Starting over? [Friends]

CindyLouWho?

I'll try not to turn this into a wall o' text, but I'll give more background and explanation if people need.

Lately, actually for the past year, I've been feeling more and more alienated from people. I moved far away from home when my fiancee and I broke up and I was offered a job out of state.

Since then, I've been going through a difficult time...and as a result my friends back home got more and more distant and I got more and more distant from them. It's to the point where they don't acknowledge messages on facebook or emails. Out of the 100 or so "friends" I have on facebook, the only ones that even say "hi" are people I've known from online forums that I've never actually met in real life.

At work, I have met a couple really great people that have kind of taken me under their wing. At work, it's great. After work, we never hang out or talk. They're each 15-20 years older than me with spouses and families and already established groups of friends that for whatever reason they hesitate to bring me into.

I'm well out of "college hang out range". So "meeting new kids at the campus hang out" isn't an option.

I've tried meetup.com (a total wash in my area), and OKCupid with the singular purpose to just make friends....cue creepy internet stalkers that as soon as I give them my msn to try and have a conversation immediately start trying to cyber...(gross).

I don't even know where to start if these things aren't working. How do you even meet 30-something new professionals that need friends too?

Is it too late for me? It's like everyone else is already in their happy friend place and settled and established. Breaking into new social circles is like breaking into fort knox. I'm really scared that I'm doomed to going to the movies and dinner by myself forever.

I don't want to be a lonely crazy cat lady.

Tinuz

Let's start with: do you have any hobbies?

Ardor

I've known people to have met others through common interests, such as what Tinuz has asked. I've known people to meet friends through activites ranging from getting a gym membership and meeting people in the gym to joining a book club.

I've met people through riding the bus to and from work. It's an express bus, which means I usually see the same people all the time, which helps.

As far as work is concerned, I've had more luck meeting people to be more than co-workers when you don't work directly with them.

Also, what Country/State/City are you located in? Folks might be able to help out a little more if they have an idea where you are located.

Good luck.

PracticalProblemSolver

It's never too late to meet new people, I meet tons of interesting 30-something professionals(more entrepreneurs actually) working at festivals and other upscale events. I like working with my friends so I try to do interesting things that mesh well with others, like right now I'm interfacing between a machine shop and some artist friends of mine to get their art cut out of cool materials, so I get to hang out with cool freaky artists and cool technical guys.

Be interesting, do fun things and invite people along for the ride(and go along with the ride when someone else invites you),

CindyLouWho?

This is going to sound pretty bad, but um I don't really have any hobbies. I used to be pretty heavy into video games, but I've been trying to get away from that. I used to write a long time ago, but I'm VERY out of practice.

I'm living in a small town in SW Virginia.

ChillyWilly

Nothing wrong with video games. Plenty of wonderful people play them.

Start writing again. Join a writing or book club of some sort. Critique others. Let them critique you. Even if you're only interested in 1 or 2 things, you can always find other people who are into the same thing. You have to make the effort to look, though.

Tinuz

CindyLouWho? wrote: »

This is going to sound pretty bad, but um I don't really have any hobbies. I used to be pretty heavy into video games, but I've been trying to get away from that. I used to write a long time ago, but I'm VERY out of practice.

I'm living in a small town in SW Virginia.

Well then..if I may be so bold, I'd suggest finding a hobby that actually involves a club. That is, I don't know about writing, but if it doesn't involve a club, you're not going to meet people.

I'd suggest something physical, as physical exercise tends to bond people and there are a whole lot of sports out there to fit you, your personality, and by extension the people you like.

Also, taking a dance class for beginners generally does not require a partner (make sure it doesn't) and although there are always game breakers who show up as a couple, most people go there to learn to dance, and to meet people.

It's all about what is available in your town though.

