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Strange and Embarrassing Moments: Italy: Land of Homoerotic Escapades

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Posts

  • EuphoriacEuphoriac Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I have one!

    I once jokingly called someone a dog-killer...completely forgetting that she had, in fact, killed a dog some years earlier when she left the house with the oven still on.

    I called her this right in the middle of a huge family/friends gathering.

    Although to be fair, she asked me if I thought she was a dog killer expecting me to say 'no', but I was drunk and I can't bite my tongue when I'm drunk.

    We still haven't spoken 4 years later. Oh well.

    Euphoriac on
  • Cedar BrownCedar Brown Registered User
    edited May 2010
    krush wrote: »
    back at the house, still massively drunk, I ate my food and lo! My buddy's older sister walked by... Who I decided at that moment I was in love with. I went up to her room and hit on her something fierce, but to no avail. I passed out on his stairs and woke up the next morning with a massive hangover.


    14 years later I ended up working with his sister... First time I saw her at the office she said "Hey!!! I remember you!!! You're my brother's friend... The one that got drunk and tried to hit on me!!! Know something... If you had kept tryiung for about another 10 minutes, I would have fucked you! I was pretty wasted that night! Good times..."

    Oh well, you were probably too drunk to get it up anyway...

    That's supposed to be a consolation.

    Cedar Brown on
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    This weekend I was invited to an impromptu barbeque and told to bring drinks. I rocked up with three bottles of Pimm's and was treated to a single hotdog. Normally this wouldn't be an issue as I go to barbeques and the like for the company, not the food, but I then proceeded to drink what amounted to a bottle of spirits on an empty stomach.

    My girlfriend called me the day after when I was nursing a hangover the size of Scotland - apparently I'd called her in my drunken haze. My side of the conversation has gone something like: "I love you so much... I'm not just saying this because I'm drunk... OK I am, but I think it all the time and I'm just saying it now because I'm drunk... Living with you is going to be so awesome... You're awesome... OW! A mantelpiece... Nooo, a pinboard has fallen on my head..." *Click*

    Luckily my girlfriend is awesome so she was mainly amused. This has also been reassuring for me, as the last drunken conversation I had with a girlfriend involved me telling her that I was in love with someone else D: So luckily drunk me is as much in love with my current girlfriend as sober me.

    Rhesus Positive on
    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
  • kabukabu Registered User
    edited May 2010
    While it's not terribly unusual, staring down a seven-foot hammerhead shark was a pretty strange experience for a sixteen year old. I was seventy feet underwater, protected by two millimeters of neoprene and a pair of fins. You never realize just how squishy and breakable the human body is until you're staring into the eyes of an apex predator from ten feet away. Did I mention that it swam directly under me? It swam directly under me. It was probably my imagination, but he looked a bit irritated. I had an imaginary conversation with him.

    "Hey."

    "Hey."

    "So... you're a shark."

    "Yup."

    "You gonna eat me?"

    "Maybe."

    "Fuck."

    Yeah that was fun.

    kabu on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • QuetzatcoatlQuetzatcoatl Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    Quetzatcoatl on
  • EndEnd Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    It felt weird in his tummy.

    End on
    I wish that someway, somehow, that I could save every one of us
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  • krushkrush Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    at first he was like "this feels weird..."

    Then he was like:
    0034.jpeg

    krush on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • krushkrush Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    then you blew chunks???

    krush on
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    krush wrote: »
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    then you blew chunks???

    yes
    chunk.jpg

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • KronusKronus Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    krush wrote: »
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    then you blew chunks???

    yes
    chunk.jpg

    hua hua hua huaaaaaaa

    Kronus on
  • Cedar BrownCedar Brown Registered User
    edited May 2010
    krush wrote: »
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    then you blew chunks???

    yes
    chunk.jpg


    He preformed oral sex on an overweight boy, but it's ok because a cursed, shrunken head made him do it. Those shaman high priests I'm tellin' you.

    Is that the proper use of a semi-colon?

    Edit: Fixed then. Thank you.

    Cedar Brown on
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    No, it should be a comma.

    Captain Carrot on
  • Gandalf_the_CrazedGandalf_the_Crazed Vigilo ConfidoRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    No; it should be a comma.

    Gandalf_the_Crazed on
    PEUsig_zps56da03ec.jpg
  • ImprovoloneImprovolone Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    How embarrassing.

    Improvolone on
    Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Alexandria, VARegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    The funny thing is that both of those work, though the sentence has a different tone to it.

