Superman and Flash and Martian Manhunter got to be cool in season finales.
Flash moreso than everyone else. How do you defeat combined cyber-Brainiac/Luthor? You run around the world and belt him, and then superspeed punch his ass for a minute or so.
Superman and Flash and Martian Manhunter got to be cool in season finales.
Flash moreso than everyone else. How do you defeat combined cyber-Brainiac/Luthor? You run around the world and belt him, and then superspeed punch his ass for a minute or so.
That's how you get shit done.
I was playing a lot of M&M around that time, and I assumed that was Flash's character turning in several seasons' worth of hero points.
"Yeah, I'm gonna power stunt that for "run around the world for a penetrating autofire improved critical nonregeneratable attack... again.""
The Flash running around the world to build up momentum and punch Lex Luthor is only sort of impressive. The Flash really stuck it to Luthor the following season when he gave ol' Lex a terrible case of Diarrhea that lasted for days.
The Flash running around the world to build up momentum and punch Lex Luthor is only sort of impressive. The Flash really stuck it to Luthor the following season when he gave ol' Lex a terrible case of Diarrhea that lasted for days.
It's funny because they had sex and the nine year olds watching the show didn't realize it. I think ... I think this is why people become English majors - to get the inside jokes in fine literature that no one else notices.
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FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
edited July 2009
I love her little darn at the end after they switch back.
A while back I did a couple "podcast" type things where I'd watch and comment on an episode live and in color and you could play the track while you watched the episode and it'd be like "neat" and stuff. I had at one point hoped to do those again, but it seems less and less likely. I'd actually been saving Maid of Honor for such a time when I could do a podcast for it, but I can wait no longer. And it's probably for the best too, since after watching it, I don't think I could talk fast enough to comment on it properly.
(I'd be yelling shit like, "Oh my god pause it for a second, I gotta tell you guys something")
The episode opens in Paris, France. You can tell it's Paris because there's the Eiffel Tower! Wonder Woman is heading to some party and the dude at the gate is like "holy shit, Wonder Woman, yes come in, come in." As soon as everyone else hears that freakin' Wonder Woman has come to the party, they crowd in and start asking her questions and shit like, are you really from an island with no women? were you scared when you fought the aliens? Is Batman as sexy as he seems?
Suddenly a voice says "Would you like to dance?" And she shouts, without even looking, "yes!" Thankfully, the mystery man is Bruce Wayne and not some creepy asshole. Oh man, Bruce is so hot and a good dancer and so...so strong.
In another part of the room, some guy is asking a blonde woman named Princess Audrey if he can take her picture. She agrees but insists that he be in it. The camera is handed to someone else, and as the picture is snapped she grabs his ass. He asks for an autograph, but she tells him that he "just got it." Um, ok? Do you sign your checks with ass grabs too? Wouldn't that be awkward? Checks don't even have asses. Make some damn sense, woman!
Just then a bunch of dudes bust in the through the building's skylight and grab the princess! Oh no! Bruce and Diana simultaneously excuse themselves from their dance. While Bruce is about to go chance clothes, Diana just rips the long part of her dress off and starts kicking ass. Bruce pops a boner and can't leave, so he decides to hang out and watch this instead. Hey some cake! He'll eat some cake too.
A fight ensues and naturally, Wonder Woman is the victor. Outside, the princess is telling Wonder Woman how aaaawwweeeeesoooooooome that was while she berates her guards for not being able to take out a helicopter with their meager, weak human hands. Wonder Woman is more interested in why the princess was attacked but oh! Her cellphone's ringing and it's her dad, the king. He wants Audrey to come home right away, but she insists that she's fine because she's gonna be hanging out with Wonder Woman! I guess that would be pretty damn safe. She hangs up and tells Wonder Woman she needs a new dress, but Diana is still more interested in like, clues and shit. Audrey complains that she doesn't want to talk about clues because she's getting married tomorrow and she intends to go out "with a bang. Several if it can be arranged."
Man. What?
What episode would be complete without a warehouse! Some guys are breaking into one, to steal what looks to be a sweet video card,
and Batman shows up to try to stop them. He throws some 'rangs, some gas bombs, but alas, two of the three dudes manage to escape. That last dude though, fuuuuuuuuck, is he in for a bad night or what. Batman goes to interrogate him and the man says in his crazy foreign talk that Batman can't understand him so whatever. Batman starts talking the same language and is like "HA HA HA I AM THE GREATEST."
