Im not quite sure of what is the politicaly correct version here (I blame being foreign). You can't say colored?
"Colored people" is an old-fashioned term. Like all old-fashioned terms, it's become racist by association.
It's different down here.
If you fill in a government form here you will most likely see the following under "Race:"
1. White
2. Black
3. Colored
4. Asian
Colored is an "official" race here and refers to people of mixed heritage. And may God have mercy on the soul of the person who confuses one of these guys for either. He's not black and he's not white he's colored damnitall and proud of it and is willing to hold you down while his mother-in-law kicks you in the kidneys to prove it.
I went to college on a very white campus in a very white state, but most people managed to be not so retarded as to be shocked by the presence of minorities. Until I was riding (slowly) across campus in this dude's open-top jeep, and his response to some black students chatting on the sidewalk was to say "oh look, black people!" in a really loud voice.
I reached across and smacked him, but I did it more so that I wouldn't look like an asshole too than for any other reason.
Back in college, my roomate and I were at the mall ordering pretzels one time. The pretzel lady asked if we were together, and we said yes, meaning that we were ordering pretzels together. She apparently meant it in a romantic context, and when we explained that we were roomates, she said, "I understand. I'm ok with that." So we slunk away. It was mildly embarrassing.
I went to college on a very white campus in a very white state, but most people managed to be not so retarded as to be shocked by the presence of minorities. Until I was riding (slowly) across campus in this dude's open-top jeep, and his response to some black students chatting on the sidewalk was to say "oh look, black people!" in a really loud voice.
I reached across and smacked him, but I did it more so that I wouldn't look like an asshole too than for any other reason.
Just to turn the tables.
A while back when I was in high school, my friends and I decided to go to this out of the way punk show in one of the "less nice" areas of Boston. We get to the place, and find parking, but we're still pretty unsure as to where the actual show was being held. We had an address, but that was about it.
So we're walking around looking for this place when a bunch of the locals walk by on the other side of the street. When they saw us, one of them yelled "Holy shit! White people!"
A friend of mine used to be room mates with another friend of mine for a few years. Friend one (BW) and friend two (BG) often used to go grocery shopping together. They shopped together so often, in fact that the cashier's began to assume they were a gay couple. One day one of them asked BW if they were, you know, "together."
So he said yes. Rolling with it, he proceeded to weave this elaborate story of how BG was actually married, and had recently just up and left his young pregnant wife and toddler son without any explanation as he could no longer contain his desire for some sweet, sweet man-meat.
BW only told BG after they'd moved out to seperate apartments why everyone at that store gave him filthy looks whenever they were together.
A friend of mine used to be room mates with another friend of mine for a few years. Friend one (BW) and friend two (BG) often used to go grocery shopping together. They shopped together so often, in fact that the cashier's began to assume they were a gay couple. One day one of them asked BW if they were, you know, "together."
So he said yes. Rolling with it, he proceeded to weave this elaborate story of how BG was actually married, and had recently just up and left his young pregnant wife and toddler son without any explanation as he could no longer contain his desire for some sweet, sweet man-meat.
BW only told BG after they'd moved out to seperate apartments why everyone at that store gave him filthy looks whenever they were together.
This is not embarrassing, it's hilarious! Comedy gold.
A friend of mine used to be room mates with another friend of mine for a few years. Friend one (BW) and friend two (BG) often used to go grocery shopping together. They shopped together so often, in fact that the cashier's began to assume they were a gay couple. One day one of them asked BW if they were, you know, "together."
So he said yes. Rolling with it, he proceeded to weave this elaborate story of how BG was actually married, and had recently just up and left his young pregnant wife and toddler son without any explanation as he could no longer contain his desire for some sweet, sweet man-meat.
BW only told BG after they'd moved out to seperate apartments why everyone at that store gave him filthy looks whenever they were together.
This is not embarrassing, it's hilarious! Comedy gold.
I know, but I can imagine how BG must have felt
Another story... although this is slightly on the creepy side.
The same two friends, BW once told me about the night they moved in together. It was a dark and stormy night (no really) and getting pretty late as they'd both worked late and could only move BG's stuff in after hours. Just as the last of the stuff is carried in, and BG heads into sort out his belongings in his new home (a small house on a large farm some distance from civilization) the power goes out.
BW, as he is known for, quickly thinks of the worst possible thing to do/say right at that moment.
