There's also an extra "as" in there.
It's a little awkward to read. Maybe try (assuming this is a yearly figure):
"Take the number of lives lost in 2009 as a result of terrorism, and multiply it by 58.
That's how many lives were lost in the United States due to lack of healthcare coverage."
Even that's a bit long. Keep playing with it until you get something that's succinct.
I like the design and concept though!
grenn: cheers, I'm going with US, which will bump the line. The last line either means, that invading a hospital makes more sense than going to war against terrorism. The other interpretation I guess is one of direct action, and that people should be invading for things like healthcare, rather than cheap oil, plastic, and shit like that. Not entirely sure myself on if it works, mind.
grenn: cheers, I'm going with US, which will bump the line. The last line either means, that invading a hospital makes more sense than going to war against terrorism. The other interpretation I guess is one of direct action, and that people should be invading for things like healthcare, rather than cheap oil, plastic, and shit like that. Not entirely sure myself on if it works, mind.
Ah yeah, shortening to US is the obvious solution really - that'll do the trick.
Re. the 'invasion' tagline. It makes more sense with some explanation and I agree it's a strong, memorable sentiment but I think it's still a little vague in it's meaning. The first thing that came to my mind was that it was suggesting terrorists should attack hospitals!
There's a lot of good books about design as an effective tool for social change and a lot of designers believe that they actually have a social obligation to use design as a positive force. These newer statistical, message-focused pieces of yours tie right in with that. I think tightening up the copy and angle will turn this piece from good to great.
Perhaps 'Invade a hospital' could be the attention-grabbing opener, and then the next line comes after to back it up and provide clarity of the meaning?
Man, this piece was supposed to be a quick doodle. Finally feel like I've worked the composition out to my liking.
Grenn: cheers, updated version. I'm going to ask more people to see how they interpret it, although I don't think many people associate 'invade' with 'terrorist'
Grenn: cheers, updated version. I'm going to ask more people to see how they interpret it, although I don't think many people associate 'invade' with 'terrorist'
In all honesty, it probably says more about me than it does the text.
Maybe Im being overly nitpicky because I like the idea you have there, but I personally find it distracting that there isnt a period after "care" and that the "i" in invasion isnt capitolised and there isnt a period after Hospital.
Things like that seem small but its like an e-mail you want someone to take seriously. If its intended to be a serious statement then it should have accurate spelling and grammar. Even in an ad where space is limited and messages are parced down to their barest bones.
Even with catch phrases like got milk and just do it the punctuation solidifies the statements. With just do it they dont always use a period but if you look at a series of images where they do and dont I find in general the ones where they do look more complete and compelling.
Faded: I see what you're saying, but they're all considered typographical choices (the only dubious one is the lower-case 'i', but that's an aesthetic choice). You don't need periods when you're dealing with single, discreet sentences.
Tam: I've also still not completely done with this bugger (although I think I'm now finally happy).
edit: actually nevermind, I've found it. This is some awesome stuff.
Hi guys, I'm making a strip for the children of a couple of friends. The art is obviously copy-paste-tastic right now. I'm really though if anyone has any input on the story element, as this is something I've never tried before.
some of the elements don't make any sense to me...one of them appears to have hydrolics and the other surprisingly turns invisible, but to the left of where it was initially, and I can't tell if the last text bubble is a smiley or just some weird character (because the colon is so low in comparison).
srsizzy on
BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
I think this would be more effective without the, 'Oh', 'and thats what matters', and the 'oh yeah!' Also I wasnever a fan of the sudden whipping things out from nowhere like in panel 3, then it dissappears again, also I get that he's got glow fish but what is it, a like, like how they put butterflies in frames?? I adore the colours of the fauna and the cave design though, totes awesome.
Oh, that is waayy better, I get that is in his belly now. Didn't realize they were underwater untill I squinted to read the text in the bottom right hand, and that light cyan wash over them gives the impression way more, but whats prolly making it look like air is that the fish are bugs. Thought they were just doing robo-flying-wooshes. Still prefer the writing from the first one, not sure if you need the 'woosh' or the 'splash splash'. Looks way better though, really coming along, kid will love it!
I really like the concept, but like you said it doesn't feel dark enough for the quote. I'd like to see it with death drawn more realistically. Also I think the vivid pink in the antennae draws attention away from the color bars.
edit: and by 'realistically' I pretty much just mean proportion-wise.
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MustangArbiter of Unpopular OpinionsRegistered Userregular
Nic: The main purpose of quote marks is to separate a quote from the main body of text. As there's no main body of text, there's no particular need for them.
