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Panic and Anxiety Over Never Having Been Wild
NoResultsFound
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There is a time and a place for everything. And its called College. But what happens when you don't make use of it?
Let me start at the beginning. I'm the product of severe overbearing and strict parenting. I grew up "a good boy", under threat (and practice) of violence. I never broke rules.. I never drank, did drugs, or even smoked a cigarette.
I didn't have sex until I was 17, and that was after being with my GF for a year. A short time after we had sex - having been together just over a year - I was accepted to university and I made a crucial, life-guiding decision. Many people say goodbye to their highschool sweartheart, to allow them to start into a new life of exploration. I chose to remain together, despite the distance, and to do whatever it took to make it work.
My girlfriend was very conservative. She was fundamentally opposed to rule breaking. Not drinking or doing drugs... she made it quite clear that if I were to leave the straight and narrow path, I would be worse than Hitler in her eyes (ok, maybe just close to it). I obeyed of course.
Eventually we got married, and had a child. Yes, I never even slept with another girl. The conservative attitudes of my wife, especially regarding sex, I thought were universal amongst all women. Thanks, society, for that false image.
I'm now 28.. together for almost 12 years, married for 5. We've got a nice house, decent money, and I've got a good job in the field I wanted... many reasons I should be very happy. Unfortunately about a year ago I realized that I was far from happy (read: depressed) and started to try to figure out why. I then realized that despite being the good boy that always follows rules and turns his back to debauchery, I'm actually quite the opposite and just terribly repressed. Sex, drugs... I'm sick of being innocent.
Over time I found myself starting to realize that I didn't love my wife as much as I thought I did. The person I pretended I was sure loved her.. but I wasn't actually that person.. I was sick of hiding my interest in sex, porn, drinking, drugs, everything 'bad'.. and I was starting to get frustrated and resentful.
With my eyes open, I started seeing other people having their fun around me. Their weekends of drunkeness, druggedness, and sexual antics were taking a toll on me. I started becoming overwhelmingly jealous/envious, to the point of real, actual panic and near illness. Panic that I may have missed my chance, that I've got myself in some sort of prison which dissallows me such exploration, and even panic and embarassment of my own naivety towards everyone else doing such things without me ever having noticed before.
About two months ago I ended up talking to a girl online. She actually messaged me first about an advice item that I had given out, which happened to be of a sexual nature. Over time we ended up talking more and more, and what I started learning about her was like a drug in and of itself. She's 20 years old, pre-law student, very sweet and innocent. Oh, and she's also one of the most stunningly attractive and sexy girls I've ever seen. But then I start finding out the real shit. The behind the curtains shit that (it seems) everyone has but people just keep quiet. To put it bluntly, she likes to get fucked up, and she likes to get fucked. Naturally this was simultanously extremely arrousing to me, but also very painful to hear .. this innocent 20 year old girl telling me stories proving that she has lived 100x the life I have. This girl has either done, or really wants to do, every fantasy of mine I shared with her.
I don't need to get into details on how it happened, but talking with each other for 4-8 hours per day, every day for 2 months.. we have become as 'in love' as 2 people can who've only talked online. We engage in online sex daily, even multiple times a day.. and I've gotten the whole pics and webcam joy too. I tend to be rather dominant, and she gets off on being submissive.. we match remarkably well. She is as excited about being 'bad' as I am.. but we also both have a responsible, realistic side (she is becoming a lawyer after all). We've described our ideal partners, and we match each other pretty damned well. Unlike with my wife, I don't hide anything... I just show my true self and this girl loves who I am. The feelings of acceptance and love I get from her when I share things is indescribable.
Of course, our rational/realistic sides have started to kick in. She is disgusted with herself for being "the other woman". She can't stand hearing anything about my wife, as her jealousy makes her feel sick. I, too, started becoming rather jealous and insecure - finding out that this girl flirts and trades pics with other guys, despite our "relationship". One time - out of her frustration from a lack of physical attention (her having been "single" for 7 months), and after a fight with me, she ended up sleeping with her ex. She felt horrible after, and admitted it was partially to get back at me - for having a wife and the ability to get physical affection myself while she is in love with me but unable to touch me.