    Captain Carrot on
  • Sir CarcassSir Carcass I have been shown the end of my world Round Rock, TXRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    krush wrote: »
    I was digging through collections the other day at work and saw a box labeled human remains. Well, its a museum, I can see that happening. There was a smaller box next to it whose label I could not see, so I grabbed it.
    It was a shoe box that had written on it's top.
    SHRUNKEN HEAD!

    I didn't believe it, but low and behold, there is was. It, um... felt weird.

    Wait... you touched it?

    I cradled it in my arms and had a friend take a picture.

    then you blew chunks???

    yes
    chunk.jpg

    At least you know to close your eyes once he starts doing the Truffle Shuffle.

    Sir Carcass on
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Bolthorn wrote: »
    I actually want to see your wedding video now. I've had to endure others over the years, but yours sounds like it would actually be amusing to watch.

    Thankfully, one does not exist for ours.
    It wasn't for me, but I think my wife was embarrassed after we were pronounced and we walked back down the aisle together to the Imperial March from Star Wars. And when we were announced at the reception to O Fortuna. Those were the only two things I asked for in the wedding.

    Awesome! Our recessional was the Indiana Jones theme.

    Hooray for geeky weddings.

    Drake Chambers on
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Ah, since I've resurrected things, here's a strange one for you. Names changed, etc.

    I was in a play my sophomore year in college. On opening night I met a volunteer usher, Stephanie, out in the house and we instantly hit it off. She was very cute, and I had not had a whole lot of luck with the ladies yet at this point in life, so it was pretty exciting from the get-go. We flirted before and after the show the next few nights and then took it a little bit further at the cast party.

    As I said, I was not super-experienced at this point, so I wasn't really prepared for the kind of flirting Stephanie started catapulting my way once the drinks were flowing. We're talking constant sultry stares, licking of lips, suggestive interactions with glasses and drinking straws -- basically an 80's college movie nerd's hot-girl fantasy. It was unreal. I took it in stride but still didn't have any real expectations that it was going to go very far, because I was not super-confident and this girl was just too hot for me.

    The cast party was wrapping up and I was pretty drunk. I was prepared to leave on my own when Stephanie found me. She took my arm and declared, "You're pretty drunk Drake, let's take you home." I wasn't going to argue, but even at this point I had no expectations of what would come next. I was just along for the ride. We headed out with her somewhat bemused-looking roommate in tow.

    Their dorm was on the way to mine and we stopped in front of it. I figured this was where we'd say our goodbyes. We dawdled for a bit and I was drunk enough that it seemed like a good idea to sit down on the sidewalk, so I did. Stephanie took my arm and shook her head. "No, Drake, we need to get you home and into bed!"

    Then she turned to her roommate and dismissed her. "You can probably just go ahead to bed."

    The roommate was appalled and speechless. She left in a huff, and at that point I thought things might actually be going somewhere.

    Stephanie took me to my dorm, which was a single. I excused myself to go down the hall to the restroom and left her to poke around my room. When I came back, she was lounging on my bed, shoes off. I joined her there and we talked for a little bit, very quietly, as we inched closer together.

    We were mashed together, and I figured this was the moment, right? I leaned in to kiss her.

    "Please don't do this, Drake."

    I froze. Had this happened any earlier in the evening, I would have assumed I had misread some signals, but come on. "Okay," I said doubtfully, and gradually leaned back away.

    She proceeded to talk wistfully about her childhood and her family. As she droned on, I gradually withdrew from her proximity until eventually I was lying on the floor next to the bed. What followed was a roughly four-hour therapy session where I listened to her thoughts, ranging from memories of her father on her birthdays to completely abstract visions. She talked like a Sylvia Plath poem.

    Eventually the sun came up and she decided she had to go. She wrote her number down and suggested it would make me a bad person if I didn't call her.

    I didn't.

    tl;dr awkward young man picked up by a hot girl, surprisingly disappointing results

    Drake Chambers on
  • GlalGlal Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Hollywood awkward comedies have nothing on real life...

    Glal on
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited June 2010
    So my weekend was filled with quite a few amazing moments. The best, strangest one, though?

    A large group of teenagers(20 or so) were all hanging out in a parking lot. Suddenly, we see a man in an Easter Bunny fur suit walk on by. Our immediate response is to stop and stare as he walks on by, gets in a truck, and leaves. "What the fuck?" we all say. And we think that's the end of that.

    About 10 minutes later, he's back, standing, staring, being creepy as fuck. Someone says, "Let's get him. 3,2,1, CHARGE!" and 20 teenagers start chasing a furry full-speed. He sees us coming, takes a moment to process it, and bolts in the other direction.