Elsewhere the two goons that got away are delivering the vid card to a man named General Vox, who has a weird speaker in his mouth and doesn't open his mouth when he talks. Ah, an animator's dream. They tell him that Batman was hot on their trail, and he's totally pissed, but assures the goons that not even the JL can stop them now! It's true, they lose this episode.
Meanwhile, Diana and Audrey are hanging out in a limo post-shopping spree. Diana is still trying to ask her questions about stuff and Audrey just does not care. She's too busy saying things in French, even though she's not French, she's Kasnian, she just happens to be IN France. Whatever. They ditch the guards in the limo and decide to go "clubbing." Audrey brings Diana to a club with a dreadfully long line, Diana laments that they'll never get in and Audrey assures her that she can get them in. The dude is like "hell yeah, you're with Wonder Woman!" Because seriously, who are you going to recognize? Princess of a small foreign country you don't give a fuck about? Or a founding member of the Justice League that has saved the world several times over? Really? Really?
Inside, Audrey and Diana get separated as the paparazzi are instinctively drawn to swarm someone named Princess Diana. She finds Audrey with four buff dudes, and she offers to share them with her.
This episode is so dirty. It's like, who's up for an orgy! Ha ha! She instead grabs Audrey and leaves, after they went through all that trouble to get in.
They hang out on the Eiffel Tower as the sun rises and bond over their memories of the fun night they had doing shit and stuff. Audrey gazes off at the sunrise for a moment and then LEAPS off the Eiffel Tower oh noooooooo! Wonder Woman jumps after her and catches her before she hits the ground. She freaks out at Audrey. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
I was thinking you'd probably catch me? God woman, calm down.
So Wonder Woman goes back to her room and oh my god, Batman is there.
This is so sexy. "_____ goes back to their room and Batman is there" is how I start like 85% of the erotic fanfiction I write. Not that I...uh..
ahem.
So Batman is uh, god I really stopped paying attention to what he was saying here. Something about rich people and them being just awful and stuff that seemed to just generally be cover. Like "I'm not Bruce Wayne, I HATE RICH PEOPLE." He is so smooth, like something you might like to...run your tongue..along...what?
Ok, so uh, it's the next day and Wonder Woman is gonna ask Audrey about what I think Batman was telling her, about some thefts linked to the Kasnian government. Audrey denies it and they go to meet her fiancee. OH FUCK. IT'S VANDAL SAVAGE.
Nice outfit Vandal, just escape from the institution or something?
Vandal insists that he's actually Vandal Savage the THIRD, and not the Vandal Savage they fought when they went back in time. Oh yeah, sure. Savage leaves and Audrey is mad that Wonder Woman would think a dude looks like his grandfather. Wonder Woman follows Vandal outside, he's on the phone talking and as he hangs up, she again accuses him. He says, hey, there's just no way I could be over 100 years old, that's crazy. You're crazy. That's impossible and I've never seen anything crazy like, Miss Amazonian Princess. So you can take your crazy talk back to your space station and tell it to your alien friends!
Wonder Woman tells him that she's very mad, as usual and that he if hurts Audrey!
Vandal interjects!
"Hurt her. I love her," he says so coldy, it would make even the most emotionless robot jealous of how emotionless this human could be. Honestly Vandal, you're how many million years old? You don't think you could've found time to squeeze in an acting lesson here or there? For fuck's sake man, you've been alive longer than there has been acting, longer than the concept of marriage! Put a little feeling into it! Goddamn.
He tells Wonder Woman that's he's never met a woman who can do the things for him that Audrey can. Wonder Woman says she doesn't want to hear it. I'm not sure I do either. Wait maybe I do. It might be hot. In fact I think there's a good chance it's hot.
He explains that he's referring to making him king of Kasnia. So, oh, nevermind. That's not hot at all! General Vox shows up and Vandal says that he could show Wonder Woman the way out. She says she can find her own way, which she does. (The way out is apparently just flying straight off into the sky).
At a rocket launch, some Kasnian astronauts are about to take some stuff to the international space station. There is some winking here that is mighty suspicious.
In the castle in Kasnia, a maid is bringing the king a beverage. All seems well until, oh no! He collapses! Poison!
In space, the astronauts have made good time and are arriving the space station, which is freakin' huge. Something is most definitely up though, as the Kasnian astronauts get off their shuttle because I'm pretty sure astronauts aren't supposed to have quite that many guns. They take the rest of the astronauts hostage, and are now in control of the space station.
News of the king's "illness" has gotten to Vandal who says to Audrey, "it's the king. he's had a stroke..."
He pauses, while his mind searches desperately, desperately for a term of affection. Uh, infidel? No. Ummm, oooh why must this be so hard!
