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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

13468963

Posts

  • Raiden333Raiden333 regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    I nipped that in the bud the first time by replying "If you loved me you wouldn't try to manipulate me that way, you'd just ask me."

    Raiden333 on
    steam_sig.png
  • NocturneNocturne regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    No, the worst is insinuating suicide if the other person breaks up with you.

    My brother's current girlfriend has apparently done this, and I'm not pleased.

    Nocturne on
  • WulfWulf Disciple of Tzeentch The Void... (New Jersey)Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gar king wrote: »
    see stories like this are half the reason I never had a girlfriend

    For me its that, and the fact that I look like
    sloth-goonies.jpg
    No not really looking like Sloth... :winky:

    That being said, my first and really last 'serious' relationship, which has put me off dating for ... almost six years now, (which I guess is another story in and of itself :lol: ) started as a long distance thing, friend of a friend, you know how it goes.
    Anyway after nightly calls and emails, pictures, etc, for the better part of two years, I finally fly out and get together. Things started out okay, but then wonder of wonders I found out that she had just recently broken up with her house-mate, and whenever he walked into the common area would go out of her way to grab me.

    Okay, a little jealousy thing whatever, I get it.

    Oh it does get better. Any time we left the house (yeah stupid me taking a week out there D: ) she had to be touching me. She didn't care about the logistics of it, just had to be holding my hand, touching my hair... any sort of contact. I had to draw the line with her hand in my pants while there were children about two feet away.

    So I start getting total bad mojo vibes around this point, so I go as to cut my trip short. That's when the guilt trip starts. Crying, moping, drinking, total mess sort of attitude all the sudden. Then I get to hear from the landlord about the fact that her ex-husband apparently mentally abused her to the point that she needed years of therapy and was in a ward for a while.

    Oh lordy, I've done hopped in with crazy D:

    I decide "Shit, only two more days, and then I can leave and not have to explain to the cops why I was visiting on the day she turns up dead or something" She was the sort of crazy that I just wasn't ready to re-enact Misery with to break up in person! So I suck it up, and talk her down from flying away like a human hurricane, when she says "Oh we need to meet my parents!" :? Oh no, but I'm going to see this through damn it all, not going to end up dead in the back woods.

    Parents seem pretty normal when I first met them, I helped out with their computer since they had heard from their daughter I was good at IT stuff, yadda yadda. It does get better from there! Apparently due to how badly her last relationship had gone, they were veeeeery protective of their offspring. I was taken aside and told that if I did anything to 'hurt our little girl' the police would never find my body.
    As soon as I got to the airport, I was just gone like a shot, and haven't even traveled within 500 miles of that area, even on business.

    Did I over-react? Maybe.
    Was I dumb not to leave as soon as I realized how crazy everything was? Most likely.
    Am I glad to still have all my ... bits and pieces? Fuck yes I am.

    Wulf on
    Everyone needs a little Chaos!
  • CognisseurCognisseur Registered User
    edited August 2009
    I'm throwing this in here cuz I know there's a good deal of people who aren't commenting and really are going "oh man, all womens are evil, this is why I'm single, I'm so clever". I'm not talking about Gar King, I'm referring to the people who don't post stuff like that in jest.

    I've been dating my girlfriend for two years. I'm loud and obnoxiously pompous, she's quiet and cute. When things don't go the way she envisioned she gets irrational and upset. When I think something is wrong I can't let it go. Sometimes we argue, but we always make up pretty fast. When I really need someone, she's always there, and vice versa. There's fights, there's aggravation, but overall it's pretty damn good and I couldn't envision it otherwise.

    Far as I can tell, this is how most relationships do go. These stories here are funny and crazy and I'm sure the authors learned from them, but I just hope no one is reading this thread convincing themselves they avoid having girlfriends because they don't want to be sliced in half with a katana, because that's just not how things usually go, so don't go developing any of those immature 4chan-ish sexist ideologies.

    Cognisseur on
  • WillethWilleth regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I dated a pathological liar.

    I don't believe you.

    Willeth on
    @vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming!
    @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Raiden333 wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    I nipped that in the bud by replying "If you loved me you wouldn't try to manipulate me that way."

    For me it's grounds for a break up. I'm completely lacking in tolerance for that phrase.