Ardor

You might need to find a larger town nearby where you live and find some things to do there. Personally, I've had luck meeting people at the gym. Lifting weights on a set schedule allows you to see the same people over and over again. While the area is mostly guys, many of them (in my experience) are friendly people who have formed friendships in the gym. A friend of mine has also mentioned taking some kind of class, like a spin class (bike), yoga class or joining some kind of running club allows you to see the same people over and over again.

Book clubs, or maybe going to a coffee/tea shop might allow you to meet new people. I know a number of people and friends who tend to spend hours at these places if they have free Wi-Fi for example and not internet at their residence.

For those at work, you could always ask them what popular places around town or certain cities exist. They might be able to give you some advice on some popular things that happen around your area where you might be able to meet people.

AlyceInWonderland

Try joining a class that interests you! I recently got into martial arts, and have been taking that class for about a year, and the amount of friends I made is astonishing.

Jebus314

I second the suggestion of joining a book club. My g/f and I moved to seattle not to long ago and she has a rather difficult time making friends. As cheesy as it sounds she went onto craigslist and looked around the meet people section. Mostly the one on one things don't really work out for her, but both the book club and the social club have been great. So if you don't mind doing a little reading I highly recommend trying out some book clubs, and if you don't mind diving right, try joining a meet up group.

Chanus

CindyLouWho? wrote: »

This is going to sound pretty bad, but um I don't really have any hobbies. I used to be pretty heavy into video games, but I've been trying to get away from that. I used to write a long time ago, but I'm VERY out of practice.

I'm living in a small town in SW Virginia.

How far into SW VA? Depending on where you are, there are some pretty decent town/cities within relatively short distances of you like Charlottesville, Blacksburg, Roanoke, or Bristol. Check for festivals or other goings-on in the area and head to one of those places on a weekend, maybe? Maybe you can find a hobby. There are tons of crafty-type fairs in that area of the state, for example.

wmelon

I found that http://www.meetup.com/ is actually a decently good place to find groups of actual normal people instead of internet stalker types. Take a look on there to see if there is anything interesting in your area and start going.

CindyLouWho?

Thank you for the replies.

Maybe I should go ahead and give a little more background. I have been in this area for almost 2 years. I have tried to talk to coworkers about things to do or where to meet people my age or around that. Most popular response is "Hmmm...why don't you hang out at the college?" followed by outdoorsy type things that they assure me are plenty of fun "solo".
I have indeed tried meetup.com with no success in my area (in OP).
I have tried craigslist both to meet random people just for friends and for book club type deals. That's ended with either creepy cyber people or no reply at all.
And honestly as much as I do really want to meet people, driving an hour to two hours to another town to hang out at a random place hoping to find someone that will talk to me seems strange.

I kind of feel like a leper. I assure you, I'm not.

I'm terrified of the gym, but maybe that's the best option.

Either that or start adopting my army of cats one at a time LOL
Thanks again.

Jasconius

It's tough stuff. I am in a somewhat similar boat where I just moved to a new town and all of my coworkers are 10-20 years older than I am.

For me, professional relationships are pretty fulfilling, and that's just a personal preference, especially since I'm good at it. Even if it's with people much older than I am. So one thing I would recommend is trying to embrace that idea, rather than adopting a sort of passive discrimination against people who happen to be older than you.

I mean yes, especially if they are married then it's unlikely they'll ever be hang-out buddies.

As a woman, online social dating sites are basically just bear traps, unless you get lucky. As it turns out there a lot of stupid guys on the internet just trolling for sex. Your best course of action is to reply selectively and get used to the idea that only 1 in every 50 messages is going to be worth bothering with. You aren't the only one it happens to.

But, anyway, if you are a single professional and doing well, I think that just going back and taking a class or two at a college is a good way to get back into things. Worst case scenario is you learn something you didn't know before.

Smurph

If you're scared of gyms then maybe look for a kickboxing or yoga studio in your town. Should be less overwhelming. You shouldn't be scared of gyms though. A lot of people there are going to be in just like you.