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Crazy Girlfriend/Boyfriend Stories

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Posts

  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    This is a topic very near and dear to my heart and mind.

    And groin.

    Cooljammer if I ever go to Pax I will find you a woman. I will make it my solemn vow.


    It'll be like that movie Hitch except meaningful.

    It'll be easy if he looks anything like his avatar. Pushing Daisies, right? I always wonder where its from everytime I see it.

    Gammarah on
  • tootsmendozertootsmendozer Registered User
    edited August 2009
    i shall chuck in my story, it was a long story but i shall shorten it.

    i met this girl over the net.
    we shall call her M. Me and her dated for a quite a while, she was the first girl i ever wet out with so i was a young thing and not wise in the ways of the world and she was for lack of a better word a bit of a trollop.
    we had our fun though and very much thought the same and liked the same things. But she was very much prone to bouts of mad depression and was a bit of a loon who loved her live journal to much.she hung around with alot of married guys which i always thought was weird but her being my first gf no she could never cheat on me....could she!?
    well.
    she dumped me over msn about two monthes into our relationship, why? Because she has been seeing a guy and wants to be with him instead. this guy turns out to be in his 40's, she is 18.
    i later learnt that he used to get drunk and hit her.
    years later she asked me out again.
    l said no and felt damn glad of it

    but yeah thats my little slice of badly written madness

    tootsmendozer on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    What really makes it is the guy in your sig :D

    Gammarah on
  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Gammarah wrote: »
    This is a topic very near and dear to my heart and mind.

    And groin.

    Cooljammer if I ever go to Pax I will find you a woman. I will make it my solemn vow.


    It'll be like that movie Hitch except meaningful.

    It'll be easy if he looks anything like his avatar. Pushing Daisies, right? I always wonder where its from everytime I see it.

    I will keep that offer in mind. Though I am decidedly less charming and good looking than Ned and certainly more Asian. I would like to learn to bake pies though.

    Also, I won't be at PAX Prime but might head to Boston for PAX EC 2010. Until then, gentlemen.

    cooljammer00 on
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  • cooljammer00cooljammer00 Hey Small Christmas-Man!Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Scott Pilgrim would never hit a girl. Except all the times he totally did.

    Also, maybe that 18 year old is dating that dude from HA who wants to get wild

    cooljammer00 on
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    3DS Friend Code: 2165-6448-8348 www.Twitch.TV/cooljammer00
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Scott Pilgrim would never hit a girl. Except all the times he totally did.

    Also, maybe that 18 year old is dating that dude from HA who wants to get wild

    I know a girl who would love to get wild with him.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • Squirminator2kSquirminator2k Toys, ports, and Time Lords North Hollywood, CARegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Toots, I demand to know where you got your sig animGIF from.

    Squirminator2k on
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  • tootsmendozertootsmendozer Registered User
    edited August 2009
    erm i cant remember to be honest, i can PM you the others i have, there are a few animated ones of him, some guys making a fan made side scrolling beat em up and they're his character designs

    tootsmendozer on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • NocturneNocturne Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Melkster wrote: »
    Typing this up on my iPhone in a bumpy car so I apologize in advance for mistakes.

    At least the car ride is the only bumpy thing you ended up with.

    fix'd

    Nocturne on
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    erm i cant remember to be honest, i can PM you the others i have, there are a few animated ones of him, some guys making a fan made side scrolling beat em up and they're his character designs

    Not to further derail, but could I get a PM to the link of the game they are making as well as some of the .gifs?

    Arch on
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Time for another story. This time our hero holds up the ancient rule of vires prae meretrices.

    So a friend of mine that we'll call J was dating a crazy lass we'll call E. All of the usual crazy nonsense including my favorite of "anal sex only means I'm still a virgin" mixed in with a violent temper and abusive behavior. One day my parents went out of town with my siblings for the weekend, and being a teenager my first thought was to invite my friends over and have a party. Things are going along just fine until J reached his limit and passed out. At which point E promptly begins to offer herself to me. And I'm not a saint. I was very tempted. Just my type physically, and if this thread has taught you anything about me it's that I love crazy. But I did the right thing and told her to fuck off.

    The next day I told J what happened. And in a moment of sanity he broke up with E. Which displeased E greatly. The next school day I hear "Tom, look out!", I turn and I have E in my face. I didn't realize long nails could do quite so much damage. She's pulled off of me and most of the scratches were merely annoying, except for one along my cheek that turned into a one inch scar. Usual school punishements are handed out. E spent the next few weeks stalking my friend and giving both of us drunken calls that were a mix of booty call and angry rants.

