24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Oh man I love that verse.
I'm not even joking.
what
what the fuck is this
Old Testament is full of shit like that, dude.
Yeah. At one point God punishes a group of people. Because they took prisoners instead of killing all of their enemies.
Also, one prophet compared Israel to a whore. Saying shes like a beautiful girl who sits on the street corner, parting her legs for every man that comes along who have members like donkeys and emissions like stallions.
Also, Song of Songs? An entire book of poetry that is 75% a metaphor for sex. 20% not so much a metaphor of sex. 5% celebration of love.
*shrug* And yeah, mang.
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Oh man I love that verse.
I'm not even joking.
what
what the fuck is this
Old Testament is full of shit like that, dude.
Yeah. At one point God punishes a group of people. Because they took prisoners instead of killing all of their enemies.
Also, one prophet compared Israel to a whore. Saying shes like a beautiful girl who sits on the street corner, parting her legs for every man that comes along who have members like donkeys and emissions like stallions.
Also, Song of Songs? An entire book of poetry that is 75% a metaphor for sex. 20% not so much a metaphor of sex. 5% celebration of love.
*shrug* And yeah, mang.
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
If you read everything out of context, yeah.
But its like.
"Hey guy, I love you, i created you to love you. So yknow, lets hang out. Whats that Adam? You're bored. BAM theres a wife. You guys have fun. You can do whatever you want. Oh, btw, theres 2 trees over there. One lets you live forever, one lets you understand the concept of evil. Dont eat the second one" And what does humanity do?
Alot of people talk about Lot being the holy man in town that got saved. The issue there isnt that Lot is holy, but that Sodom and Gomorrah's were that screwed up.
The man gave his 2 daughters up to be raped by an angry mob.
Then his daughters got him drunk and had sex with him.
Thats Sodom and Gomorrah's greatest guy. The nicest, best guy they have lets his kids get raped, then has drunken sex with them. This puts into perspective how bad Sodom and Gomorrah really are.
Then apparently everyone else on earth, except for Noah and his family, were so screwed up like S&G that the best option was to flood the place.
God threw down the gloves alot, but it was really all quite justified.
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
If you read everything out of context, yeah.
Hey, that original quote I said was awesome?
Go read it in its full context and tell me God wasn't being a dick.
Thats Sodom and Gomorrah's greatest guy. The nicest, best guy they have lets his kids get raped, then has drunken sex with them. This puts into perspective how bad Sodom and Gomorrah really are.
So why did God save such a douche? Why didn't he just burn the town including him and his family? Riddle me that, Batman.
God threw down the gloves alot, but it was really all quite justified.
Oh man.
Ohhh man.
So. Justification for the killing of the first-born of Egypt, please.
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
If you read everything out of context, yeah.
Hey, that original quote I said was awesome?
Go read it in its full context and tell me God wasn't being a dick.
Thats Sodom and Gomorrah's greatest guy. The nicest, best guy they have lets his kids get raped, then has drunken sex with them. This puts into perspective how bad Sodom and Gomorrah really are.
So why did God save such a douche? Why didn't he just burn the town including him and his family? Riddle me that, Batman.
Because if he burned down every douche to the ground, we'd all be dead.
Don't tell me God is still pissed about original sin.
Man, for a dude who's been around since the beginning he sure doesn't know how to let shit die.
Like Jesus
Jesus came back to life after three days, so he's not really a good example of God knowing how to make things die.
Man it was a joke
How about...
Haha, man I can't think of anything. I'll get back to you on that one.
I thought you were pointing out that Jesus was supposed to abolish original sin. I can see the humorous intent of your post now, but I think I pulled it off better.
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
If you read everything out of context, yeah.
Hey, that original quote I said was awesome?
Go read it in its full context and tell me God wasn't being a dick.
Thats Sodom and Gomorrah's greatest guy. The nicest, best guy they have lets his kids get raped, then has drunken sex with them. This puts into perspective how bad Sodom and Gomorrah really are.
So why did God save such a douche? Why didn't he just burn the town including him and his family? Riddle me that, Batman.
Because if he burned down every douche to the ground, we'd all be dead.
No, there were other towns than Sodom and Gomorrah.
As to why God let that jerk live? God's big on the forgiveness thing. Maybe he wanted to clearly say, "Hey, Ill put up with a ton of crap, but seriously, if you're much worse than this dude, im layin the smack down"
Or maybe he wanted someone to tell everyone else about how bad he messed those towns up.
As far as your claim that God was a jerk in the 2nd Kings story.
