Sounds like a decent plan. It was basically all "Wooo!! My awesome apache knife made from a rock is the best weapon ever made, it cuts steel like butter and can stab anything a billion times a second!!!11! Gladiatah is going DOWN BITCH11!!!!1" And then the other side starts and ... I can feel my brain cells dying.
The grenades from the commando episode: Why the fuck did they perform to radicly different tests on similair weapons and then try and judge based on slow motion video the lethality of it?
This. They do this all the fucking time. What was even worse than this was in Mafia vs Yakuza. The Mafia guy came in with the baseball bat and pretty much knocked the gel dummy's head off, but only after the Yakuza had smashed the skull open with the nunchaku.
For a show that claims to be taking a scientific look at combat, they're using incredible bad science basically all the time.
The grenades from the commando episode: Why the fuck did they perform to radicly different tests on similair weapons and then try and judge based on slow motion video the lethality of it?
This. They do this all the fucking time. What was even worse than this was in Mafia vs Yakuza. The Mafia guy came in with the baseball bat and pretty much knocked the gel dummy's head off, but only after the Yakuza had smashed the skull open with the nunchaku.
For a show that claims to be taking a scientific look at combat, they're using incredible bad science basically all the time.
It's on Spike.
I know this doesn't excuse using bad science, but it does explain it somewhat.
Like in the Mafia vs Yakuza fight, the mafia starts by chucking a molotov at the Yakuza guys. Who are just standing there, in the same building as the mafia guys. Granted, I failed "makeshift explosives 101", but throwing an incendiary device at someone is usually best done when you're not in the same building you just set on fire, isn't it?
Actually I think the start of the Mafia fight had the Yakuza shoot the molotov out of the Mafia guy's hand before it could be used.
Some of the weapon match-ups for that fight were ridiculous. Walther vs Sawed-Off Shotgun? Ice pick? Seriously?
The Green Beret vs Spetznaz was probably the least idiotic out of the whole season because they had actually members of both groups as the advocates. About the only things wrong with it were the whole grenade debacle and using the E-Tool rather than something sensible like a K-Bar. Although I don't see how the K-Bar would have done better against the Ballistic Knife than the E-Tool.
I gotta wonder whether the advocates for each side are the ones who chose the weapons or if the producers force them into certain choices.
Saiga wasn't on full auto and M-4 didn't have any of it's trademark attachments like the grenade launcher and master key (was the M4 even around during the cold war?).
Anyway, best thing about the episode was the holster, everything else has been done to death.
The ninja kusari gama: I was amazed at how they didn't pay any attention to how ~as a fucking chain weapon~ how it could be used to entangle a weapon or trip some ass munch.
or, how about the fact that as a chain weapon, it goes over shields and smashes the target's head in.
In the season finale for this show they should replace the ballistics gel dummies and pigs with the most annoying fanboys and host as test mediums. Even let people vote for them on Spike.com.
They could even do a tie in episode with Dog The Bounty Hunter, trying to track down and capture the former hosts and fanboys that win the vote and bring them back so they can be tested on.
You know, to fullfill the macho white trash circle of life.
I do enjoy watching this show, really
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GoslingLooking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered Userregular
edited May 2009
You know, just to play devil's advocate...
Gosling on
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
Saiga wasn't on full auto and M-4 didn't have any of it's trademark attachments like the grenade launcher and master key (was the M4 even around during the cold war?).
Anyway, best thing about the episode was the holster, everything else has been done to death.
The ninja kusari gama: I was amazed at how they didn't pay any attention to how ~as a fucking chain weapon~ how it could be used to entangle a weapon or trip some ass munch.
or, how about the fact that as a chain weapon, it goes over shields and smashes the target's head in.
Well obviously the Ninja is either too dense to figure out that a half pound weight isn't going to smash through a convex bronze 3 foot diameter disc, or the Spartan is just so awesome that the shield can be all around him just prior to being used as an ultra lethal blunt weapon.
I just watched the Apache vs. Gladiator out of curiosity. I like looking at the weapons, and all, but is it normal to want to throttle everyone who opens their mouth in this show?
Yes, I have started muting the sound whenever one of the fanboys starts talking. The Ninja and Apache episodes were the worst for this.
The Dunkin Donuts guy from the Green Beret episode was also pretty obnoxious.
I just watched the Apache vs. Gladiator out of curiosity. I like looking at the weapons, and all, but is it normal to want to throttle everyone who opens their mouth in this show?