    Thomamelas on
  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    These stories are definitely funnier when I imagine your avatar telling them.

    "And man, I knew some crazy bitches in my day.

    Now let us pray."

    Forar on
    First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
  • ThomamelasThomamelas Only one man can kill this many Russians. Bring his guitar to me! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Forar wrote: »
    These stories are definitely funnier when I imagine your avatar telling them.

    "And man, I knew some crazy bitches in my day.

    Now let us pray."

    Given that his girlfriend is a former IRA member who runs guns now and deeply enjoys making things explode...I'm guessing he'd have much better crazy girlfriend stories. And they'd be delivered in an awesome internal monologue.

    "When dating a crazy girl, it's always important to remember that it will end badly. Dating a crazy girl is a lot like a riding a roller coaster that lacks a track. A smart guy will jump off before the track ends. The wise man will avoid them all together."

    Thomamelas on
  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    The funny thing is that I never was able to convince her I was straight. Because if I don't want to just hop in the sack and bone a woman right off the bat, I must be gay.

    Yes that is exactly what I was thinking as well.

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
  • DoctorArchDoctorArch Curmudgeon Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Eventually, she confides that she has genital warts and herpes, and she wanted to screw me so that I'd get both and be unable to marry anybody else without giving them both diseases.

    Oh my sweet christ. If it weren't for the "ex in the alien cult" story that would be the most terrifying thing I've read here.

    Really? Alien cult seems tame compared to the sex chryssalid there, but I have preexisting fears of communicable disease.

    I am glad I am not the only one.

    DoctorArch on
    Switch Friend Code: SW-6732-9515-9697
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    I missed the alien story.

    Page number?

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • SteevLSteevL What can I do for you? Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    SteevL on
  • SheepSheep Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
    edited August 2009
    I want whatever she was on.

    EDIT

    Not the penis.

    Sheep on
    QlBGc.jpg
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Archgarth wrote: »
    cloudeagle wrote: »
    Eventually, she confides that she has genital warts and herpes, and she wanted to screw me so that I'd get both and be unable to marry anybody else without giving them both diseases.

    Oh my sweet christ. If it weren't for the "ex in the alien cult" story that would be the most terrifying thing I've read here.

    Really? Alien cult seems tame compared to the sex chryssalid there, but I have preexisting fears of communicable disease.

    I am glad I am not the only one.

    Arch agrees with Archgarth

    (third person cause I liked the nameplay)

    Arch on
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Okay, so my stories pale in comparison to sex chryssalid or alien cult, but I will tell them still...

    First one: why I stopped internet dating.
    I honestly don't remember the girl's name, but when I was... oh... probably 19 I tried out an internet dating site (match.com, I think it was). I met this girl online and we had a date. Date the first went pretty well. Dinner, movie, etc. goodnight kiss.

    Date #2 she starts off by presenting me with a gift. A framed (cheaply; not like an expensive one or anything, which would have been weird in its own way) drawing she had done that I can best describe as "the heads of babies suspended in a non-euclidean spiderweb, and also some smoke". Whatever weird mental image that conjures for you is probably close to the weirdness present. It was done on, I think, typing paper in pencil and had a corner torn off that wasn't quite hidden by the matting in the frame.

    Also on date #2 she tells me about how she painted her bedroom black and put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Cool, I think. Sounds kind of neat. Then she tells me about how she set her bedroom on fire. An accident, I ask, since she smoke. No, not an accident. On purpose, so that she could watch it burn. At the time she tells me that her sister died in the fire; later she mentions her sister in a sense that tells me either her sister is still alive or this fire happened in like the last day or so. I presume the former.

    Somehow this doesn't scare me away. Probably because I'm a young, horny, desperate lad. We end up at my place making out on the couch instead of watching Requiem for a Dream (her favorite movie; publication date of which confirms that I was probably 19 or 20 at the time). Eventually it's late and she invites herself to stay the night on the basis that she lives 30 minutes away. I offer to sleep on the floor/couch so she can have my bed. She says no, you can sleep in the bed. She keeps her clothes on, so I keep mine on; more making out occurs but clothes stay on.

    Sometime in the middle of the night I awaken because she's banging around the room. I try to figure out what's going on and finally get out of her that she thinks I molested her. This seems unlikely given that I was asleep up to this point and am not prone to sleep-molesting. Also, we're both still fully clothed and I assume that a little through-the-clothes action wouldn't have bothered her, considering all the necking and the fact that she was cuddled up to me in my bed for the night. After much protestation on my part she decides that either it was a dream or that I'd done whatever it was in my sleep. She comes back to bed.