    TL;DR I chased a furry with 20 other kids in a high school parking lot.

    While cruel this would make an amazing story if you weren't part of either group.

    "So I had a party this weekend and me and my buddy are pretty drunk, sitting on my front porch watching this group of 20 or so teenagers mingle in the parking lot across the street.

    Now, it's like midnight, but they're kids and all rebellious breaking curfew so it's not too weird.

    After about a couple minutes with my buddy shooting the wind, a truck stops in front of the parking lot and drops a guy in a bunny suit off. A fucking bunny suit!

    I mean, we were drunk but not THAT drunk.

    We watch for a few minutes, the bunny stares at the group of teenagers who are staring back and you can tell shit is about to go down.

    Suddenly one of the kids yells "CHARGE" and the whole group of 20 or so teenagers rushes at this guy in a bunny suit who must be dumbstruck because he's just standing there.

    Luckily the bastard was fast so when he finally realised he should run he got away.

    Funny as hell though."


    Also, the guy was probably being initiated by a fraternity.

    Sipex on
    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • BolthornBolthorn Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Drake, that is quite strange. You were clearly being led on and it sounds like she changed her mind. Which is fine, but don't pour your soul out to a drunk person who wants to do nothing but pass out. Especially don't do so for so long that the damn sun comes up. I've had people help me home when I've been drunk before, but they at least had the common decency to make sure I ended up on a couch or bed, and then said person left so I could sleep.

    Bolthorn on
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    What's funny is that if we had arrived at the therapy session through the regular course of dating / talking I would probably have been on board. Her lead up of pornographic flirting to ditching roommate to arranging herself sexily on the bed of my single dorm room, though? Quite a ways to go.

    I believe 100% that a lady can change her mind at any time. But I say again, come on.

    Drake Chambers on
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited June 2010
    She was either trolling you or finds therapy erotic.

    Sipex on
    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • Chake99Chake99 Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Oh wow. That's like what's happened to me everytime I've felt close to hooking up with a girl. Congratulations.

    Chake99 on
    Hic Rhodus, Hic Salta.
  • Catullus 16Catullus 16 Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    She was either trolling you or finds therapy erotic.

    Or, to inject a slightly more depressing note, finds that erotic moments inspire a need for therapy.

    Catullus 16 on
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    viewpost.gif Evil Multifarious: it would be a dead unicorn.
  • CognisseurCognisseur Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Wow, Drake, that was a pretty good story. Like, I know what thread I'm in but I was still caught blind-sided when she said no. I was hoping you were about to lose your virginity in a threesome with her and her room-mate.

    I guess that'd be in the "Awesome and Badass Moments" thread...

    Cognisseur on
  • SyphonBlueSyphonBlue Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Sipex wrote: »
    So my weekend was filled with quite a few amazing moments. The best, strangest one, though?

    A large group of teenagers(20 or so) were all hanging out in a parking lot. Suddenly, we see a man in an Easter Bunny fur suit walk on by. Our immediate response is to stop and stare as he walks on by, gets in a truck, and leaves. "What the fuck?" we all say. And we think that's the end of that.

    About 10 minutes later, he's back, standing, staring, being creepy as fuck. Someone says, "Let's get him. 3,2,1, CHARGE!" and 20 teenagers start chasing a furry full-speed. He sees us coming, takes a moment to process it, and bolts in the other direction.

    TL;DR I chased a furry with 20 other kids in a high school parking lot.

    While cruel this would make an amazing story if you weren't part of either group.

    "So I had a party this weekend and me and my buddy are pretty drunk, sitting on my front porch watching this group of 20 or so teenagers mingle in the parking lot across the street.

    Now, it's like midnight, but they're kids and all rebellious breaking curfew so it's not too weird.

    After about a couple minutes with my buddy shooting the wind, a truck stops in front of the parking lot and drops a guy in a bunny suit off. A fucking bunny suit!

    I mean, we were drunk but not THAT drunk.

    We watch for a few minutes, the bunny stares at the group of teenagers who are staring back and you can tell shit is about to go down.

    Suddenly one of the kids yells "CHARGE" and the whole group of 20 or so teenagers rushes at this guy in a bunny suit who must be dumbstruck because he's just standing there.

    Luckily the bastard was fast so when he finally realised he should run he got away.

    Funny as hell though."


    Also, the guy was probably being initiated by a fraternity.

    I think writing fanfic about a forum post is pretty S&E.

    SyphonBlue on
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    PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
  • KronusKronus Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    It's too bad he didn't hop away :P

    EDIT: Add this to the fanfic, we can craft this story into one of legends.

