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Lack of momentum in life (also: a girl) U&S?

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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    To naporeon:

    He, I couldn't help but laugh a little when I read "maintaining your masculinity". I'm sure you speak from experience, but how would such a thing make me less of man? Please elaborate if you want, it is just that such thoughts seem very removed from how I, and my male friends, think. Sure, I do not want to establish "a pattern of passivity" in my love life, but I have problems appliyng that line of thoughts to my situation. I do not usually have problems interacting and dealing with rejection from girls, but this situation is something different.
    I am responding to this via PM. Look for a message in a few minutes.

    naporeon on
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    durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    The problem with saying "girls like confident guys" is that it suggests you're looking for the magic words that make her leap into bed with you. You want to get to know her better, not trick her into the sack. Yes, people enjoy confident, charismatic people, this is truth. However, not telling her the truth about what you feel means that not only are you lying to her, you're not confident enough to lower those man-shields and talk to her like a person instead of a goddamn bomb. If all you're thinking about is how much you need to hide your wussiness, you're not ready for a relationship of any kind, and should focus on feeling a bit more secure in yourself before you take the leap.

    I've seen honest wussiness work, and I've seen honest confidence work, but I've never seen lying work.

    durandal4532 on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    The problem with saying "girls like confident guys" is that it suggests you're looking for the magic words that make her leap into bed with you. You want to get to know her better, not trick her into the sack. Yes, people enjoy confident, charismatic people, this is truth. However, not telling her the truth about what you feel means that not only are you lying to her, you're not confident enough to lower those man-shields and talk to her like a person instead of a goddamn bomb. If all you're thinking about is how much you need to hide your wussiness, you're not ready for a relationship of any kind, and should focus on feeling a bit more secure in yourself before you take the leap.

    I've seen honest wussiness work, and I've seen honest confidence work, but I've never seen lying work.
    OK. Fair enough. I don't really think anyone is looking to get the girl to "leap into bed" with the OP, though, including the OP himself.

    The truth is admirable. I would even go so far as to say that it's necessary for a healthy long-term relationship. However, I think that there is a distinct difference between being "lying" and "over-revealing." Simply asking her out on a date, rather than "confessing" his adoration of her isn't lying. It isn't even lying through omission. In the "approach" stages of a relationship with women, openness and availibity is like water for a plant: a little is good, but too much will kill it faster than none at all.

    Also, I've seen lying work very well. Even lying that's been revealed as such. It's just kind of depressing.

    naporeon on
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    CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    To Corvus:

    Yes, I'm quite aware of that, and I've been thinking about getting proffesional help for it. But the thing is, I'm not sure what can be done about it from a medical point of view. Medication is not something I would consider appropriate, and as for more physical training and other things usually recommended for depression, it is something I intend to start taking more seriously next semester.

    I guess what I'm trying to get at is that even if I have a mild depression, it is not so severe that it would stop me actually changing what is causing it in the first place... if I could just figure out what to do.

    And helping you figure out what to do is what professionals (whether its a family practioner, psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor, etc) are for. There are various psycho-therapy options and types out there.

    However, if medication is appropriate for your condition, I'd urge you not to dismiss it out of hand. Depression is a physical condition, there are actual physical changes to the brain of a depressed person, and medications can correct/stop/reverse those changes. Its a pretty personal decision thats hard for many people to come to around to though, so its something you have to be personally OK with.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
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    durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    OK. Fair enough. I don't really think anyone is looking to get the girl to "leap into bed" with the OP, though, including the OP himself.

    The truth is admirable. I would even go so far as to say that it's necessary for a healthy long-term relationship. However, I think that there is a distinct difference between being "lying" and "over-revealing." Simply asking her out on a date, rather than "confessing" his adoration of her isn't lying. It isn't even lying through omission. In the "approach" stages of a relationship with women, openness and availibity is like water for a plant: a little is good, but too much will kill it faster than none at all.

    Also, I've seen lying work very well. Even lying that's been revealed as such. It's just kind of depressing.