"...dearest."
YES! Got one!
Audrey is so worried about her father, and makes arrangements to head home right away.
Wonder Woman is in her hotel room again, this time talking to Batman on the phone. Batman is in a different hotel room, except he's not in the batsuit, he's sitting in a chair, with his shirt kind of...undone and...and his sleeves all rolled up and...oh my. Bruce...It's uhhhh, yeah I like this scene a lot.
While they talk, a lady mentions on the news that the king of Kasnia has just fallen ill and Bruce is like "oh ho ho, that's effed!" Wonder Woman takes off to warn Audrey and Bruce flies out of his chair to suit the fuck up!
Unfortunately Audrey and Savage are already on a plane heading for Kasnia, which Wonder Woman pursues. Savage sends Vox out in a jetpack to take care of her. He flies around a bit and then OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HIS MOUTH THAT'S HORRIFYING.
He knocks Wonder Woman down, pounds her head into the dirt and eventually leaves her beaten up in a barn as Audrey assumes the throne of Kasnia and moves the wedding up to RIGHT NOW GO GO GO.
SHOCKING CONCLUSION NEXT TIME! You paid for a whole entry! But you'll only need the edge!
Jordyn on
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
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KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
edited July 2009
Is Batman trying to distract the detectives who are interrogating him about writing a book about a murder that then happened?
Because I think it's working.
Also if the Princess got into an orgy with those four guys I think she'd be mighty bored.
So I spent probably way too much of the last review discussing how hot Batman is. Can you really blame me? I can't really say if part 2 is going to be better or worse, and I guess it really depends on what you think is better or worse. Personally, I'm hoping for better! My definition of better. Which is more Batman.
It at least starts out that way.
Wonder Woman wakes up in a barn with Batman leaning over her. HOT.
Diana however does not appreciate the absolute porn-ishness of the situation and is more concerned with her friiieeend or something. Oooh where's Auuuudreeeey? Batman explains that she's getting married right now and Wonder Woman leaps to her feet and rushes off to stop it while Batman pops a major boner that he will save for later. He has that power.
The two of them head to Kasnia together but are attacked as they enter the country. Inside the castle, the wedding goes on and vandal's robot vows are probably something like "I promise to tolerate and acknowledge you, until your death does us part which will hopefully be sooner rather than later and probably at my hands and then I can get on with being king and stuff, whoops did I say that last part out loud? My sincerest apologies most cherished wife-thing."
The scene goes from fighting to the wedding to the fighting, the wedding, the fighting, wedding, fighting, wedding. Wonder Woman twice hits a line of dudes with a large tree. Batman's crashing his plane, oh god fighting weddingfightingweddingohshiiiiit the guy is asking if anyone objects and Wonder Woman throws a tank through the wall. Vandal pulls some electrocute-y gun out of his sleeve and blasts her, and then asks if anyone ELSE has any objections.
If I were Audrey, I think I would have a couple right about now. Like um...you're shooting my new friend on our wedding day? I...object.
After the wedding, Vandal and Audrey are dancing. Vandal keeps saying weird cryptic shit about how he's so glad they're married because now all of his plans are coming together and he can take over the world, he means give her the world. Metaphorically, of course. Of course.
That night Audrey wakes up in her bed to find that Vandal has left. Weeeeeiiiird. It's supposed to be their wedding night, you'd think he'd not leave maybe. So she gets up as well and starts wandering around the castle. She finds Wonder Woman chained up in the basement with crazy space chains. Wonder Woman insists that Vandal is only using Audrey, and doesn't actually love her, which would seem obvious when it's already been established that this an arranged marriage, but Audrey doesn't see it. She says that NOW Wonder Woman has crossed the line. NOW. Not before, with the interrupting the wedding with the tank.
Audrey leaves and heads to some control room where she finds Vandal. She says Wonder Woman accused him of being some power mad monster and Vandal is all "oh really?" You see, he is immediately setting his plan in motion because he apparently has ZERO patience. He can't even wait long enough for his marriage to look slightly valid.
In the dungeon, Batman is in the rafter-ish area, looking down at Diana and trying to figure a way to break her out. He decides to call the league for back up. As Flash discusses paint with him, J'onn gets another alert. Vandal is going live with his master plan. The international space station has been a huge project for Kasnia, yes, and it turns out most of their contributions have been in the form of turning the thing into a mass driver, aka a rail gun. Vandal uses the thing to shoot an asteroid at fleet of ships and then starts listing demands like a fucking crazy man. He pulls out a very literal list.
