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Lack of momentum in life (also: a girl) U&S?

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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Aldo wrote:
    That's some bitter words there, chief. Now I have to post again about how it's not always like that.

    It's not always like that

    of course it's not always like that. I don't see what so bad about it either. It's encouragement for him to date other girls

    Hazzelhoff on
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    Mad JazzMad Jazz gotta go fast AustinRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    Hm, yes, well... people keep saying that what I did was brave. I'm not so sure about that. Sometimes you get to a point where you just HAVE to do something to resolve an unacceptable situation. Had I actually had the balls I would have resolved this much sooner, and possibly with a happier outcome.

    Now that I have had some time to think, I have realised a few things. I still really like this girl. Ok, now our interactions will be honest, and I will not treat her any different that any other friend. But there is still a small part of me that hopes... perhaps this part will never go away.

    To the people suggesting that now I will be able to meet someone else:

    "We are a generation raised by women, somehow I do not think another woman is the answer to our problems." Fight Club has the answer to somany of the great questions in life! :)

    Seriously though, I just don't know. It usually takes me a long time to get over stuff like this, and I have noticed that the older I get less and less people actually interest me romantically. Maybe one day, but for now I think I will lay low for a while as far as the women are concerned.

    I'm not really sad, just tired and a little confused.

    Good for you for telling her. Don't sell yourself short; it does take balls to spill that kind of thing to someone. I almost pussied out, to the point of getting into my car to drive away before I caught myself. You handled it much better than I did. And no, it doesn't feel too great to be rejected even though you knew it was coming. What it does feel like, though, is that you have a big weight off your shoulders, am I right? That's the thing that will help you get over this. It's not finding another girl, it's just being comfortable with the fact that you have a friend and nothing else. As a matter of fact, do a search for one of my first posts here in H/A...it was me asking for help with getting over the girl after I talked to her, and it was just what I needed to hear. Maybe it'll help you too.

    Also, don't listen to hazzelhoff about friend zone or how she'll like you once she can't have you or anything else like that. that's just a bunch of bitter bullshit that doesn't play in the real world.

    Mad Jazz on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Alright, one final update on this whole mess. With the holidays coming up, I will not see the girl for at least a couple of weeks, and I that is something that I am gratefull for, even if it makes me a bad person.

    Today was one of the most emotionally draining days of my life. If you remember, I had promised to drive her to the train she was taking back to her parents for christmas. However, due to a series of events that feel like they would fit better in a bad movie than in real life, I ended spending the almost the whole day with her.

    It started in the morning, when whe could not get her car working... all right, I can help her with that I guess. Hey, what are friends for? And besides, I had promised to take look at it earlier. The car was a no go. Had to go get a tow-line and move it to a better location. She had some business to take care of at her work, so I drove her there... I went back to my workplace. I still hade to take her to the train later... no big deal, just drop her of and wish her a merry christmas.

    Allright, time to drive her to the train-station. We went by her place, since she was gonna pick up her cat, naturally it could not spend two weeks alone. The cat was in a hole. A hole in the a ventilation grate that led to the crawlspace... it did not want to come out, and the train was leaving in forty minutes. After much cooing and trying to lure it out with food, it became apparent that this cat did not wish to go away for christmas. It was quite content spending the holidays hunting mice or wathever in its new playground. We had to leave for the train. and the neighbours would probably be able to look after it... I offered to swing by as well.

    We got to the train-station with four minutes to spare. She missed the train. She called me just as I was leaving the station. I turned around and went back. What was I supposed to do? I could not leave her standing there with all her luggage. After all, I am a good friend...

    I told her we would fix this somehow. We went back to my place (it is closer) to check on the net. There was a bus leaving in a few hours from a city not far from where my parents are from. I offered to drive her there... what friend wouldn't?

    Back to her place to resolve the cat situation. A well-placed hammer-blow (my, did I feel manly...) managed to enlarge the hole enough to get an arm in and try to drag the cat out. The cat was pissed. The cat let its displeasure be known by dissappearing further into the crawl-space. It was decided that the cat did not deserve any christmas presents and could well spend the holidays on its own. The neighbours agreed to feed it. Cats have a mind of their own.

    We left for the larger city where the bus was leaving from. At least this went as planned. She jokingly asked me to drive her all the way (400 km) and spend the christmas with her family... I politely declined (right then, I could not imagine anything at the same time both more and less appealing).

    I left her at the bus-station. We hugged and whished each other happy holidays. I had to leave, was in a taxi-zone, otherwise I would have helped her with the luggage.

    I called her and checked that she got on the bus ok. She did. She said that we would probably get in touch the days between christmas and new-year. I wanted to say: "Please don't call, this is hard for me...". I said: "Yeah, we'll keep in touch. Have a nice christmas and take care of yourself".

