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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    What the fuck.

    Edit: I have one of those coffee machines, and they are awesome. Clearly your ex was a dipshit.

    Part of me understands why a Coffee machine would suck but he made it clear there were more "fun" gifts too.

    Still she clearly overreacted.

    King Riptor on
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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Throw a single cup of coffee in her face.

    Goddamn, I need some more experience with the ladies. That is, any.

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  • chasmchasm Ill-tempered Texan Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Throw a single cup of coffee in her face.

    Goddamn, I need some more experience with the ladies. That is, any.

    I think we've found the problem.

    chasm on
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  • Local H JayLocal H Jay Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    haha
    teenagers

    within is a tale so macabre, so unequivocally bad it makes me lament for simpler times.
    (nah, not really)
    when i was a younger lad, in the great wide open world of DRAMA~
    i was unaware the huge, surging pumps of hormones activated in my fellow stage performers. i was 17, and had become involved of a production of Scrooge, the musical version of, well, y'know.
    anyways, after sometime practicing dance routines and memorizing horrid songs, i noticed this girl constantly looking at me. not in a 'hey lookit him' way, but a weird, bug-eyed 'I SEE YOU' way. i find this to be most odd, and ask a few people about her. after asking a few kids i knew, one of them practically EXPLODED with info on this girl, and her crush on me.
    i was really flattered. i'd never been in a situation like that. i usually was the one who had the crush! i was in a position of power.
    as time moved on we started talking, and i could tell she was super nervous around me, and i tried my best to seem at ease around her. eventually we started talked on facebook (/facepalm) and she asked me out. i was taken aback by her brash-ness, as we'd only hung out once or twice.
    i said yes, unfortunately.
    as things progressed i learned a few things. FIRST NEW RULE, ME: ASK THE DAMN AGE.
    this girl turned out to be 15. and i was turning 18 in about 3 months time.
    the age difference didn't bother me, as we did nothing sexual, and she seemed so mature (seemed). after a while i start noticing things about her, like her crippling self esteem issuses, and her constant need to feel validated.
    she was obsessed with the thought i didn't really like her, and that i was stringing her along. i told her i was not into this as anything 'serious', and she took that and turned it into "IF YOU HATE ME WHY U DATE ME ABLOO BLOO BLOO"
    this lead me to say we needed a break (NEVER DO THIS), which resulted in me being BOMBARDED with texts and online messages about how sorry she was, and how much she valued me. eventually i told her it was too much, and we had to cut it off. unfortunately, since i have no balls and seeing a girl cry makes me want to cry, i did it over the phone (yeah... that's pretty bad).
    then i made another mistake telling her we could be friends, which i had no intention of doing since she was batshit-bonkers.
    now we don't really talk, and if i run into her she makes it very unpleasant and awkward. she also makes a point of coming to my workplace (a restaurant) with her new boyfriend, for some reason.

    ah, fuck high school

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  • ShawnaseeShawnasee Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Maverikk wrote: »
    Shawnasee wrote: »
    After we split, she called my First Sergeant and told him I had responsibilities (two dogs) and that I needed to drive half way to London twice a month so that she could see them and he fucking agreed?!
    So every other weekend I had to drive half way to London to drop off the two dogs to her and then pick them back up. Like I had custody and she had visitation rights.

    I don't know what it is about First Sergeants, but they always seem to agree with the crazy Ex.

    Also, was this girl military, also? Because military/military would explain everything about why the marriage failed.

    No, she was British.

    Shawnasee on
    Chanus wrote: »

    Your wang is a better man than you.
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Mom2Kat wrote: »
    He was nearly done court mandated therapy and was listed extremly low risk to reofend (in canada no one is listed as no risk) I kept him, and infact he has never re offended.

    That made me giggle. Sorry.

    We're more dangerous than we appear. Being sweet, nice and charming as a society is just a ruse in order to be close enough to rip you to shreds before you can react, should the need arise.

    It comes from such a close proximity to the world's leading superpower. Like a younger brother / older brother rivalry, the older one may have the upper hand most of the time, but a wise younger brother knows he might need a contingency plan in case things turn ugly one day.

    But don't worry, guy! :-D


    Okay, crazy girlfriend stories...

