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Most likely will have to put my dog to sleep.
AlyceInWonderland
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I decided to come here, as no one in my family is very helpful. My dad doesn't like my dog any more (she has trouble with her bowels now in her old age), and my mom doesn't believe in putting animals to sleep, and my boyfriend doesn't really understand how important this is to me.
I just realized, after watching my 15 year old dog try (and fail again and again) to get up, that she really needs to go to the vet, and possibly be put down. She can't walk well at all, she lays around all day infront of her food bowl cause it's convenient, I need to pick her up and down the stairs so she can go to the bathroom, and she's 15 years old. I've had her since I was 4, and since she was 1. She was my first pet, and she has always been there for me, and now she's so old and frail, and just the thought of putting her down and not seeing her around the house any more not only makes me really sad, but also scares me to death.
I've dealt with deaths of really close relatives in the family, and this feels the same way. I feel devastated, not only because I know I have to make an appointment for the vet tomorrow, and she may be gone within the week, but because I have to drive her there knowing full well what the end result will be, and watch her be put down... It's losing a family member, which I've dealt with, but I've never had to make arrangements for it... I don't know how to deal with that, and I'm afraid. I don't want to put her down, but it's selfish if I don't because I know she's in pain...
I just hate thinking about her not being around any more, and I know I'll feel guilty about having her be put down, but I also know it has to be done. I just don't know how to deal...
I feel silly getting so upset about this, because everyone in my family is so detached from it all (and tell me I'm being silly)... but I don't really know how to deal. I don't even know if I should have her cremated or what... fuck.
I just realized, after watching my 15 year old dog try (and fail again and again) to get up, that she really needs to go to the vet, and possibly be put down. She can't walk well at all, she lays around all day infront of her food bowl cause it's convenient, I need to pick her up and down the stairs so she can go to the bathroom, and she's 15 years old. I've had her since I was 4, and since she was 1. She was my first pet, and she has always been there for me, and now she's so old and frail, and just the thought of putting her down and not seeing her around the house any more not only makes me really sad, but also scares me to death.
I've dealt with deaths of really close relatives in the family, and this feels the same way. I feel devastated, not only because I know I have to make an appointment for the vet tomorrow, and she may be gone within the week, but because I have to drive her there knowing full well what the end result will be, and watch her be put down... It's losing a family member, which I've dealt with, but I've never had to make arrangements for it... I don't know how to deal with that, and I'm afraid. I don't want to put her down, but it's selfish if I don't because I know she's in pain...
I just hate thinking about her not being around any more, and I know I'll feel guilty about having her be put down, but I also know it has to be done. I just don't know how to deal...
I feel silly getting so upset about this, because everyone in my family is so detached from it all (and tell me I'm being silly)... but I don't really know how to deal. I don't even know if I should have her cremated or what... fuck.
AlyceInWonderland on
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It's not traumatic or painful, and quite honestly I would just ask the vet to dispose of the remains. You're not abandoning your dog when you don't dispose of the body yourself, you're moving on. I would recommend you go digging for old pictures of when she was a puppy and make a nice little memorial in your room, it will bother you at first and make you sad that you miss her... after a while though, it will make you do nothing but smile.
As for your family, some people just have no empathy for animals and/or don't ever recognize them as full members of the family. I've known lots of people that would sooner put an animal to sleep than get a leg mended if it costs more than a couple bucks. I've always felt you have an obligation to take care of a pet to the fullest extent you are able if you decide to adopt or buy one, if you can't do that you shouldn't have a pet. It is nearly impossible to get this point across to some people in this world, though. So don't expect them to understand it, and while it shows a serious flaw in their character (to me) it doesn't mean they're bad people.
Edit: You sound like a pretty good pet owner, in a month or two you should get another if you have the financial means to do so.
However I have dealt with pet loss before though. And it *sucks*. Don't let anybody tell you different, and don't let anybody make you get a new furry friend until *you* are ready. You can't replace love on the drop of a hat.
Remember, though, that everybody is different -- some people would loose a 15yr companion, and *need* to go out the next day to get a new pet.
In my case, I had the means to bury him. And it helps. Even two years down, looking out at his tree helps.