    Thomamelas on
  • CommunistCowCommunistCow regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    What Cognisseur said. I'm with a great girl right now who is the exact opposite of crazy.

    CommunistCow on
    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
  • TubularLuggageTubularLuggage regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    No, the worst is insinuating suicide if the other person breaks up with you.

    My brother's current girlfriend has apparently done this, and I'm not pleased.

    One of my friend's exes tried that. She also pulled the whole fake pregnancy thing.

    In addition, when he finally broke up with her, she told all of his friends and all of her friends that he had cheated on her. Fortunately, even her friends were well aware that the claim was bullshit.

    TubularLuggage on
  • GammarahGammarah regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    Ugh, I forgot about that. I dated a girl who did both of those things. Re: Sleep cutter.

    Gammarah on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max regular MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Smeriously, if it deterred people then this thread would die one day and sadness would ensue =(.

    MT_Max on
  • GungHoGungHo regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    No, the worst is insinuating suicide if the other person breaks up with you.

    My brother's current girlfriend has apparently done this, and I'm not pleased.
    The ex tried this one as well. Called me up and said if I didn't take her back and/or help with the debt she'd accumulated that she was going to take a leap off a high-rise. My response of "you know that if the divorce isn't finalized that it means I get everything, including the jewelry, the purses" -- she hadn't sold that yet -- "and all the shoes, right?" wasn't what she was looking for. She responded with the equivalent of "fuck you" in Mandarin and then hung up.

    GungHo on
    "Adios, mofo" -- TX Gov Rick Perry (R)
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    No, the worst is insinuating suicide if the other person breaks up with you.

    My brother's current girlfriend has apparently done this, and I'm not pleased.

    My first set of stories references that actually. And it's a horrible shitty thing to do, but it often has a high degree of failure. A lot of people will walk away from that. And it's not a card you can play that often. The "if you loved me" is much more subtle and over time can build up to a lot more damage.

    Thomamelas on
  • NocturneNocturne regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Nocturne wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Gammarah wrote: »
    wenchkilla wrote: »
    Last time I saw her she complained about how much she misses being with me physically and how great I was in bed and how she wishes she could date both me and her current boyfriend at the same time, without anyone being jealous. When I told her I was far too emotionally hurt by her to be attracted to her anymore, she started crying, until I told her I wasn't falling for it, at which point she immediately stopped and changed topics.

    I hope my idiocy and suffering has provided you all with a fair bit of entertainment.

    I HATE it when people do this. I get pissed just thinking about it. Its like the most horrible manipulation technique ever concieved.

    It's not. The single most horrible manipulation technique is "If you loved me, you would do/be/give/insert verb here". It puts the person on the receiving end in a position where they can feel that they have to prove their love, or that telling the person who says it to fuck off proves they don't love them.

    No, the worst is insinuating suicide if the other person breaks up with you.

    My brother's current girlfriend has apparently done this, and I'm not pleased.

    My first set of stories references that actually. And it's a horrible shitty thing to do, but it often has a high degree of failure. A lot of people will walk away from that. And it's not a card you can play that often. The "if you loved me" is much more subtle and over time can build up to a lot more damage.

    I guess that's true, it's worse in that more people fall for it.

    Nocturne on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max regular MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    You know I've heard that one before "If you don't xxx I'm going to kill myself"; was from one of my old father's relationships back in high school. He told her he was hanging up and to call her mother. She got pissed and when she asked why he told her because he didnt want to be the last one she spoke to before she committed suicide.

    MT_Max on
  • SilverWindSilverWind regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I haven't personally experienced any crazy girlfriend/boyfriend situations, but since there aren't too many examples of terrible boyfriends in here, I'll air my frustrations out about my sister's guy. (Yes, I have brought them up with her already, so this is more like a venting ground for unsuccessful talk with her.)


    Sister (20 at the time) goes off to spend five weeks across the province. She really hits it off with a guy she meets in the group (26ish, if I remember right) and he's the life of the party and so on so forth. Pretty soon she starts getting very intimate with him. She starts telling me about him, and little flags start raising in my head-- he's a really competitive prankster, a fairly heavy drinker, had just (apparently) gotten over being addicted to painkillers, and apparently gets into fights. A lot. With random people on the streets who apparently don't like his face because he lives in a rough area of town. Week after week she tells me about the dangerous and utterly idiotic adventures he gets into.