    Well, to preface, when I was younger, I was highly intelligent, wise beyond my years, and utterly retarded when it came to women.

    Fast forward a decade and a half, and very little has changed, though I've come to question the first two, but now accept the latter.

    My first serious relationship (is spoilered for length)
    was with a girl who was a week younger than I, but in the next grade up. It was a summer romance, but I only found this out in the fall. The months we were together were fun, but there were warning signs; she was a dancer (and in great shape) but constantly fretted about her appearance. Not in a vain manner, but worried about things that seemed inconsequential (to an outsider, at least). We had vastly different interests (which can be good), but not enough similar interests to really make things click.

    We made out and did things together, but never actually had sex. Herein was something of an issue with the relationship; at one point she'd told me that she had promised to talk to her mother before she started having sex, so when she started pushing things a little further along, I made two mistakes; I asked if she'd had that conversation (Nope) and then politely put the act of intercourse itself off, citing that I didn't wish to cause a problem in that regard (so noble... yeah, I've got nothing). Perhaps 'mistake' isn't the right word now, but at the time I admit I was kicking myself.

    Eventually things came to an end, and I pined a little, we got back together briefly, and then called it off again for good. It was for the best, but it did mean that I waited a good 2 more years before finally losing my virginity.

    It was an excruciating wait at the time, but in hindsight, it was probably for the best.


    Another situation, in which my partner was significantly more crazy than I,
    was when I was 23, and was dating a 31 year old spanish woman. I note that she was spanish in that it is relavent that english was not her first language, so while we communicated to a more limited degree than I would've liked, she was fun, enjoyed seeing movies with me, and was compared to my previous lovers, incredible in bed. In short, she appeared to be the "fun kind of crazy".

    Warning signs began to appear, in that she was a bit... physically aggressive. I should note that at the time I was 6'4" and probably around 250-260 pounds. Not pure muscle, but I wasn't a ball of flab either; spending 12 hours a day up to 4 days a week keeps you in some semblance of shape. She was around 5'3" or less, and probably barely broke 120 pounds. I was literally twice her size. Over the years, I learned to show caution around people, and attempted to be careful not to hurt them inadvertantly. She apparently learned the opposite. This woman bit me a few times in a playful fashion that actually left bruises. She once playfully 'sacked' me (as in, took a light backhanded shot at my junk and connected, which led to the first time I've ever "cut a woman off" for the night, and told her as much), and despite only dating for approximately 8 months, apparently wished we were moving more quickly.

    We'd made plans for her to move into a 3 bdrm apartment with me and my new room mate around November of that year, when she suddenly backed out of that. We had plans to spend Christmas and New Years together, but she grew more and more distant, finally breaking up with me around a week before Christmas. We still saw each other at work, and talked a little, finally concluding to spend New Years together, as planned. It became our last night together, and while I wish I could say the relationship ended on a high note, or even a low enough note to be an interesting story, it really just sort of fizzled out.

    Now, another issue that had come up over the months was that she wanted a child. Another child, actually, as she already had an 8 year old son waiting for her back in Peru, whom she intended to bring to Canada as soon as she possibly could. What I didn't realize was just how desperately she wanted that second baby; less than a year after we broke up, I got a call from my room mate, who also worked with us, and was in considerably closer with her department. Word had reached him that she was pregnant. To add slight insult to injury, the father was a friend of hers that she'd introduced me to early in the relationship. Oh, and he's married. Not to her.

    Anyway, they might be long winded and not nearly as entertaining as being stranded in another State or threatened with a blade, but those are probably my most notable tales of crazy. I've had a number of other experiences that were 'crazy' per se, but mostly brief interludes wherein my better judgement settled in, like the time I agreed to go on a date with a stripper's daughter (who thankfully was far better looking than her mother, whom the ravages of decades as a 'dancer' and alcoholism had not been kind). We decided to go see a movie, and upon arriving, I found that it was not simply a date with her, but with a friend of hers (at this point we were both around 19, so having a chaperone along in an already public place seemed odd) and both expected me to buy all the tickets and snacks. And change the film we were seeing. And some other oddities that made me pause, thank them for their time and walk away.