Enjoy the time that you've got left, take photos, give treats. Smile.
It will be *horrid*, but you'll laugh at her silly puppy memories. Maybe not immediately, but good memories never fade
I would also suggest getting another pet if you're in the place to do it. You're used to taking care of one, and know how to do it. It's tempting to think NEVER AGAIN and not get a pet and get attached because it hurts so badly when they get old. Or not want to get a new one because you think you're just replacing your old one. But neither of those things are true. After the cat I had from when I was 5 til I was 21 died I didn't get a cat for about 4 or 5 years. But it really helped me start feeling better about what happened because having new cats, while not the same as the old ones, gave me positive ways to remember my cat that died. They'll do something similar and I'll smile instead of feel like crying. Plus, you can feel good about giving a new dog a good home and good life.
I've had over 6 pets now be put to sleep due to old age (20+ year old cats, old dogs, etc). One of them died 'naturally', and that was not fun. It's much better to put them to sleep.
I had to put my 15 year old cat to sleep a year or so ago. It was hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. In our case we were doing the cat a favor and it really sucked to be the one to have to do it but you kind of owe it to your pets if their standard of living gets low enough that they're in pain all the time.
It's the last thing you can do for them after providing them with the best life you could.
Small solace but it does seem to get easier as you get older. (I say while tearing up...)
Good luck and I'm sorry to hear about your dog. =/
PSN: Broichan
You're not. You've had this dog your entire life, your family is being completely heartless about this. Ignore them.
Have her put down. It'll be excruciating, but just think of it as you hurting so that your dog doesn't have to. You're right about it being the right thing to do. Sorry you have to go through this.
Do what you think is best for your dog/baby, and find some way to remember her. As one poster said, they looked out at a tree that was their dog's tree, maybe you could do that? Get the ashes and put her ashes in a pretty urn? Have a mourning party?
Lots of people will never get what you're going through and some will think you're overreacting, but I think everyone on the H/A threads or even the entire forum itself would celebrate your dog's life with you in some kind of thread. S&E possibly.
So if you want to do that as well so you don't feel alone, that's also an option, so you can get your emotions out.
And while it won't be easy, just remind yourself that it's better this way. You just don't want your pet to suffer, and it seems to be in very poor health. You don't want your pet's last few months of life to be physical suffering.
I just advise you to make sure that you're emotionally ready to do it when you do it. Pet her, remind her how much you care about her (even if your family/whoever is standing behind rolling their eyes) and make sure she's comfortable. Putting an animal to sleep is just that, and we were surprised to find this out recently (my mother gave our dog the injection herself). They don't suffer or anything, so when the time comes just remember that it was for the best.
One thing I would advise for piece of mind would be asking your vet to anesthetize your dog prior to administering pentobarb (the "euthanasia" drug.) Pentobarb essentially induces cardiac arrest after depressing the CNS. Still, there is a possibility that your dog could be in a semi-lurid state and react (e.g. "jump") in response to the cardiac event. Not every vet takes this extra step, but it may be worth that piece of mind. Then again, your dog seems to be on its last legs and a comparable small amount of barbituate will be enough to send her along.
Stay strong and I hope you'll fall in love with another animal shortly. I did :P
I've had to do the "drive kitty to the vet, knowing that they'll likely tell me she should be put down" thing, and it was an extremely hard drive - although having the vet himself tell me that it was the best option once I got there took a bit of the weight off.
The act of putting the animal to sleep goes by so very fast. I wasn't ready for it the first time I experienced it, I thought I'd have a few more minutes to say goodbye.
There have been rare occasions where I could not be with a pet when they passed away, and I really wish I could have been there. If you have the option of being there or not, I urge you to stay with your dog.
Finally, after a period of mourning (if anyone tells you that mourning for a pet is silly, then please punch them in the balls), you may be ready to let another dog into your life. While there is no replacing your first dog, having a new furry friend around can be very therapeutic and help ease the pain.
There are two points at which most everyone usually gives in and puts their pet to sleep: when they can no longer stand under their own power, and when they no longer eat. Nobody wants to watch the thing they've cared for for years suffer. Thinking about the dogs I've had that I've had to say goodbye to... it kills me. One really was my best friend, she slept with me every night all growing up. I had a really tough time saying goodbye.