How the fuck they managed to turn that thing into a railgun, I have no idea. I always figured there was some sort of oversight on something like the space station. "Oh, you got something for the space station, Kasnia? Yeah just attach whatever, we're not gonna check or anything."
Batman tells Flash that he'll worry about Wonder Woman himself, the rest of them should take out the space rail gun. GL, Flash, and J'onn hop in the Javelin and fly over there. GL just wants to blow it up, but Flash and J'onn are both like, dude, no, there's probably hostages and shit on it still. They fly at it with the Jav, and that thing just gets the shit beat out of it, because apparently the Kasnians also attached lots and lots of guns to the space station. Seriously did ANYBODY watch what they were doing when they worked on stuff up there? Good god people. Also this space station is fucking HUGE.
Back on Earth, Audrey asks Vandal what he thinks he's doing and he lists off what he's doing pretty precisely. Building a mass driver, check, holding the world hostage, check, poisoning your dad, haha totally check! He explains to Audrey that guess what, I AM the original Vandal Savage. He tells her how he found a meteor and has since outlived everyone he's ever known. Including her dad, by the way. Who he poisoned. Hahaha again. She slaps him and rakes her fingernails across his face, gashing it. The gashes heal up, and she freaks out as the guards take her to lock her in her quarters.
In space, the trio of heroes were surprisingly NOT killed in the attack on the Javelin, but instead saved by GL's magical bubble maker. He flies them to the door, which J'onn phases through and opens. Inside, they beginning fighting the evil Kasnian astronauts. Flash disarms them, while J'onn does a crazy wrap around and crush them sort of thing. They are so great.
Batman is breaking Wonder Woman out of the dungeon. He is hot. Oh man.
Flash is about to punch another dude, when he hits the airlock thing and sucks the both of them out into space. Unfortunately, Flash doesn't have a space suit like the other dude does oh nooooooo. He does though, float right past GL who quickly darts outside someplace and saves Flash from a death in the harshness of space.
Batman and Wonder Woman get Audrey out of her quarters and say they need her help. She laments that she can't even help herself, waaaaaaah. Uh, ok that's great. You're out of your room now, please be useful. They ask if she can at least get it together enough to show the heroes where the damn control room is. She thinks she can manage that. Wonder Woman also asks to borrow her earrings.
On the space station, GL is making sure Flash is ok. He, of course, is and immediately goes just balls ass nuts punching guys throughout the entire station when suddenly he happens upon the the control room. Sweet! He goes back and finds GL and J'onn and brings them along.
In the control room on Earth, Batman and Wonder Woman are breaking in and kicking ass. Vox is again opening his mouth a rather freakish amount but this time Wonder Woman isn't having any of it. She gets close enough to him to crush his neck brace thing and maybe hit a few more times, just for good measure. Oh look she had those earrings in her ears, I guess those helped.
Vandal is punching some launch codes into a computer or something, when Batman says "you're in my way" and just whips a chair at him, WHAPOW! I LOVE YOU BATMAN.
He starts trying to do stuff on the computer, GL is trying to do stuff on the computer in space, nooooo, GL tells Batman that he couldn't stop the launch. Batman says he couldn't stop it either but he did manage to change the target.
To where?
RIGHT HERE.
The alarms goes off and everyone starts evacuating the castle, Vandal jumps up and looks at the computer. It has been 'ranged! Fuck! Didn't J'onn crush his laptop in Savage Time too? Haha take that, bitch. And then the meteor hits the castle with Vandal still inside.
Up in space, GL is hauling everyone in the space station when Flash asks what's to stop someone else from using it. Then the space station blows up. "That," says GL. Uh...GL, you just blew up the international space station. I don't really care if someone had attached a giant gun to it. Maybe just take the gun part off. Instead of blowing up the international space station.
In the debris of the castle, Audrey talks about rebuilding. Suddenly, Vandal climbs out of the ground in a rather grotesque manner. Audrey says that she doesn't know how he survived. Goddamn woman, he's immortal, pay some fucking attention. She has her guards grab him and decides that they'll lock him up in the dungeon. Uh, once they rebuild the dungeon. He tell her to do her worst, he's immortal! And can't be killed! Uh, that, um...Vandal, I don't know if that's a desirable trait to have when people are figuring out exactly how they can torture you. Oh you can't be killed? Well hell, let's just go nuts!
Wonder Woman turns to Batman around this time and says that they never got to finish their dance. Because he's BRUCE WAYNE. Batman is all deny, deny, deny. He must be giving off some sort of sexy pheremone or something that is too easily idenitifiable by someone with a bloodhound nose like Diana.
