So I had the entire building to myself after the senile old lady next door was ushered off to a nursing home a week in.
All is well. The building next to mine is full, but two rooms are for storage and the bottom two are occupied by a well mannered gay man and a guy that keeps to himself.
Then the rednecks move in. At first they seem to be alright people. My kind of people. Little conversation from time to time but they stay out of the way. I met the female of the relationship and her son. Since we don't use my girlfriend's car, we move it down to one of the unmarked spaces at the very end of the parking lot. You know. Common courtesy.
Then the boyfriend comes back and they all get settled in, and every morning I wake up to stoned and drunk assholes laid out on my stoop, beer cans in the yard, cigarette butts in my planter. Cars everywhere. Every single space taken up by their people. Some in the yard.
That's ridiculous. It gets personal when the girl starts adopting animals and then deciding she doesn't want them and simply releases them into the yard. After abandoning two bunnies she gets a cat. I find it starving in the yard one morning.
Some friends of theirs move in above me. Assholes #2. I don't like them. He constantly parks in my reserved space even after I politely asked him not to. It's ridiculous that I even had to mention it. Even if this is your first apartment,
don't part in spots that are clearly labeled for other apartments. Basic common courtesy. We're provided a washroom. Asshole routinely puts a load in the washer and then just forgets it until the next morning. Next time they will be piled on the dirty ground, soaking wet. He also contributes to the massive gatherings at my back door.
Well, Assholes #1 get evicted while boyfriend is off shore. Apparently she's been laying up with half a dozen guys while he's gone. He comes back, throws a fit, they break up but decide to live together (ain't that a horrible idea?), puts down some rules, apologizes to me for any crap that goes on and says he's gonna make sure things stay quiet. That's cool.
I had a ton of laundry to do Sunday, so I put a load into the machine the landlord provides and I go to my moms for lunch and put a load in her wash as well and run some errands. Go back the rents, grab clothes, go to grocery store and pick up some staples, and then head home.
No one is outside. But there are cigarette butts in my planter and every single space is taken up and a few cars are in the yard.
I hear what sounds like a prison made VHS tattoo gun whirring above my head.
So I call the landlord yesterday. Tell em about it.
"Oh, we spoke to them on Friday and they assured us that there would be no problems."
Yeah? Well the problems I just described to you happened Sunday. Not trying to cause trouble, I just want my parking space and I'd like it if the place wasn't trashed.
"Well, who is it? The ones above you, or the ones above and adjacent?"
BOTH!
"I'm really sorry. When you moved in we knew it was a quiet place. We'll have them gone as soon as possible."
Well alright then. I was calling and asking them to simply make sure that they show some fucking restraint. But an eviction will be awesome. Even more so if both jerkwads are kicked out.
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What with them having sex with you all the time.
She has propositioned me.
One day, I'm walkin outside my building and hear a lady shout, "Look everyone!"
I look over and see her children's faces fill with delight as she holds out a handful of birdseed and gets swarmed by at least 50 pigeons.
Believe me they are.
I thought that was supposed to be Wales
"Oh, we've known him for YEARS. Went to school together! We're great friends!"
Bitch, I didn't know you until two months ago!
1)don't use big words, it will only confuse them
2)a peace offering is greatly appreciated, whether in the form of menthols or marlboro lights, maybe a can of copenhagen
3)to further the peace talks, extend your gifts to whatever cheap beer they drink, you can probably figure this out by the amount of beer cans in your stoop
4)you should probably curse obama a couple of times to get them to warm up to you, or if they're nearby when you're checking your mail, ask "where is my american rifleman magazine?"
it's a rule of thumb when dealing with ignorant fucking hicks, shitkickers, rednecks, neandertals, etc
I think "those people fuck sheep" is the default insult for any group of people that another group regards as backwards and provincial.
you're a pretty lady
or camels, depending
ahhh
:^:
Another funny story. Guy bangs on my door the other day. Asks if he can come in and chill. Yeah, fine.
Almost to the point of sobbing. You know me and Jess broke up right? Sure didn't. Yeah, I don't think she's ready for a relationship. Oh yeah? Did the constant stream of men in and out of the apartment while you were gone clue ya in?
Ugh!
I found the best way to deal with it is violence. Try strange ticking packages or sticking baggies of powdered sugar in their car and calling the police.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
Next: boils!
I was hoping for locusts.
Secret Satan 2013 Wishlist
You're right.
As a kid I remember a fond relationship with our neighbors.
And then I remembered that my dad was a raging alcoholic back then.
1. Whoever owns that dog that never shuts up.
2. Hippy liberals who, instead of putting their child in the car, take 20 minutes to stand outside and encourage their child to get in the car of its own accord.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Still not funny and you're only encouraging them by allowing them into your home you retard.
We'll get there soon enough
The forum must harden Ori's heart
He will never let our people go
Oh my god.
as a hippy liberal, those people are just assholes
My upstairs neighbours, however, like to vacuum at 6 in the goddamn morning, and my downstairs neighbours like to throw loud parties until 3AM but if I happen to be even slightly loud at 10:30PM on an evening where they're working the next day they hammer on the ceiling to get me to stop.
He's a pretty bad singer. Thankfully this doesn't happen very often.
To each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
Did that kid need help, or is he just a lazy capitalist pig?
by some tap dancing shoes and just walk around
Realkindererziehung and hippy liberals?
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
This stupid bitch would put her dog on a leash and just let it go out the front door of the apartment, across the step from my apartment, and into the patch of grass associated to my space. I would have almost accepted that if she had the decency to pick up the logs of shit, but nope, she's a dumbass. After politely telling her, telling her boyfriend, leaving notes, and asking the rental manager to remind them I took matters into my own hand.
First I picked up turds in bags and would hang them on her door to remind her. After that didn't work, I started putting Cayenne pepper flakes in the grass which made the dog refuse to go over there. After a few failed attempts, she had to take her dog the whole 50 feet to the grass like normal folk, but she still accused me of poisoning her dog with spices.
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Your room mate is an idiot, for the record.