    Others were mostly mixed signals and miscommunication, although prior to my current girlfriend, I did end up dating a woman who was half Indian half Spanish, which led to a continued communication issue (I really should learn from this) as English was not her strong suit. She was wonderfully intelligent (spoke five or six languages, and was working towards becomming a lawyer), but again, vast differences of interest and inclination made things difficult. She was also around 5 feet tall (though I do seem to attract women from 4'11" to 5'11"), had difficulty walking due to a car accident many years ago, and seemed to be an alcoholic, in that she drank heavily for a woman of her petit stature almost every night. I suppose it might've been worthwhile if the sex had been great, but she was terribly inept in bed, and a virgin well past 30, so while I did my best to gently teach and enjoy anything she was comfortable with, it led to very little progress or satisfaction on my behalf. Meeting a few of her friends that I can only describe as racist trash was probably the breaking point, and I quietly excused myself from the situation.


    Tangentally: I now suspect that Thomamelas is Gord. You wouldn't happen to have owned a video game store at one point, would you?

    Edit: Spoilers applied due to "TOO MANY FUCKING WORDS".

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    Tangentally: I now suspect that Thomamelas is Gord. You wouldn't happen to have owned a video game store at one point, would you?

    Edit: Spoilers applied due to "TOO MANY FUCKING WORDS".

    No, I've never owned a video game store. And it's been many years but I don't remember him having any crazy girlfriend stories. So what lead to that conclusion? :lol:

    Thomamelas on
  • Ed321Ed321 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    Mom2Kat wrote: »
    He was nearly done court mandated therapy and was listed extremly low risk to reofend (in canada no one is listed as no risk) I kept him, and infact he has never re offended.

    That made me giggle. Sorry.

    Others were mostly mixed signals and miscommunication, although prior to my current girlfriend, I did end up dating a woman who was half Indian half Spanish, which led to a continued communication issue (I really should learn from this) as English was not her strong suit. She was wonderfully intelligent (spoke five or six languages, and was working towards becomming a lawyer), but again, vast differences of interest and inclination made things difficult. She was also around 5 feet tall (though I do seem to attract women from 4'11" to 5'11"), had difficulty walking due to a car accident many years ago, and seemed to be an alcoholic, in that she drank heavily for a woman of her petit stature almost every night. I suppose it might've been worthwhile if the sex had been great, but she was terribly inept in bed, and a virgin well past 30, so while I did my best to gently teach and enjoy anything she was comfortable with, it led to very little progress or satisfaction on my behalf. Meeting a few of her friends that I can only describe as racist trash was probably the breaking point, and I quietly excused myself from the situation.


    Tangentally: I now suspect that Thomamelas is Gord. You wouldn't happen to have owned a video game store at one point, would you?

    Edit: Spoilers applied due to "TOO MANY FUCKING WORDS".

    You mean her friends were Indians too and racist towards some other ethnic group, or they were the usual white racists? Quite a number of my ex-chinese girlfriend's friends were ridiculously racist to Japanese, and in some cases to white guys like me. One guy promised to give me and my girlfriend a lift in his car, but when he actually arrived and saw I was English, he refused point blank to let me in and said he'd only take my girlfriend. Then he gave me a fucking lecture on the British Empire and Hong Kong. What he was doing at an English University in the first place I don't know, since he was clearly one of those "China-is-the-greatest-we-invented-everything-ever-tell-your-papers-to-stop-printing-lies" nationalists. A friend of mine also complained that the Chinese students at his lab kept giving his Japanese girlfriend dirty looks. I almost broke up with mine after she tried to get me to uninvite the Japanese girl to dinner because it might offend her flatmates. :?

    Ed321 on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Forar wrote: »
    Tangentally: I now suspect that Thomamelas is Gord. You wouldn't happen to have owned a video game store at one point, would you?

    Edit: Spoilers applied due to "TOO MANY FUCKING WORDS".

    No, I've never owned a video game store. And it's been many years but I don't remember him having any crazy girlfriend stories. So what lead to that conclusion? :lol:

    If nothing else, the opening captions "in which our hero _____".

    I know it's not exactly an uncommon approach to story telling, and wasn't really a serious belief, but the connection struck me as funny.

    Also, it'd be another reason to want to shake your hand and buy you a beer.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ed321 wrote: »
    You mean her friends were Indians too and racist towards some other ethnic group, or they were the usual white racists?