    Ah, okay, yes. I over-corrected about the honesty, perhaps. Probably because the other people I have talked to about this actually were just looking to lie their way to smooches. I still think it's a better idea to lay it on the line, but yes, showing her the shrine or what have you is not really necessary. The key point is to remember that as much as you know about this girl as a friend, that you haven't been in a romantic relationship with her. Treat it like you would treat asking out a girl you just met to see if you're compatible. No need to go overboard when a simple "You're neat, let's date" will sort things out just fine.

    I know I rapidly cooled off after some of my crushes, and it was a lot easier to be friends without me having said way too much.

    Basically: Still ask her out, don't worry about being a wuss, but don't go overboard.

    durandal4532 on
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    As you may have noticed by now, your chances of success are pretty slim. Everyone knows that the possibility of a relationship is almost out of the question once you get into the "friend zone".

    However, this may not be the case if she has settled down and is looking for a long-term relationship. Women want a lasting partner to be their best friend. But if she's still in the party-hard stage and is still experimenting, chances are she isn't going to want to experiment with a good friend.

    I say go for it. Just be prepared for some dramatic change in your life, good or bad. And even if it's bad, dramatic change might be exactly what you need to help you get around your depression problem.

    Hazzelhoff on
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    NiteMareNiteMare Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    *grumbles*

    That was a bit uncalled for. Wussiness and being shy are two entirely different things.

    For instance, my friend who isn't entirely attractive has a very cute girlfriend. Why? Because she, in fact, likes to dominate men. I really could go into a real explanation, a really detailed one defining differences between a "nice guy" and a "Good guy" where the fact is, wussy traits are simply removed. No need for any bullshit or lying. Judging from your posts, you obviously are not oblivious to these ideas.

    It's fine to be vulnerable and know you have weaknesses. Its another entirely to go around pointing every character flaw, every emotional weakness and insecurity you have to a girl in the first five minutes of conversation. Where on earth did you see anything about lying? God no, I don't condone any bullshit like that.


    Ultimately what it comes down to is respecting her and yourself enough to actively pursue what you want, and if it isn't what she wants, well so be it. But if you don't find closure you'll be wasting your time, as well as hers. It's easy to be so infatuated you can't think of living without her, then one day losing that infatuation and realizing thats all there was and kind of distancing yourself. Leaving a poor girl to ask "What did I do?"

    since I am new, and my views and philosophies are not known I'll say now I'm very humanistic and do not support assholish behavior for attraction.

    P.S

    ah! I see, you thought I was talking about ladder theory or some odd thing like that. By god no, my definition of wussy and confidence is far more refined then anything like acting confidently. Confidence begins inside and is reflected in subtle ways that an act could ever fake.

    NiteMare on
    Thanks. Now I can't officially say that I haven't read a story about two male elves pleasuring each other. - S_O
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    ZsetrekZsetrek Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    The "wussiness" point is pertinent, IMO (if a bit confrontationally worded) - but that's not the best reason for not confessing. Just asking her out without the "I've always loved you" avoids the whole, "wasn't I ever your friend?" dillema. It's also more casual, and puts her under less pressure. It's just nicer/less selfish, really.

    Zsetrek on
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    Mad JazzMad Jazz gotta go fast AustinRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Zsetrek wrote:
    The "wussiness" point is pertinent, IMO (if a bit confrontationally worded) - but that's not the best reason for not confessing. Just asking her out without the "I've always loved you" avoids the whole, "wasn't I ever your friend?" dillema. It's also more casual, and puts her under less pressure. It's just nicer/less selfish, really.

    For serious. A nice, simple, "hey, I think we should go out on a date sometime" will get the job done very well. Tailor your exact wording to your situation, of course; you know the specifics better than we do.

    As far as "cutting ties" and all that bullshit, don't even worry about it. It's obvious you care about maintaining a platonic relationship with this girl no matter what happens, so if she says no, respect her wishes and go about being her friend. You'll be ok, and you may end up closer to her (platonically, I mean) than you were before. I submit myself as evidence that this can happen.