She has let it be known in no uncertain terms that she wants to get into an advanced relationship with me (after I leave my family), but that she can't continue with the way things are. Since then there has been a few less frequent discussions, and the inevitable situation where she is just too horny to be rational and comes to me for a quick booty call. I'm left with my head spinning. She represents the life that (I think) will make me happy, but to follow it I must leave my family, basically ruining 2 other people's lives. My sense of responsibility and sentimentality makes me question if I could do this, and certainly if I could do it and be happy ever again. I mean.. I can't picture myself actually going through with it.. it's so contrary to the responsible person i've been for the past 28 years.
On top of that, when I start to picture my life with this girl, I find some worries. She has some behavioural and psychological issues which require daily medication. She comes from an EXTREMELY rich family, is very spoiled (the baby of 5 kids) and has certain expectations from life and the men in it ... she didn't even know what a mortgage really was. Also, while I want to explore and experiment I don't want an alcoholic or anything, but last night this girl told me she gets drunk and/or high at frat parties about once a week in uni. Again, another arrousing and painful thing to hear, but now also disconcerting. Oh.. and she's extremely religious - Catholic. Can you believe that? EXTREMELY religious... this frat-partying, anger-fucking, drug-using nympho slut (btw, she gets off on the last part of that). I'm a scientist.. I can accept spirituality in the absense of disproof, but I have a seriously hard time accepting the cultist, ceremonial side of things based on widely disproven information. To me, she's basically the worst type of religious I can think of. We've both admitted each other's opinions are nearly a dealbreaker.
OK H/A.. if you got through it, you have earned the right to say whatever you feel. Give me helpful advice, or brutal honesty. At this point I just need to tell people - smart people, preferably with some wisdom and experience themselves, whom might be able to help, regardless of what that help might be.
TLDR; Good boy realizes he's repressed and depressed, already married and has a child though, meets girl online that can offer up all the debauchery, excitement, and complications he could hope for.
Oh, I was drinking this weekend and for the first time in my life, in violation of strict directives from my wife, I smoked a joint. It did nothing. But those of you familiar with it already knew that, didn't you.
Let me start at the beginning. I'm the product of severe overbearing and strict parenting. I grew up "a good boy", under threat (and practice) of violence. I never broke rules.. I never drank, did drugs, or even smoked a cigarette.
I didn't have sex until I was 17, and that was after being with my GF for a year. A short time after we had sex - having been together just over a year - I was accepted to university and I made a crucial, life-guiding decision. Many people say goodbye to their highschool sweartheart, to allow them to start into a new life of exploration. I chose to remain together, despite the distance, and to do whatever it took to make it work.
My girlfriend was very conservative. She was fundamentally opposed to rule breaking. Not drinking or doing drugs... she made it quite clear that if I were to leave the straight and narrow path, I would be worse than Hitler in her eyes (ok, maybe just close to it). I obeyed of course.
Eventually we got married, and had a child. Yes, I never even slept with another girl. The conservative attitudes of my wife, especially regarding sex, I thought were universal amongst all women. Thanks, society, for that false image.
I'm now 28.. together for almost 12 years, married for 5. We've got a nice house, decent money, and I've got a good job in the field I wanted... many reasons I should be very happy. Unfortunately about a year ago I realized that I was far from happy (read: depressed) and started to try to figure out why. I then realized that despite being the good boy that always follows rules and turns his back to debauchery, I'm actually quite the opposite and just terribly repressed. Sex, drugs... I'm sick of being innocent.
Over time I found myself starting to realize that I didn't love my wife as much as I thought I did. The person I pretended I was sure loved her.. but I wasn't actually that person.. I was sick of hiding my interest in sex, porn, drinking, drugs, everything 'bad'.. and I was starting to get frustrated and resentful.