    Next day we hang out most of the day, watching TV interspersed with more making out. I cop a feel through her shirt, which she doesn't object to at the time. She goes home eventually seeming happy and wanting to see me again. Three days later she breaks up with my via IM because I'm a dirtbag for trying to take advantage of her.

    Eh? Apparently she wasn't convinced about my innocence in the night and the boob-grab the next day, which she seemed ambivalent to at worst and somewhat happy about at best, was her confirmation that I was some kind of woman-molesting man-imal. It was only two dates and the whole weird drawing and fire/lying thing (along with other distressing stories of drug use) made me kind of glad to be done with her and I let it go. Two days later she calls me to see if I want to take her to see a movie. I say no.

    Story two: why my long-term girlfriend liked anal.
    So I'm dating this girl from a really religious family. She goes to a Christian college out in the middle of nowhere and her parents at one point told her not to date me because my atheism would corrupt her (they also told her that dating black people would corrupt her, along with many other pieces of god-awful fundamentalist BS). This girlfriend had many, many issues. Mostly dealing with prioritization, control, self-esteem, and trust. I won't go into all of them because I could write a book about the emotional blackmail and insane spirals of self-doubt. The amusing story here is her fascination with buttsex.

    When I started dating her she was a 'virgin'. Hadn't ever had actual intercourse, but had given BJs and done some mutual masturbatory type stuff. We fixed that not too long into the relationship, though she'd randomly decide that sex was wrong and evil and we shouldn't do it sporadically during the entirety of the 3 year relationship. She also would orgasm after maybe one-to-two minutes of clitoral stimulation and two-to-three of vaginal, and completely and totally lost interest in sex immediately after orgasm (so if I didn't get my cookie beforehand, I was out of luck). I could go on about the almost-monthly pregnancy scares (partially on account of her highly-irregular menstrual cycle inherited from her mother and partly because she adamantly refused to go on birth control, despite that it would have helped with said cycle), but again... the buttsex.

    So sometime into our fooling around I start asking her about her fantasies. Like I said, any actual sex ended extremely rapidly and was often followed by anger at me for 'tricking her into it' despite that she initiated it just as often as I did. Foreplay was where it was at for me, since then I could 1) potentially get my rocks off, 2) make the experience last more than 2 minutes, and 3) if I did want to actually have sex a great deal of foreplay was required to get her to relax enough that it didn't hurt (both because I'm not poorly endowed and because she was extremely tense all the time). She eventually tells me her 'dirtiest fantasy', which involves anal. Being a young college guy I think, "Ding! Jackpot!" and set about making this happen. It never really did, on account of the tenseness/endowment problem mentioned earlier. But all sorts of other things went on around the region, eventually becoming a standard part of every sexual encounter because she liked it so much.

    Probably 2.5 years into this relationship I find out why she liked it so much and stopped doing it. Turns out that any time she got sick her mother had one solution: suppositories. The way it came up was my asking why, every time she got sick, she pretended so hard that she was fine. To the point of vomiting and then saying, "Oh, no, I feel great!" immediately afterward. Answer: she didn't want her mom's suppositories. I don't know what they were, content wise, but apparently they were the size of horse pills.

    I assume this is something from her childhood, since she's in college at this point and lives away from home most of the year. Nope. If she's sick and at home her mom's treatment regime continues. And she isn't handed the pill and sent off to do the deed. Her mom does it for her. I couldn't get near her ass after that without thinking about it. And no, her mom was not hot. It was not a pleasant visual image at all.

    Edit: spoilered for text wall

    CptHamilton on
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  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Duffel on
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    This doesn't sound like one of those times.

    Duffel on
  • ArchArch Neat-o, mosquito! Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    Sometimes a suppository is a penis

    Arch on
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    Sometimes a suppository is a penis

    :^:

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    Sometimes a suppository is a penis

    :^:

    Yeah, sadly not in this case.

    Her mom also forced her to wear a tampon by manually inserting it herself when said girlfriend first started her period. I'm pretty sure her parents had some kind of repressed incestuous interest in their daughters, really.

    CptHamilton on
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  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Oh god, oh god, oh god. If my parents ever fucking even suggested help with any of that shit, I would have fucking bolted.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Oh god, oh god, oh god. If my parents ever fucking even suggested help with any of that shit, I would have fucking bolted.