Elisha and Elijah were awesome and holy guys. Elijah was so righteous, that God said, "Hey, Im not gonna wait for you to die, you're coming to heaven now" Elisha then fixed some water problems the locals had. Hes heading on up to a mountain, and a bunch of youth start harassing him. 42 were mauled. That means there were atleast 42 there. Now imagine you're an old guy, trying to go head up to a mountain to serve God, and atleast 42 youths come out and start yelling at him.
You find me 42 people who are yelling/harrassing a person, that arent going to let it get out of hand. Mob mentality and all that.
So Elisha is all, "God, take care of these suckas" So a bear comes out and mauls them. It doesnt say it kills them, but it may have, it just says mauls them.
Edit: and no, I'm not saying God is pissed about original sin. Im just saying, we, as humans, are idiots of our own free will. "Hrmm... eternal life... or fruit that God says dont eat because we will die. Well this decision seems obvious, wouldn't you agree, serpent?"
CangoFett on
0
WhiteZinfandelYour insidesLet me show you themRegistered Userregular
edited July 2007
There are two panels of Calvin just sitting there writing, then the third is Hobbes, still as a toy, saying something like "Hey, come on, snap out of it buddy." The fourth panel is Hobbes back to normal and Calvin saying he's sorry and them hugging or something.
Also how about that whole killing of Egypt's first-born huh?
Egypt was enslaving the Jews, God's chosen people.
God is all, "hey, you guys who believe me. Heres how not to become childless."
Egyptians were all, "Pftt, God's not so tough"
and God is all
"O RLY?"
Also, if we're gonna give the youths the benefit of the doubt, and say it was just teasing, we gotta give the bear a benefit of a doubt, and say that mauling is just "Roughly handling" 42 of the youths.
Also how about that whole killing of Egypt's first-born huh?
Egypt was enslaving the Jews, God's chosen people.
God is all, "hey, you guys who believe me. Heres how not to become childless."
Egyptians were all, "Pftt, God's not so tough"
and God is all
"O RLY?"
I knew you were gonna say that, but see, I've actually read it.
It is stated clearly that God hardens Pharoh's heart so that he would not let the Jews go.
So, to review:
Moses threatens punishment from God to Pharoh if X is not done.
God makes Pharoh not do X.
God punishes Pharoh for not doing X.
Wait, what? I dont remember it going like that, but to be honest its been a heck of a long time since I read the story. The way I remembered it was
Moses: Sup pharoh, God says let the jews go, or hes gonna mess you up
Pharoh: prove it
Moses: WOO MY STAFF IS A SNAKE!
Pharoh: Not impressed
Moses: Your River is blood
Pharoh: Eh, just wine
Moses: FROGS FROM SKY!
Pharoh: Free food, I say
*and so on*
Moses: how bout God kills all your firstborn if you dont let us go
Pharoh: You're not getting let go
God: Okay guys, heres the game plan. Blood on doorways. Ready? Break!
/kill first borns
I got nuttin man. Ill ask around for some further clarification. Seems against the whole "God doesnt mess with peoples free will thing" that you see quite a bit. So, i dunno.
Posts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X76ZIGQgBWg
chair to Creation and then suplex the Void.
Yeah...
I was telling a friend that this was the portal through which he entered this realm.
Fake
Electronic composer for hire.
Are you fucking kidding me? Do you actually think that comic is not fake?
Old-Testament God is probably the most dickish, assholish character to appear in any work of literature ever.
If you read everything out of context, yeah.
But its like.
"Hey guy, I love you, i created you to love you. So yknow, lets hang out. Whats that Adam? You're bored. BAM theres a wife. You guys have fun. You can do whatever you want. Oh, btw, theres 2 trees over there. One lets you live forever, one lets you understand the concept of evil. Dont eat the second one" And what does humanity do?
Alot of people talk about Lot being the holy man in town that got saved. The issue there isnt that Lot is holy, but that Sodom and Gomorrah's were that screwed up.
The man gave his 2 daughters up to be raped by an angry mob.
Then his daughters got him drunk and had sex with him.
Thats Sodom and Gomorrah's greatest guy. The nicest, best guy they have lets his kids get raped, then has drunken sex with them. This puts into perspective how bad Sodom and Gomorrah really are.
Then apparently everyone else on earth, except for Noah and his family, were so screwed up like S&G that the best option was to flood the place.
God threw down the gloves alot, but it was really all quite justified.
Hey, that original quote I said was awesome?
Go read it in its full context and tell me God wasn't being a dick.
So why did God save such a douche? Why didn't he just burn the town including him and his family? Riddle me that, Batman.