Yes, I have started muting the sound whenever one of the fanboys starts talking. The Ninja and Apache episodes were the worst for this.
The Dunkin Donuts guy from the Green Beret episode was also pretty obnoxious.
It's funny how they were all gung ho through out the show and then at the end were basicly "NUH-UH! GREEN BERETS ARE AWESOME i SAw ONE CUT A TANK IN HALF WITH AN E-TOOL AND THIS SHOW IS STUPID I'M GOING HOME QQQQQQ".
Saiga wasn't on full auto and M-4 didn't have any of it's trademark attachments like the grenade launcher and master key (was the M4 even around during the cold war?).
Anyway, best thing about the episode was the holster, everything else has been done to death.
The ninja kusari gama: I was amazed at how they didn't pay any attention to how ~as a fucking chain weapon~ how it could be used to entangle a weapon or trip some ass munch.
or, how about the fact that as a chain weapon, it goes over shields and smashes the target's head in.
Well obviously the Ninja is either too dense to figure out that a half pound weight isn't going to smash through a convex bronze 3 foot diameter disc, or the Spartan is just so awesome that the shield can be all around him just prior to being used as an ultra lethal blunt weapon.
Saiga wasn't on full auto and M-4 didn't have any of it's trademark attachments like the grenade launcher and master key (was the M4 even around during the cold war?).
Anyway, best thing about the episode was the holster, everything else has been done to death.
The ninja kusari gama: I was amazed at how they didn't pay any attention to how ~as a fucking chain weapon~ how it could be used to entangle a weapon or trip some ass munch.
or, how about the fact that as a chain weapon, it goes over shields and smashes the target's head in.
Well obviously the Ninja is either too dense to figure out that a half pound weight isn't going to smash through a convex bronze 3 foot diameter disc, or the Spartan is just so awesome that the shield can be all around him just prior to being used as an ultra lethal blunt weapon.
I think they should just go away from the simulations all together. We could go "Family Guy Butler battle to the death" scenario here.
The host could start off by telling us, the viewers, who were going to watch today. Female Samurai and Gay Pirate. Awesome. So we get shown some weapons of the time, maybe sing a Pirate song, who knows? Then...the lights go down, they get into some weird, virtua-fighter styled ring...
And it's on. Fight to the death and or seriously wounded conclusion.
I would watch that. Although...it does bring up questions about culture and government if a show like that were allowed to exist.
But those questions aren't for this thread.
*Ding ding ding. Fight to the Death.*
Badsalt on
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
The problem with the Spartan rep is this guy spends alot of time actually training.
Like, real fighting.
I assure you he knows the basics of boxing/kickboxing, and grappling/wrestling, and spars regularly. That is to say, hes actually a fighter.
Im going to say theres a 94% chance that the ninja doesnt. That he is basically a LARPer who is in denial, and thinks that his stuff is absolutely too deadly to train, that he actually can kill the spartan with his bare hands, etc.
Its sort of like a nuclear physicist having to argue with a guy who read about how to moon landing was faked on wikipedia. You're going to get pissed at him.
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
Its sort of like who wins: A guy in a tank vs a guy with a submachine gun. Chances are, the tank. But if the goal isnt "blow crap up" but to, lets say, "Secure this building without blowing it up" maybe the guy with the subgun is better.
The problem with the Spartan rep is this guy spends alot of time actually training.
Like, real fighting.
I assure you he knows the basics of boxing/kickboxing, and grappling/wrestling, and spars regularly. That is to say, hes actually a fighter.
Im going to say theres a 94% chance that the ninja doesnt. That he is basically a LARPer who is in denial, and thinks that his stuff is absolutely too deadly to train, that he actually can kill the spartan with his bare hands, etc.
Well, this brings up a good point... how much are the "competitors" themselves actually holding up the competition?
Back to the Green Beret show, Sgt McDoughnut, wielder of Spadcalibur, kinda screwed up the Beretta vs. Makarov eval by being asinine and running faster than he could shoot. Not that I think either gun is necessarily better than the other in all ways, but I wouldn't be running around saying that the Makarov is more accurate or more deadly based on that performance.
Now, the Apache vs. Gladiator show... Apaches Snakeface and Dances With Peyote both trained the military in some capacity, and one of the Gladiator guys is a fairly active fight coordinator in Hollywood (the one who was also on Conquest), so I'd consider that one a little more on the level, even if Snakeface apparently suffered brain damage after staying out in the sun too long.
