it worse.
Miso, I've been where you're at. I'm about 8 months into my treatment, and it's a world of difference. I'd say the first step is definitely the hardest, and while it's not strictly easy from there on, if you can do the first step, you can do the ones after.
I'm going to give you a couple tips that I hope will help, but exactly what works vary from individual to individual. You've dealt with yourself the longest, though, so you should have an inkling as to what might work. I managed to sort of trick myself into admitting my problem. It sounds silly, but maybe you'll get what I mean. I told myself little lies that made it a bit easier, like that a certain part at the end would be the hardest, and all I had to focus on was that bit. It made it easier to start, and once I started it made it easier to finish. I don't know if that's clear, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.
Also, it's okay to ask your GP to help you. Ask him to set up the appointment with a specialist for you. You'll still need to do some of it yourself, of course, but it's SO much easier with someone supporting you. Once you've got that ball rolling, the worst of it will take care of itself.
Also, you said "I'm worried that any drugs or anything they might prescribe me will just make me a zombie, it's incredibly irrational, maybe I've been listening to too many elliot smith records". This may sound nitpicky, but try not to think of them as irrational, so much as impossible. I had the exact same fears and labeled them the exact same way. But there's a difference. Irrational fears are things that don't make sense, like being afraid of phones, or of books. Impossible fears are fears that make logical sense but will never happen. When you think of it as irrational, you sort of imply that it means you're crazy, but those fears are entirely rational. However, that will not happen. Again, it's nitpicky, but it's an important difference.
Edit: Ken, what you're describing sounds like General Panic Disorder. They're similar, but GPD is sharp feelings of anxiety that occur in bursts, while GAD is a steadier, constant anxiety.
Edit2:
This is very good advice that I forgot to mention. Once you start talking, keep going, and admit as much as you are able. Once you've started, there's this window of opportunity where you can say so many things you couldn't otherwise, which A) will help your doctor better understand what's going on in your body, and
(and enough about Jeebus already. People are motivated in different ways, and fear is a valid motivator for some. Sun Tzu often referred to commanders who would cut off avenues of escape for thier men, invoking fear in the face of certain slaughter so they would fight harder and prevail. Playing one fear off the other to succeed.
Priorities can get skewed, and the Op demonstrated this tendancy- although Jeebus' execution seemed to provoke some negative responses, he has a very valid point; don't allow unlikely or irrational fears to cloud your judgement when it comes to dealing with real threats. Fear is both predictable and powerful, and like all such things it can be made to serve.)
Remember that insanity is not some kind of terminal thing which causes you to be thrown into an asylum, we ALL have our differing levels of craziness and with issues like yours psychological counselling and perhaps drugs will be of enormous use. You will still be 100% you, believing all the same things and making the same responses as your brain would like to, you will just no longer couch everything in terms of a fear response and will be able to do things based on your whole personality, not just your fear.
Seek thorough and regular counseling if you can after a consult with your GP as a first option, tell your close family about it as well, in these issues the more people who know and can give you support the better.