Make the appointment. Spend all of the intervening time that you can by your dog's side. Stay with her if you can bear to. Take pictures of her tonight, get out pictures of her from earlier in her life, keep them with you. It helps.
Get her to the vet asap and end her suffering. Your Mom is wrong. Full stop.
However long this has been going on, please, please, please don't let it go on any longer.
The photo album idea is a great one. Do that, but do it AFTER you stop that poor dogs suffering.
It might help to think of it this way, if it does indeed come to putting your dog to sleep: At the very least, you'll be there with her, which will give her some comfort. And you'll have a chance to say goodbye, which will help you in the grieving process.
My wife and I lost one of our cats about a year and a half ago: the vet suspected one problem that was surgically correctable, but found massive stomach cancer instead. I was away on business, and it fell on my wife to decide, over the phone, whether to let the cat pass while still unconscious from the surgery, have the vet attempt to remove the cancer and see if the cat would survive, or close up the surgery and allow the cat to come and die at home. I still believe my wife made the right choice to let the cat go, but it's still quite painful to us both that we never had a real warning, and never had that chance to say goodbye.
So, as painful as it is, just know that you'll probably be thankful for the chance to say goodbye, given some time to grieve. And, knowing the likely result before you go it, at least you'll be slightly more prepared for it.
I've had a few dogs in my life. The first one I had passed when I was young and I was away from home but my second dog passed away about 4 years ago and was 16. She had a cancerous tumour that had grown quite large on her chest. One vet we'd taken her to said it was just a fat deposit which didn't make any sense to us. A new vet moved to our town about a month before we had to put our dog down and when we took her to get the shot the vet said that the other vet was horrible for making that mistake as our dog had started to chew the tumour because she was in pain from it. It had taken so much out of her by the time we tried to get her to the car.
When the time came my mother had called my father and sister who were both out but we didn't want to prolong the dogs suffering so the vet gave her the shot to put her to sleep. My mother was starting to cry once the dog's eyes started to close and when I got outside I just broke down as I'd grown up with her for so long. My whole family cried that night and it was a pretty quiet house for the few days after it happened.
In all reality, as others have said this is something that you should seriously consider as it is really the most humane and least painful ways to let your pet pass on. The good memories will always be with you and if you have pictures an album is a really good idea.
For the last year or so, he suffered from kidney failure (or the feline equivalent), he only drank by me nudging his head towards one of those cat-water fountains filled with a gatoraide like fluid that would cover for the lack of nutrients he was missing from water/his kidneys. Eventually, I think he knew it was time. He wouldn't even drink more than a lap, and instead would just purr and rub against me. He stopped eating regularly and started to waste, etc.
I found a vat that would come out to the house, gave him as much of his favorite treat (turkey slices) that he wanted, and spent the afternoon cuddling. The vet came and put him to sleep while I pet him.
Honestly, I'm crying as I type this, but in the good way. It's hard to loose one you love, especially a pet (as you pretty much are in charge of caring for them like a child). I went ahead and buried him, though I honestly wish I hadn't. While my Mom still lives in that house, I can't visit it nearly often enough, and ended up doing what others suggested by building a little shrine.
So, I guess what I'm saying here is no, you're not silly. You sound like a great friend to your dog. If you think it's time, be compassionate.
Also, get another pet. Not to replace him, but to give your love to. I didn't go near another cat for years and years, and only recently did I get a kitten (somewhat forced upon me). I wish I had long ago, though I couldn't really say why.
I have always buried my pets because it felt like closure, but there is no single "right" way. Burial, cremation, or letting the vet take care of the remains, it is just a matter of what you'll feel most comfortable with.
Incidentally, some vets make house calls for euthanasia so that the dog passes away in a familiar environment. It costs more of course. I wish I had done it for my dog.
I don't think I'll be getting another dog for a while, or at least until I move out of my dad's house, which won't be for another year, but I jut recently got a cat, and he's very attached to me, so I'm sure he will help with the loss.