    I meet the guy, and he's very, very charismatic, a smooth talker. Again alarm bells go off in my head, especially when we shake hands and his grip is so excessively firm so as to be painful. I have a strong handshake; he practically had a hand breaker there.

    Anyway, that's a small detail. I start learning more things; guy is not comfortable with full out dating apparently because he had gone through some rough relationships in the past. So, even though they're having sex exclusively with each other (according to my sister) months down the line, they're not in a solid relationship, and not dating.

    ...Okay, so some people have unusual relationships; I'm not one to complain so long as everyone involved knows what they're dealing with. I shelve this off as "older sister having overprotective feelings."

    My sister wants very much for the guy to acknowledge her as a girlfriend. She loves him very much, etc. In talking to her I learn that he doesn't have a cell phone or the internet so their times spent communicating with each other is very rare. Days, sometimes weeks will go by before she can get into contact with him again.

    Okay, people are busy. I tell her this isn't quite a solid relationship, however, and ask if she's worried about the situation. She voices a worry he's cheating on her with someone else, and agonizes about this for months until (at my urging) she finally asks him outright.

    Her: Are we in a monogamous relationship?
    Guy: No.
    Her: *starts crying/freaking out*
    Guy: (sometime later) Wait, wait, I didn't know what "monogamous" meant.

    ......

    Yes, I facepalmed hearing that, but since my sister believed him and laughed off the situation, I file that under "guy is a bit dumb" and go on with my life. The happy couple--he starts acknowledging they are a couple--exchange their "I love yous" and are merry merry merry though apparently he's still too busy to get together very often.

    Fast forward... six months or so. Sister is in a car getting carpooled to some event. Two other people are in the car: the driver, and a girl my sister has met in group situations, a person her guy used to date over a year ago.

    Driver: So, how do you two know each other?
    Girl: Oh, she knows my boyfriend.

    Sister comes back in a panic, wondering if she had misheard. She, at my urging, calls up the girl. Girl reveals: guy has never broken up with her. They have been having sex/making out the whole time, including as lately as last week. They talk on the phone on a regular, almost daily basis. She had been wondering about the guy's closeness to my sister, but apparently was taking it on faith he wasn't cheating on her.

    So, my sister realizes she's actually "the other woman." She can't quite handle it. The both of them go to the guy's house to confront him, he gives a bunch of excuses to both. Sister finds out many of the stories he'd been telling her were lies--he doesn't get in random shitfights on the streets, it's just roughousing with friends that are exaggerated. In fact a good deal of what she knows of his past is a lie/ is exaggerated. Anyway, both girls end it with him.

    I tell my sister that she did a good thing and caution her not to go back to him because he's obviously a little unhinged. She heeds my advice for about two weeks, then takes pity on him, then goes back to him. Now, she is going to move in with him. I tell her it's not a good idea, especially since she is not the most stellar roomie herself, but she's going to go through with it.

    I'm kind of waiting for the next bomb to happen.


    So... yeah, that guy isn't totally batshit insane, but guys and girls have fairly different ways of being crazy in relationships, IMO. I'll be off in this corner waiting for this stellar compulsive liar/drinker/cheater to do something excessively stupid again so I can try to reason with my sister about why she's seeing this guy again.

    SilverWind on
    signature.png
    Switch: SW-7603-3284-4227 - 3DS: 0473-7774-3652
  • CommunistCowCommunistCow regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Maybe you should get in a street fight with him.
    using a taser.

    CommunistCow on
    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
  • SilverWindSilverWind regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Maybe you should get in a street fight with him.
    using a taser.

    I should, but I have the feeling he'd just run and make up a lovely story about it afterwards. :P

    (But in all seriousness-- no. The guy is pretty built, and apparently (I take this with a grain of salt like everything else I've heard about him) had been in the marines. Or something that is the Canadian equivalent, I'm not sure.)

    SilverWind on
    signature.png
    Switch: SW-7603-3284-4227 - 3DS: 0473-7774-3652
  • CognisseurCognisseur Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Man... that's just... that's just extra stupid. Like, do you have enough brain function to keep breathing while tying your shoes kind of stupid.