He closes the front door, makes a show of locking it securely, then in the pitch black house he utters:
He's a hoot to hang around with. I told this story in a previous thread and it involved one of his former colleagues.
So this guy, right? He digs this chick, right? So much so that one Saturday he decides to walk for two hours to her house just so he can have an awkward conversation with her. Halfway there, the urge to crap hits him... bad. He figures he can make it to her house and, as an icebreaker, ask if he could defile her toilet.
So, to his delight, he makes it to her house without shitting himself.
She's not home. Neither are her folks.
He doesn't know anyone in her neighborhood.
So in his desperation, as it is now only a matter of seconds before structural failure of chocolate proportions occurs, he spies the empty oilbarrel which is the trademark of a local company which removes your garden refuse for a small fee every week. He also notices that it is out of sight of the road and affords some minor privacy.
So without hesitation he awkwardly balances his now naked rear end over the edge of the barrel and lets loose the prairie dogs of war.
And then she, along with her parents, come driving up the driveway. Which was in full view of the barrel.
sometimes it's been in a fight or something else that sounds at least sorta bad-ass
this is not one of those times
back like seven years ago, i slipped on a bit of ice and went face first straight into the ground and broke my nose
like, there was no flailing, i didn't get my arms up in the way, or nothing
just went straight down, on my face
i struggle to get up, face bloodied
i hear people nearby like "holy shit oh my god did you see that guy oh god"
and some woman runs over and is like "hey buddy are you oka-"
she slips on the same patch of ice and falls backwards and smacks her head against the ground
some other dude goes to run over and i put my hands like "NO STOP" and he stops and we carefully move her off the ice as she's now unconscious
she had a severe head injury and was comatose for three days
i visited her in the hospital
Pony on
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The Black HunterThe key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered Userregular
edited October 2009
Was she okay after?
Also this one time I dislocated my kneecap doing the can can. I was drunk and my friends thought I was being funny and kicked me while I was on the ground
Also this one time I dislocated my kneecap doing the can can. I was drunk and my friends thought I was being funny and kicked me while I was on the ground
yeah, she was okay
bad concussion and small skull fracture, but she turned out alright
she sued the petro canada next to that sidewalk (legally, in ontario it is your obligation to clear and salt the sidewalks adjacent to your property in winter, to prevent exactly this sort of thing) and they settled out of court and she got a bit of cash
i didn't sue because all i got was a broken nose and couldn't be arsed to bother
Also this one time I dislocated my kneecap doing the can can. I was drunk and my friends thought I was being funny and kicked me while I was on the ground
yeah, she was okay
bad concussion and small skull fracture, but she turned out alright
she sued the petro canada next to that sidewalk (legally, in ontario it is your obligation to clear and salt the sidewalks adjacent to your property in winter, to prevent exactly this sort of thing) and they settled out of court and she got a bit of cash
i didn't sue because all i got was a broken nose and couldn't be arsed to bother
Also this one time I dislocated my kneecap doing the can can. I was drunk and my friends thought I was being funny and kicked me while I was on the ground
yeah, she was okay
bad concussion and small skull fracture, but she turned out alright
she sued the petro canada next to that sidewalk (legally, in ontario it is your obligation to clear and salt the sidewalks adjacent to your property in winter, to prevent exactly this sort of thing) and they settled out of court and she got a bit of cash
i didn't sue because all i got was a broken nose and couldn't be arsed to bother
Yeah, I'd imagine she had hospital bills to pay.
hahahaha
you're kidding, right?
this is canada
we don't have "hospital bills"
hahahaha
americans
no she was more sueing over the days of work she missed and the injury she sustained and the emotional damage of being comatose for three days (comas are pretty scary once you wake up from them!) and some lingering after effects of the concussion (migraines and whatnot)
Alot. Seriously I thought he was exaggerating until we got to burn some old stuff of ours we didn't want and couldn't sell. I swear if I wasn't there he would've burnt his house down because he was too busy staring at the pretty flames.
Anyway, he and BG, while they were in high school did the usual high school science geek thing and played with flammable materials. One particular day they were watching how petrol (put in a squeeze bottle for portability) will float and burn ontop of a metal bucket filled with water.
Everytime the flames started dying out BW would give the bottle a squeeze sending a stream of gas into the flames making them flare up. Cue his younger brother come running out all, "Whatcha guys doin'?" and being a pest.
