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Trying to decide whether to go back to uni next semester
burntheladle
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm wrestling with a decision I need to make within the next two weeks - do I go back to university next semester, or not?
For a bit of background. I am halfway through my second year of a visual arts degree. At the end of last year, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I spent the summer holidays (australian summer) with him, but we decided it was best if I continued on at uni - in a different city to the one he was being treated in. I did so, but I travelled to see him a lot. I had a horrible semester - I couldn't cope with the workload, because I was missing classes to visit him, and when I was in town I was struggling to focus on school and found it very hard to work. I did manage to do the work, but not to my normal standards. I started seeing a counsellor through the uni, and they helped me a lot. Halfway through the semester I dropped two of my classes, deciding to focus on my visual arts major and catch up on my elective classes later in my degree.
3/4 of the way through the semester we were told my father's cancer was terminal. I went to be with him, and stopped doing uni work entirely. Thankfully I had kept my teachers in the loop and had already filled in special consideration forms, so I was able to hand my major assignment in as a work in progress, and didn't fail the class.
My situation now: My father is no longer recieving treatment for his cancer, he is only recieving palliative care. My parents have moved home (to the city I got to uni in), and I am living with them again. At the moment he is still relatively lucid, although very physically limited and in a lot of pain. The doctors have told us we have a period of time when he will be like this, but he will continue to degenerate and eventually will not be aware of anything. Depending on his symptoms and how we are coping, he may be able to stay at home, or he may have to go into a hospice. They cannot tell us how long each of these stages will last.
Uni goes back in two weeks time. I am really struggling to decide what to do. Because I am at art school, the contact hours for my major are intense - it is essentially 3 full days at school each week; and then I am meant to take two elective classes as well. If my father is alive and still lucid, I feel like I would absolutely not be able to go back to doing my major - I cannot fathom spending that much time away from him each day.
Bluntly though - if I take the semester off... he could die three weeks into it and I would have to wait until january to go back to school. I love my degree, I love learning. I took a gap year before university and got very depressed working fulltime and not learning... When I imagine being in that situation again, coupled with how upset I already am about my father, I feel like I would have some sort of breakdown.
The other option is that I could go back to uni, not do my major, and instead just take one or two elective classes, which would be a lot less time intensive. The downside to this is that I feel like if I am at uni, I really should be keeping up with my major. The way the art school is set up, we move through our major in a small cohort. If I don't do my major next semester, I have to wait a year and join the year below's cohort. I have friends and support in the cohort I am currently in - I would really hate to have to drop out of it.
I really don't know what to do. I know I have two weeks to decide, and I know I actually can't make a decision, because there's absolutely no way of knowing if my dad will be exactly the same in two weeks, or if he will be dead. I feel really stressed out and confused about it whenever I think about it. I can't see my counsellor at the moment, because she is on leave, and I don't want to go to the counselling centre and see a different person.
The other thing that is really frightening me is that I'm an art student, I love creating things... but I haven't done anything creative at all since the day I found out my father was dying 6 weeks ago. I can't really identify what's stopping me, but I can't bring myself to start again. Part of me feels like I have to go back to school, just so I can get out of this rut. I know I should have the self control to do it myself, but everything is just so fucking hard at the moment.
For a bit of background. I am halfway through my second year of a visual arts degree. At the end of last year, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I spent the summer holidays (australian summer) with him, but we decided it was best if I continued on at uni - in a different city to the one he was being treated in. I did so, but I travelled to see him a lot. I had a horrible semester - I couldn't cope with the workload, because I was missing classes to visit him, and when I was in town I was struggling to focus on school and found it very hard to work. I did manage to do the work, but not to my normal standards. I started seeing a counsellor through the uni, and they helped me a lot. Halfway through the semester I dropped two of my classes, deciding to focus on my visual arts major and catch up on my elective classes later in my degree.
3/4 of the way through the semester we were told my father's cancer was terminal. I went to be with him, and stopped doing uni work entirely. Thankfully I had kept my teachers in the loop and had already filled in special consideration forms, so I was able to hand my major assignment in as a work in progress, and didn't fail the class.