With my eyes open, I started seeing other people having their fun around me. Their weekends of drunkeness, druggedness, and sexual antics were taking a toll on me. I started becoming overwhelmingly jealous/envious, to the point of real, actual panic and near illness. Panic that I may have missed my chance, that I've got myself in some sort of prison which dissallows me such exploration, and even panic and embarassment of my own naivety towards everyone else doing such things without me ever having noticed before.
About two months ago I ended up talking to a girl online. She actually messaged me first about an advice item that I had given out, which happened to be of a sexual nature. Over time we ended up talking more and more, and what I started learning about her was like a drug in and of itself. She's 20 years old, pre-law student, very sweet and innocent. Oh, and she's also one of the most stunningly attractive and sexy girls I've ever seen. But then I start finding out the real shit. The behind the curtains shit that (it seems) everyone has but people just keep quiet. To put it bluntly, she likes to get fucked up, and she likes to get fucked. Naturally this was simultanously extremely arrousing to me, but also very painful to hear .. this innocent 20 year old girl telling me stories proving that she has lived 100x the life I have. This girl has either done, or really wants to do, every fantasy of mine I shared with her.
I don't need to get into details on how it happened, but talking with each other for 4-8 hours per day, every day for 2 months.. we have become as 'in love' as 2 people can who've only talked online. We engage in online sex daily, even multiple times a day.. and I've gotten the whole pics and webcam joy too. I tend to be rather dominant, and she gets off on being submissive.. we match remarkably well. She is as excited about being 'bad' as I am.. but we also both have a responsible, realistic side (she is becoming a lawyer after all). We've described our ideal partners, and we match each other pretty damned well. Unlike with my wife, I don't hide anything... I just show my true self and this girl loves who I am. The feelings of acceptance and love I get from her when I share things is indescribable.
Of course, our rational/realistic sides have started to kick in. She is disgusted with herself for being "the other woman". She can't stand hearing anything about my wife, as her jealousy makes her feel sick. I, too, started becoming rather jealous and insecure - finding out that this girl flirts and trades pics with other guys, despite our "relationship". One time - out of her frustration from a lack of physical attention (her having been "single" for 7 months), and after a fight with me, she ended up sleeping with her ex. She felt horrible after, and admitted it was partially to get back at me - for having a wife and the ability to get physical affection myself while she is in love with me but unable to touch me.
She has let it be known in no uncertain terms that she wants to get into an advanced relationship with me (after I leave my family), but that she can't continue with the way things are. Since then there has been a few less frequent discussions, and the inevitable situation where she is just too horny to be rational and comes to me for a quick booty call. I'm left with my head spinning. She represents the life that (I think) will make me happy, but to follow it I must leave my family, basically ruining 2 other people's lives. My sense of responsibility and sentimentality makes me question if I could do this, and certainly if I could do it and be happy ever again. I mean.. I can't picture myself actually going through with it.. it's so contrary to the responsible person i've been for the past 28 years.
On top of that, when I start to picture my life with this girl, I find some worries. She has some behavioural and psychological issues which require daily medication. She comes from an EXTREMELY rich family, is very spoiled (the baby of 5 kids) and has certain expectations from life and the men in it ... she didn't even know what a mortgage really was. Also, while I want to explore and experiment I don't want an alcoholic or anything, but last night this girl told me she gets drunk and/or high at frat parties about once a week in uni. Again, another arrousing and painful thing to hear, but now also disconcerting. Oh.. and she's extremely religious - Catholic. Can you believe that? EXTREMELY religious... this frat-partying, anger-fucking, drug-using nympho slut (btw, she gets off on the last part of that). I'm a scientist.. I can accept spirituality in the absense of disproof, but I have a seriously hard time accepting the cultist, ceremonial side of things based on widely disproven information. To me, she's basically the worst type of religious I can think of. We've both admitted each other's opinions are nearly a dealbreaker.
OK H/A.. if you got through it, you have earned the right to say whatever you feel. Give me helpful advice, or brutal honesty. At this point I just need to tell people - smart people, preferably with some wisdom and experience themselves, whom might be able to help, regardless of what that help might be.