    Nope, just a mish-mash of races with assorted odd beliefs and ways of putting things that struck me as out of place in Canada as of 2008. Not that I'm blind to there being racism in Canada, but the types of slurs and generally shitty thinking about people different from they was rather appalling.

    It wasn't the only reason I thought it best to break things off, but it certainly didn't make the choice any harder.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • Ed321Ed321 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    Ed321 wrote: »
    You mean her friends were Indians too and racist towards some other ethnic group, or they were the usual white racists?

    Nope, just a mish-mash of races with assorted odd beliefs and ways of putting things that struck me as out of place in Canada as of 2008. Not that I'm blind to there being racism in Canada, but the types of slurs and generally shitty thinking about people different from they was rather appalling.

    It wasn't the only reason I thought it best to break things off, but it certainly didn't make the choice any harder.

    Yeah, I forgot to mention my ex told me she really didn't want to hang around her best friend any more, because she was dating a black dude, and black dudes are dirty.

    I was outraged and immediately had sex with her.

    Ed321 on
  • PeregrineFalconPeregrineFalcon Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ed321 wrote: »
    Forar wrote: »
    Ed321 wrote: »
    You mean her friends were Indians too and racist towards some other ethnic group, or they were the usual white racists?

    Nope, just a mish-mash of races with assorted odd beliefs and ways of putting things that struck me as out of place in Canada as of 2008. Not that I'm blind to there being racism in Canada, but the types of slurs and generally shitty thinking about people different from they was rather appalling.

    It wasn't the only reason I thought it best to break things off, but it certainly didn't make the choice any harder.

    Yeah, I forgot to mention my ex told me she really didn't want to hang around her best friend any more, because she was dating a black dude, and black dudes are dirty.

    I was outraged and immediately had sex with her.

    Your ex, or her best friend?

    PeregrineFalcon on
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  • Ed321Ed321 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Ed321 wrote: »
    Forar wrote: »
    Ed321 wrote: »
    You mean her friends were Indians too and racist towards some other ethnic group, or they were the usual white racists?

    Nope, just a mish-mash of races with assorted odd beliefs and ways of putting things that struck me as out of place in Canada as of 2008. Not that I'm blind to there being racism in Canada, but the types of slurs and generally shitty thinking about people different from they was rather appalling.

    It wasn't the only reason I thought it best to break things off, but it certainly didn't make the choice any harder.

    Yeah, I forgot to mention my ex told me she really didn't want to hang around her best friend any more, because she was dating a black dude, and black dudes are dirty.

    I was outraged and immediately had sex with her.

    Your ex, or her best friend?

    I didn't even think of that.

    I did sometimes pretend she was her friend during though.

    I guess that makes me a hero.

    Ed321 on
  • NamrokNamrok Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I have one other great story about my ex. Also involving a temper tantrum. You may be noticing a trend here.

    So it's Halloween. We were having a few people over to my apartment for horror movies. Nothing crazy, nice and low key. My cousin's family had been having some issues, serious, heavy issues, and I thought I'd invite him over and give him some time to decompress. But he couldn't drive there himself, so his dad wanted to drop him off, but they kept getting lost because they couldn't figure out how to work their GPS. So after an hour and a half of them literally driving circles around my house, I picked him up at the nearest landmark they could give me. I was also going to drive him home.

    And you know, my cousin had a great time. He showed off how good he'd gotten at guitar. I let him have a few beers. When I drove him home, I gave him some advice as best I could about how to handle what was going on. He really appreciated it.

    My ex was fucking pissed. She was pissed that all my attention wasn't on her. She was pissed that I drove him home instead of having sex with her. She was pissed that I wasn't taking her calls so that she could scream at me about how pissed she was while I was driving my cousin home. She was even pissed that I went to go pick him up in the first place. That I should have said "Fuck em, go back home." Nevermind that this is family, good family, that are awesome, and that we have a great relationship with. Family that during my own immediate family's hard times, literally showed up randomly because they felt something was wrong, and provided pivotal support to myself and my mom.

    I told her in no uncertain terms that she was being a psycho bitch, and after she fumed in the corner for a while, she eventually stopped. Took a few hours of yelling though.

