The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Is this jealousy unfounded?
Mr. Quark
__BANNED USERS regular
__BANNED USERS regular
Some of you may remember me from however-long-ago, but probably not.
A while back I made a thread about a multiple-crush situation I got into with two guys. In the end all was resolved nicely with one of the guys politely telling me he's not interested.
But the other guy, called "Number 1" in the previous thread, and who here i'll call 'J' (because I can't be bothered typing out Number 1 every time I mention him) is where things get interesting.
In that previous thread I said that me and J were both curious about guy-on-guy sex (sounds weird too say that out loud...) and so, during the course of that thread's existence me and him started "experimenting", which has all gone well, mostly cause he's hot and good in bed.
But now here's where the new thread kicks in. Since that last thread and mine and J's expermintation, it's changed from just us trying stuff out to, in both of our own words, being "fuck-buddies." Basically we're just like mates but when alone (and pretty damn often too) we go to town on eachother. So all is good.
Recently, however, J's become really good friends with this guy who I'll call 'G'. I've not seen any real evidence of J and G 'doing' anything with one another, but I've caught a few glances between them and I can't help but get the impression that they're fooling around too.
Course if they were I couldn't blame J. G's hot and I'm a pretty scrawny excuse for a guy.
Anyway, my question is: if J and G are fooling around, is the seething jealousy I feel whenever I see them together totally unfounded? Cause, I mean, J and me haven't got a 'relationship'' so to speak. We just hang out and frequently fuck each other's brains out, to put it simply.
A while back I made a thread about a multiple-crush situation I got into with two guys. In the end all was resolved nicely with one of the guys politely telling me he's not interested.
But the other guy, called "Number 1" in the previous thread, and who here i'll call 'J' (because I can't be bothered typing out Number 1 every time I mention him) is where things get interesting.
In that previous thread I said that me and J were both curious about guy-on-guy sex (sounds weird too say that out loud...) and so, during the course of that thread's existence me and him started "experimenting", which has all gone well, mostly cause he's hot and good in bed.
But now here's where the new thread kicks in. Since that last thread and mine and J's expermintation, it's changed from just us trying stuff out to, in both of our own words, being "fuck-buddies." Basically we're just like mates but when alone (and pretty damn often too) we go to town on eachother. So all is good.
Recently, however, J's become really good friends with this guy who I'll call 'G'. I've not seen any real evidence of J and G 'doing' anything with one another, but I've caught a few glances between them and I can't help but get the impression that they're fooling around too.
Course if they were I couldn't blame J. G's hot and I'm a pretty scrawny excuse for a guy.
Anyway, my question is: if J and G are fooling around, is the seething jealousy I feel whenever I see them together totally unfounded? Cause, I mean, J and me haven't got a 'relationship'' so to speak. We just hang out and frequently fuck each other's brains out, to put it simply.
The accumulated filth of all their hackin’ and wackin’ will foam up about their waists, and when all the ghouls and wastlanders of Megaton look up and shout “save us!†I’ll look down and whisper…
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
Mr. Quark on
0
Posts
But in terms of stopping that from happening you're fucked, and not in the good way. If he's not your boyfriend, you can't expect him to remain undyingly loyal to you and only sleep with you.
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
No. Here's the thing: FWB insinuates that you're exactly that - friends (that is, two people who have no romantic attachment to one another) who satisfy each others' physical needs.
If you're jealous, you've just proven that you've got some feelings for J. However significant, they exist. So your options are thus: maintain the status quo and enjoy your physical relationship without romantic attachment, while dealing with your jealousy or ask J if he feels the same about you as you do for him (and really you'll want to take some time to think about exactly how you feel about him before you do this) and ask him to be exclusive. In short, deal with it and enjoy the sex or confront it and roll the dice on either becoming exclusive or potentially losing the whole kit and caboodle.
You can make it whatever you want to make it. Ask him how he feels about the whole situation.
Lots of people in fuckbuddy situations are exclusive out of health concerns.
That's one of the reasons why I personally don't engage in such a situation. If you have a web of FWBs, all it takes is for one of them to get some disease, and it gets passed on to you pretty quick.
Plus all the emotional issues.
And shit, I didn't even think of health concerns. But J's always careful so I'm not too worried.
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
Just talk to J and let him know how you feel about it. There's no good reason to stew in your own emotions.
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
You only have two options:
1)Deal with it/Get over it
2)Talk to J.
Sure I get burning jealousy when I think of him slipping someone else the high hard one, but that doesn't mean I want him to be my boyfriend or anything!