    This was a hard day for me. I could not deny help to a friend, but spending time with her was harder than I had expected. Worse, I could see her shrinking a bit each time she had to depend on me, of all persons. The interaction was almost as it has always been, we could laugh together. but there was some subject we avoided (like her new boyfriend... dear lord, I really do not wish to know about her love life. Maybe this is another thing that makes me a bad person). Spending time with her constantly reminded me why I like her.

    Right now, I'm not feeling that great. I will be good not to see her for a while, something which I did not think I would ever say. I'm beginning to understand the people who said to break contact... but maybe I will feel different after the holidays.

    Anyway, this was a crazy day for me. Just wanted to share it with the people here, it must be amusing to read it happening to someone else... or so I hope.

    Have a nice christmas!

    Lodbrok on
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Mad Jazz wrote:
    Also, don't listen to hazzelhoff about friend zone or how she'll like you once she can't have you or anything else like that. that's just a bunch of bitter bullshit that doesn't play in the real world.

    actually it has happened in the real world because it happened to me. But I guess my experiences don't warrant any credit from people that know everything like you do.

    Lodbrok: good to see that you were able to endure that. It only gets easier with time

    Hazzelhoff on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Mad Jazz wrote:
    Also, don't listen to hazzelhoff about friend zone or how she'll like you once she can't have you or anything else like that. that's just a bunch of bitter bullshit that doesn't play in the real world.
    Incorrect.

    It's a demonstrable fact that nothing makes you more attractive to your female friends than you being "taken." Do I think that Lodbrok ought to COUNT on it having that effect? Absolutely not. But in many, many cases, it plays out exactly as Hazzelhoff describes.

    naporeon on
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    HazzelhoffHazzelhoff Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    naporeon wrote:
    Mad Jazz wrote:
    Also, don't listen to hazzelhoff about friend zone or how she'll like you once she can't have you or anything else like that. that's just a bunch of bitter bullshit that doesn't play in the real world.
    Incorrect.

    It's a demonstrable fact that nothing makes you more attractive to your female friends than you being "taken." Do I think that Lodbrok ought to COUNT on it having that effect? Absolutely not. But in many, many cases, it plays out exactly as Hazzelhoff describes.

    Sorry, I definately should have stated that it's not a good idea to count on this happening.

    Hazzelhoff on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    No, you are absolutely right that counting on such a thing would be foolish to say the least. Not to mention the fact that using someone else just to try to get the girl you really want would, in my book, make you if not a bad person, at least a bit dishonorable.

    I don't know. Maybe I will meet someone who will completely rock my world tomorrow, but I doubt it. I've never been one for relationships-for-relationships-sake, and right now there is no one else I can imagine falling for. I know this will pass with time (perhaps) but no one has ever died from being single. I feel like going out and getting filthy drunk, maybe doing some foolish things... today was pay day and christmas-day is a big party-day around here. :o

    Lodbrok on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    I don't know. Maybe I will meet someone who will completely rock my world tomorrow, but I doubt it. I've never been one for relationships-for-relationships-sake, and right now there is no one else I can imagine falling for. I know this will pass with time (perhaps) but no one has ever died from being single. I feel like going out and getting filthy drunk, maybe doing some foolish things... today was pay day and christmas-day is a big party-day around here. :o
    :^:

    Definitely not something to do everyday, but man, you've earned a totally blotto Friday.

    naporeon on
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    NiteMareNiteMare Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    counting on ever getting with her is just a bad idea. Let alone counting on using some other poor girl to make her jealous enough to want you.

    My friend said, living well is the best revenge. Well fuck revenge, living well is just the best idea in general. plus it makes you more attractive. Believe me, nothing is more attractive then a guy who has his shit together, has a good, enjoyable life regardless of who is involved in it. It works. Do everything for yourself, not for anyone else. It works.

    NiteMare on
    Thanks. Now I can't officially say that I haven't read a story about two male elves pleasuring each other. - S_O
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    CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Lodbrok wrote:
    Hm, yes, well... people keep saying that what I did was brave. I'm not so sure about that. Sometimes you get to a point where you just HAVE to do something to resolve an unacceptable situation. Had I actually had the balls I would have resolved this much sooner, and possibly with a happier outcome.

    Thats some excessively negative thinking there my man. Yeah, ideally you would have been debonair and charming when you first met this girl and you'd both be madly in love with each other.

    But, just because you didnt deal with this in pefectly in the past, doesn't mean you shouldnt give yourself credit for doing what you had to do. I mean, you could have wussed out and kept hanging onto this toxic infatuation or whatever with this girl and not mentioned it to her for another six months. That would have been a hell of a lot worse for you than doing what you did.

    Condolences on the Plains Trains and Automobiles situation there. That cat thing is straight out of a bad comedy film.

    The distance is definetly a good idea. Try to enjoy your holidays and enjoy being with your friends and/or family. If nothing else, there should be enough going on at this time of the year to keep you busy so you aren't spending time brooding about this situation.