    Christ, the more I tell these stories, the more I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking.

    Namrok on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    I have one other great story about my ex. Also involving a temper tantrum. You may be noticing a trend here.

    So it's Halloween. We were having a few people over to my apartment for horror movies. Nothing crazy, nice and low key. My cousin's family had been having some issues, serious, heavy issues, and I thought I'd invite him over and give him some time to decompress. But he couldn't drive there himself, so his dad wanted to drop him off, but they kept getting lost because they couldn't figure out how to work their GPS. So after an hour and a half of them literally driving circles around my house, I picked him up at the nearest landmark they could give me. I was also going to drive him home.

    And you know, my cousin had a great time. He showed off how good he'd gotten at guitar. I let him have a few beers. When I drove him home, I gave him some advice as best I could about how to handle what was going on. He really appreciated it.

    My ex was fucking pissed. She was pissed that all my attention wasn't on her. She was pissed that I drove him home instead of having sex with her. She was pissed that I wasn't taking her calls so that she could scream at me about how pissed she was while I was driving my cousin home. She was even pissed that I went to go pick him up in the first place. That I should have said "Fuck em, go back home." Nevermind that this is family, good family, that are awesome, and that we have a great relationship with. Family that during my own immediate family's hard times, literally showed up randomly because they felt something was wrong, and provided pivotal support to myself and my mom.

    I told her in no uncertain terms that she was being a psycho bitch, and after she fumed in the corner for a while, she eventually stopped. Took a few hours of yelling though.

    Christ, the more I tell these stories, the more I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking.

    You were thinking a four letter word ... p00n

    MT_Max on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I'm sure there are many people (men and women of any and all orientations alike) worldwide right now contemplating whether or not the sex is good enough to put up with the bullshit that they're putting up with.

    Not that sex should be the primary focus of any and every relationship worldwide, but if it's good enough, it can excuse at least some shenanigans that might be dealbreakers, and if it's bad enough, things that might've otherwise gone unnoticed become significantly more annoying.

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »
    Christ, the more I tell these stories, the more I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking.

    It sounds like this woman was the devil.

    Also...
    Now you know Xboxs are better than crazy people.

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
  • MelksterMelkster Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    I'm sure there are many people (men and women of any and all orientations alike) worldwide right now contemplating whether or not the sex is good enough to put up with the bullshit that they're putting up with.

    Not that sex should be the primary focus of any and every relationship worldwide, but if it's good enough, it can excuse at least some shenanigans that might be dealbreakers, and if it's bad enough, things that might've otherwise gone unnoticed become significantly more annoying.

    I almost feel like there could be some other good system we could come up with rather than the one we have now.

    I don't mind dating. Every week or ever other week seeing the person I want and having a romantic dinner and going from there is fun. It's interesting.

    Spending >50% of your time with just one person though..? Ugggh. I know I'm going to get sick of anyone after spending that much time with them.

    Melkster on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Namrok wrote: »

    Christ, the more I tell these stories, the more I wonder what the fuck I was ever thinking.

    The crazy ones are amazing at keeping you off balance.

    So some more stories.

    Story one: In which our hero learns that crazy runs in the family and in which our hero learns he's a douchebag.

    It's not hard to guess from my previous stories that when my marriage ended, it didn't end well. After several years of shit, I finally reached my breaking point and left. Realizing that my ex-wife posed a danger to me, I used my former sister in law as a go between. Now my ex-wife and her sister have a love/hate relationship. Every six months they do something to really, really piss each other off. Cars get keyed, screaming matches, humiliating each other at family gatherings and other such nonsense. Being an emotional wreck I wasn't thinking things through very well or I would have realized that it the six month period was almost up. I compounded that by confiding in my former sister in law, which turned into me spending the night at her place. And things happened. Things that were a wonderful ego boost at the time, but christ it made my divorce even messier.

    Story two: In which our hero misreads some signals.

