I am looking to get recommendations on books or other resources about conversations, specifically small talk. I’ve had a couple of conversations recently with friends where we have decided that our small techniques are serviceable but kind of lacking in some ways.
I’ve found a course or two that I could take on advanced small talk (lol) and conversation skills but they are kind of expensive and I think before I pay good money for that kind of thing I would prefer to do some reading first. So does anyone have any recommendations for books or other cheap study resources on this kind of thing?
I’ve done a fair bit of speech training while at school/work and am a pretty confident speaker so I am not really after that kind of resource or training.
I'd recommend hitting up a situation where small talk is common and listening/participating. A party at a friends house (not a bar), a family reunion, library, etc.
underdonk on
Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
The secret to small talk isn't difficult; you just imagine yourself talking about a topic of conversation that is actually interesting and then apply that same enthusiasm to the most mundane subjects you can imagine.
Just to clarify I do not think I am particularly bad at small talk or conversation. I am a good listener, outgoing, travelled/educated etc and I am pretty good at hiding my opinions or feelings during face to face discussions.
I guess what I am looking for is some sort of indepth discussion or research into techniques or procedures relating to conversation.
The secret to small talk isn't difficult; you just imagine yourself talking about a topic of conversation that is actually interesting and then apply that same enthusiasm to the most mundane subjects you can imagine.
So true. If you're talking just to talk, pretend you're having a better time than you are. Don't pour it on too much obviously, but a small amount of interest can go a long way to setting up a real conversation.
That, and remember that the other person is in your boat, and probably doesn't find small talk the greatest of pursuits.
"How to make friends and influence people" by Carnegie (I think)?
I was thinking about this title, but my question really would be - is it worth reading? I've only ever seen it referenced in various tv shows/movies or books and then almost always as part of a joke.
Kalkino on
Freedom for the Northern Isles!
0
SerpentSometimes Vancouver, BC, sometimes Brisbane, QLDRegistered Userregular
"How to make friends and influence people" by Carnegie (I think)?
I was thinking about this title, but my question really would be - is it worth reading? I've only ever seen it referenced in various tv shows/movies or books and then almost always as part of a joke.
It's pretty famous.
I haven't read the book, but my work just paid for me to take a very expensive course based on the book.
The course is pretty big world-wide too and known for it's high ROI.
It's on my bookshelf at home. You can probably find it at any public library, as famous as it is; I'd recommend reading it. Even if you feel like it hasn't helped you, it will require only the time you put into reading it to make that determination for yourself.
I definitely recommend Carnegie's book - it's all common sense really, but sometimes everyone needs common sense spelled out to them, so it's incredibly useful.
Just in case you're still looking around at books, I thought I'd pop in and mention something that may help.
Discourse Analysis by Barbara Johnstone teaches the reader about conversational structure and what happens in conversations. While it doesn't technically teach the reader how to be a better speaker, or to be better at small talk, it does create a heightened awareness of what takes place between two people when they're talking to one another. It's a text book, so it's a little on the expensive side, but it's still very interesting.
Carnegie's book is goddamned brilliant. I don't think it touches on conversation too much, but its still fucking brilliant. What it does say about conversation is, "talk about the other persons interests". There ya go, I just summed up a chapter for you. Granted he does the same at the end of every chapter, but read the book!
Improvolone on
Voice actor for hire. My time is free if your project is!
Don't worry too much about small talk. I nice quip or two is really all that is needed until you all start finding some common ground to discuss on.
Why the question on small talk? How do you think you are lacking?
I don't think I'm really lacking in small talk skills, or general conversational ability, I would just to do some reading on the theory. Of course, any skill improvement from this reading would be nice
Posts
I'd recommend hitting up a situation where small talk is common and listening/participating. A party at a friends house (not a bar), a family reunion, library, etc.
Just to clarify I do not think I am particularly bad at small talk or conversation. I am a good listener, outgoing, travelled/educated etc and I am pretty good at hiding my opinions or feelings during face to face discussions.
I guess what I am looking for is some sort of indepth discussion or research into techniques or procedures relating to conversation.
So true. If you're talking just to talk, pretend you're having a better time than you are. Don't pour it on too much obviously, but a small amount of interest can go a long way to setting up a real conversation.
That, and remember that the other person is in your boat, and probably doesn't find small talk the greatest of pursuits.
I was thinking about this title, but my question really would be - is it worth reading? I've only ever seen it referenced in various tv shows/movies or books and then almost always as part of a joke.
It's pretty famous.
I haven't read the book, but my work just paid for me to take a very expensive course based on the book.
The course is pretty big world-wide too and known for it's high ROI.
Discourse Analysis by Barbara Johnstone teaches the reader about conversational structure and what happens in conversations. While it doesn't technically teach the reader how to be a better speaker, or to be better at small talk, it does create a heightened awareness of what takes place between two people when they're talking to one another. It's a text book, so it's a little on the expensive side, but it's still very interesting.
http://abitofgeek.blogspot.com
Why the question on small talk? How do you think you are lacking?
I don't think I'm really lacking in small talk skills, or general conversational ability, I would just to do some reading on the theory. Of course, any skill improvement from this reading would be nice