Seriously, they had a golden opportunity to match the pirate against the ninja and they wasted it. That should have been the very first pairing they made.
As for the scientific value... it's Spike. You're not going to get scientific value out of Spike. You're going to get 'HOLY SHIT HE ASPLODED THE HEAD THAT WAS AWESOME'. Which is all I really asked for in the first place, so there you go.
For a future matchup, I'd like to just go whole hog with the apples/oranges thing. Take the most ancient warrior class possible and put it up against a Marine.
If I remember my Civ II correctly, a spearman can destroy a fighter jet as long as the spearman is in a walled city.
i would really enjoy watching an episode of "Battleship vs. veteran spearman fortified in a mountain city with city walls".
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
.
Maybe some really really distant relative to the ninjas was, but not any ninja in recorded history. Ninjas were well trained assassins and were trained from birth in most cases.
As for the guy representing Ninjas, there's a Ninjitsu master and a martial arts expert. Just how good they are, I don't know but that's far from just somebody that just dresses up in black and plays makebelief. What they did need was a historian on their team.
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
.
Maybe some really really distant relative to the ninjas was, but not any ninja in recorded history. Ninjas were well trained assassins and were trained from birth in most cases.
As for the guy representing Ninjas, there's a Ninjitsu master and a martial arts expert. Just how good they are, I don't know but that's far from just somebody that just dresses up in black and plays makebelief. What they did need was a historian on their team.
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
.
Maybe some really really distant relative to the ninjas was, but not any ninja in recorded history. Ninjas were well trained assassins and were trained from birth in most cases.
As for the guy representing Ninjas, there's a Ninjitsu master and a martial arts expert. Just how good they are, I don't know but that's far from just somebody that just dresses up in black and plays makebelief. What they did need was a historian on their team.
"Ninjitsu master"? /em laffs.
See, I can find you a Ninjutsu master, and martial art experts in 10 minutes.
I can also find you a 19 year old who could beat the hell out of both of them.
Ive yet to see a guy who claimed to train ninjitsu/be a ninja who could do well in a fight. They usually had very crappy striking and very crappy grappling, because they never really sparred. They'd claim "Oh you could armbar me, but Id bite my way out with my ninja technique" or talk about death touches and crap.
The best Ive seen was Steve Jennum, who fought in UFC 3 or 4. He went up against a boxer, and was getting tooled until he (sloppily) took the guy to the ground, and laid on a horrible armbar. He won, thankfully the opponent had 0 grappling experience. Had he been put up against any of the grapplers there, he wouldnt have faired as well
Find me a video of Ninjas actually fighting or sparring, and Ill recant.
See, I can find you a Ninjutsu master, and martial art experts in 10 minutes.
No one gives a fuck.
It's not about the representatives fighting each other, it's about what they know about the tools used.
I know, I was pointing out why the spartan rep was likely irritable, as in his mind, the ninja probably thinks he can death touch him instantly.
I honestly think they should cancel this show and go old school Gong Sau. Have a representitive from each actually fight each other. Replace the swords with shock knives of the appropriate length, and go at it.
Seriously, they had a golden opportunity to match the pirate against the ninja and they wasted it. That should have been the very first pairing they made.
As for the scientific value... it's Spike. You're not going to get scientific value out of Spike. You're going to get 'HOLY SHIT HE ASPLODED THE HEAD THAT WAS AWESOME'. Which is all I really asked for in the first place, so there you go.
For a future matchup, I'd like to just go whole hog with the apples/oranges thing. Take the most ancient warrior class possible and put it up against a Marine.
If I remember my Civ II correctly, a spearman can destroy a fighter jet as long as the spearman is in a walled city.
i would really enjoy watching an episode of "Battleship vs. veteran spearman fortified in a mountain city with city walls".
Spearman retreats to well-stocked underground bunker. Battleship eventually runs out of ammo and has to leave to meet up with a supply convoy and take on potable water. Spearman then re-emerges from bunker eating vienna sausages, sees smoking city ruins and empty harbor and begins whacking his shield in "victory".
Seriously, they had a golden opportunity to match the pirate against the ninja and they wasted it. That should have been the very first pairing they made.
As for the scientific value... it's Spike. You're not going to get scientific value out of Spike. You're going to get 'HOLY SHIT HE ASPLODED THE HEAD THAT WAS AWESOME'. Which is all I really asked for in the first place, so there you go.
For a future matchup, I'd like to just go whole hog with the apples/oranges thing. Take the most ancient warrior class possible and put it up against a Marine.
