Making a good first impresion or how not to be a wallflower

Kyougu

So tommorrow I'm heading out with a group of people from meetup.com to breakfast, a brewery tour, and then bbq lunch/live band/picnic. Should be fun times.

The only hitch, is that I have realized when first meeting people I don't make much of a lasting impression as I can be quiet, just stand in the background. I want to change this up, so I come to you fine folks. It's weird, because I'm actually a pretty great public speaker, but when it comes to social, relaxed situations I kinda freeze and become withdrawn.

I'm not looking to be the center of attention, but just don't want to be that wallflower I tend to be. I have noticed that when I get nervous/don't know what to say I'll turn to messing with my phone, so I'm definately going to watch that. Also, since I think I'm going to take a camera, which will give me excuse to talk to people, asking them to pose, take pictures of me, etc. Anything else you all can think about?

Reckless

The best thing is to chill out and not worry about making a great first impression. Be relax, be yourself, and all will be well. If you're so concerned over making a good impression that you never shut up, you're going to come across as over-the-top and maybe a bit of an attention whore.

Ioga

Yeah definitely turn off the phone or leave it in your car.

Try smiling at people, holding eye contact, and saying hi. It's that easy. What makes things not easy is largely in your head - if you're an introvert what you do with anything you experience is internalize it. That's not a bad thing, though. It means you think and feel more deeply about things than non-introverted people - a side effect of it, however, is that in situations where you feel anxiety or self-doubt that will color your interpretations of what people think of you.

It's the sort of thing where for example if you're in an unfamiliar place and you hear people laughing, you think they're laughing at you, right off the bat. Of course, that's not the case and it's totally irrational but your lowered self-esteem makes you perceive it that way.

So, just keep in mind that all of these people were new once, and that if they're part of that sort a group they're looking to meet new people - people like you. So do your best to break that ice and don't worry too much about how people are perceiving you. Look interested, try to smile. If you can't ask anything to say, ask basic questions. If you've ever had a conversation, you know things can go on the craziest tangents - like asking when someone's birthday is can go into a conversation about astrology and whether or not you buy that sort of stuff - that's a quick jump from an ice-breaker to a question that really gets to the heart of a person's view of the world. Start small.

Just have a good attitude and you'll be fine

MagicToaster

Ask them about themselves: What they do? Do they like it? Do they study? Do they work? Just get them talking and before you know it, you'll be laughing and having a good time. Remember, all you have to do is put yourself out there for a bit, it's nerve racking, but the results are good.

MichaelLC

MagicToaster wrote: »

Ask them about themselves.

When in doubt, ask questions. Ask about a trip someone mentions, ask about their family or pets. People like questions because it gives them something to talk about and it's about them, so they'll know the subject.

EggyToast

Even if you're quiet, don't exclude yourself. The biggest problem that introverts have in groups (and as an introvert, I work to make sure I remember this) is to keep yourself in the group, even if you're not saying anything. It's easy to hang back and go off by yourself, but as you pointed out it's kind of silly when you're purposefully trying to interact with people.

So, now that you're staying in the group, make sure you're listening and reacting. If people say something funny, laugh. If they say something outrageous, be surprised. And as mentioned above, questions are your friends. If something seems odd or weird, or if someone is talking about something that's supposed to be strange (like someone talking about local politics, a weird thing at work, etc.) say something like "what's up with that?"