BW, his enjoyment of the flames stolen from him, decides to end it as quick as possible by squeezing the whole bottle into the flames. Just as he does so his brother leans in closer for a good view, getting some of the spray in his jew-fro and face as well as taking the fireball on the chin like a champ. Apparently, stop, drop and roll doesn't put out petrol fires, especially in hair.
So a few minutes later BW had to explain to his father what happened, while his mother takes a sobbing teenager to the hospital who refused to come inside the house or remove his tshirt from his face... because when he tried to take it off he felt the burns pulling and thought he was pulling his face off.
He recovered perfectly though, and did not develop a phobia of fire. In fact, BW once related in disgust how his brother showed him a "cool trick" a few months later.
The trick? Build a pipe-bomb... right? Then put a 1 inch thick steel plate over it, stand on the steel plate, then detonate it.
He could get five feet straight up into the air apparently.
Re: Canadian Health Care: I had gallstones nearly 5 years ago, and my largest medical expense was the daily fee for use of the TV. I think it was like five or ten bucks. Sure, I had books and a gameboy, but when you're settling down from half a day of agony without pain medication, Daily Show reruns can go a long way to boosting your outlook on things.
Funnily enough, while gallstone attacks are horrific, recovery from the surgery to remove my gallbladder was comparatively a piece of cake. They gave me like 60 of the 'good' (read; controlled) Tylenol and I only used like 8 of them over the course of the week I had off to recover.
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Vicious-Cabaret on
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The Black HunterThe key is a minimum of compromise, and a simple,unimpeachable reason to existRegistered Userregular
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Don't worry, in Japan you'd be an anime character and everyone would think it's adorable.
This one happened to a mate of mine a few years back.
He was the usual nervous high school kid. totally bricked himself at the thought of asking a girl out. There was one girl he really fancied, and one day, to all of our surprise, he decided to do it.
So he's walking up to her and another mate of mine, who is a world class prick, decides to be a...prick. So he steals my cream cake (what a prick) and lobs it at the other guy who's approaching this girl. Now the prick has good aim, so he hits the other mate right on the crotch of his trousers.
So here's my mate, trying to ask this insanely hot girl out, but with a big white stain on the front of his trousers. It looked...incriminating, so say the least.
This one happened to a mate of mine a few years back.
He was the usual nervous high school kid. totally bricked himself at the thought of asking a girl out. There was one girl he really fancied, and one day, to all of our surprise, he decided to do it.
So he's walking up to her and another mate of mine, who is a world class prick, decides to be a...prick. So he steals my cream cake (what a prick) and lobs it at the other guy who's approaching this girl. Now the prick has good aim, so he hits the other mate right on the crotch of his trousers.
So here's my mate, trying to ask this insanely hot girl out, but with a big white stain on the front of his trousers. It looked...incriminating, so say the least.
This one happened to a mate of mine a few years back.
He was the usual nervous high school kid. totally bricked himself at the thought of asking a girl out. There was one girl he really fancied, and one day, to all of our surprise, he decided to do it.
So he's walking up to her and another mate of mine, who is a world class prick, decides to be a...prick. So he steals my cream cake (what a prick) and lobs it at the other guy who's approaching this girl. Now the prick has good aim, so he hits the other mate right on the crotch of his trousers.
So here's my mate, trying to ask this insanely hot girl out, but with a big white stain on the front of his trousers. It looked...incriminating, so say the least.
But the question now is, did she go out with him?
Yes she did. That was 3 years ago. They're now engaged
This one happened to a mate of mine a few years back.
He was the usual nervous high school kid. totally bricked himself at the thought of asking a girl out. There was one girl he really fancied, and one day, to all of our surprise, he decided to do it.
So he's walking up to her and another mate of mine, who is a world class prick, decides to be a...prick. So he steals my cream cake (what a prick) and lobs it at the other guy who's approaching this girl. Now the prick has good aim, so he hits the other mate right on the crotch of his trousers.
So here's my mate, trying to ask this insanely hot girl out, but with a big white stain on the front of his trousers. It looked...incriminating, so say the least.
But the question now is, did she go out with him?
Yes she did. That was 3 years ago. They're now engaged
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Don't worry, in Japan you'd be an anime character and everyone would think it's adorable.
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Don't worry, in Japan you'd be an anime character and everyone would think it's adorable.