Oh man.
Ohhh man.
So. Justification for the killing of the first-born of Egypt, please.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
Because if he burned down every douche to the ground, we'd all be dead.
Man, for a dude who's been around since the beginning he sure doesn't know how to let shit die.
Like Jesus
Jesus came back to life after three days, so he's not really a good example of God knowing how to make things die.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
What the fuck happened there?
Yeah, pretty sure it isn't fake. If it were fake, would I remember the end to it?
Man it was a joke
How about...
Haha, man I can't think of anything. I'll get back to you on that one.
No, it's fake. Incredibly so.
What is the end to it
tell me, tell us
I thought you were pointing out that Jesus was supposed to abolish original sin. I can see the humorous intent of your post now, but I think I pulled it off better.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
The "ending" is pretty much "jk lol"
No, there were other towns than Sodom and Gomorrah.
As to why God let that jerk live? God's big on the forgiveness thing. Maybe he wanted to clearly say, "Hey, Ill put up with a ton of crap, but seriously, if you're much worse than this dude, im layin the smack down"
Or maybe he wanted someone to tell everyone else about how bad he messed those towns up.
As far as your claim that God was a jerk in the 2nd Kings story.
Elisha and Elijah were awesome and holy guys. Elijah was so righteous, that God said, "Hey, Im not gonna wait for you to die, you're coming to heaven now" Elisha then fixed some water problems the locals had. Hes heading on up to a mountain, and a bunch of youth start harassing him. 42 were mauled. That means there were atleast 42 there. Now imagine you're an old guy, trying to go head up to a mountain to serve God, and atleast 42 youths come out and start yelling at him.
You find me 42 people who are yelling/harrassing a person, that arent going to let it get out of hand. Mob mentality and all that.
So Elisha is all, "God, take care of these suckas" So a bear comes out and mauls them. It doesnt say it kills them, but it may have, it just says mauls them.
Edit: and no, I'm not saying God is pissed about original sin. Im just saying, we, as humans, are idiots of our own free will. "Hrmm... eternal life... or fruit that God says dont eat because we will die. Well this decision seems obvious, wouldn't you agree, serpent?"
Yeah that's what I meant. It's almost 3 in the AM, so excuse me if my semantics are not entirely correct in regards to theological concepts.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I'm honestly impressed I was able to spell abolish correctly.
Also how about that whole killing of Egypt's first-born huh?
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
That's Judaism, though. And technically the same god as Old Testament Christianity.
Egypt was enslaving the Jews, God's chosen people.
God is all, "hey, you guys who believe me. Heres how not to become childless."
Egyptians were all, "Pftt, God's not so tough"
and God is all
"O RLY?"
Also, if we're gonna give the youths the benefit of the doubt, and say it was just teasing, we gotta give the bear a benefit of a doubt, and say that mauling is just "Roughly handling" 42 of the youths.
Its only fair.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I knew you were gonna say that, but see, I've actually read it.
It is stated clearly that God hardens Pharoh's heart so that he would not let the Jews go.
So, to review:
Moses threatens punishment from God to Pharoh if X is not done.
God makes Pharoh not do X.
God punishes Pharoh for not doing X.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
I actually think the whole ten plagues thing was more that the Egyptians were breaking the first commandment, rather than enslaving the Jews.
It's more consistent with Gods totally egocentric attitude.
EDIT: Wait, second commandment. My bad
Well the Ten Commandments weren't even given to Moses from God at that time.
EDIT: The last of the 10 plagues occurs in Exodus 11 and the Ten Commandments are spoken by God in Exodus 20.
Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
Wait, what? I dont remember it going like that, but to be honest its been a heck of a long time since I read the story. The way I remembered it was
Moses: Sup pharoh, God says let the jews go, or hes gonna mess you up
Pharoh: prove it
Moses: WOO MY STAFF IS A SNAKE!
Pharoh: Not impressed
Moses: Your River is blood
Pharoh: Eh, just wine
Moses: FROGS FROM SKY!
Pharoh: Free food, I say
*and so on*
Moses: how bout God kills all your firstborn if you dont let us go
Pharoh: You're not getting let go
God: Okay guys, heres the game plan. Blood on doorways. Ready? Break!
/kill first borns
Kind of like how God was always there, but for a pretty long time we didn't know.
The Lord hardened pharaohs heart.
Hrmm.
I got nuttin man. Ill ask around for some further clarification. Seems against the whole "God doesnt mess with peoples free will thing" that you see quite a bit. So, i dunno.
touché salesman