    Also, a note about love: I have loved exactly two women in my life, aside from blood kin. One was my last serious girlfriend, and the other was the girl I mentioned earlier, to whom I've never been closer romantically than a week's worth of "dating" at summer camp when we were 14 or so. These are the only two girls I would do anything for, including violence (in fact, the only times I've ever really wanted to do violence in my life are in defense of these two). I'm not old by any means, but I certainly don't throw the word love around easily (I think it's bandied about far too much nowadays). Try to tell me I didn't love either one of them, and I just might pop you one. :wink: (sorry for the slight derail)

    Mad Jazz on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hm, ok... it's pretty clear that I need to do SOMETHING about this mess. As to what exactly that is going to be, I'm not sure. On one hand, I realise that a straight up confession (not of love, that's a way to big word for what this is) might not be such a good idea, but on the other hand I do not see how I could steer this into a "date-situation" without actually telling her how I feel.

    I've tried things along these lines with the girl in question before, and the results have not really been what I've been hoping for... maybe she has just been stressed and I might not have been clear enough about my intentions, but I do not think so. After all, I'm not completely oblivious, and sooner or later you have to realise that the signals you are looking for are just not there. But then again, what do I know... if I were certain I would not be posting here, right? :)

    Anyway, I guess I will not take any action before the holidays, will probably do me good to get some time and just think about things.

    As for the depression thing: I will definitely look into what my options are regarding professional help. It is not that I am in any way ashamed of seeking help, but if I honestly review how bad I feel, I can not say that it is that bad. I've had friends who have been on medication for depression, and if I compare how I feel to how they did when they got treatment... well, there is no comparison actually. I do not really have that much to complain about.

    Then again, I read an article that said that if you have been feeling unhappy for more than two weeks, you should seek professional help. Apparently the neurons in your brain start dying of after that if you are depressed and you need treatment.... I have a feeling that if people actually followed this advice a majority of the population would be on medication a lot of the time! :)

    Lodbrok on
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    CephalicCarnageCephalicCarnage Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I WAS IN THE SAME EXACT POSITION AS YOU
    (so u read my post)

    look buddy, i was in almost the same exact situation as you. just tell her how you feel. if she rejects you, says "we cant be together" or somthing, you will feel better regardless. it sucks to like sombody and them not know about it. i told the girl in my situation, and it was a no go, but i didnt feel depressed about liking her anymore, i feel much better, MUCH better. and its not like she will cut off the friendship because of that. i guarantee she will understand. after you tell her, and if she shoots you down, just go back to being friends, and it will be easier to "not like her" anymore. honestly i didnt read the rest of the posts after your initial one. maybe sombody already said what i said, but i was in your exact same position so i figured i would just go ahead and say what i got to say.

    edit- i dont feel like i got my point across enough. i just want to say the bottom line;
    Tell her how you feel, plain and simple, do it, the only thing you will lose, is the sadness you have because of your feelings towards her. you will stay friends, and things will stay the way they were, but you will feel better. either that, or she will be all for it and you will have a new girlfriend lol. its win win situation.

    CephalicCarnage on
    We are not evil because of the evil things we do, we do evil because we ARE evil.
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Alright, some new developments... I talked to her today on the phone about nothing in particular. When she asked me how I was I did not really know what to answer... "Ok i guess, but I have a lot on my mind right now".

    Naturaly, she wanted to know what was up, but I told her that I would tell her some other time... didn't feel like something I'd like to do over the phone. Afterwards I realised that I had forgotten to tell her a thing and sent an e-mail going something like this:

    "Sorry, I'm a bit out of it right now, lots of stuff on my mind. Forgot to ask you if you felt like taking a walk in the first snow, but since you have a cold I guess that's not a good idea and you probably don't have the time anyway right now. But now I'm rambling again..." blabla some other stuff about her car.

    Got a reply saying:

    "Damn, I have to finish this report, but maybe we can go for a walk tomorrow. What are you actually thinking about? "

    To which I replied:

    "Eh, not something I wish to take over e-mail, and maybe not otherwise either. Not trying to be cryptic here, but I haven't really figured it out myself yet. Guess I need some time to figure it out during the holidays."

    And got back:

    "Hm, ok. Sometimes it helps to lay it out to another person. I''d be glad to listen to any awkward attempts to formulate what you have to say."

    Oops. Feels like I kinda dug myself a hole here... hadn't planed on doing anything before the holidays but now I don't know...