    Kronus on
  • SipexSipex Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Please, if that was a fanfic there'd be more sex and spelling mistakes.

    Sipex on
    Horseshoe wrote:
    I've got good news and bad news about 6th level, That Guy. The good news is that Forbiddance spell allows you to prevent enemies different alignment from entering a consecrated area, which is actually useful! The bad news is that the only other new sixth level spell makes lunch for everybody. Guess which one the party is going to expect you to cast.
  • ImpersonatorImpersonator Registered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Fodder wrote: »
    I've always thought fanny packs were worthy of mockery anyways, so haven't had any issues with that.

    Another rather embarrassing moment was while I was having a nice tea party with my academic family that I found out after my adoption was a bunch of the christian union people on campus, and additionally, is basically all females. It was one of the first family things we'd done and as sort of an ice breaker they wanted everyone to introduce themselves and describe their favorite pair of pajamas. Most of the people had excessively soft and pink descriptions, and basically all I could really claim was a pair of plaid pajama pants.

    Unfortunately, it was only several minutes later that I realized how terrible describing my pants must have sounded to a room full of semi-uptight girls sipping tea...

    Wow, talk about small talk gone wrong. Describing your favorite pair of pajamas, really?

    Impersonator on
    Bioptic wrote: »
    Lemmings was pro-Communist propeganda. All are created equal, sorted into specific jobs and roles that they will hold for the rest of their lives by a higher authority, and must sacrifice continuously for the good of the group. Success is measured by meeting quotas and nothing else. Also, nuclear holocaust.
  • MightyMighty Omeganaut '15 '16 '17 NebraskaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    Stop me if i told this one before:

    When i lived in College Station, Texas, Me and my roomie used to go down to the student center of A&M and play magic: the gathering with a bunch of other students there.

    While we are in the midst of a game, a rather attractive girl comes up and asks the guy next to me (who i'll call M) what we were playing- The following is the conversation :

    Girl : what are you guys playing?
    m: Magic, the gathering.
    G: Oh neat, it is complicated?
    m: (without looking up) Yeah, it would take like, Tssh, 4 hours to explain it to you.
    g: oh. (storms off)

    I felt compelled to watch this happen. It was like watching a head on train wreck.
    She comes up with mild interest, and he runs her off in record time.
    Afterward i punched him in the arm for doing so, and advised a better course of action next time.

    Mighty on
    Twitch: twitch.tv\dreadmighty
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    That hurt me, physically hurt me, to read.

    When I was 14 or so I taught a friend's 18ish female babysitter how to play the Battletech TCG, and she enjoyed it. For someone who had spent most of his life trying and failing to get people to play TCGs and miniatures games with him, that was a surreal experience. I kept waiting for the moment when she would get distracted and say, "Can we play Sonic?" but it never came.

    admanb on
  • lab7lab7 Registered User
    edited June 2010
    I am currently filled with guilt, shame and embarrassment. I just realized that half the time, I have to fake orgasms during sex.

    ...

    I'm a nineteen year old guy.

    And it's not like she isn't attractive or anything! This is really fucking weird!

    lab7 on
  • admanbadmanb unionize your workplace Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited June 2010
    I think the embarrassing thing there is that you just realized this.

    admanb on
  • lab7lab7 Registered User
    edited June 2010
    No, it's just now that I realized how often I've done this.

    lab7 on
  • DarkWarriorDarkWarrior __BANNED USERS
    edited June 2010
    What's funny is that if we had arrived at the therapy session through the regular course of dating / talking I would probably have been on board. Her lead up of pornographic flirting to ditching roommate to arranging herself sexily on the bed of my single dorm room, though? Quite a ways to go.

    I believe 100% that a lady can change her mind at any time. But I say again, come on.

    Maybe she is into rape fantasy. You blew it buddy.

    Does sound very strange though unless you really were misreading the signs or she was giving them to the guy behind you.

    DarkWarrior on
  • AydrAydr Registered User
    edited June 2010
    ...Lab, have you ever considered... "other options"? Ones that are less female?

    Aydr on
    DeMoN wrote: »
    I DIED IN THE ARMS OF A TOASTER WITH BREASTS
  • lab7lab7 Registered User
    edited June 2010
    Aydr wrote: »
    ...Lab, have you ever considered... "other options"? Ones that are less female?

    See, I thought of that. But I have determined that I am definitely only attracted to those who possess a pair of X chromosomes.

    This might be TMI, but I was only able to... "perform" the other day when I was, well, strangling her a bit.

    Is that weird? I'm not very experienced at this...

    lab7 on
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