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Don't worry, in Japan you'd be an anime character and everyone would think it's adorable.
Posts
It's different down here.
If you fill in a government form here you will most likely see the following under "Race:"
1. White
2. Black
3. Colored
4. Asian
Colored is an "official" race here and refers to people of mixed heritage. And may God have mercy on the soul of the person who confuses one of these guys for either. He's not black and he's not white he's colored damnitall and proud of it and is willing to hold you down while his mother-in-law kicks you in the kidneys to prove it.
STEAM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYJ9zOyzI4w
good times
Pluto was a planet and I'll never forget
Improv Everywhere is the best thing
The Best Thing
Just to turn the tables.
A while back when I was in high school, my friends and I decided to go to this out of the way punk show in one of the "less nice" areas of Boston. We get to the place, and find parking, but we're still pretty unsure as to where the actual show was being held. We had an address, but that was about it.
So we're walking around looking for this place when a bunch of the locals walk by on the other side of the street. When they saw us, one of them yelled "Holy shit! White people!"
We got directions from them.
So he said yes. Rolling with it, he proceeded to weave this elaborate story of how BG was actually married, and had recently just up and left his young pregnant wife and toddler son without any explanation as he could no longer contain his desire for some sweet, sweet man-meat.
BW only told BG after they'd moved out to seperate apartments why everyone at that store gave him filthy looks whenever they were together.
STEAM
This is not embarrassing, it's hilarious! Comedy gold.
I know, but I can imagine how BG must have felt
Another story... although this is slightly on the creepy side.
The same two friends, BW once told me about the night they moved in together. It was a dark and stormy night (no really) and getting pretty late as they'd both worked late and could only move BG's stuff in after hours. Just as the last of the stuff is carried in, and BG heads into sort out his belongings in his new home (a small house on a large farm some distance from civilization) the power goes out.
BW, as he is known for, quickly thinks of the worst possible thing to do/say right at that moment.
He closes the front door, makes a show of locking it securely, then in the pitch black house he utters:
"Now I'm going to rape you."
I honestly don't know why they stayed friends.
STEAM
White FC: 0819 3350 1787
He's a hoot to hang around with. I told this story in a previous thread and it involved one of his former colleagues.
So this guy, right? He digs this chick, right? So much so that one Saturday he decides to walk for two hours to her house just so he can have an awkward conversation with her. Halfway there, the urge to crap hits him... bad. He figures he can make it to her house and, as an icebreaker, ask if he could defile her toilet.
So, to his delight, he makes it to her house without shitting himself.
She's not home. Neither are her folks.
He doesn't know anyone in her neighborhood.
So in his desperation, as it is now only a matter of seconds before structural failure of chocolate proportions occurs, he spies the empty oilbarrel which is the trademark of a local company which removes your garden refuse for a small fee every week. He also notices that it is out of sight of the road and affords some minor privacy.
So without hesitation he awkwardly balances his now naked rear end over the edge of the barrel and lets loose the prairie dogs of war.
And then she, along with her parents, come driving up the driveway. Which was in full view of the barrel.
She never did go out with him.
STEAM
STEAM
I must know more...
sometimes it's been in a fight or something else that sounds at least sorta bad-ass
this is not one of those times
back like seven years ago, i slipped on a bit of ice and went face first straight into the ground and broke my nose
like, there was no flailing, i didn't get my arms up in the way, or nothing
just went straight down, on my face
i struggle to get up, face bloodied
i hear people nearby like "holy shit oh my god did you see that guy oh god"
and some woman runs over and is like "hey buddy are you oka-"
she slips on the same patch of ice and falls backwards and smacks her head against the ground
some other dude goes to run over and i put my hands like "NO STOP" and he stops and we carefully move her off the ice as she's now unconscious
she had a severe head injury and was comatose for three days
i visited her in the hospital
Also this one time I dislocated my kneecap doing the can can. I was drunk and my friends thought I was being funny and kicked me while I was on the ground
yeah, she was okay
bad concussion and small skull fracture, but she turned out alright
she sued the petro canada next to that sidewalk (legally, in ontario it is your obligation to clear and salt the sidewalks adjacent to your property in winter, to prevent exactly this sort of thing) and they settled out of court and she got a bit of cash
i didn't sue because all i got was a broken nose and couldn't be arsed to bother
Yeah, I'd imagine she had hospital bills to pay.
hahahaha
you're kidding, right?
this is canada
we don't have "hospital bills"
hahahaha
americans
no she was more sueing over the days of work she missed and the injury she sustained and the emotional damage of being comatose for three days (comas are pretty scary once you wake up from them!) and some lingering after effects of the concussion (migraines and whatnot)
Me = dumbass
Alot. Seriously I thought he was exaggerating until we got to burn some old stuff of ours we didn't want and couldn't sell. I swear if I wasn't there he would've burnt his house down because he was too busy staring at the pretty flames.