Jordyn on
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CorporateLogoThe toilet knowshow I feelRegistered Userregular
I request either the "Batman gets amnesia when undercover as a hobo and kidnapped to work on a chain-gain" episode or the "Batman swordfights shirtless against a ninja in a river of lava from a volcano eruption" two-parter.
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Flash moreso than everyone else. How do you defeat combined cyber-Brainiac/Luthor? You run around the world and belt him, and then superspeed punch his ass for a minute or so.
That's how you get shit done.
I was playing a lot of M&M around that time, and I assumed that was Flash's character turning in several seasons' worth of hero points.
"Yeah, I'm gonna power stunt that for "run around the world for a penetrating autofire improved critical nonregeneratable attack... again.""
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyYOuuRmQp0
"So... enthusiESTic!"
It's funny because they had sex and the nine year olds watching the show didn't realize it. I think ... I think this is why people become English majors - to get the inside jokes in fine literature that no one else notices.
"...I have no idea who this is."
...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Qw7WuiItdA&feature=PlayList&p=77C4205E894C9A1C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2
Is that supposed to look like Rayner's mask @ 27 seconds in?
"It's not a race!"
(I'd be yelling shit like, "Oh my god pause it for a second, I gotta tell you guys something")
The episode opens in Paris, France. You can tell it's Paris because there's the Eiffel Tower! Wonder Woman is heading to some party and the dude at the gate is like "holy shit, Wonder Woman, yes come in, come in." As soon as everyone else hears that freakin' Wonder Woman has come to the party, they crowd in and start asking her questions and shit like, are you really from an island with no women? were you scared when you fought the aliens? Is Batman as sexy as he seems?
Suddenly a voice says "Would you like to dance?" And she shouts, without even looking, "yes!" Thankfully, the mystery man is Bruce Wayne and not some creepy asshole. Oh man, Bruce is so hot and a good dancer and so...so strong.
In another part of the room, some guy is asking a blonde woman named Princess Audrey if he can take her picture. She agrees but insists that he be in it. The camera is handed to someone else, and as the picture is snapped she grabs his ass. He asks for an autograph, but she tells him that he "just got it." Um, ok? Do you sign your checks with ass grabs too? Wouldn't that be awkward? Checks don't even have asses. Make some damn sense, woman!
Just then a bunch of dudes bust in the through the building's skylight and grab the princess! Oh no! Bruce and Diana simultaneously excuse themselves from their dance. While Bruce is about to go chance clothes, Diana just rips the long part of her dress off and starts kicking ass. Bruce pops a boner and can't leave, so he decides to hang out and watch this instead. Hey some cake! He'll eat some cake too.
A fight ensues and naturally, Wonder Woman is the victor. Outside, the princess is telling Wonder Woman how aaaawwweeeeesoooooooome that was while she berates her guards for not being able to take out a helicopter with their meager, weak human hands. Wonder Woman is more interested in why the princess was attacked but oh! Her cellphone's ringing and it's her dad, the king. He wants Audrey to come home right away, but she insists that she's fine because she's gonna be hanging out with Wonder Woman! I guess that would be pretty damn safe. She hangs up and tells Wonder Woman she needs a new dress, but Diana is still more interested in like, clues and shit. Audrey complains that she doesn't want to talk about clues because she's getting married tomorrow and she intends to go out "with a bang. Several if it can be arranged."
Man. What?
What episode would be complete without a warehouse! Some guys are breaking into one, to steal what looks to be a sweet video card,
and Batman shows up to try to stop them. He throws some 'rangs, some gas bombs, but alas, two of the three dudes manage to escape. That last dude though, fuuuuuuuuck, is he in for a bad night or what. Batman goes to interrogate him and the man says in his crazy foreign talk that Batman can't understand him so whatever. Batman starts talking the same language and is like "HA HA HA I AM THE GREATEST."
Elsewhere the two goons that got away are delivering the vid card to a man named General Vox, who has a weird speaker in his mouth and doesn't open his mouth when he talks. Ah, an animator's dream. They tell him that Batman was hot on their trail, and he's totally pissed, but assures the goons that not even the JL can stop them now! It's true, they lose this episode.