    ...She wasn't even the more liked friend with benefit. The guy liked the other chick more. She's just a fall back piece of ass and a slow learner.

    Damn. Hope she figures it out before she's the barefoot pregnant chick hollering at him for cheating on her with 3 other girls.

    Cognisseur on
  • CognisseurCognisseur Registered User
    edited August 2009
    SilverWind wrote: »
    Maybe you should get in a street fight with him.
    using a taser.

    I should, but I have the feeling he'd just run and make up a lovely story about it afterwards. :P

    (But in all seriousness-- no. The guy is pretty built, and apparently (I take this with a grain of salt like everything else I've heard about him) had been in the marines. Or something that is the Canadian equivalent, I'm not sure.)

    Canada has an army? o_O

    Cognisseur on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Cognisseur wrote: »
    SilverWind wrote: »
    Maybe you should get in a street fight with him.
    using a taser.

    I should, but I have the feeling he'd just run and make up a lovely story about it afterwards. :P

    (But in all seriousness-- no. The guy is pretty built, and apparently (I take this with a grain of salt like everything else I've heard about him) had been in the marines. Or something that is the Canadian equivalent, I'm not sure.)

    Canada has an army? o_O

    A navy too. I was kinda shocked as well.

    Thomamelas on
  • Inter_dInter_d regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    SilverWind wrote: »
    She voices a worry he's cheating on her with someone else, and agonizes about this for months until (at my urging) she finally asks him outright.

    Her: Are we in a monogamous relationship?
    Guy: No.
    Her: *starts crying/freaking out*
    Guy: (sometime later) Wait, wait, I didn't know what "monogamous" meant.



    ...I am so using that.

    Inter_d on
  • CommunistCowCommunistCow regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    SilverWind wrote: »
    Maybe you should get in a street fight with him.
    using a taser.

    I should, but I have the feeling he'd just run and make up a lovely story about it afterwards. :P

    (But in all seriousness-- no. The guy is pretty built, and apparently (I take this with a grain of salt like everything else I've heard about him) had been in the marines. Or something that is the Canadian equivalent, I'm not sure.)

    This is why I suggested the taser. You can probably win a fight with a canadian soldier when you are not fighting fair.

    CommunistCow on
    No, I am not really communist. Yes, it is weird that I use this name.
  • SilverWindSilverWind regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Cognisseur wrote: »
    Man... that's just... that's just extra stupid. Like, do you have enough brain function to keep breathing while tying your shoes kind of stupid.

    ...She wasn't even the more liked friend with benefit. The guy liked the other chick more. She's just a fall back piece of ass and a slow learner.

    Damn. Hope she figures it out before she's the barefoot pregnant chick hollering at him for cheating on her with 3 other girls.

    She's a little slow to learn, yes--other situations show that too, like the $300+ phone bill she accidentally incurred that I asked for help in H/A in.

    I'm trying to be supportive and a voice of reason while giving her enough space to learn and make decisions on her own. It's... difficult.

    SilverWind on
    signature.png
    Switch: SW-7603-3284-4227 - 3DS: 0473-7774-3652
  • Dark_SideDark_Side regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I've never had a full on psycho chick attack or anything, but a girl from my junior high days really put me through the ringer. First I should note that this was an incredibly small town in the late 90's, so imagine it cliquish and not without it's small contingent of skater/goth/sub culture type kids, whereas the rest of the school is comprised of white, middle class kids.
    She was a cute girl whom I immediately fell in love with upon meeting in junior high, in fact everyone in my group loved her which is what of course became the problem. She showed interest in me, but being a shy, stupid farm boy, and never experiencing dating or romance before that, I mucked it all up, though it didn't help that she was a legendary tease either. She was still at that point just as unknown as the rest of us, and then she sprouted an absolutely stellar rack.

    Short version is I follow her around like a wounded puppy dog for most of my high school career while she casually dates her way up the social ladder, finally ending up with a dbag of a football player, which I'm sure she felt was the ultimate status in that school, and sadly it kind of was. But the whole time she's doing this, she's still flirting with my small group of friends so that no matter what the situation she has a pool of 6 or 7 people absolutely willing to do her bidding. Once the football player was out of the picture, she started playing all of us off each other, mostly concentrating on myself and a good friend of mine who had just moved back into town. After awhile, I finally figure the whole scheme out and just quit hanging out with or trying to talk to her, and she utterly flips out.

