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Goddammit Australia you're just the worst place

YaYaYaYa Decent.Registered User regular
edited June 2009 in Social Entropy++
so I wake up this morning, go to take a shower

as I wash down my body I get this horrid stinging sensation near my dick

I look down and gingerly poke a little bit, coming across a couple of small, angry looking red bumps right near my package

in my shower-induced fugue, I dimly recall my girlfriend showing me some small, angry looking red circles on her arm, saying "a spider bit me the other day in bed!"

I bend to inspect them closer and the penny drops
THERE ARE SPIDER BITES ON MY GROIN

this fucking country

talk about why your country sucks in here or make fun of me for getting a spider blowjob

YaYa on
«13

Posts

  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Spiders? On my dick? its more likely than you think.

    edit: a spider bit me so hard once i woke up in the middle of the night, that bastard sitting on my hand looking at me. What a cunt.

    Canada_jezus on
  • ascotascot Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    We have this thread like every other week.
    We know.
    That's why we're [mostly] not there.

    ascot on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    furry

    Kovak on
  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one of my friends got bit by a funnel-web that was hiding in his bath towel

    he was back at school the next day.

    and you made a thread about a close encounter with a house spider?

    bsjezz on
    sC4Q4nq.jpg
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    we trap spiders and put them in a jar where the only sustenance is other spiders

    Kovak on
  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    bsjezz wrote: »
    one of my friends got bit by a funnel-web that was hiding in his bath towel

    he was back at school the next day.

    and you made a thread about a close encounter with a house spider?

    well it should have at least bought me dinner first

    YaYa on
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    isn't australia basically the asshole of the world?

    Canada_jezus on
  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Canada_jezus wrote: »
    isn't australia basically the asshole of the world?

    you clearly don't know many south africans

    edit: because, uh, they'd tell you that new zealand is the asshole of the world

    bsjezz on
    sC4Q4nq.jpg
  • Canada_jezusCanada_jezus Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    bsjezz wrote: »
    Canada_jezus wrote: »
    isn't australia basically the asshole of the world?

    you clearly don't know many south africans

    Ah i actually do, you know i stand corrected i guess.

    Canada_jezus on
  • Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    You got bit on the dick by a spider and you only realised in the shower? You are one hell of a deep sleeper my man.

    Also, I hope it wasn't a whitetail...

    Donovan Puppyfucker on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one time i was in the shower

    and later that day my roommate was like

    dude you stepped on a spider in the shower

    Kovak on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    My electricity was off for around 20 hours and it got up to like 100 degrees in my apt. Flash floods all over the place and tennis ball sized hail. Then towards the end of the storm there was a period of almost 2,000 lightning strikes in 15 minutes. It was a beautiful sight.

    Macro9 on
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  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    How were your dreams that night?

    Quethal on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Also the other night while sleeping a caught a fly with two fingers and the next night I smashed a spider on my chest while dreaming of being attacked by a giant one.

    Macro9 on
    58pwo4vxupcr.png
  • PharezonPharezon Struggle is an illusion. Victory is in the Qun.Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Macro9 wrote: »
    My electricity was off for around 20 hours and it got up to like 100 degrees in my apt. Flash floods all over the place and tennis ball sized hail. Then towards the end of the storm there was a period of almost 2,000 lightning strikes in 15 minutes. It was a beautiful sight.

    Where the hell do you live?

    Pharezon on
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  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Also, was there much swelling? Was it because of the venom, or because you were acutely aroused?

    Quethal on
  • DruhimDruhim Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited June 2009
    australia isn't the only place that has spiders, you're not the only one who's been bit on or around the privates

    Druhim on
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  • YaYaYaYa Decent. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Quethal wrote: »
    How were your dreams that night?

    oddly disturbing

    my dog was shitting everywhere

    and I think I threw up due to all the shit?

    I dunno

    YaYa on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Pharezon wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    My electricity was off for around 20 hours and it got up to like 100 degrees in my apt. Flash floods all over the place and tennis ball sized hail. Then towards the end of the storm there was a period of almost 2,000 lightning strikes in 15 minutes. It was a beautiful sight.

    Where the hell do you live?