    On one hand I feel like going into hiding and unplugging the phone, on the other hand I can appreciate the comedic qualities of this situation. Oh well, we'll see how this plays out.

    Lodbrok on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Wow. Some of that sounds promising, Lodbrok. I think you should jump on this opportunity.

    Although again, I wouldn't personally recommend a very in-depth discussion of your feelings for her. Maybe just a very light synopsis, followed by a request for an actual date.

    naporeon on
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    Ratman_tfRatman_tf Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    You can be a lying tool, or you can be honest. There are a lot of ways to lie, but there's only one way to be honest with her.

    I'm-a gonna jump in and pick at this nit.

    There are multiple ways of being honest too.

    Ratman_tf on
    "I reject your reality and substitute my own"
    - Adam Savage, 'Mythbusters'
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    from the tone of your conversation i would suggest that you get this depression thing out of the way before you propose anything to her. if she thinks you're depressed, she's not going to want to be dragged down with you.

    maybe you could use this upcoming "dating proposal" as encouragement to become a happier person. Get out and do things, join clubs, sports, work out, walk around town. Just change things up a whole lot in regards to whatever might interest you.

    You are in the perfect position to better yourself because you have a goal to strive for. Regardless of whether or not you get shot down in the end, you'll have bettered yourself, cured your depression, and will have a better chance of getting with the girl in question or other lady-friends.

    Hazzelhoff on
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hazzel, you should really word what you're better. xD

    @OP: Sounds like she understands you better than you do, or at least, that's the feeling I get by that convo.

    Aldo on
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Aldo wrote:
    Hazzel, you should really word what you're better. xD

    huh?

    Hazzelhoff on
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    EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok, you're being really passive aggressive. yes, that goes hand in hand with being depressed, but this girl, even if it doesn't become something romantic, at least is trying to help.

    You asked her if she wanted to go "out" with you, and then shot yourself down. But she came back and said "hey, let's do that tomorrow, and you can tell me what's on your mind."

    So, uh, what you do now is you go on a walk with her and tell her what's on your mind. Don't say things like "you think this is stupid or dumb" -- do not put words in her mouth! Especially negative ones!

    EggyToast on
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    WiseguyWiseguy __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2006
    yeah, man, stop being so down on yourself :/

    very, very unattractive

    Wiseguy on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    ZsetrekZsetrek Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    You're forcing her into a bad position.

    The subtext of what you're saying/hoping to say to her is, "I am unhappy. I will only be happy if you love me." No-one is going to be thrilled about being told that.

    Take a step back. Remember why you love her. Start again emotionally. Ask her out as if you'd just met her for the first time.

    No-one wants to be blackmailed into a relationship, but pretty much everyone wants to be swept off their feet by emotion.

    Zsetrek on
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    ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Dude, even if you're depressed you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and definitely don't take it out on her like you basically just did. You're never going to get over it if you don't make a concerted effort to act more positive, particularly around other people. FFS, don't shoot yourself down in the same sentence as asking her out. Nobody likes a punching bag.

    Zek on
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    durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Nothing but positive signals so far from, man. I know the feeling that comes with wanting to stick your neck out, but you're inventing reasons to feel bad here. And I second "ask her out like it is your first time meeting her". You need to try to tone down the infatuation, and focus on why you want to know her more. Infatuation is extremely stong, and only felt by one person, so it's offputting to be placed on the spot by someone else who you now know can't live without you. Like Zsetrek said: start again emotionally with her.

    Also, you'll be fine, don't beat yourself up before the fact.

    durandal4532 on
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    GrimmGrimm Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Mad Jazz wrote:
    I'm not old by any means, but I certainly don't throw the word love around easily (I think it's bandied about far too much nowadays).

    Very much agreed.

    Grimm on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Ok, I feel the need to clarify myself a bit here. I was taken a bit by surprise by this conversation, because when I ask one of my friends what's the matter and, they reply "I do not want to talk about it." I just drop the subject. I figure that if they want to talk about it, they will, and if not, well, that's cool as well. Which means that when I was the one with something on my mind I did not really know what say. I was not deliberately trying to be cryptic or play some stupid game.