Meanwhile, Diana and Audrey are hanging out in a limo post-shopping spree. Diana is still trying to ask her questions about stuff and Audrey just does not care. She's too busy saying things in French, even though she's not French, she's Kasnian, she just happens to be IN France. Whatever. They ditch the guards in the limo and decide to go "clubbing." Audrey brings Diana to a club with a dreadfully long line, Diana laments that they'll never get in and Audrey assures her that she can get them in. The dude is like "hell yeah, you're with Wonder Woman!" Because seriously, who are you going to recognize? Princess of a small foreign country you don't give a fuck about? Or a founding member of the Justice League that has saved the world several times over? Really? Really?
Inside, Audrey and Diana get separated as the paparazzi are instinctively drawn to swarm someone named Princess Diana. She finds Audrey with four buff dudes, and she offers to share them with her.
This episode is so dirty. It's like, who's up for an orgy! Ha ha! She instead grabs Audrey and leaves, after they went through all that trouble to get in.
They hang out on the Eiffel Tower as the sun rises and bond over their memories of the fun night they had doing shit and stuff. Audrey gazes off at the sunrise for a moment and then LEAPS off the Eiffel Tower oh noooooooo! Wonder Woman jumps after her and catches her before she hits the ground. She freaks out at Audrey. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
I was thinking you'd probably catch me? God woman, calm down.
So Wonder Woman goes back to her room and oh my god, Batman is there.
This is so sexy. "_____ goes back to their room and Batman is there" is how I start like 85% of the erotic fanfiction I write. Not that I...uh..
ahem.
So Batman is uh, god I really stopped paying attention to what he was saying here. Something about rich people and them being just awful and stuff that seemed to just generally be cover. Like "I'm not Bruce Wayne, I HATE RICH PEOPLE." He is so smooth, like something you might like to...run your tongue..along...what?
Ok, so uh, it's the next day and Wonder Woman is gonna ask Audrey about what I think Batman was telling her, about some thefts linked to the Kasnian government. Audrey denies it and they go to meet her fiancee. OH FUCK. IT'S VANDAL SAVAGE.
Nice outfit Vandal, just escape from the institution or something?
Vandal insists that he's actually Vandal Savage the THIRD, and not the Vandal Savage they fought when they went back in time. Oh yeah, sure. Savage leaves and Audrey is mad that Wonder Woman would think a dude looks like his grandfather. Wonder Woman follows Vandal outside, he's on the phone talking and as he hangs up, she again accuses him. He says, hey, there's just no way I could be over 100 years old, that's crazy. You're crazy. That's impossible and I've never seen anything crazy like, Miss Amazonian Princess. So you can take your crazy talk back to your space station and tell it to your alien friends!
Wonder Woman tells him that she's very mad, as usual and that he if hurts Audrey!
Vandal interjects!
"Hurt her. I love her," he says so coldy, it would make even the most emotionless robot jealous of how emotionless this human could be. Honestly Vandal, you're how many million years old? You don't think you could've found time to squeeze in an acting lesson here or there? For fuck's sake man, you've been alive longer than there has been acting, longer than the concept of marriage! Put a little feeling into it! Goddamn.
He tells Wonder Woman that's he's never met a woman who can do the things for him that Audrey can. Wonder Woman says she doesn't want to hear it. I'm not sure I do either. Wait maybe I do. It might be hot. In fact I think there's a good chance it's hot.
He explains that he's referring to making him king of Kasnia. So, oh, nevermind. That's not hot at all! General Vox shows up and Vandal says that he could show Wonder Woman the way out. She says she can find her own way, which she does. (The way out is apparently just flying straight off into the sky).
At a rocket launch, some Kasnian astronauts are about to take some stuff to the international space station. There is some winking here that is mighty suspicious.
In the castle in Kasnia, a maid is bringing the king a beverage. All seems well until, oh no! He collapses! Poison!
In space, the astronauts have made good time and are arriving the space station, which is freakin' huge. Something is most definitely up though, as the Kasnian astronauts get off their shuttle because I'm pretty sure astronauts aren't supposed to have quite that many guns. They take the rest of the astronauts hostage, and are now in control of the space station.
News of the king's "illness" has gotten to Vandal who says to Audrey, "it's the king. he's had a stroke..."
He pauses, while his mind searches desperately, desperately for a term of affection. Uh, infidel? No. Ummm, oooh why must this be so hard!
"...dearest."
YES! Got one!
Audrey is so worried about her father, and makes arrangements to head home right away.
Wonder Woman is in her hotel room again, this time talking to Batman on the phone. Batman is in a different hotel room, except he's not in the batsuit, he's sitting in a chair, with his shirt kind of...undone and...and his sleeves all rolled up and...oh my. Bruce...It's uhhhh, yeah I like this scene a lot.