    Ohio

    Macro9 on
    58pwo4vxupcr.png
  • Dr.FunkensteinDr.Funkenstein Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I EAT SPIDERS FOR BREAKFAST! :twisted:

    Dr.Funkenstein on
    TERRORSQUADSIG.gif
  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Canada is pretty much the best country

    Dadouw on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Pharezon wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    My electricity was off for around 20 hours and it got up to like 100 degrees in my apt. Flash floods all over the place and tennis ball sized hail. Then towards the end of the storm there was a period of almost 2,000 lightning strikes in 15 minutes. It was a beautiful sight.

    Where the hell do you live?

    Quethal on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one time my balls itched

    so i went to check it out

    and i found a tick on them

    suckin my ball blood

    Kovak on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    ticks are technically arachnids

    Kovak on
  • WeaverWeaver Breakfast Witch Hashus BrowniusRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I ONCE TOOK A PISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN A POISON OAK BUSH


    IMAGINE HAVING POISON OAK ON YOUR DICK

    Weaver on
  • bsjezzbsjezz Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Dadouw wrote: »
    Canada is pretty much the best country

    i've lived in canada and australia and i can tell you that they're pretty much the same. one has mountains and the other has beaches

    bsjezz on
    sC4Q4nq.jpg
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    YaYa wrote: »
    Quethal wrote: »
    How were your dreams that night?

    oddly disturbing

    my dog was shitting everywhere

    and I think I threw up due to all the shit?

    I dunno

    You sure that was a dream, or was that part of your sick, twisted sex show with spiders?

    Quethal on
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    There's a news headline here:
    AUSTRALIAN BITTEN BY SPIDER AND LIVES
    ONLY NON VENOMOUS SPIDER IN AUSTRALIA SENT TO UNIVERSITY FOR STUDY

    Metalbourne on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one time i was in bed

    and there was like a black girl on my dick

    Kovak on
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Weaver wrote: »
    I ONCE TOOK A PISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN A POISON OAK BUSH


    IMAGINE HAVING POISON OAK ON YOUR DICK

    So did it make you touch your dick more or less than normal?

    Quethal on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    one time i was taking a piss

    and then my surgical wound opened up

    and blood poured all over

    Kovak on
  • WeaverWeaver Breakfast Witch Hashus BrowniusRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    I couldn't stop scratching and had to take steroid pills to get rid of it.

    Any time I so much as gently tap any sort of plant that the name starts with "poison"

    I have to take steroid pills

    Weaver on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Weaver wrote: »
    I ONCE TOOK A PISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN A POISON OAK BUSH


    IMAGINE HAVING POISON OAK ON YOUR DICK

    I once rubbed poison sumac all over my junk on a dare. It was one of the dumbest things I have ever done. My dick swell to twice its normal size though but damn was it painful.

    Macro9 on
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  • JordynJordyn Really, Commander? Probing Uranus. Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    were you drunk, Weaver?

    Jordyn on
    thumbsupguy-1.jpg
    JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
  • QuethalQuethal The Infrequent OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Kovak, the master of the three line story. It's all about set up, climax, denouement.

    Quethal on
  • DadouwDadouw Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    bsjezz wrote: »
    Dadouw wrote: »
    Canada is pretty much the best country

    i've lived in canada and australia and i can tell you that they're pretty much the same. one has mountains and the other has beaches

    One doesnt have venomous stuff all over the place though

    Dadouw on
  • WeaverWeaver Breakfast Witch Hashus BrowniusRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Kovak wrote: »
    one time i was taking a piss

    and then my surgical wound opened up

    and blood poured all over

    When I was 24, I was doing the sit-up portion of a fitness exam when the scar from my appendectomy tore open on the inside of my abdominal wall.

    Weaver on
  • KovakKovak did a lot of drugs married cher?Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Quethal wrote: »
    Kovak, the master of the three line story. It's all about set up, climax, denouement.

    8-)

    Kovak on
  • WeaverWeaver Breakfast Witch Hashus BrowniusRegistered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Jordyn wrote: »
    were you drunk, Weaver?

    War; war never changes.
    No, It was just 1am and raining and dark and I was sleeping in a pile of mud.

    Weaver on
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited June 2009
    Dadouw wrote: »
    bsjezz wrote: »
    Dadouw wrote: »
    Canada is pretty much the best country

    i've lived in canada and australia and i can tell you that they're pretty much the same. one has mountains and the other has beaches

    One doesnt have venomous stuff all over the place though

    Damn French Twilight vampires

    Macro9 on
    58pwo4vxupcr.png
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