    Hazzelhof:

    Yes, well... I do not think that I am a bad or depressing person to be around. Generally I do not bother other people with my problems. Of course I do not feel as happy as I should, but at least I hope that I do not take it out on others.

    Eggytoast:

    Could you please explain what you mean by "passive-aggressive"? That is something I haven't even reflected on, and is not something I want to come across as. And I certainly did not see it at the time like I shot myself down. She had already explained that she had lots of stuff to do and was about to catch a cold, but I still wanted to get across that I would have liked to go on a walk in the snow since that is something we talked about the last time it snowed.

    Zsetrek:

    Is this really what I am doing? If so, I really have to think about it. "I am unhappy. I will only be happy if you love me." sounds horrible, and it is certainly not what I want to say, apart from the fact that it is just not true.

    So, as for the "date-thing", she already knows I enjoy spending time with her and like her. I'll see what happens today, some things that have been said here has made me question my motives for this whole thing...

    Edit:

    Apparently I give of the signals that I feel sorry for myself and that I'm miserable. This is not the case. I realise that this is, on the grand scale of things, a very trivial situation. What I'm feeling is not love, I've never called it that. I'm not a love-struck teenager who shuts myself into his room and treat the people I know like shit. I just wish to resolve this situation in a mature way. That e-mail conversation, and some of the things that has been said here, has made me a bit uncomfortable about how I actually come across. Thing is, I'm not one for saying that I'm feeling great and happy when I'm really not.... not because I want other people to take care of my problems, but because I'm just trying to be honest to the best of my ability. Alright, that might not make much sense, but I felt that I had to add it.

    Lodbrok on
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    KismetKismet Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I have also been in this position in the past.
    In my opinion, the best thing you can say is something along the lines of:
    "I've recently been thinking about how much I enjoy spending time with you, wanna go out sometime?" And take it from there.

    If you go out, awesome - if not, your feelings are at least known and you can continue to hang out like before(minus the feelings being "secret"). I guess the bottom line is... if you enjoy spending time with her, then get this on the table and continue to enjoy it, either way it goes.

    It can take time for people to sort out their feelings (as you well know evidently) so don't drop her like a bad habit if she says she isn't sure what to think or acts bewildered. Chances are she either knows or suspects anyway, depending on how well she's been picking up on your behaviors.

    Kismet on
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    Aldo wrote:
    Hazzel, you should really word what you're better. xD

    huh?
    *what you're saying better.

    God, English...annoying.

    Aldo on
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    variantvariant Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I've been in a situation kind of like this, except we had been friends only for about 3-4 months(thats when I realised I really liked her).

    I held off till about the 6th month, realized I can't get over it, and was told by my cousin that all I needed was some closure, so I could move on.

    I asked her if something could happen between us, she said no(in a kind manner) and I gave her the option to remain as my friend or just break all contact, and let her know that I may be a bit weird for a bit and that I still cared for her, as a friend.

    And she chose to stay, I got over it in like 3 weeks, we've been pretty great friends for a year now and I consider her one of my best friends.

    Edit: My blood still boils when she dates a douche, though I'm simply protective of all my friends in that manner and her last boyfriend and I were pretty chill.

    variant on
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    ZsetrekZsetrek Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    Zsetrek:

    Is this really what I am doing? If so, I really have to think about it. "I am unhappy. I will only be happy if you love me." sounds horrible, and it is certainly not what I want to say, apart from the fact that it is just not true.

    So, as for the "date-thing", she already knows I enjoy spending time with her and like her. I'll see what happens today, some things that have been said here has made me question my motives for this whole thing...

    Edit:

    Apparently I give of the signals that I feel sorry for myself and that I'm miserable. This is not the case. I realise that this is, on the grand scale of things, a very trivial situation. What I'm feeling is not love, I've never called it that. I'm not a love-struck teenager who shuts myself into his room and treat the people I know like shit. I just wish to resolve this situation in a mature way. That e-mail conversation, and some of the things that has been said here, has made me a bit uncomfortable about how I actually come across. Thing is, I'm not one for saying that I'm feeling great and happy when I'm really not.... not because I want other people to take care of my problems, but because I'm just trying to be honest to the best of my ability. Alright, that might not make much sense, but I felt that I had to add it.