Only suggestion I have is harder to put into words, so here's a mock-up example:
I did it sorta quick, but if you like that, and can incorporate it without making the text too hard to read, I think it'd be a good idea. Sort of like death and the television have traded faces. Maye vector the skull yourself and not steal it from google like I did.
Or for that matter, overlay the skull on Death's test pattern, and see if that works.
I actually tried the skull on the test pattern, but I didn't like how it turned out. I might see if I can get it into the TV really subtly, but I don't know. Thanks for the ideas though.
I made this for a friend who wanted to know why I've already seen most of the links she gets off Digg.
That is brilliant!
Also another suggestion re: the death poster:
Maybe darken the surrounding, then put a spotlight on death, and make some neat glow effects for his scythe/aerial receiver thing. I think it'd make it a bit more dynamic.
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It's a little awkward to read. Maybe try (assuming this is a yearly figure):
"Take the number of lives lost in 2009 as a result of terrorism, and multiply it by 58.
That's how many lives were lost in the United States due to lack of healthcare coverage."
Even that's a bit long. Keep playing with it until you get something that's succinct.
I like the design and concept though!
Does this read better? I was aware that the last one wasn't great, but hadn't realised simply how much of a pig's ear I'd made of it until now.
Not sure of the precise meaning of 'invade a hospital', it sort of derails the impact of your statement... Nice solid, design work otherwise, though.
MORE CUTE OWLS PLEASE
Ah yeah, shortening to US is the obvious solution really - that'll do the trick.
Re. the 'invasion' tagline. It makes more sense with some explanation and I agree it's a strong, memorable sentiment but I think it's still a little vague in it's meaning. The first thing that came to my mind was that it was suggesting terrorists should attack hospitals!
There's a lot of good books about design as an effective tool for social change and a lot of designers believe that they actually have a social obligation to use design as a positive force. These newer statistical, message-focused pieces of yours tie right in with that. I think tightening up the copy and angle will turn this piece from good to great.
Perhaps 'Invade a hospital' could be the attention-grabbing opener, and then the next line comes after to back it up and provide clarity of the meaning?
Anyway, really enjoying your newer stuff!
Man, this piece was supposed to be a quick doodle. Finally feel like I've worked the composition out to my liking.
Grenn: cheers, updated version. I'm going to ask more people to see how they interpret it, although I don't think many people associate 'invade' with 'terrorist'
In all honesty, it probably says more about me than it does the text.
Things like that seem small but its like an e-mail you want someone to take seriously. If its intended to be a serious statement then it should have accurate spelling and grammar. Even in an ad where space is limited and messages are parced down to their barest bones.
Even with catch phrases like got milk and just do it the punctuation solidifies the statements. With just do it they dont always use a period but if you look at a series of images where they do and dont I find in general the ones where they do look more complete and compelling.
Love the mountain goat one.
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Faded: I see what you're saying, but they're all considered typographical choices (the only dubious one is the lower-case 'i', but that's an aesthetic choice). You don't need periods when you're dealing with single, discreet sentences.
Tam: I've also still not completely done with this bugger (although I think I'm now finally happy).
edit: actually nevermind, I've found it. This is some awesome stuff.
thanks!
Ok, so all the major elements are now in at some level.
Illustrator is being a dick and fucking up the colours in PS. I'm calling it a night. I need to adjust the charater positioning a little too.
edit: and by 'realistically' I pretty much just mean proportion-wise.
Nic: The main purpose of quote marks is to separate a quote from the main body of text. As there's no main body of text, there's no particular need for them.
I did it sorta quick, but if you like that, and can incorporate it without making the text too hard to read, I think it'd be a good idea. Sort of like death and the television have traded faces. Maye vector the skull yourself and not steal it from google like I did.
Or for that matter, overlay the skull on Death's test pattern, and see if that works.
I made this for a friend who wanted to know why I've already seen most of the links she gets off Digg.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_DHzf3JtmqVM/S1OiUFxXvzI/AAAAAAAAAEs/Za_MXo3_2_Q/s1600-h/narwhallnobubble.jpg
Also another suggestion re: the death poster:
Maybe darken the surrounding, then put a spotlight on death, and make some neat glow effects for his scythe/aerial receiver thing. I think it'd make it a bit more dynamic.
Did this as a favour to a friend. The hair needs some work.
anyway, I've just submitted a design to threadless. I'd really appreciate it if you guys voted for it!
you can vote here!