If I remember my Civ II correctly, a spearman can destroy a fighter jet as long as the spearman is in a walled city.
i would really enjoy watching an episode of "Battleship vs. veteran spearman fortified in a mountain city with city walls".
Spearman retreats to well-stocked underground bunker. Battleship eventually runs out of ammo and has to leave to meet up with a supply convoy and take on potable water. Spearman then re-emerges from bunker eating vienna sausages, sees smoking city ruins and empty harbor and begins whacking his shield in "victory".
Then, how did spearmen in Civ II kill so many of my battleships???
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
.
Maybe some really really distant relative to the ninjas was, but not any ninja in recorded history. Ninjas were well trained assassins and were trained from birth in most cases.
As for the guy representing Ninjas, there's a Ninjitsu master and a martial arts expert. Just how good they are, I don't know but that's far from just somebody that just dresses up in black and plays makebelief. What they did need was a historian on their team.
[Citation Needed]
I was under the impression that most ninjas in history were essentially mercenaries hired to cause shenanigans
Seriously, they had a golden opportunity to match the pirate against the ninja and they wasted it. That should have been the very first pairing they made.
As for the scientific value... it's Spike. You're not going to get scientific value out of Spike. You're going to get 'HOLY SHIT HE ASPLODED THE HEAD THAT WAS AWESOME'. Which is all I really asked for in the first place, so there you go.
For a future matchup, I'd like to just go whole hog with the apples/oranges thing. Take the most ancient warrior class possible and put it up against a Marine.
If I remember my Civ II correctly, a spearman can destroy a fighter jet as long as the spearman is in a walled city.
i would really enjoy watching an episode of "Battleship vs. veteran spearman fortified in a mountain city with city walls".
Spearman retreats to well-stocked underground bunker. Battleship eventually runs out of ammo and has to leave to meet up with a supply convoy and take on potable water. Spearman then re-emerges from bunker eating vienna sausages, sees smoking city ruins and empty harbor and begins whacking his shield in "victory".
Then, how did spearmen in Civ II kill so many of my battleships???
Your dudes were smoking and tapdancing near the magazine.
I was under the impression that most ninjas in history were essentially mercenaries hired to cause shenanigans
Based on what little reading and research I've done (admittedly not very much), I too was under the impression that they were indeed basically mercenary guerrilla fighters that would do things like burning enemy crops and other jobs that samurai couldn't do, either due to their code of honor or for reasons of political safety (ie, not having war declared on you because you just marched your soldiers into someone else's land)
Posts
For a show that claims to be taking a scientific look at combat, they're using incredible bad science basically all the time.
I know this doesn't excuse using bad science, but it does explain it somewhat.
Like in the Mafia vs Yakuza fight, the mafia starts by chucking a molotov at the Yakuza guys. Who are just standing there, in the same building as the mafia guys. Granted, I failed "makeshift explosives 101", but throwing an incendiary device at someone is usually best done when you're not in the same building you just set on fire, isn't it?
Some of the weapon match-ups for that fight were ridiculous. Walther vs Sawed-Off Shotgun? Ice pick? Seriously?
The Green Beret vs Spetznaz was probably the least idiotic out of the whole season because they had actually members of both groups as the advocates. About the only things wrong with it were the whole grenade debacle and using the E-Tool rather than something sensible like a K-Bar. Although I don't see how the K-Bar would have done better against the Ballistic Knife than the E-Tool.
I gotta wonder whether the advocates for each side are the ones who chose the weapons or if the producers force them into certain choices.
Saiga wasn't on full auto and M-4 didn't have any of it's trademark attachments like the grenade launcher and master key (was the M4 even around during the cold war?).
Anyway, best thing about the episode was the holster, everything else has been done to death. or, how about the fact that as a chain weapon, it goes over shields and smashes the target's head in.
The other one's nominally about the Terry Schapert show on History Channel, not the Spike TV one.
They could even do a tie in episode with Dog The Bounty Hunter, trying to track down and capture the former hosts and fanboys that win the vote and bring them back so they can be tested on.
You know, to fullfill the macho white trash circle of life.
I never finish anyth
well of course. Haven't you played halo?
The host could start off by telling us, the viewers, who were going to watch today. Female Samurai and Gay Pirate. Awesome. So we get shown some weapons of the time, maybe sing a Pirate song, who knows? Then...the lights go down, they get into some weird, virtua-fighter styled ring...
And it's on. Fight to the death and or seriously wounded conclusion.