    What proceeds is a wild flurry of notes becoming increasingly paranoid and drama filled on my desk, until finally she drops a prom invite on me. I stupidly relent thinking she's finally decided on me as her guy, but after a few prom shopping dates I once again figure out the whole thing is a complete ruse and finally make a move on a foxy redhead from a grade below me, (who had her own batshit problems) and enjoy the rest of my senior year.

    After that she finally hooks up with my good friend that I referred to, mostly because by this point every one is wise to her shenanigans and she's also gaining a little weight, so no pool of men trying to make good with her anymore. She proceeds to put this poor bastard through hell after our graduation, making him literally get up every morning, pick her up, and then drive her to school for her entire senior year. She lived less than a block from the high school, so it's no wonder she was gaining weight.

    Anyway, creepy portion of the story is that she was extremely mad at my high school gf for robbing me from following her around and worshipping her, so she wrote this extremely creepy fucked up poem for art class that seemed to vaguely hint at murder. My buddy later bought a house where the two of them lived and she kept one room for herself that she didn't actually use, but claimed anyway because she didn't want her grandmother to think she was living in sin. I moved in for the summer with another friend in the room across the hall and she made sure to post that poster/poem right on the outside of that door so we would all see it.

    The extremely fucked up thing about it though, is my high school gf was that friend's younger sister. So she had basically put up a poem openly declaring her hate and vaguely threatening the life of the sister of her own bf.

    Dark_Side on
  • X Pr3dat0R XX Pr3dat0R X Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Talka wrote: »
    My ex did a quarter abroad in Argentina. For three months we would spend about two hours a day talking. I even flew down and visited her for a week. It's not until the day after I get back from the 6,000 mile visit that she decides it's best to reveal she's been sleeping with four different guys and wants to break up with me.

    Really, you couldn't have chosen any other time? Also, cheating on me with not one, but four guys? Over a period of three months?

    Owned.

    This is very similar to my ex.
    Although it was the Netherlands and one guy. On one of the nights when I was over to see him she spent two hours in his room and claimed "He's ill. I was just making sure he's ok..."

    I had been with her for 8 years at this point.
    We got back to Scotland and she tells me that she needs some time to herself. Then her dad dies. She calls me to tell me and I say "I'm at work just now but I'll come round as soon as I'm finished (in an hour)"
    She tells me not to come round, she wants it to be just her and her mum so they can talk about it.
    Roughly two weeks later she tells me she spent a weekend in Ireland (I've been trying to get her back at this point) and she says she stayed with Jimmy (the Finnish guy from the Netherlands...I don't get it either) and that they're in a relationship. Apparently he flew over from Ireland to come make sure she was ok and that's why she didn't want me to come around. They got together that night. They're in a relationship.

    I think, in the long run, I'm the crazy one because if she called me today and said "let's get back together" I'd do it in a heartbeat...:?

    X Pr3dat0R X on
    Paragon wrote: »
    In my dream world I am MacGuyver and I can erect threesomes from stationery supplies.
  • MblackwellMblackwell regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    As one of my friends said, "If someone isn't married it's perfectly okay to pursue them, but if you sleep with them before they've broken up with their significant other you're just an asshole and liable to get your privates removed."

    Mblackwell on
    Music: The Rejected Applications | Nintendo Network ID: Mblackwell

  • SheepSheep regular Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    I never had any super crazies myself, but I know plenty.

    My little brother tends to attract them. His past three serious girlfriends, one about to be his baby's mama, have had serious issues.

    The first claimed he raped her when he dumped her. Which sucked for her because the night she claimed it happened was a night my brother threw a party at my parents house and me and him got into a physical altercation about them trashing the place. He also put several Direct TV movies and a pizza on the credit card at various intervals throughout the evening.

    Her dad made the mistake of calling up my mom after they had a fight one day and was excessively rude. I was dropping eaves on another phone and drove out to his house, performed a few redneck donuts in his yard and when he came out politely told him I'd be back if he ever insulted my mom like that again. Never did and he's dead now, so I win.