While they talk, a lady mentions on the news that the king of Kasnia has just fallen ill and Bruce is like "oh ho ho, that's effed!" Wonder Woman takes off to warn Audrey and Bruce flies out of his chair to suit the fuck up!
Unfortunately Audrey and Savage are already on a plane heading for Kasnia, which Wonder Woman pursues. Savage sends Vox out in a jetpack to take care of her. He flies around a bit and then OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HIS MOUTH THAT'S HORRIFYING.
He knocks Wonder Woman down, pounds her head into the dirt and eventually leaves her beaten up in a barn as Audrey assumes the throne of Kasnia and moves the wedding up to RIGHT NOW GO GO GO.
SHOCKING CONCLUSION NEXT TIME! You paid for a whole entry! But you'll only need the edge!
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Is Batman trying to distract the detectives who are interrogating him about writing a book about a murder that then happened?
Because I think it's working.
Also if the Princess got into an orgy with those four guys I think she'd be mighty bored.
I have a feeling it took her a while because she kept getting to the end of that scene and then suddenly losing interest.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
I always see Green Arrow get kidnapped
always
It at least starts out that way.
Wonder Woman wakes up in a barn with Batman leaning over her. HOT.
Diana however does not appreciate the absolute porn-ishness of the situation and is more concerned with her friiieeend or something. Oooh where's Auuuudreeeey? Batman explains that she's getting married right now and Wonder Woman leaps to her feet and rushes off to stop it while Batman pops a major boner that he will save for later. He has that power.
The two of them head to Kasnia together but are attacked as they enter the country. Inside the castle, the wedding goes on and vandal's robot vows are probably something like "I promise to tolerate and acknowledge you, until your death does us part which will hopefully be sooner rather than later and probably at my hands and then I can get on with being king and stuff, whoops did I say that last part out loud? My sincerest apologies most cherished wife-thing."
The scene goes from fighting to the wedding to the fighting, the wedding, the fighting, wedding, fighting, wedding. Wonder Woman twice hits a line of dudes with a large tree. Batman's crashing his plane, oh god fighting weddingfightingweddingohshiiiiit the guy is asking if anyone objects and Wonder Woman throws a tank through the wall. Vandal pulls some electrocute-y gun out of his sleeve and blasts her, and then asks if anyone ELSE has any objections.
If I were Audrey, I think I would have a couple right about now. Like um...you're shooting my new friend on our wedding day? I...object.
After the wedding, Vandal and Audrey are dancing. Vandal keeps saying weird cryptic shit about how he's so glad they're married because now all of his plans are coming together and he can take over the world, he means give her the world. Metaphorically, of course. Of course.
That night Audrey wakes up in her bed to find that Vandal has left. Weeeeeiiiird. It's supposed to be their wedding night, you'd think he'd not leave maybe. So she gets up as well and starts wandering around the castle. She finds Wonder Woman chained up in the basement with crazy space chains. Wonder Woman insists that Vandal is only using Audrey, and doesn't actually love her, which would seem obvious when it's already been established that this an arranged marriage, but Audrey doesn't see it. She says that NOW Wonder Woman has crossed the line. NOW. Not before, with the interrupting the wedding with the tank.
Audrey leaves and heads to some control room where she finds Vandal. She says Wonder Woman accused him of being some power mad monster and Vandal is all "oh really?" You see, he is immediately setting his plan in motion because he apparently has ZERO patience. He can't even wait long enough for his marriage to look slightly valid.
In the dungeon, Batman is in the rafter-ish area, looking down at Diana and trying to figure a way to break her out. He decides to call the league for back up. As Flash discusses paint with him, J'onn gets another alert. Vandal is going live with his master plan. The international space station has been a huge project for Kasnia, yes, and it turns out most of their contributions have been in the form of turning the thing into a mass driver, aka a rail gun. Vandal uses the thing to shoot an asteroid at fleet of ships and then starts listing demands like a fucking crazy man. He pulls out a very literal list.
How the fuck they managed to turn that thing into a railgun, I have no idea. I always figured there was some sort of oversight on something like the space station. "Oh, you got something for the space station, Kasnia? Yeah just attach whatever, we're not gonna check or anything."
Batman tells Flash that he'll worry about Wonder Woman himself, the rest of them should take out the space rail gun. GL, Flash, and J'onn hop in the Javelin and fly over there. GL just wants to blow it up, but Flash and J'onn are both like, dude, no, there's probably hostages and shit on it still. They fly at it with the Jav, and that thing just gets the shit beat out of it, because apparently the Kasnians also attached lots and lots of guns to the space station. Seriously did ANYBODY watch what they were doing when they worked on stuff up there? Good god people. Also this space station is fucking HUGE.