    So it was time for senior prom. And the girl I was dating was the one who I was caught on the beach with. Her parents have decreed that they are going on a family vacation and she's going. So I find myself without a date for prom. So it's suggested that I take one of the girls from our circle of friends who is a junior. That way the junior girl can hang out with us. I think it's a capital idea and explain what's going on to the junior girl and she agrees to go. A group of us go out for a nice dinner, a good time is had at prom and we go to the after party. The junior girl reaches her limit and turns to me and begins to ask me somthing. She never finishes her sentence and ends up passing out in a few moments later. So I get her into bed and go back to the party. The next day she comes up to me and slaps me across the face and begins to cry. Apparently the question she wanted to ask me was if I would be her first. Not remembering the events clearly she took it as a rejection.

    Thomamelas on
  • AlephAleph Registered User
    edited August 2009
    I told my girlfriend not to get too drunk when she drinks and she confidently told me to not worry because she's at her most lucid when she is drunk. Then she proceeded to share an anecdote in which she made out with a guy at some party while being drunk off her minds but rejected another guy who wanted to fuck her. Apparently this proves she is in total control of herself when inebriated.

    Aleph on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    MT_Max on
  • Ed321Ed321 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    MT_Max wrote: »
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    When he kept referring to a "formerly sister-in-law" I somehow completely misinterpreted this as implying that he married his ex-wife's sister.

    I have no idea where that idea came from.

    Ed321 on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    MT_Max wrote: »
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    It did make my life hell. But my divorce was going to be hell either way. There was a lot of anger on both sides, her for me daring to leave and me for the stories that won't be told in this thread. And I really don't know if it was a +1 or -1 either.

    Thomamelas on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    MT_Max wrote: »
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    It did make my life hell. But my divorce was going to be hell either way. There was a lot of anger on both sides, her for me daring to leave and me for the stories that won't be told in this thread. And I really don't know if it was a +1 or -1 either.

    I like to be optomistic so I'll give you a +1. :P

    MT_Max on
  • RocketSauceRocketSauce Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    MT_Max wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    MT_Max wrote: »
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    It did make my life hell. But my divorce was going to be hell either way. There was a lot of anger on both sides, her for me daring to leave and me for the stories that won't be told in this thread. And I really don't know if it was a +1 or -1 either.

    I like to be optomistic so I'll give you a +1. :P

    Yeah, that's actually pretty James Bond to bang the sister of the woman you're divorcing.

    RocketSauce on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    MT_Max wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    MT_Max wrote: »
    You railed your ex-wife's sister during your divorce? I can't tell if that's a +1 or -1 but either way I bet it made your life hell

    It did make my life hell. But my divorce was going to be hell either way. There was a lot of anger on both sides, her for me daring to leave and me for the stories that won't be told in this thread. And I really don't know if it was a +1 or -1 either.

    I like to be optomistic so I'll give you a +1. :P

    Yeah, that's actually pretty James Bond to bang the sister of the woman you're divorcing.

    If I had seduced her, I could see it. I didn't seduce her so much as get used as a pawn to piss her sister off.

    Thomamelas on
  • makeyourwifehotmakeyourwifehot Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Well I probably deserved this but...

    Many years ago I was in college and making extra money by shooting pictures for the yearbook, newspaper and head shots for aspiring actresses.

    If many of you know, sometimes the hotter a chick is, the crazier she is. If you add "actress" to that mix, you are chances of dating a REALLY insane girl are even better.

    My story is brief, true and embarrassingly funny...now.

    I was a doing a photo shoot of this one really pretty girl for her resume, head shot and her acting/modeling work. As a photographer you have to make eye contact...and a lot of it. Normally, this is all professional and there is no chemistry at all. You are working.

    After we were done shooting she left the studio and I began packing up my equipment. A few minutes later she came back asking if I had found her earing. We looked high and low looking for that damn thing. We had a very nice conversation and after 20 minutes, I asked her out and she said yes.

    That Friday, I picked her up and we went to dinner and a movie...this is college, so coming back to my dorm was no big deal...we chatted, made out a bit and over the course of 10-15 minutes things were getting steamy. We were both undressed and going at it pretty good for a while, but no sex....just extreme petting. Later that night she confessed that she wasn't even WEARING any earings during that photo shoot and she just used that as an excuse to get to know me. (cute? or is she crazy?)