    Well, it's really difficult for us to judge the general tone of your relationship based off your posts alone. For all we know, you two could have a very lighthearted, spontaneous relationship where you're both very open with your feelings - but that wasn't the impression that I got.

    When you're confessing your hidden love for someone, it's always going to come off as very uncomfortable/high-pressure for the reasons that people have been saying. It very suddenly and drastically re-shapes the dynamic between two people.

    What I'm adovcating is a more gradual shift. Don't corner her and pour everything out for her to deal with in one sitting (not that you were going to, but - worst case scenario). That has a high potential of scaring her off. Just take a step back, put your crush on hold, and try to engage with her on a more human level. Try and drop all of your bagage, and make a new start.

    The main reason that crushes absolutely suck is because your feelings get all tangled up with reality. You can't have a normal relationship with someone because you've put so much pressure on yourself. If this was some girl you'd just met, you would have asked her out in a second instead of agonizing over the decision like you are now.

    You have to take the pressure off yourself, and you have to make sure you don't put it on her accidentally. The best way to do that, IMO, is to just take it easy.

    Zsetrek on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Ok, I guess the girl problem is settled. She called me today, and we chatted for an hour about life in general and the upcoming christmas. She was obviously worried about why I was feeling a bit down, but I could not bring me myself to tell her on the phone...

    After the call, I felt real bad. This girl has always been a good friend, and I felt like piece of shit about the way I had been acting. It made me realise that I really could not go on like I had been, so I drove over to her place. This was one of the hardest things I've done in my life, but I could not reconcile the way I had been acting with being an honest person.

    She was happy to see me, which made me feel even worse. I gave her the christmas present I had bought her, since I was not sure she would want it after I had said what I had come for.

    I told her that I liked her like more than a friend, but that I hoped that we could go on being friends since I really appreciate her as friend. I think she was a bit shocked, and truth be told, I think I'm still in a bit of shock myself, just came back home. I explained that I felt I had been dishonest with her and that I value our friendship to much to go on like this.

    Perhaps a bit dramatic, but I said what I think I needed to say. She felt it was good that I had told her, and that is was a really brave thing that she would never be able to do...

    She has never seen me as anything more than a friend, but I already more or less knew that. We talked about what would happen now, since we agreed that we would stay friends. We could joke about the situation, noticing that it was like something out of a movie, so that is good I guess.

    She was a bit worried about me, and wondered if there was anything she could do to make it easier for me... this is something that I felt bad about. I told her that she should not change the way she acted around me, and that I have no right to demand anything from her.

    In the end, we hugged and I told her that I would drive her to the train station on friday like I had promised.

    So, I guess that was that. I'm not really shure how I feel now. It was good to finaly be able to say it, and I'm not worried about our friendship. However, being rejected, no matter how much you expect it, is never fun. Maybe I will be able to go on now, but like a previous poster said, perhaps some things never really go away.

    Anyway, life goes on and we never know what the future brings. Right now, I'm not very happy about how things in my life has turned out. Guess I will still spend the holidays doing some serious soul-searching and try to figure things out... after all, maybe 2007 will be a better year.

    I wish to thank everyone who contributed to this thread. Lots of good advice, and what people said here gave me a much needed kick in the butt. Thank you H/A!

    Lodbrok on
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    WiseguyWiseguy __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2006
    Wow.

    Kickass job, dude.

    You really kept your cool and although she just wants to be friends, I'm sure you'll make very good ones. A good friendship is far more valuable, in my opinion.

    Wiseguy on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    durandal4532durandal4532 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Even if it didn't work out exactly like you'd hoped, it was the right thing to do, Iand 'm impressed with how you handled it. I don't think you'll have a ton of trouble staying friends. It's going to be awkward at first, but no more so than staying friends with an ex.

    You did well, man. Focus on enjoying the holidays, 2007 will be awesome.

    durandal4532 on
    Take a moment to donate what you can to Critical Resistance and Black Lives Matter.
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    good on yah!

    now go work that magic on a girl that isn't already in the "friend zone" and you're golden. Damned womens and their "friend zone". It makes no sense.