    His second girlfriend would constantly be left behind whenever him and her got in a fight, and my brother would come up to my apartment. Well, she'd come up there crying with her mom in tow. It wasn't so bad at first because her mom was kinda flirty and I didn't mind the occasional MILF. Had to eventually forbid her to ever come back after the thirteenth time.

    A few months later me and a friend are sitting outside a house me and my brother then shared. A white Volkswagon keeps coming by the house, and eventually something flies out of the back seat drivers side window.

    A roll of toilet paper.

    That is on fire.

    Well, I go and stand in the middle of the road when they start their way back through. Almost get run over. They go to the local poolhall and brag about it without realizing that most people there are in very good terms with me and my brother.

    Sheep on
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  • ProPatriaMoriProPatriaMori regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    he's dead now, so I win.

    That got my eyebrows raised. Bravo.

    ProPatriaMori on
  • SheepSheep regular Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    Oh. Wait. Crazy preggo story.

    Before I start I want you all to know that no one likes this girl. She has no education. No job. Mooches off of my brother completely and has the hugest entitlement complex ever. Most of the problems exist because she thinks what belongs to my brother is inherently hers.

    Me and my current fiancee were still dating. We decided to make pizza one night. When I moved out about 6 or 7 years ago, my mom gave me some of her old cook ware. Specifically an ancient cookie sheet.

    I ask my brother's baby's mama, hence forth known as crazy bitch, where the cookie sheet is.

    "I put it up."

    Put it up where?

    "I'm not telling you because when it gets used no one ever washes it."

    That's not yours to put up. It's mine. The last person to use it was you. You baked biscuits on it. My girlfriend is the one who actually washed it when you dirtied it up.

    That sends her into crazy preggo bitch mode. Things calm down.

    She starts letting my cat out on purpose. Or blames it on her friends. She says he meows too much and it aggravates her. I tell her that if she can't operate a fucking door, then to move out. I tell her if her friends can't, then I'll deal with them with my own personal way of handling dip shits.

    She eventually changed the locks on her and my brother's bed room to "Keep people out". Meaning she was accusing me of stealing from them.

    We were having super bad weather once and my brother stockpiled on gallon jugs of water. About two weeks pass post storm, no emergencies. I crack a jug open and pour.

    "Why are you stealing my water?"

    I just stare at her and start gulping from the jug.

    Me and my fiancee got into a fight one night and she left. Crazy bitch immediately goes on a rant about her, deletes her from her MySpace, etc.

    A week ago she re adds her to said MySpace because she's having a baby shower. We fork over a good bit of cash for some stuff.

    A few days later we see her publicly talking shit about my mom on MySpace. Things like, "This is MY baby. How dare she try to tell me what to do. I'm sick of her picking out clothes for the baby. She bought us some baby furniture and told the moving guys where to put it WITHOUT ASKING ME. Next time I see her I'm gonna say something to hurt her feelings. SHE'S CROSSED THE LINE TOO MANY TIMES. Next time she says I don't look too well I'm gonna call her fat."

    Basic mean shit.

    I text her, ask her who the hells he thinks she is talking about my mom like that in person, and I get this tirade back about how I need to mind my own business, that she can talk to her cousin about whatever she wants, that she didn't do anything wrong and it's all the truth.

    I remind her that the house she's in, the car she has, and all of her baby stuff is from my parents.

    She deletes us from MySpace again.

    Apparently she spoke with my brother, because she called my mom, wailing, with an apology. Mom said that Bro told her about being a spoiled bitch.

    Ugh.

    I hope I never have to deal with that crap again.

    EDIT

    My fiancee dated some real goldies too.

    One is a guy who lies about his age, bought her an engagement ring after dating for a month, and routinely makes death threats and then invites her to social gatherings so they can be friends.

    If I could pull up his Facebook right now you'd probably see an entry or wall post with him reliving his short experience with her to some random person.

    He wears that engagement ring around his neck.

    And is probably 40 and still lives with his parents.

    Sheep on
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  • GammarahGammarah regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Sheep wrote: »
    and he's dead now, so I win.

    Both posts are great, but this is excellent. Sigged.

    Gammarah on
  • ethicalseanethicalsean regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Soo, I was in high school, a junior, and looking for a romantic relationship. This was an interesting year in that the school was piloting an "Outdoor Education" course where you go camping, canoeing, and all sorts of outdoor stuff for your PE credit (amazing class btw). This meant two things, the coach had a lot of leeway for the curriculum, and the students she picked for the class. My motley crew of friends all were selected for the course, and this left a strange menagerie of girls that opted in.