    We went out again a few days later and we've already been totally naked without sex so one would naturally assume that soon, we would be having intercourse. Um...did I mention she was crazy? Neither of us were virgins, but we were in college and "learning" about relationships. I really wanted to go down on her and she stopped me and said, "I really want to get to know you...and have a really deep connection." to which I replied, "I want to have a deep connection, too!" She didn't think that was funny and wanted to talk...talk about deep, spirtual things while we were both completely naked! (talk about a cold shower) I know that women need to "feel" loved in order to have sex, but to have deep, meaningful conversations as a college sophomore is one thing...having them in the middle of a passionate embrace is terrible timing.

    Over the course of the following 3-4 weeks, she would stop by my room and want to make out, get really hot and then STOP in the middle to talk. Now, this was NOT a one time thing and she would stop our session at the PEAK of our mutual excitement. Wierd. It was as if her version of an orgasm was a deep conversation about life, zen, and the parallel universe theory.

    I stopped seeing her after a while, not because the conversation wasn't interesting, but because her timing was the strangest thing I have ever experienced. Crazy....maybe. Ill-timed...definitely.

    makeyourwifehot on
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Man who DOESNT get off from alternate realities.

    Gammarah on
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I don't think she was crazy at all.

    You shoulda been all, we should have sex sometime. Except more suave-like of course.

    Malkor on
    14271f3c-c765-4e74-92b1-49d7612675f2.jpg
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Malkor wrote: »
    I don't think she was crazy at all.

    You shoulda been all, we should have sex sometime. Except more suave-like of course.

    Naw, just start waxing on about how sex allows two souls to join into one and how the physical intimacy allows one to bypass the artificial barriers that people place between themselves. And how the focus on the physical allows one to bypass the tangled webs of our thoughts and fears to really focus on the union.

    Date enough crazy people and you pick up the language after a while.

    Thomamelas on
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Malkor wrote: »
    I don't think she was crazy at all.

    You shoulda been all, we should have sex sometime. Except more suave-like of course.

    Naw, just start waxing on about how sex allows two souls to join into one and how the physical intimacy allows one to bypass the artificial barriers that people place between themselves. And how the focus on the physical allows one to bypass the tangled webs of our thoughts and fears to really focus on the union.

    Date enough crazy people and you pick up the language after a while.

    :^:

    I may or may not have used this slightly ironically with my fiancee when she pulled something like this at one point....
    it worked

    Arch on
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Typing this up on my iPhone in a bumpy car so I apologize in advance for mistakes.

    I was barely 20 years old. I was still a virgin by choice. This information will become crucial later in the story.

    About a year before this relationship (if it can be called that) started, I was working at Guitar Center. After a few months behind the Accessories counter, the Accessories manager quit and I was promoted to manager. At the same time, the store gained an inventory manager, a 27-year-old woman. She was half Japanese and half American, and she was HOT. As in, could have been a model.

    She and I flirted regularly, in spite of store policy, but didn't date. On a pretense, she got my phone number when I traded an old euphonium I had for a purple bass guitar she owned but never played. Shortly thereafter, I was transferring Universities and quit because I didn't want to commute an hour there and an hour back every day.

    Well, fast forward a year. I'm just getting out of class and my phone rings. I don't recognize the number but I answer, and it's this woman. She is having a get-together at her place and wants me to go. I tell her I'll go and drive on up (she was about 1 hr. 45 min. from me).

    Well, nobody else is there but her. She tells me nobody else was able to make it, but I'm welcome to stay. Well, hanging out with a hot older woman seemed like the smartest idea in the world to me, so I stayed. Half an hour later, we are making out in a very serious way on her sofa.

    Now I don't know what I was thinking, but somehow this ended up as us dating. She told me that she had been attracted to me since she first met me at GC and the only reason she didn't make a move was because it would have gotten both of us fired. She asked if I wanted to adjourn to the bedroom; I told her I wanted to slow things down a bit. She said she understood and we just made out until about 4 in the morning.

    Well things happened this way for about a month. I'd head to her place for some conversation and making out, she'd propose sex and I'd decline. I was starting to get a funny feeling.

    She started talking about marriage. One month in. I started getting very leery then. I visited her less frequently once this began.

    I had a rock band called Mobius Trip, and for some reason our practice space was unavailable for a while, so my girlfriend offered her house as an alternative and we accepted.