TLDR; Good boy realizes he's repressed and depressed, already married and has a child though, meets girl online that can offer up all the debauchery, excitement, and complications he could hope for.
Oh, I was drinking this weekend and for the first time in my life, in violation of strict directives from my wife, I smoked a joint. It did nothing. But those of you familiar with it already knew that, didn't you.
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Go get counciling, you need to sort out your issues and figure out what you really want.
but they're listening to every word I say
Also, do you have guy friends that you regularly hang out with? It sounds like you need a reality check from being with some real people in real life. The last paragraph of your story indicates that you seem to have no idea what people are really like.
You've got yourself into a real tailspin over, what I see, as minor events in a person's life. While college is a place for debauchery, sleeping with the most women, drinking the most, blacking out the most, and getting the most STD's doesn't earn you a badge of manhood.
I think you should see a professional about what you're feeling, because you leaving your family for this girl has disaster written up one side and down the other. Make no mistake, this relationship can, and unless checked, will ruin your life as you know it.
I understand the desire to live a little wild, but blaming your wife for you not having "lived" is the wrong way of dealing with the situation. See a professional about your feelings, end the affair with the other woman, and remember that you have a wife and child. You're already a man, doing the "wild" stuff at this stage will only make you less of one.
2. You're being a douche. You have a wife and kid, yet you're sex chatting and talking with a girl eight years younger than you. I think that you are in love with what this girl represents (ie the things you've missed), not what she is.
3. You need to talk to your wife. I can't stress this enough. Talk to your wife about what you're feeling. Don't hold stuff inside until it explodes. For all you know, she's feeling exactly the same as you.
4. If, after thinking about things with your wife, talking to her about it, even going to counseling, you still find that you don't love her, I would suggest you separate. Never stay in a relationship that you're not happy in. DON'T, however, go to this 20 year old crazy girl, because I can guarantee you that she is not what you're looking for. If you have to keep contact with her, keep it online.
5. I'd also like to stress that you're not really missing much. Drugs are not fun and are definitely not good for you in the slightest (once you get past marijuana). And of course no one talks the killer hangover from getting drunk. And crazy sex with random chicks is a recipe for STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
Counseling for your issues about your feelings for you wife is probably a good idea... but it's also a good idea to talk to her about them.
But seriously, you're not missing anything by not getting shithoused/high/HIV.
Your internet girlfriend drinking or smoking pot once a week isn't the behavior of an alcoholic. If you are going to go do drugs and drink it seems you need to get yourself educated on them.
but they're listening to every word I say
Nintendo Network ID: PhysiMarc
The lifestyle of going crazy and 'wild' has passed for you. You have other responsibilities now that need to be taken care of. That doesnt mean you're stuck there though and if you truly want to get away then you need to man up and do it properly. This means a divorce, child support payments etc.. etc.. Then you can be free to do whatever you want. You may want to keep in mind that the position you are currently in is something that alot of people want - loving wife, child, job youre interested in and such.
The second option is to not be an idiot and talk to your wife about these feelings and wants. Go see a counselor, get things sorted out. Have you seen this "20 year old girl in law school" yet? She might not be everything you think she is.
Either way, what you're doing is extremely subversive and you should probably stop immediately and go to option 2.
This so hard. 20 year old extremely rich law student who is super freaky and also crazy about some guy on the internet? Not to be a Debbie Downer, but she's probably playing you.
See if you can get your wife to open up a little. Cheating on her with some skanky bitch isn't the way to do that. Monogamy may suck, but it's still just that - monogamy. Don't be a horrible person and cheat on your wife or do anything like that.
Partying isn't all it's cracked up to be, but it doesn't suck, either. I'm glad I've tripped acid 22 times, participated in untold shenanigans, and dun fucked around a lot. But I'm also glad I quit doing that before it became the sole aspect by which I was characterized. It sounds to me like you skipped the first step and went right on to "responsible", which is a bummer. But since you already did that, don't fuck it up.
:?
This.