    She had a sort of phobia of them after that. She'd actually buy them, carry them in her purse when she was home visiting, and periodically throw them away so that her mother thought she was still using them while actually using pads because she was afraid of the pain of putting one in.

    CptHamilton on
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  • DuffelDuffel jacobkosh Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah, I think that's one of the creepiest (if not necessarily craziest) stories in here.

    Not as dramatic as alien BDSM cults or anything but just ugh. It's really disturbing and honestly does sound extremely incestuous.

    Duffel on
  • JihadJesusJihadJesus Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Arch wrote: »
    Duffel wrote: »
    What a Freudian nightmare.

    Sometimes a suppository is just a suppository.

    Sometimes a suppository is a penis

    :^:

    Yeah, sadly not in this case.

    Her mom also forced her to wear a tampon by manually inserting it herself when said girlfriend first started her period. I'm pretty sure her parents had some kind of repressed incestuous interest in their daughters, really.

    Repressed? I think insisting on personally inserting objects into her nether regions well into her adult life goes beyond the realm of repression.

    JihadJesus on
  • MalkorMalkor Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    kinda wish I didn't read that

    Malkor on
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    kinda wish somebody would report it for awesome
    I don't

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Duffel wrote: »
    Yeah, I think that's one of the creepiest (if not necessarily craziest) stories in here.

    Not as dramatic as alien BDSM cults or anything but just ugh. It's really disturbing and honestly does sound extremely incestuous.

    She was pretty whacked, but in the normal 'manipulative bitch with low self-esteem' sorts of ways instead of the 'crazy, gonna knife you and then stalk you' way. But the weird in her family just never ended. Her sister's bedroom was completely indistinguishable from the bedroom of a 6 year old girl born sometime in the 50's up until the time I stopped dating her, by which point her sister was a sophomore in college. Like, old-school-looking dolls and stuffed animals on the quilt comforter, needle-point on the walls, and a creepy-ass little crib with a baby doll in it at the foot of the bed.

    Their dad would periodically steal their journals (why they kept diaries given that they knew this, I have no idea) to read them and make sure they weren't doing anything wrong. My girlfriend went looking for hers at one point and found it in his office hidden with a stack of Barely Legal and similar teen-porn mags.

    At that point in my life I was writing short stories and fanfiction and posting both online. One of them (I honestly don't recall whether it was original or not, now) involved an explicit sex scene along with some extremely violent imagery (not together). My girlfriend decided it would be a good idea to show it to her parents (because, y'know, they didn't hate me enough). Possibly the most awkward phone call of my life.

    CptHamilton on
    PSN,Steam,Live | CptHamiltonian
  • AlyceInWonderlandAlyceInWonderland Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Yeah that.... that was pretty fucked up. I actually feel really bad for that poor girl.

    AlyceInWonderland on
  • Bullfrogof7272Bullfrogof7272 Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Dear sweet jesus cpt hamilton... we may both know this girl as i grew up in durham... did this happen in durham? in the past 27 years?

    Bullfrogof7272 on
    the hammer, is my penis.
  • CptHamiltonCptHamilton Registered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Dear sweet jesus cpt hamilton... we may both know this girl as i grew up in durham... did this happen in durham? in the past 27 years?

    Nah, this was... hrm. Been married 3 years, dated a year, so a span of time between 2002 and 2005 in SC, not NC.

    CptHamilton on
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  • QuothQuoth the Raven Miami, FL FOR REALRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Quoth wrote: »
    i posted this elsewhere but this blew my mind

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ&feature=player_embedded


    I still believe this to be fake, at least if not fake it's exaggerated.

    MT_Max on
  • MT_MaxMT_Max MontanaRegistered User regular
    edited August 2009
    Dear sweet jesus cpt hamilton... we may both know this girl as i grew up in durham... did this happen in durham? in the past 27 years?

    Nah, this was... hrm. Been married 3 years, dated a year, so a span of time between 2002 and 2005 in SC, not NC.

    Your share bruised my brain sir. I can't imagine living in that household.

    MT_Max on
  • Bullfrogof7272Bullfrogof7272 Registered User
    edited August 2009
    Dear sweet jesus cpt hamilton... we may both know this girl as i grew up in durham... did this happen in durham? in the past 27 years?

    Nah, this was... hrm. Been married 3 years, dated a year, so a span of time between 2002 and 2005 in SC, not NC.

    Ah gotcha. Well always neat to stumble across someone right down the road via the internets.

    Edit: worst TOTP ever.

    Bullfrogof7272 on
    the hammer, is my penis.
This discussion has been closed.