    Corvus on
    :so_raven:
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    I just wanna give a thumbs up to your positive view on live. =)

    Aldo on
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    Mad JazzMad Jazz gotta go fast AustinRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Yeah, I could've phrased that a little better (after all, I've never had more girls go after me than in the 3 weeks after I started dating my last girlfriend). I think I took what you wrote to mean that one could use being taken as leverage, which we all seem to agree is a terrible idea.

    Ladbrok wrote:
    Maybe this is another thing that makes me a bad person

    It absolutely does not make you a bad person. Stop thinking that right this second. All it makes you is human, which is perfectly ok to be.

    I could totally see myself writing your last long post...I was in a nearly identical situation, and I empathize. Some space will do you good, and give you a chance to get your head straight. Don't worry about it too much though, man, you'll make it though. Also, don't be surprised if there's a bit of awkwardness for a while. Eventually you'll both move beyond that stage, and you'll interact as just friends. So chin up, go have some beers with some buds, and take it easy over the holiday. :^:

    Mad Jazz on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Yes, life goes on, even though this will not be the happiest christmas in my life. It is just a matter of applying what you rationaly know to your emotions... but I guess that is the answer to many situations in life :)
    Easier said than done, however...
    I really do not have anything more to add, so I guess this is resolved for now.

    Mad Jazz:

    Could you maybe provide a link to the thread you mentioned earlier? I did some searching but could not find anything. Would have taken this over PM but perhaps someone else is interested as well.

    Lodbrok on
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    LodbrokLodbrok Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Ok, I'm not sure that I should resurrect this thread, but what the heck... may be someone has something usefull to say, and general relationship threads always get lots of replies. So, the latest episode of the soap-opera that Lodbroks life has become...

    Like I said previously, christmas day around these parts is a big party day. I hooked up with some really old friends. My goal for the evening was more or less just to meet some new people and get drunk. At the party, there were girls, naturally. Really good looking ones... this will be imortant later. We went out to a bar, much alcohol was consumed. I started talking to one of the girls from the party, this is someone I have not meet before. She seems like a nice girl, and is quite the looker. We talk, she is practiaclly in my lap, I realise that if I want to, I could very likely get some action here. After all, it is just to easy saying the right things and I have always been good at bullshitting.
    .
    But... I did not want to. I just stopped. This girl has some issues herself with a fairly recent breakup behind her. For some reason, in the blink of eye, I swith from sweet-talking her into friend mode. I think she was a bit confused, and in retrospect, I kinda regret it a bit... she was very good looking. In the end, I went home alone, and it was probably for the best.

    But this brings me to the advice bit of the this post. Right now, I do not want anyone else than the girl I have been talking about in my previous posts. Somehow, my libido seems to have been shot down together with me. I realise that it has only been a week since I told the girl what I feel for her, and a week is a very short amount of time. Honestly, I do not even feel that I want to get over her right now. As I only half-jokingly told my friend, I think she will always be my white whale, the one I always hunt after but never will catch. May I should have chosen Captain Ahab as my user name....

    Anyway, I guess it can't hurt to be pro-active. How have you, the fine people of H/A, managed to put something like this behind you? Please feel free to share stories and advice. I realise that there are no answers that can tell me how to deal with this situation, but it is always good to hear about other peoples experiences.

    Edit:

    Just going to edit this since I do not want to bump the thread. To clarify a bit. I do not really feel sorry for myself, and I hope I do have the self-respect to not cry into my beer.

    I guess I should have been a bit clearer in what I was looking for. Specifically, are there perhaps any cognitive excercises you can use to modify your thoughts in a situation such as this? What should I tell myself to get over it? And so on...

    But, I guess there are no straight easy answers anyway. Oh well, it was worth a shot... borderline creepy self-obsesive does not sound very fun. :-)

    Lodbrok on
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    AldoAldo Hippo Hooray Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Me for me? I usually get over people by falling in love with someone else, yes this isn't reassuring for you. :P

    Really dude, love is a wacky emotion and there's no sure-fire way to get over it, all you can do is live on and try to forget about ever falling in love with her. Maybe one day you'll fall madly in love with someone else and maybe then it works out.

    Aldo on
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    AmiguAmigu Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Hey it'S great that you got that out of your system!

    Now move on to dealing with your current problems.

    As long as you're distracted by her you won't beable to deal with you other shit.

    PS I sent you a pm

    Amigu on
    BitD PbP Character Volstrom
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    ZsetrekZsetrek Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    That good-looking girl might have been the funniest, most intelligent, sensitive and generous woman in the world - and you passed her up for what? The opportunity to feel sorry for yourself?

    True love exists, but it doesn't work like in the movies - it's something you have to work at, and actively look for. You're crying in your beer because it didn't fall in your lap. What you should be doing is embracing life, and having fun.

    Not every girl you meet is going to be your soul mate. So what? Just have some fun, goddamnit, and stop this borderline creepy self-obsessive shit.

    Zsetrek on
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