Sounds to me, if your wife is dictating what you can and cannot do, that you've fallen back into the same situation as when you were a child. Go out with some friends, get drunk, and go visit some strip clubs. It's worth getting yelled at by the wife for a while, which really isn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things.
Maybe you just need to get it out of your system. Go to a concert. Specifically, a 'music and art festival' that involves camping. Explain to your neighbors that you've been living the straight-and-narrow all your life, and that you've never done LSD. The rest will sort itself out.
TLCCOTT, you're a mean drunk.
I also didn't question the girl's story, I just read it and moved on.
But after a quick review....
"I love being a dirty whore, I'm rich, and about to go to law school with goals of making $Texas."
Dude.
Please tell me she doesn't have your full, name, address, and/or phone number.
Rent Fatal Attraction and tell me you're not better off as far away as possible from this crazy ass.
And who knows, you may be terribly surprised to find your wife is looking for the same kind of excitement and didn't know how to ask you!
This, too. I'd be willing to bet your wife has some hidden desires as well but is too chicken-shit (or bat-shit) to let them out.
-You're married and living with a child
-You've got a great job and are living a stable life
-You're lamenting the fact that you haven't 'sown your wild oats'
-You've begun having an internet relationship with a girl who is the polar opposite of your wife at least in terms of interests and values
-You are considering throwing away your current familial relationship for one with this internet girl
That about cover it?
Okay, first, the "sowing your wild oats" bit is normal. Lots of people feel that from time to time (some less so than others depending on how wild they were in their younger days).
However.
That is not, in any way, a valid reason to end your family.
OP, you are standing on the precipice of what could be the end of your life. Not in the physical sense (at least I'd hope not), but no less significant. You are having a severe "grass is greener" scenario and ruining two other people's lives (in addition to your own) is not the answer.
Yes, you need help - not psychiatric, but rather familial counseling for you and your wife. This bit of internet shennanigans is going to come out (it desperately needs to and repression only lasts for so long, believe me) and I'll be honest with you, your wife would have every right to kick you square in the dick, claim infidelity and divorce you, leaving you to a life of child support payments and alimony. You don't want that. You need to find out who you really are, not who you wish you were or who some internet person thinks you should be.
Have a long sit-down with your wife. Schedule a marriage counselor and try and sort this out. If you determine that you're simply unhappy together, fine, but above all else, cut off all contact with this girl. The chances of her being "the girl of your dreams" are slim to nil and the chances that your life will be hell if you follow through with this plan are excellent.
I meant the neighbors at the festival camp site.
I meant the "Go into a crowded public place and drop acid for the first time".
But I didn't and I certainly don't regret it. I don't look back and think "man, that time I refused to hit a bong, I really wish I had actually done it." It sounds like you're unhappy about something else and think that doing all these "cool things" that you shouldn't do, it's going to fix your life. Just because something is classified as "wild" doesn't mean it's a good idea, or even necessarily fun. In fact, from friends of mine who have taken drugs, they generally say that the worst thing is to try them when you're depressed because you just feel miserable the whole time. Same thing with guilt sex, I'm sure.
I'm not saying your unhappiness couldn't be related to your wife and your current life. I do think that you're putting an abnormal emphasis on something you feel you "shouldn't do" as the cure to whatever problem you think you have. You might be bored; you might have a deeper problem. You should probably see about seeking some form of therapy before you decide to complicate your life any further.
It's unlikely I will talk to a counsellor. I think I'd need a very good one, and I'm sure there are some amazing ones out there that could be a help, but finding them is unlikely. Also, money.
Ending things with this girl is, however, certainly possible. Not easy... she is so compelling... perfect looks and body.. compatible thoughts on sexuality.. and still innocent enough to not turn me off (only slept with 5 guys, and made out with 1 girl.. only has relationship sex). I just get so happy just talking with her.