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
You have feelings for him. You may not want to have feelings for him. But you do. You feel attached, and it's totally natural when two people have sex.
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
Based on your OP, I assume you are still fairly new to the concept of relations with another man. That can cause confused feelings. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed about... you're in new territory and even if you tell yourself this is what you want, your experience is nagging at you that it's different (and that's all it is: different).
Jealousy is a base reaction to feeling that something we should "possess" is being taken by someone else (No, I'm not saying you feel like you possess J... it's for lack of a better word). In this case, you (on some level) feel like you are going to lose this guy to G. That's not a 1:1 equivalence with you wanting to be J's "boyfriend", and you don't need to view it as such. He's your fuck-buddy and you enjoy having that. If J starts seeing G on a relationship level, you'll most likely lose your fuck-buddy (unless J and G decide continuing your relationship as such is acceptable).
That is what you're feeling. It's not unrequited love, it's not losing your boyfriend... It's simply the possibility that something you are enjoying will be taken away.
If you don't want to "suck it up" and deal with the jealousy (which I absolutely think you should not), you need to talk to J about how you feel. That's your only other option. You can do that without sounding needy or clingy.
Just say, "Hey, I know we're not doing this thing exclusively but I'm getting these feelings of jealousy lately and I just wanted to talk about it".
Who knows, maybe J likes you more than you think (given your glowing reviews of yourself in your OP :P )
Next question?
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
How do you stop being happy?
This can be done by getting over it yourself, talking to him about it, or ending the relationship.
Since you've rejected all other options, you're left with two choices:
(1) Drink yourself into a stupor.
(2) Kill G.
(Note: DON'T ACTUALLY DO EITHER OF THESE)
Jealousy in this situation is natural for everyone but the rare polyamorous personality type. Whether or not you're IN WUV is irrelevant. So, you either have to deal with it, accepting the misery as a trade-off for the pleasure, or end the relationship and all interaction with J, or confess to J that you can't handle non-exclusivity.
Which, given your status as FWBs, is silly.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
EDIT: That being said, not being jealous is all on you. You'd be a prick to insist that you become "exclusive" fuck buddies just to sate your own jealousy. If you really don't want a relationship with this guy or anything past a friends with benefits situation, introspect a little bit and ask yourself why him being with someone else bothers you so much. Maybe you just hate sharing?
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
A. Ignore them
B. Talk to him about them
C. Stop sleeping with him
lol We knew that from the vehemence with which you denied it.
The way you stop being jealous is to trust your partner.
That doesn't apply here because of the whole fuckbuddy/friend with bennies sitcho. So as others have said: Kill G.
uh...don't kill G. What I meant to say is: so as others have said is suck it up.
If you want to take it exclusive, then talk to him about it.
Otherwise, suck it up, and keep getting your bone on...or get your bone on and then suck it up. :winky:
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
I would go with A.
Good luck.
PSN Hypacia
Xbox HypaciaMinnow
Discord Hypacia#0391
You can't ignore jealousy, just as you can't ignore any strong emotion, it just doesn't work. You get over something by dealing with it, not repressing it, and dealing with it means talking it out or expressing it in some way. Trust me, you're going to want to talk to the guy sooner rather than later, lest the whole thing blow up in your face if/when your "fears" are confirmed and someone else (or many people) is laying the pipe to your FWB.
Somehow I don't think that attitude would go down well with him and may in fact hasten the end of our FWB (still dunno what that means) relationship.
…Tunnel Snakes Rule
"Hey, we're having all this great sex and I don't want that to stop but I need to get some stuff clear. To make sure neither of get anything bad we need to get some communication going. I understand if you want to get your freak on but please make sure that there is always a condom involved and I'll do the same. Are you seeing anyone else right now and have they been tested recently?"
PSN Hypacia
Xbox HypaciaMinnow
Discord Hypacia#0391
The thing to do is tell him you want an exclusively relationship, or at least that you want to be involved in any more experimentation that goes on.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
You don't have to out and out tell him about your jealousy, but even just talking to him and getting things out in the open can help. Right now you're paranoid every time you turn around, wondering if he's going something with G. You're already friends, right? So there should be no problem in just asking him if he's hooking up with this other guy. At the very least, knowing for sure will open up the doors of conversation.
He may say no, and that's the end of things and you were worried over nothing.
If he says yes, you can either start talking to him about it or decide how you feel about it now that you actually know for sure what's going on.