My situation now: My father is no longer recieving treatment for his cancer, he is only recieving palliative care. My parents have moved home (to the city I got to uni in), and I am living with them again. At the moment he is still relatively lucid, although very physically limited and in a lot of pain. The doctors have told us we have a period of time when he will be like this, but he will continue to degenerate and eventually will not be aware of anything. Depending on his symptoms and how we are coping, he may be able to stay at home, or he may have to go into a hospice. They cannot tell us how long each of these stages will last.
Uni goes back in two weeks time. I am really struggling to decide what to do. Because I am at art school, the contact hours for my major are intense - it is essentially 3 full days at school each week; and then I am meant to take two elective classes as well. If my father is alive and still lucid, I feel like I would absolutely not be able to go back to doing my major - I cannot fathom spending that much time away from him each day.
Bluntly though - if I take the semester off... he could die three weeks into it and I would have to wait until january to go back to school. I love my degree, I love learning. I took a gap year before university and got very depressed working fulltime and not learning... When I imagine being in that situation again, coupled with how upset I already am about my father, I feel like I would have some sort of breakdown.
The other option is that I could go back to uni, not do my major, and instead just take one or two elective classes, which would be a lot less time intensive. The downside to this is that I feel like if I am at uni, I really should be keeping up with my major. The way the art school is set up, we move through our major in a small cohort. If I don't do my major next semester, I have to wait a year and join the year below's cohort. I have friends and support in the cohort I am currently in - I would really hate to have to drop out of it.
I really don't know what to do. I know I have two weeks to decide, and I know I actually can't make a decision, because there's absolutely no way of knowing if my dad will be exactly the same in two weeks, or if he will be dead. I feel really stressed out and confused about it whenever I think about it. I can't see my counsellor at the moment, because she is on leave, and I don't want to go to the counselling centre and see a different person.
The other thing that is really frightening me is that I'm an art student, I love creating things... but I haven't done anything creative at all since the day I found out my father was dying 6 weeks ago. I can't really identify what's stopping me, but I can't bring myself to start again. Part of me feels like I have to go back to school, just so I can get out of this rut. I know I should have the self control to do it myself, but everything is just so fucking hard at the moment.
What would Zombie Pirate LeChuck Do?
burntheladle on
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The alternative of doing your electives is also an option although of course you risk not being around when your father passes. If you are okay with doing that then only doing the electives is a good idea because you'll stay in touch with uni. Don't feel like you have to take an all or nothing approach, having to make new friends in the new cohort is a shame but at least you'd have some time consuming electives out of the way which will give you a bigger breather when you do start your main course again. Trust me you'll be thankful for it!
If you don't feel comfortable spending any time at uni nobody would blame you though. If you come back home maybe try finding some part time work or have a look whether a local community college or whatever offers some courses that have the same kind of theme as your uni course. When I took 6 months off my architecture course I did a drafting course at a smaller school. It kept me occupied and now I'm actually finishing it off parallel to uni because I am keen to find part time work in it and because I'm not evens sure whether or not I want to do my other course anymore! What started off as a time filler actually ended up being a blessing in disguise.
Good luck with it all.
In your position I would definitely take the semester off.
It really sounds like you aren't ready to go back yet. This has nothing to do with "self control" and everything to do with how you're handling your father's health. In that respect, it's kind of like getting a cold - just because you know what your body should be doing doesn't mean that you can magically get better. You have to give yourself some time to heal.
Personal anecdote:
That being said, you still need to find something to get you out of the house, but it needs to be on your own terms. If you're involved in any clubs (or you have friends in the area) make time each week to go hang out with them. Go to art museums or concerts or anything that will let you take your mind off things. Could you audit any of your electives at uni? The worst thing you could do right now would be to take that semester off, have your father pass away and then spend the next few months sitting at home alone with nothing to do.
Also, it sounds like you're already doing this, but make sure to keep your professors in the loop. The more they know, the more understanding they'll be later on. Good luck with everything.
You should take the semester off. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to work at this terrible time. Make totally sure your university knows the exceptional circumstances so you can pick up where you left off, next year. Take it easy. You don't want to burn yourself out. The next year you'll make just as good friends.
I got some good news today - I got a Distinction for my major for the semester just finished. I was sure I was going to just scrape through by the skin of my teeth, so I'm really relieved about that.
One of the other things I am investigating is doing an independant study unit, which would have a lot more flexibility, but also should be fairly engaging, I hope. I don't know, I think you have to arrange those things fairly far in advance, though.