I have talked to my wife about being bored with life, on several occasions. Nothing came out of it. My problem with her really does come down to compatibility issues, and feelings of fulfilment. I've always done exactly what she wanted and expected of me, for her own happiness, so she is quite content with things the way they are. Long before I talked to this girl, I tried really hard with my wife. We ended up in some serious fights about it.. revealing that I'm not the person I was or appeared to be. She is very stubborn and used to having things her way, and was obviously not receptive for the idea of change.
I will not try to justify my misdeeds, but I want to make it clear I'm not going about things all pleased with them as they are.. having a wife/family and chick on the side. Even before I met that girl, I was already contemplating ending things with my wife, and since meeting her, my thoughts on it have only accelerated. Though the issues of my marriage and that girl are tied together, there is some mutual exclusivity... she wouldn't be the only reason for divorce, and my marriage isn't the only reason I'm not ready to pursue things with her.
What is this getting at? Am I missing something? I've seen this girl on webcam, and talked to her for insane hours. I've helped her with homework and studying. While she might not care about me as much as she claims (due to immaturity or inexperience), I don't believe I'm some "mark" for her scam.
1) You mentioned you (and your wife?) are making decent money;
2) Given what you seem to be going through, counselling seems to be the sort of thing you should find the money for.
-edit- and if you think counsellors are expensive, just wait until divorce.
The Division, Warframe (XB1)
GT: Tanith 6227
You also need to stop talking to college students with psychological damage.
It's no scam, it's a ticking timebomb.
What I'm driving at is that her story, while certainly compelling to those interested, might not be true. This, combined with her mental problems (!! Danger, Will Robinson !!) and desire to act out with booze/random hook-ups is a reciepe for disaster.
- - Factored in with bitches be crazy
Could lead to her spilling the beans to your wife about, well, everything, with the goal of removing the obstacles that stand between you to.
Let me just say again, for the record, bitches be crazy.
I advise that you back off with two hands in the air and get the hell out of dodge before this quickly gets out of hand.
I'm probably wearing my tin-foil hat about some of this, but I cannot stress enough how much you should end this in a clean, friendly, but firm way
The money we have is all tied up.. that is part of my boredom. Lots of money, but lots of bills & mortgage means zero spendable cash. If I were to ask to buy beer or liquor, my wife would bite my head off for wasting money so irresponsibly.
You are right though - it is pretty important and would be worth finding the money for if I felt it was going to be helpful.
Realistically, we would divorce without serious lawyer/court involvment. We've already discussed this, and she would not want to take anything, but I would pretty much give her everything, short of what I need to move on (my car, a couple Gs). If I'm leaving my life, I don't need stuff that came from it, I'd be starting over and fine with that... in fact, I would prefer that. Some of you said I probably have issues beyond this, and I think you are right - pretty much everything in my life is not good.. from my marriage, to lack of friends, to possessions. I was dealt some cards, and whether they were good or not doesn't matter - I played them poorly, and now I might just need to get my next hand. Plenty of people have done it before, and ended up not so bad.
"Those who can't do, teach"?
Joking aside, it's unfortunate you went to university at a place where they don't hire smart professors.
It sounds like you're pretty unreceptive to any actual advice... so good luck?
So in other words you're not going to take anyone's advice? You're not going to find a counselor because it might be hard to find a good one and you don't way to pay for that? Honestly, did you expect everyone to clap their hands, tell you to ditch the wife and run off with the internet girl? You like to refer to yourself as a good guy but good guy's don't cheat on their wives and leave them for internet girls while not giving a shit about their child.
Also, if you knew you were being suckered she'd be a terrible scammer. Granted, with how little you seem to want to listen to anyone here when she starts asking for money you'll find a way to justify it.
Not to mention, the last thread about the guy who went to counseling wasn't too different from you. Everything was a result of his wife being the problem and not him.
LOL.. honestly, she has a fetish for the taboo.. which is how it all started. She got off on being with an older, married man. Gradually, we started becoming more attracted to each other, mentally and physically. She explained to me what she wanted in a man (balance of sex/love, job, hobbies, interests), and I actually fit them all... and she said what she wanted FIRST. Religion was the only incompatibility. That and.. well.. bitches be crazy... as was so eloquently said. I've given up on the bitches be crazy thing though.. my wife has an eating disorder, and every woman I've known has had - to some degree - mental issues resulting in medication being prescribed at at least one point in their life.