    Now the day before this practice session, I had gone over to her place for a little tonsil hockey. Once again she proposed sex, and I very nearly accepted. The one thing holding me back was a lack of protection. She said she was on the pill, but I still wanted to be very careful my first time. I left her place at around 4 AM and, upon realizing how late it was, didn't feel like the long ass drive back to my place. I phoned up my fellow band member and asked if I could crash on his futon. He said it was cool and so I did.

    The next day, at practice, my girlfriend starts acting very strange. She has nothing nice to say to me and openly mocks me in front of my bandmates. When we get a break, I corner her and ask her what the fuck is wrong.

    "I know what you are," she sneers at me.

    "...and what is that?"

    "A goddamn liar! I talked to Matt! I know where you were last night!"

    "Oh? So what? I was tired."

    "So why didn't you sleep with me? God, Josh, you should have told me you were gay!"

    I'm reeling at this point. We've been dating for only a month, and there's something off about the way she is insisting on sex. I ask her about this.

    Eventually, she confides that she has genital warts and herpes, and she wanted to screw me so that I'd get both and be unable to marry anybody else without giving them both diseases.

    I turned on my heel without saying another word, told my bandmates to pack up and leave, and never spoke to her again.

    I am SO glad I kept it in my pants.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • KilroyKilroy timaeusTestified Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    josh, that's terrifying. D:

    Kilroy on
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    "Naw, just start waxing on about how sex allows two souls to join into one and how the physical intimacy allows one to bypass the artificial barriers that people place between themselves. And how the focus on the physical allows one to bypass the tangled webs of our thoughts and fears to really focus on the union.

    Date enough crazy people and you pick up the language after a while."

    Oh, lord, I can't believe anyone actually talks like that.

    But getting to know people before screwing? Yeah, that's actually sensible. Some people need a lot of warming up, or they'll feel lousy about it. I remember at first I had actually internalized that whole thing parents say about "if a boy sees your (insert revealing body part) he'll force himself upon you." I was scared shitless. I needed
    to be told "We can do this first, and then this, and we don't have to have SEX sex until you're ready." I think a lot of this "spiritual" talk is, essentially, "Hey, I promise I won't rape you. I like you."

    celandine on
    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Kilroy wrote: »
    josh, that's terrifying. D:

    It definitely was scary at the time, but outside of the Internet nobody I've met has a crazy significant other story like mine.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    celandine wrote: »
    Oh, lord, I can't believe anyone actually talks like that.

    But getting to know people before screwing? Yeah, that's actually sensible. Some people need a lot of warming up, or they'll feel lousy about it. I remember at first I had actually internalized that whole thing parents say about "if a boy sees your (insert revealing body part) he'll force himself upon you." I was scared shitless. I needed
    to be told "We can do this first, and then this, and we don't have to have SEX sex until you're ready." I think a lot of this "spiritual" talk is, essentially, "Hey, I promise I won't rape you. I like you."

    Show me your spirit and Ill show you mine!

    :winky:
    I'm so sorry

    Arch on
  • Ed321Ed321 Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    celandine wrote: »
    "Naw, just start waxing on about how sex allows two souls to join into one and how the physical intimacy allows one to bypass the artificial barriers that people place between themselves. And how the focus on the physical allows one to bypass the tangled webs of our thoughts and fears to really focus on the union.

    Date enough crazy people and you pick up the language after a while."

    Oh, lord, I can't believe anyone actually talks like that.

    But getting to know people before screwing? Yeah, that's actually sensible. Some people need a lot of warming up, or they'll feel lousy about it. I remember at first I had actually internalized that whole thing parents say about "if a boy sees your (insert revealing body part) he'll force himself upon you." I was scared shitless. I needed
    to be told "We can do this first, and then this, and we don't have to have SEX sex until you're ready." I think a lot of this "spiritual" talk is, essentially, "Hey, I promise I won't rape you. I like you."

    It works. Honestly you have far too much faith in your fellow womenfolk :P.

    Ed321 on
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Joshs story beats anything in the terrifying moments thread.

    Gammarah on
  • celandinecelandine Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Oh, it does.
    That is a demon lady.

    celandine on
    I write about math here:
    http://numberblog.wordpress.com/
This discussion has been closed.