    The class played out like some Corey Feldman movie, and the love interest (my interest), was a pretty asian girl named Ly. She just seemed so perfect (music would start playing when I looked at her!), and I had no idea how to impress her. The hijinks ensued, and between "liberating" a local Sonic's freezer for the big cookout, making all sorts of jokes at our token fat kid's expense, and even getting the teacher to laugh at some of the stuff we pulled on the three ugo girls in the classroom we nicknamed the "school dykes" (hey, at least we're getting more pussy than you! how right you are girls!) I still had not impressed this girl enough to notice me. I decided to make my big move at the canoe trip at the end of the year.

    We were moving along the Brazos at a snails pace, enjoying the cows, when Ly's canoe starts floating by... flanked by the class fat kid. Fortunately, I had snuck in a super soaker for just such an occassion, and let it fly the second "Three Lunch Linh" began interrupting my flirtations. It worked! Linh was soaked and I had begun working my way into Ly's heart! I eventually worked a date out of this girl.

    About this time, the more criminal of my entourage made a passing comment, "Hmm, so you got the hots for Ly," bolstered by another friend's response, "yeaaah, you've caught yourself a crazy one there." I had been pretty quiet about my interest in the girl, but I didn't quite understand where they were going with this.

    I took the girl out to the movies, and it was uneventful, if a little weird. She liked to talk about Sailor Moon and other strange Japanese things (this is the late 90s, anime was not in anyone's vocabulary)... acting very despairing... everything was okay I guess. Until, until the night she starts rambling to me about being the one for her hole. What? I had not even kissed this girl yet. Then she started talking about how she likes cutting herself and... well I think everyone knows where that track leads.

    I consulted my friends, and then this is where reality sort of hit me. Jokingly, one of them points her out during class, "hey look at those blue leather pants, I bet she got those pants from a blue cow! HEY LY! YOU HAVE TO KILL A BLUE COW FOR THEM LEATHER PANTS?" I don't remember her exact response, but it was a bit crazy. During this entire year I had been working from 4pm-1am and getting up for school at 5:30am and getting out at 2:30pm. As my friends pointed out more and more crazy things about her, I just didn't realize how I had missed them... I had burned myself out to the point where maybe I myself was starting to go crazy. Whew, I dodged that bullet, right?

    Its funny, because the next year I ran into this girl and she was wearing a cult styled jump suit and she had cut large pieces of her hair out. She just smiled and said hi, but I was able to continue ignoring her. It turns out the next girl I tried to get into a relationship with made friends with Ly at some point during the courting process. I... I... think Ly made friends with this girl just to sour the waters of the relationship. She thought my friends and I were horrible people and typical male pigs just trying to ruin this girl's reputation because we were warning her how "crazy" she was. A year or two later though, that girl confessed to me that Ly went really crazy on her at some point.

    I graduated, moved 700 miles away to college, and moved on with my life. It was great, until out of the blue I get a phone call from an old friend I spent a lot of time hanging out with in high school. He, himself, is pretty crazy in the head but the circle of friends just sort of accepted that quirk in his personality. 2am in the morning, and I get a friend calling me I have not spoken to in years... and I do not know how he got my phone number. "Soo, I thought I'd call you that I'm fucking someone special to you right now," and he promptly handed the phone over to Ly, who gave me the line, "I've found someone for my hole." I stuttered a bit, "okay thats great... hows life going for you?"

    Between this, and the story of the girl who called my mother because I didn't write her a letter, I'm still a little weirded out by relationships. I'm not sure what the lesson here should be... is there one?

    ethicalsean on
  • QuidQuid I don't... what... hnnng Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Don't be such a dick to people?

    Quid on
  • GammarahGammarah regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    That is a great story. For some reason I love,
    HEY LY! YOU HAVE TO KILL A BLUE COW FOR THEM LEATHER PANTS?"

    and the call at the end is amazing.

    Gammarah on
  • Element BrianElement Brian Peanut Butter Shill Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Quid wrote: »
    Don't be such a dick to people?