I broke down last night infront of my boyfriend, and he took off today so he could be there with me while I called the vet, which was a wonderful gesture. I believes that he cares and understands that I'm upset, he just doesn't understand why, as he's never dealt with something like this.
Again, I appreciate everything said in this thread, and it has helped me greatly, especially with convincing me that I'm not silly for caring so much about an animal. I think I'll continue to leave this thread open as it's helping me feel better. Thanks, again.
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Anyhow, there's nothing weird at all about what you're going through. You've been around your dog more than most people. As for arrangements, the vet will be able to talk you through it all. The actual procedure is very peaceful... I would recommend cremation personally, it will be easier to spread them somewhere significant than a burial would. It's still going to take time to be at peace with it, though.
The reality is that your dog is old is probably not going to get better. She's suffering, and you have an opportunity to release her from her pain in a way that's painless for her. This is a good thing. She'll simply go to sleep. After all the time you've been together, she is indeed a member of your family, and it's expected that you would feel so torn up about having to let her go. There's nothing wrong or silly about it. And it hurts. I mean it. Let's go ahead and say how the situation really feels: It sucks! But you have an opportunity to do the right thing and be responsible about it. You can help her to go peacefully.
One of the things my family did after our dog passed was to rent a funny movie to help take our minds off it. A little calm, vegetative distraction afterwards might help.
Your family has no right to say "its just a pet". Theres a strange connection with animals. I rarely cry (last time was a few years ago) and even now I am fighting back tears at the thought of my little buddy dying.
Animals have very high pain tolerance, and it's almost impossible to tell when they are really suffering. But when they don't (or can't) do basic things like walk around, go to the bathroom, or eat, it is time to go.
Do you have any other pets? This is the second cat that we'll (eventually) have to put down, and what we realized is that other animals know when it's time long before humans do.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
I have a year old cat, and he usually jumps on and plays around with my dog, but I noticed that's not the case any more. My cat's just now kinda rubbing all over my dog and leaving her alone.
I woke up to a dog covered in her own poo and pee because she couldn't hold it. I washed her down, washed the floor, and called the vet. They're not open. But my mom is coming over after she gets off of work tonight to discuss things. Oh boy.
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And please, do not wait for your Mom to get off work tonight to end Crystals obvious suffering.
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Good for your Mom being there for you.
I feel for you Alyce. You'll get through this, ok?
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Alyce, I'm very sorry to hear about the difficulties Crystal is going through. If it is at all possible to let your family know that Crystal's condition is deteriorating then perhaps they might be a bit more understanding and try to perhaps come sooner rather then later so as to help.
I'm going to take some pictures of her, despite her ragged state, find the pictures of her when she was young, write up a couple things about her, and make a thread in SE++ within the week, if it's okay (never made a thread there).
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That might be a mistake, the whole SE++ thing.
GM: Rusty Chains (DH Ongoing)
EDIT**
As well, I wanted you to know Alyce that there is a Dog thread in D&D if you wanted to perhaps post in that instead of SE++. The thread has been going pretty strong and a lot of folks have spoken of dogs that have passed on. I'm sure they would be willing to listen to you and enjoy seeing the pics.
Haha, yeah probably. Someone brought it up so it came to mind.
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Pictures are of course always helpful and your cat will be a good comfort too. If you don't plan on owning another dog you may want to donate some of the dog supplies to the Humane Society. It sounds weird to suggest giving away your dog's things but sometimes it helps to know that another dog is benefiting. If you do plan on getting a dog do make sure to take some time before you bring a new pup into your life. Sometimes there's an urge to quickly fill that void but it really isn't the best situation to bring a dog into, because it won't be the new dog it'll be the replacement dog.
Don't let your parents' feelings towards your dog give you a moment's pause. My wife's friend had a dog of 17 years whom the family just couldn't bring to put down. In the end they came home one day to a house that had a hallway just sort of spattered with blood and a dead dog at the steps to the living room. They meant well but I don't want to even imagine that dog's last minutes of life. What you're going to do is really the most responsible and in a way loving thing you can do. This will also sound strange but one thing you might do when the time does come is take a chocolate chip cookie with you so you can share one last treat with your dog. My mother's vet actually had cookies for just that situation.
Thank you guys for your support, it means a lot to me.
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