Anyway, he and BG, while they were in high school did the usual high school science geek thing and played with flammable materials. One particular day they were watching how petrol (put in a squeeze bottle for portability) will float and burn ontop of a metal bucket filled with water.
Everytime the flames started dying out BW would give the bottle a squeeze sending a stream of gas into the flames making them flare up. Cue his younger brother come running out all, "Whatcha guys doin'?" and being a pest.
BW, his enjoyment of the flames stolen from him, decides to end it as quick as possible by squeezing the whole bottle into the flames. Just as he does so his brother leans in closer for a good view, getting some of the spray in his jew-fro and face as well as taking the fireball on the chin like a champ. Apparently, stop, drop and roll doesn't put out petrol fires, especially in hair.
So a few minutes later BW had to explain to his father what happened, while his mother takes a sobbing teenager to the hospital who refused to come inside the house or remove his tshirt from his face... because when he tried to take it off he felt the burns pulling and thought he was pulling his face off.
He recovered perfectly though, and did not develop a phobia of fire. In fact, BW once related in disgust how his brother showed him a "cool trick" a few months later.
The trick? Build a pipe-bomb... right? Then put a 1 inch thick steel plate over it, stand on the steel plate, then detonate it.
He could get five feet straight up into the air apparently.
STEAM
Funnily enough, while gallstone attacks are horrific, recovery from the surgery to remove my gallbladder was comparatively a piece of cake. They gave me like 60 of the 'good' (read; controlled) Tylenol and I only used like 8 of them over the course of the week I had off to recover.
... that doesn't even look good on paper!
In front of this guy at Uni I've got a HUGE fucking crush on. We were joking around, and I was chatting some random shit that I thought was totally correct. Now to get this you need to know; I'm wrong a large ammount of the time. I think I'm right but I'm wrong.
So we're talking and I'm clearly talking out of my arse, right? He hands me a pencil and says "here. shove this up your ass, it'll stop you from talking out of it!"
Now at this point it's 4 in the afternoon and I haven't had lunch yet. I have a tantalisingly delicious ham and cheese salad sandwhich in my pocket that I need to go and eat. So I decided as long as I'm gonna go outside for food i might as well make a cracking joke of it. So I handed his pencil back to him, saying "it's your penci? you really want it up my ass?". to which he replies "actually it's not mine." Thus, proving me wrong AGAIN!
So I go "alright, screw you!" and stand up in a stroppy manner and head towards the door. I dare to look back at him as I walk and end up, and this is the god's honest truth, stepping in the small rubbish bin near the door. So I stumble, but still try to open the door. At which point I open it so fast it hits me in the face. And, if that wasn't enough, it knocks me backwards so I end up practically sitting in the large rubbish bin...which then falls over, throwing me to the floor (hitting my head on the desk as I go) and covering me in rubbish.
Don't worry, in Japan you'd be an anime character and everyone would think it's adorable.
Actually, no wait that's worse.
STEAM
He was the usual nervous high school kid. totally bricked himself at the thought of asking a girl out. There was one girl he really fancied, and one day, to all of our surprise, he decided to do it.
So he's walking up to her and another mate of mine, who is a world class prick, decides to be a...prick. So he steals my cream cake (what a prick) and lobs it at the other guy who's approaching this girl. Now the prick has good aim, so he hits the other mate right on the crotch of his trousers.
So here's my mate, trying to ask this insanely hot girl out, but with a big white stain on the front of his trousers. It looked...incriminating, so say the least.
But the question now is, did she go out with him?
After she said yes, I'd of turned around and looked at the dude that threw the pie.
Been like "Good one!"
And booted him in the nuts.
But hey, that's just me and I hate everyone.
The best vengeance is succeeding.
STEAM
Apparently your anime archetype is.
Just breathe.