    Hazzelhoff on
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Sounds like that worked out superb. :3

    hey, with a bit of luck she'll set you up with someone else in a few months. ;D

    Aldo on
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    MahnmutMahnmut Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    good on yah!

    now go work that magic on a girl that isn't already in the "friend zone" and you're golden. Damned womens and their "friend zone". It makes no sense.

    I would advise Lodbrok not to go away from this experience with notions about the "friend zone." I'll assume that you aren't an adherent of ladder theory, since I'm pretty sure we aren't allowed to post that nonsense... but my point is that this girl probably didn't reject the OP because he was a friend, although normally she would have dated him--the relationship naturally developed into friendship because there was little/no romantic attraction on her side. This happens often, isn't insulting, shouldn't hurt the OP's ego, and makes perfect sense.

    OP: :thumbsup:. Hopefully you'll get over her sooner now, and enjoy an excellent and unstrained friendship.

    Mahnmut on
    Steam/LoL: Jericho89
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    CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lod:
    :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^: :^:

    Good job man.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
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    NiteMareNiteMare Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Good job man, you've taken the first step towards being able to turn chick friends into something more.

    You've taken the first step in fact, to becoming a badass. You did something incredibly hard, because you wanted to. Now if you keep your mind in that set - doing whats right for you, doing things that make you happy you'll naturally become a more attractive person. Word.

    A fuckin plus for balls. What you did proves you're a strong person. If you're strong enough to do something that difficult, pursuing your happiness should be no problem.

    NiteMare on
    Thanks. Now I can't officially say that I haven't read a story about two male elves pleasuring each other. - S_O
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    So, I guess that was that. I'm not really shure how I feel now. It was good to finaly be able to say it, and I'm not worried about our friendship. However, being rejected, no matter how much you expect it, is never fun. Maybe I will be able to go on now, but like a previous poster said, perhaps some things never really go away.

    Don't worry dude, you did a great job.

    Remember that the only true regret lies in never making the attempt, especially when it comes to this sort of thing. And yeah, you will be able to go on, and perhaps it will be easier or perhaps it will be harder, but you will always live with the knowledge that you had the balls to say those things to the girl, unlike most people.

    ege02 on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hm, yes, well... people keep saying that what I did was brave. I'm not so sure about that. Sometimes you get to a point where you just HAVE to do something to resolve an unacceptable situation. Had I actually had the balls I would have resolved this much sooner, and possibly with a happier outcome.

    Now that I have had some time to think, I have realised a few things. I still really like this girl. Ok, now our interactions will be honest, and I will not treat her any different that any other friend. But there is still a small part of me that hopes... perhaps this part will never go away.

    To the people suggesting that now I will be able to meet someone else:

    "We are a generation raised by women, somehow I do not think another woman is the answer to our problems." Fight Club has the answer to somany of the great questions in life! :)

    Seriously though, I just don't know. It usually takes me a long time to get over stuff like this, and I have noticed that the older I get less and less people actually interest me romantically. Maybe one day, but for now I think I will lay low for a while as far as the women are concerned.

    I'm not really sad, just tired and a little confused.

    Lodbrok on
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:

    Now that I have had some time to think, I have realised a few things. I still really like this girl. Ok, now our interactions will be honest, and I will not treat her any different that any other friend. But there is still a small part of me that hopes... perhaps this part will never go away.

    yah, you will continue to like her untill someone else perks your interest. Sad thing is, if she does take interest in you, it'll probably happen when you start dating someone else. Everyone wants what they can't have and she'll be jealious of not taking what she could have had when she had the chance.

    Hazzelhoff on
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hazzelhoff wrote:
    Lodbrok wrote:

    Now that I have had some time to think, I have realised a few things. I still really like this girl. Ok, now our interactions will be honest, and I will not treat her any different that any other friend. But there is still a small part of me that hopes... perhaps this part will never go away.

    yah, you will continue to like her untill someone else perks your interest. Sad thing is, if she does take interest in you, it'll probably happen when you start dating someone else. Everyone wants what they can't have and she'll be jealious of not taking what she could have had when she had the chance.
    That's some bitter words there, chief. Now I have to post again about how it's not always like that.

    It's not always like that

    Aldo on
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