As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/
Complete Failures Of All That Is Logic
Gosling
Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered User regular
Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, ProbablyWatertown, WIRegistered User regular
I haven't seen any of this type of thread here in forever- pan-gaming, non-game-or-genre-specific just-for-fun threads, which I think are good to have- so I think I'm good on that front. The title is pretty self-explanatory: either personal stories, game plots, or game mechanics that completely fail even the most rudimentary tests of suspension of disbelief.
I do mention that, since there exists an assumed minimum level of gamer intelligence, that we can probably skip the 'people turn into coins/disappear when they die', 'walking on top of a medical kit makes everything better instantly', 'I died, but it's okay, I've got two more guys' stuff we all beat into the ground a decade ago. Even the shirts you buy in stores have moved past those dead horses. Consider your audience, please.
I will, of course, supply the seed clip; this is MLB 2k6. Jermaine Dye at bat for the White Sox.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mchurGdK3u4&feature=related
I do mention that, since there exists an assumed minimum level of gamer intelligence, that we can probably skip the 'people turn into coins/disappear when they die', 'walking on top of a medical kit makes everything better instantly', 'I died, but it's okay, I've got two more guys' stuff we all beat into the ground a decade ago. Even the shirts you buy in stores have moved past those dead horses. Consider your audience, please.
I will, of course, supply the seed clip; this is MLB 2k6. Jermaine Dye at bat for the White Sox.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mchurGdK3u4&feature=related
I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
Gosling on
0
Posts
Doom 3 had a similar problem as I recall. You shoot a Hell Knight 4 times with a Rocket Launcher, and he just keeps walking forward barely reacting to the shot. You take that 5th shot though, and he goes FLYING across the room like he'd been hit by a train. Always funny to see.
Shooters with broken physics engines amuse me a little too much
A rocket launcher probably wouldn't hurl a person a hundred feet into the air; it would go through a soft target and explode behind them. If it exploded in them, it would gib them and fling their tattered flesh like confetti. Rocketing a zombie in HL2 was quite jarring and unexpectedly wrong-looking, especially after seeing gibs all over the place in HL1 and its mods.
One of my beefs is with actual bodily physics of strength, which are of course never depicted realistically because then Superman couldn't lift a plane or a building; he'd just tear right through it. If a super strong protagonist were to, say, uppercut a person in the face, with the same kind of muscle power that could lift a ten-ton vehicle, he wouldn't send them soaring into the distance. He would shatter their skull and pulp their brain.
It always looks really ridiculous to me when the Hulk punches someone and he flies away.
I understand the reason why no damage is shown - it'd probably be a lot of work for little payoff - but they don't hide the 'wound' or exit spot, so it just seems sloppy. And certainly illogical.
Or any of the stealth based games where guards will stop caring that they just spotted you after a few seconds. 2nd hand, but a friend told me he once shot a guard in Splinter Cell and shortly after heard him say "I guess it was nothing".
I think we've all made peace with guys shrugging off 10 or 20 shots to the face in your average shooter, but I still find it kind of ironic that an elbow to the chest is almost always an instant kill.
All right, people. It is not a gerbil. It is not a hamster. It is not a guinea pig. It is a death rabbit. Death. Rabbit. Say it with me, now.
I'm no gun expert, but I'm pretty sure if we have two 9-mm handguns of the same size, one of them isn't going to fire a bullet at twice or three times the velocity as the other.
More presently, any first or third person shooting game that doesn't have ragdoll physics will inevitably end up looking absolutely hilarious at some point (as oppose to just somewhat hilarious with ragdolls). It's just a matter of time before someone gets killed over a stairway or a ramp or a guardrail and has 80% of their bodies sticking rigidly over the edge like a perfectly balanced board. It's really hilarious when you're actually beneath the rigid corpse. I guess it was easier to get away with before ragdolls, when enemies tended to stay planted on flat surfaces or were 2D sprites anyway.
Seriously, even putting some doodads into the room so it looks like it has some purpose alleviates this; but why is there an elite super-alien-soldier hiding in a closet with a bazooka?
Zeboyd Games Development Blog
Steam ID : rwb36, Twitter : Werezompire, Facebook : Zeboyd Games
In halo 3 I glitched into a red container, was invincible inside of it, and then immediately reported it so it could get fixed. (there is an animation mongoose glitch)
http://www.bungie.net/Online/Halo3UserContentDetails.aspx?h3fileid=75011758
There is another time where if you board the banshee and it ends up exploding, you will still be inside the damaged banshee and it will act like a sled.
http://www.bungie.net/Online/Halo3UserContentDetails.aspx?h3fileid=70970917
unrealistic physics will always be amusing
You could say that about launching balls of energy.