I would watch that. Although...it does bring up questions about culture and government if a show like that were allowed to exist.
But those questions aren't for this thread.
*Ding ding ding. Fight to the Death.*
Two webcomics for the price of one. Let the hilarity ensue.
Like, real fighting.
I assure you he knows the basics of boxing/kickboxing, and grappling/wrestling, and spars regularly. That is to say, hes actually a fighter.
Im going to say theres a 94% chance that the ninja doesnt. That he is basically a LARPer who is in denial, and thinks that his stuff is absolutely too deadly to train, that he actually can kill the spartan with his bare hands, etc.
Its sort of like a nuclear physicist having to argue with a guy who read about how to moon landing was faked on wikipedia. You're going to get pissed at him.
Simple fact is, Ninjas werent warriors, Spartans were. From childhood they trained to fight in wars. The Ninjas didnt. They were farmers, etc, at the admittance of the ninja rep. They wouldnt bother to go toe to toe with a spartan. Theyd do their farming and stab him in the back with a shiv.
Its sort of like who wins: A guy in a tank vs a guy with a submachine gun. Chances are, the tank. But if the goal isnt "blow crap up" but to, lets say, "Secure this building without blowing it up" maybe the guy with the subgun is better.
Back to the Green Beret show, Sgt McDoughnut, wielder of Spadcalibur, kinda screwed up the Beretta vs. Makarov eval by being asinine and running faster than he could shoot. Not that I think either gun is necessarily better than the other in all ways, but I wouldn't be running around saying that the Makarov is more accurate or more deadly based on that performance.
Now, the Apache vs. Gladiator show... Apaches Snakeface and Dances With Peyote both trained the military in some capacity, and one of the Gladiator guys is a fairly active fight coordinator in Hollywood (the one who was also on Conquest), so I'd consider that one a little more on the level, even if Snakeface apparently suffered brain damage after staying out in the sun too long.
i would really enjoy watching an episode of "Battleship vs. veteran spearman fortified in a mountain city with city walls".
As for the guy representing Ninjas, there's a Ninjitsu master and a martial arts expert. Just how good they are, I don't know but that's far from just somebody that just dresses up in black and plays makebelief. What they did need was a historian on their team.
well, that's what his Bio said.
See, I can find you a Ninjutsu master, and martial art experts in 10 minutes.
I can also find you a 19 year old who could beat the hell out of both of them.
Ive yet to see a guy who claimed to train ninjitsu/be a ninja who could do well in a fight. They usually had very crappy striking and very crappy grappling, because they never really sparred. They'd claim "Oh you could armbar me, but Id bite my way out with my ninja technique" or talk about death touches and crap.
The best Ive seen was Steve Jennum, who fought in UFC 3 or 4. He went up against a boxer, and was getting tooled until he (sloppily) took the guy to the ground, and laid on a horrible armbar. He won, thankfully the opponent had 0 grappling experience. Had he been put up against any of the grapplers there, he wouldnt have faired as well
Find me a video of Ninjas actually fighting or sparring, and Ill recant.
It's not about the representatives fighting each other, it's about what they know about the tools used.
I know, I was pointing out why the spartan rep was likely irritable, as in his mind, the ninja probably thinks he can death touch him instantly.
I honestly think they should cancel this show and go old school Gong Sau. Have a representitive from each actually fight each other. Replace the swords with shock knives of the appropriate length, and go at it.
Yeah and the Spartan rep thinks he can cure lacerated eye balls by blinking and that Tabasco sauce is a good eye cleanser.
Spearman retreats to well-stocked underground bunker. Battleship eventually runs out of ammo and has to leave to meet up with a supply convoy and take on potable water. Spearman then re-emerges from bunker eating vienna sausages, sees smoking city ruins and empty harbor and begins whacking his shield in "victory".
[Citation Needed]
I was under the impression that most ninjas in history were essentially mercenaries hired to cause shenanigans
He can throw two of them at a time.
Your dudes were smoking and tapdancing near the magazine.
"Lou"
"Lou the Ninjitsu Master"
They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
Based on what little reading and research I've done (admittedly not very much), I too was under the impression that they were indeed basically mercenary guerrilla fighters that would do things like burning enemy crops and other jobs that samurai couldn't do, either due to their code of honor or for reasons of political safety (ie, not having war declared on you because you just marched your soldiers into someone else's land)
mercenary guerrillas vs mercenary gorillas
I'm still particularly fond of
navy seal vs baby seal
Battle of the Millenia
They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.