    Element Brian on
    Switch FC code:SW-2130-4285-0059

    Arch,
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_goGR39m2k
  • mrflippymrflippy regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, that story was more "my friends and I made fun of a bunch of people in school and oh yeah this girl I liked did some vague slightly-weird things" than "crazy ex"

    mrflippy on
  • ethicalseanethicalsean regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    mrflippy wrote: »
    Yeah, that story was more "my friends and I made fun of a bunch of people in school and oh yeah this girl I liked did some vague slightly-weird things" than "crazy ex"

    Yeah, I don't want to imply that I was some sort of saint at that age... thats how we acted to one another as a group of friends (and I really don't think getting into some of the *really really* crazy stuff Ly did benefits the flow of the story... only depresses it from my viewpoint). She was crazy, but she had a way of appearing fairly normal, and I wanted to give the backstory that maybe the entire setting I was in was not "normal" either.

    ethicalsean on
  • SteevLSteevL What can I do for you? Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    One lady I used to work with told me a few stories about her ex-husband. Apparently he proposed to her on their first date. One of the more amusing stories is that he got her a dieting book for her birthday.

    SteevL on
  • RichyRichy regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    I don't have anything that compares to alien sex cults, girlfriend-beating navy seals, or romantic Hell's Angels... but I'll make my minor contribution. It's not even a story about me, it's the opposite: a girl story that involves every male friends save one and me.

    So this girl is called Caro, a friend of the sister of one of the guys, about 16-17 when me and my group of friends are about 19-21. She's not particularly pretty, but nice, and smart. She was doing pre-med in college when this started.

    Bob likes Caro, but is too shy and indecisive to do anything about it. Caro likes Bob, but while she waits for him to get his game on she figures she could have a little fun. So her and Jim decide to have a one-night "friends with benefits" thing. Did I mention Jim and Bob are childhood best friends? Bob was not too thrilled about that; plans to ask her out went out the window. Jim, on the other hand, developed feelings for Caro post-sex and tried to make a move on her, which she rejected.

    So now Caro has lost Bob and gained a Jim she doesn't want. What to do? Well, her plan is to act flirty with every guy in the gang to get Bob jealous into taking her back. Years later, I found out that plan succeeded in getting her some sex with Will, one of our friends who is otherwise uninvolved in this story. The plan failed to get Bob, and eventually succeeded in turning everyone off of her. Save for one: Dan.

    Dan is a nice guy. He dropped out of school years ago and has a technical job at that point. Dan and Caro very quickly get engaged, ring and all. Caro drops out of pre-med to spend more time on her life with Dan. All this is done secretly behind the back of Caro's family, because Caro fears that her dad "wouldn't understand" that her girl is abandoning her dreams of being a doctor to get married to a drop-out 4-5 years older than her. Anyway, they didn't get married - after a year of this Caro dumped Dan.

    Years later, she made a comeback, sexing then dating Chuck, one of the more desperate guys in our circle of friends. The way Chuck tells it, the relationship was going well and he was on his way to tell her he Loves her, to solidify things because he didn't want her to be the One That Got Away. When he got there, before he could say anything, she dumped him.

    Months later at the New Year party, Chuck and Dan reminisced about Caro and how they both got played and dumped by the same girl; a conversation Dan's current girlfriend didn't quite enjoy.

    So in summary, this girl was involved, either emotionally, sexually, or both, with every guy in my group of friends save me and one other. And most of them were overlapping. This was the tangled and ridiculous relationship that got me and that one other guy to start referring to the rest of the group as "Melrose Place".

    Richy on
    sig.gif
  • SheepSheep regular Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    SteevL wrote: »
    One lady I used to work with told me a few stories about her ex-husband. Apparently he proposed to her on their first date. One of the more amusing stories is that he got her a dieting book for her birthday.

    My old art teacher in high school was like that. Old head. Total spaced out. Born again Christian. Cool guy. One of our projects was building him a Storm Trooper suit for Halloween. He also likes King's X, which is killer.

    He proposed to a girl on their first date. She turned him down.

    Did it again to another girl. She said yes.

    Sheep on
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  • UnderdogUnderdog regular Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    What does it mean to find crazy to be sexy? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it.

    Sadly I have no crazy stories to tell. Remarkably boring on my end of life.

    Underdog on
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