Back on Earth, Audrey asks Vandal what he thinks he's doing and he lists off what he's doing pretty precisely. Building a mass driver, check, holding the world hostage, check, poisoning your dad, haha totally check! He explains to Audrey that guess what, I AM the original Vandal Savage. He tells her how he found a meteor and has since outlived everyone he's ever known. Including her dad, by the way. Who he poisoned. Hahaha again. She slaps him and rakes her fingernails across his face, gashing it. The gashes heal up, and she freaks out as the guards take her to lock her in her quarters.
In space, the trio of heroes were surprisingly NOT killed in the attack on the Javelin, but instead saved by GL's magical bubble maker. He flies them to the door, which J'onn phases through and opens. Inside, they beginning fighting the evil Kasnian astronauts. Flash disarms them, while J'onn does a crazy wrap around and crush them sort of thing. They are so great.
Batman is breaking Wonder Woman out of the dungeon. He is hot. Oh man.
Flash is about to punch another dude, when he hits the airlock thing and sucks the both of them out into space. Unfortunately, Flash doesn't have a space suit like the other dude does oh nooooooo. He does though, float right past GL who quickly darts outside someplace and saves Flash from a death in the harshness of space.
Batman and Wonder Woman get Audrey out of her quarters and say they need her help. She laments that she can't even help herself, waaaaaaah. Uh, ok that's great. You're out of your room now, please be useful. They ask if she can at least get it together enough to show the heroes where the damn control room is. She thinks she can manage that. Wonder Woman also asks to borrow her earrings.
On the space station, GL is making sure Flash is ok. He, of course, is and immediately goes just balls ass nuts punching guys throughout the entire station when suddenly he happens upon the the control room. Sweet! He goes back and finds GL and J'onn and brings them along.
In the control room on Earth, Batman and Wonder Woman are breaking in and kicking ass. Vox is again opening his mouth a rather freakish amount but this time Wonder Woman isn't having any of it. She gets close enough to him to crush his neck brace thing and maybe hit a few more times, just for good measure. Oh look she had those earrings in her ears, I guess those helped.
Vandal is punching some launch codes into a computer or something, when Batman says "you're in my way" and just whips a chair at him, WHAPOW! I LOVE YOU BATMAN.
He starts trying to do stuff on the computer, GL is trying to do stuff on the computer in space, nooooo, GL tells Batman that he couldn't stop the launch. Batman says he couldn't stop it either but he did manage to change the target.
To where?
RIGHT HERE.
The alarms goes off and everyone starts evacuating the castle, Vandal jumps up and looks at the computer. It has been 'ranged! Fuck! Didn't J'onn crush his laptop in Savage Time too? Haha take that, bitch. And then the meteor hits the castle with Vandal still inside.
Up in space, GL is hauling everyone in the space station when Flash asks what's to stop someone else from using it. Then the space station blows up. "That," says GL. Uh...GL, you just blew up the international space station. I don't really care if someone had attached a giant gun to it. Maybe just take the gun part off. Instead of blowing up the international space station.
In the debris of the castle, Audrey talks about rebuilding. Suddenly, Vandal climbs out of the ground in a rather grotesque manner. Audrey says that she doesn't know how he survived. Goddamn woman, he's immortal, pay some fucking attention. She has her guards grab him and decides that they'll lock him up in the dungeon. Uh, once they rebuild the dungeon. He tell her to do her worst, he's immortal! And can't be killed! Uh, that, um...Vandal, I don't know if that's a desirable trait to have when people are figuring out exactly how they can torture you. Oh you can't be killed? Well hell, let's just go nuts!
Wonder Woman turns to Batman around this time and says that they never got to finish their dance. Because he's BRUCE WAYNE. Batman is all deny, deny, deny. He must be giving off some sort of sexy pheremone or something that is too easily idenitifiable by someone with a bloodhound nose like Diana.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Also Batman is a murderer he killed Black Manta!
I'm confused.
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
JordynNolz.com <- All my blogs (Shepard, Wasted, J'onn, DCAU) are here now!
Jordyn's thread is like a love letter to DCAU shows...
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
Last time I wrote a love letter like this it ended up with restraining order.
"I must bring the three Fate sisters to orgasm to save the universe!"
TylerJ on League of Legends (it's free and fun!)
You might think something like that couldn't possibly happen.
That's why your name isn't "Batman."
BTW, anyone see the Green Lantern animated movie yet? How awesome is it?:P
thank you.