Yeah, I wouldn't read a comic about Naruto cosplayers.
The joke falls really flat.
but I also dig what's going on with the art. You should look into the "Super Cross Forum Project" thread, so you can make some art for something I'd like to read.
You should look into the "Super Cross Forum Project" thread, so you can make some art for something I'd like to read.
Believe it!
Shiekahn_boy on
"your a moron you know that wolves have packs wich they rely on nd they could ever here of lone wolves? you an idiot and your gay, wolves have packs and are smart with tactics" - Youtube Wolf Enthusiast.
yes, the orange clothings and yellow hair are loaded. It's going to read as Nartuto no matter what. I'd strongly suggest changing the colours to something else.
I dig the style though. Don't care much for the writing or theme. It's identical to every other "two nerds" comic, except they're apparently martial artists for no relevant reason. That's not enough to separate it from the ocean of internet sludge.
I mean, it isn't "influenced" by penny arcade... it IS penny arcade. This could be any PA strip if you just plugged in Gabe and Tycho.
I like the writing enough. The last panel just doesn't seem funny to me.
I think Scott Adams blog posting here might explain it fairly simply.
If you don't want to read it, let me summarize it.
Clever
Cute
Bizarre
Cruel
Naughty
Recognizable
Pick at least two to have a shot at being funny. More is better.
The first panel seem funny because I recognize the show (1) and a zombie detector with a compass is a bit clever (2) and a bit bizarre (3).
The second panel is sort of a bridge that carries on the first panel well, but the last panel doesn't deliver. My experience is that when 'contestants' do that they don't really get a lot of money, so it's not recognizable to me (which is the most important) and it's not really any of the other things.
He needs some more interesting way to get them to give him the money.
thanks for the critiques. I will revamp the approach the comic for future strips. I created this to act as a visual blog so to speak. Basically a platform to voice opinions in an entertaining way that keeps people coming back but it hasn't gone over to well it seems. I will keep at it and see what I can do about the Naruto looking character.
also I think what really hurts your writing more than anything is you are using swearing as a crutch. not the punchline or the progression or anything like that - though they are not up to snuff, but swearing needs to have a point to be funny.
Honestly I think the only thing that lets this down is the font choice and word balloon placement. It's too harsh and doesn't flow properly. Where you'd have a pause in speech, separate the balloons (where possible), and I would choose a less coarse font. Otherwise I actually really like it, but I'm a little confused about why they're ninjas.
Willeth on
@vgreminders - Don't miss out on timed events in gaming! @gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
Posts
Also, Twin Dragon is an awesome Mongolian BBQ in Anchorage.. in case you were ever wondering.
e: 99501. Google it. If you want..
e2: You can see it on Street View. I mean, if you want..
EDIT: There we go. Now i see it. Post on tinypic or image shack. Blog links generally dont work.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_UFjMX2Xvfh4/Soy5RgZGMlI/AAAAAAAAAA4/ne7PA2lympo/s1600-h/TD-ep-01.png
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Really do like the art though.
The joke falls really flat.
but I also dig what's going on with the art. You should look into the "Super Cross Forum Project" thread, so you can make some art for something I'd like to read.
Believe it!
I dig the style though. Don't care much for the writing or theme. It's identical to every other "two nerds" comic, except they're apparently martial artists for no relevant reason. That's not enough to separate it from the ocean of internet sludge.
I mean, it isn't "influenced" by penny arcade... it IS penny arcade. This could be any PA strip if you just plugged in Gabe and Tycho.
I think Scott Adams blog posting here might explain it fairly simply.
If you don't want to read it, let me summarize it.
Clever
Cute
Bizarre
Cruel
Naughty
Recognizable
Pick at least two to have a shot at being funny. More is better.
The first panel seem funny because I recognize the show (1) and a zombie detector with a compass is a bit clever (2) and a bit bizarre (3).
The second panel is sort of a bridge that carries on the first panel well, but the last panel doesn't deliver. My experience is that when 'contestants' do that they don't really get a lot of money, so it's not recognizable to me (which is the most important) and it's not really any of the other things.
He needs some more interesting way to get them to give him the money.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
also I think what really hurts your writing more than anything is you are using swearing as a crutch. not the punchline or the progression or anything like that - though they are not up to snuff, but swearing needs to have a point to be funny.
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Exactly why are they martial artists? Will there be fights and stuff down the track that will require an advanced fighting knowledge?
That guy is supposed to be black?