And guile's hair.
Or Benimaru if you're a KoF man.
Along the same lines, it always irritates me when super fast characters interact with a seemingly frozen world, when doing so would be akin to getting hit with a man-sized bullet.
Or the instant regeneration of their bodies between rounds. "you broke my leg!" *ROUND OVER* "wow! I'm healed!"
There are multiple levels of weird for fighting games.
It goes from "Fighting tournament, girls are stacked" to "Everyone hates eachother, oh, and the girls are totally stacked" to "Dilbert's boss got killed by a robot! Oh, and the girls are totally stacked" to "We must retrieve a possessed demonic sword with a gigantic blinking eye, again, before the Renaissance hits--oh, and did we mention the gigantic boobs?"
In approximate order from weird to weirder. Throw in some people who turn into animals or something.
Though I can't imagine it any other way.
The endings are the best thing about the game.
And sumo wreslers who can turn into missles.
Hypnosis has 60% accuracy and it just failed 4 out of 5 times in one recent battle I had. It made me lose.
I put the Tekken games between 3 and 4 out of 10 on the weirdo scale (which is not a statement on their quality as games, of course). The only ending I remember, I'm ashamed to say, is one of the male fighters (I want to say Dilbert's boss' son) waking up and burying his head in a female fighters' cleavage.
Again, fighting games are weird. Even the less weird ones.
Weird and fighting games just goes so well together.
He either has the best job ever, or one hell of an alarm clock.
Yeah, the best thing about Guilty Gear is that it takes the weird all the way up to 12. It's probably not the strangest 2D fighter ever, but it's probably the strangest of the big names.
I mean.....you've got the douchebag vampire, a guy who is dressed by his parents as a girl, a cop with a sword and long robes, his robot doppleganger, a short, scarred lady with one arm who is a cultural treasure, some sort of weird....witch....rockstar....hooker....and whatever the hell Dizzy is. It's like a satanic version of Cheers.
Seriously, the waitress who balances on one leg is probably the least strange character.
That might have something to do with your opponents dexterity or something too. I'm not a huge RPG gamer, but it seems to me your opponent's ability to avoid incoming attacks would affect accuracy.
Slayer is not a douchebag.
Slayer is slick.
And I honestly can't think of a fighter weirder than guilty gear.
This is not a factor in Pokémon. Accuracy isn't very accurate unless it's 100%. Bright Powder and Double Team increase evasion, though. And those moves suck so much we don't allow them.
Sorry, my inherit hatred of vampires is showing through. I should probably have described him as "slick, womanizing, evil douchebag." Because he is evil. And he is a bastard. But he's still damn slick. Point is, he's damn unusual.
Though that's probably because most women probably wouldn't survive being completely drained of blood.
That's the douchebag part.
EDIT: Speaking of vampire, I'm kind of surprised no one has brought up Metal Gear Solid....extremely weird given it's attempt at a 'realistic' (or, in some cases, historically reconcilable?) setting. Really, what was Kojima's deal with people getting their junk cupped?
Not even eddie can touch her I think.
Anyway, back to games that has no logic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA9txda3FdM
I stumble across a gecko meandering around the wasteland and figure, hey why not bring it down to skin it. I fire on it once with my pistol and it responds by shooting up into the sun. As in volleying vertically until I can no longer see it, hurling itself at our star.
Godspeed, little gecko.
It's like The Exorcist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRVMgTBwg_g&feature=related
The only problem here is that humans can't perceive the concept of random.
A 60% chance doesn't mean that 3 out of 5 times it works, it means that every individual time you have use it, there is a 40% chance of failure.
See to most humans, if you ask them to randomly spit out 10 numbers between 1 and 10 you'd get
3,8,7,4,6,1,2,9,10,5.
Whereas if you ask a computer for the same thing, you're more likely to get:
2,2,8,9,5,2,3,6,7,5.
Pokemon Safari - Sneasel, Pawniard, ????
Tekken 5 has nothing on 6. This is like... everything that's wrong with Tekken.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjrLWSV329w
This is confirmation bias + the RNG just not landing in your favor a few times.
How can it be wrong when it's the only reason for me to get T6?
That and Asuka. :P
It is a pretty bad influence on children it's true.