To clear something up, she gets drunk/stoned every weekend, but doesn't fuck random guys. She admitted that she sometimes ends up making out with guys though, but that is it. To have sex, she is always in a committed relationship first, then fucks them.. the only exception being that one ex.. which she was in a relationship with previously.
Don't throw your life away without talking to someone about it. And by 'someone', I don't mean a bunch of video game nerds on the Internet.
Have you not been to a music festival? I'm not talking about Ozzfest, but a folk music deal.
Like Bonaroo or the National Folk Festival? Yeah, I have.
I wouldn't recommend saying, "Hey guys! I wanna drop acid for the first time! I also have never done a single drug in my life and have no idea how to deal with the ways they affect me psychologically whilst under their influence!"
Let me tell you, life without something to celebrate and without actually celebrating is a shallow life. This works both ways of course, your current life and the one you dream of.
Be safe and good luck.
The person getting handclaps in this thread is the guy who told you to get the fuck outta dodge while the getting is good. Seriously. Nothing good can come of this.
I also reccomend you buy an eighth of weed and get utterly toasted. Then, eat some oreos.
Ehh. As far as places to try hallucinogens, Bonnaroo (at least the time I was there) seemed ideal. I knew 2 people who related that they ended up eating too much and simply ended up in the first aid tent with shade and adequate hydration until they were able to be sensible. Compared to the person I knew who exhibited similar recklessness in her home suburb and ended up with a hospital bill and criminal charges. But this is getting off-topic.
OP: If you decide that your current life is not how you want to live, then change it. But not by going behind your wife's back for a woman you haven't actually met. Seek professional help, make a decision that you're willing to stand behind and that won't make you hate yourself.
Easy champ... there was more advice than just to seek councelling, and that isn't advice anyway - its just referal. Anyone who has ever read one of these forums would expect that type of response to any complicated relationship issue. I'd have to be braindead to have not considered it long before posting here. Rejecting that one piece of advice is not equivalent to rejecting all advice. Even still, I'm not rejecting it entirely - just admitting that it is unlikely.
I did not want or expect people to pat me on the back and tell me to ditch my wife. It's not her fault we are incompatible. I can take the blame that I was too naive, innocent, and ignorant to realize what I wanted back when it was the best time to maky my decisions. But, honestly, with this thread I more wanted to know if anyone else gets this sort of panic/jealousy when finding out others are having the fun that they themselves did not, have not, and cannot ever have - especially if its related or identical to the ways in which I have been repressed.
I am not claiming "im a good guy". I have said I'm sick of being "a good boy"... so yes, breaking rules is exactly what I'm doing, and intending to do.
A lot of the advice is to ditch the chick. I will likely do that. Usually we know what we need to do, long before we admit it to ourselves. I think I know that I need to end it with her.. then probably divorce.. then I can re-evaluate things after enough time passes. Its probable that if I wanted anything on that subject going in here, it might be support for that - but only 1 or 2 have said it.
Come back in two years and tell us how your life is going, I'll wager a whole ten dollars that "Being divorced and free to do all the 'wild and crazy stuff' will be great" will have become "well, I got divorced and then a month later internet chick got bored because I wasn't married anymore, this was shortly after we met in person and the sex was terrible, not to mention she said that I looked totally different in real life. Oh, and I've got a scorching case of herpes because it turns that, hey, she's wasn't a wealthy go-getter, she was actually refusing to take her meds. So now I'm a baby daddy with a broke, half-crazed, disease-riddled loon who's rapidly approaching four-figures in the 'dudes I've boned' tally."
By the way, am I the only one who thinks of this when I hear "wild and crazy?"
http://www.hulu.com/watch/19591/saturday-night-live-the-festrunk-brothers
I'll take $20 on that too.
OP, if you already have all the answers why did you even post a thread?
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.