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Strange and Embarrassing Moments: Italy: Land of Homoerotic Escapades

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  • Professor PhobosProfessor Phobos Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Okay. This is the single most embarrassing moment of my life; I actually consider it a positive experience. It was kind of like an embarrassment singularity- from now on, I can never be embarrassed again.

    Here's the basic set-up; I'm doing a year teaching English in China (awesome experience, totally recommend it!).

    Anyway, the Chinese do not exactly have "water quality" on their to-do list, so every restaurant you go to is a risk; basically we expatriates would send out a scout to eat at a place and if they didn't get sick, that place would go on a list. Normally I'd save this for the weekend, just in case, because all the bathrooms in school I had access to were for the students and I don't want to pee in a trough next to a 4th grader.

    But one night I tried a new restaurant. And then the next day I woke up and felt fine, so I went to teach. And about halfway through class- the class in the middle of my schedule, far from my lunch break- I felt what can only be described as the opening shots of a war in my digestive system. I mean, some stomach equivalent of Hitler had just divided up Poland with my Colon's equivalent of Stalin. And I say, "Uh oh" but I try to keep it under control.

    About 15 minutes later, I realize that I have to take care of this situation one way or the other and I'd rather not shit myself. So I excuse myself and dash to the bathroom. I'm thinking it's during class time, they're not normally allowed out, I should have a bathroom to myself.

    But.

    But.

    My assistant, whose English was good but not great, doesn't quite catch my excuse for leaving. And my students, who had gotten used to some zany antics (my main goal was to make them associate learning English with "fun" since at that level it's unlikely they'd really learn all that much) so...they followed me. And my assistant didn't stop them in time.

    Now, by the time I got to the bathroom I was basically doubled over and so they knew what was up. And it was the boy's bathroom, so the girls couldn't come in. But the boys could. And did.

    I had no real choice. It was go in the trough or go on myself. So for about ten minutes, I had an epic bowel movement in front of about 25 Chinese 5th grade boys...who were commenting, offering advice, patting me on the back and shouting the play-by-play to the girls outside. And it wasn't like I could do anything about it, because I was otherwise indisposed and they wouldn't understand me anyway.

    Now, in China, this sort of thing is less taboo than it is in the states and there was a general understanding that westerners don't have the intestinal fortitude of people used to all the bugs in their food and water. So when word got around, it was mostly general concern about my well-being rather than mockery. And after about halfway through, I just gave up on being embarrassed and treated it with a sense of humor.

    Professor Phobos on
  • SyphonBlueSyphonBlue Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    In which Sal will gladly knock down whatever you set up:

    So I'm in this philosophy course, and we come to the new problem of induction. The prof, to kick off the discussion, asked the class if "anyone has encountered grue before."

    To which I replied, "This one time, in the basement of a white house. It was dark and the grue ate me."

    Cue a solid fifteen seconds of blank stares from everyone - everyone - in the room. People's heads turned towards me with exaggerated slowness.

    "...Game called Zork? From Infocom back in the early 80s? Anybody?"

    Still starin'.

    The professor then moves on as if absolutely nothing had happened while I mutter "Fuckin' philistines," under my breath.

    hahaha This reminds me of a story

    In Biology class, we were learning about the bacterial processes that can sometimes lead to yogurt. A friend of mine yells out, for no particular reason, "Yogurt? Yogurt?! I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries." A few seconds goes by, and then we hear this kind of timid little voice pipe up from towards the back of the class of this young woman saying, "I kinda like it with strawberries..."

    SyphonBlue on
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    PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
  • Professor PhobosProfessor Phobos Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Once I fell asleep in class while thinking about Warhammer and when I woke myself up muttered very loudly "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"

    Everyone looked at me for a good five minutes.

    Professor Phobos on
  • FiarynFiaryn Omnicidal Madman Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Once I fell asleep in class while thinking about Warhammer and when I woke myself up muttered very loudly "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD"

    Everyone looked at me for a good five minutes.

    Could have been worse.

    God knows what you would have said if you'd been thinking about Slaanesh.

    Fiaryn on
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  • SyphonBlueSyphonBlue Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Oh god that reminds me of another story

    I jerk a lot when I fall asleep. You all know what I mean, I'm sure.

    Well, anyway, one time I fell asleep in class. And JUST as I was falling into that deep sleep, my leg decided Nope, you're not going to sleep yet, asshole. And let out one monster kick right into the chair of the girl in front of me.

    Of course, everyone looked at me and stared at me like "What the fuck?" But luckily, these were people I'd been in classes with and knew very well for about 4 years so we all got a good laugh out of it.

    Except for the fact that the girl who I'd kicked I had had a pretty major crush on for most of those 4 years.

    SyphonBlue on
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    PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
  • FoodAddictFoodAddict Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Scalfin on page 1 mentioned accidentally sitting on a dog. My friend's sister did the same thing. Only it was on a chihuahua. And it died.


    If I didn't hate chihuahuas with a fiery passion, then I wouldn't have laughed when he told me. He himself mentioned that it was a sad/funny story.

    FoodAddict on
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Scalfin wrote: »
    Sekxtion wrote: »
    He's about to continue chewing this poor youngster, who by now is completely terrified, out when he looks down at the requisition sheets and just...stops. He looks back up, squints, looks back down at the sheet, takes a step back and in a very low, small voice goes, "Angela. Your name is Angela." "Yes, sir." "...I am so sorry. Words cannot...I'm sorry." "It's alright, sir, I'm often mistaken for a man."
    I know it's off-topic, but how does it not surprise me that someone who spends all day yelling at men is terrified of women? If he had grunted and said "My mistake, your hair is within regulation.", I would have a great deal more respect for him.
    I think he was just panicking because he'd just inadvertently told a woman that she looked like a dude, which is much worse than a straight out insult because you can tell the latter is just to be mean, while the former is what the person really thinks.
    Yeah... it's like asking a woman when her baby is due and having her say, "I'm not pregnant." Some faux pas are like taking an airplane into a flat spin. Nothing to do but eject.

    GungHo on
  • underdonkunderdonk __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2009
    <snip>

    Now, in China, this sort of thing is less taboo than it is in the states and there was a general understanding that westerners don't have the intestinal fortitude of people used to all the bugs in their food and water. So when word got around, it was mostly general concern about my well-being rather than mockery. And after about halfway through, I just gave up on being embarrassed and treated it with a sense of humor.

    This is the embarrassing story all other embarrassing stories hope to be. Bravo.

    underdonk on
    Back in the day, bucko, we just had an A and a B button... and we liked it.
  • InHumanInHuman Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Went to india, got sick.

    Bad. Was either water, or grapes that did it.


    So I'm outside in the street retchin' like an animal, I wake up concerned neighbors (old friends of my dad) and my parents, and pretty much every adult on the street floor of the two houses, plus probably a few mental patients from the asylum next door.

    So I'm there, on the street, infront of an open sewer (this is india) and finally it feels as if my stomach is empty... I start getting up... when right infront of everyone I let the most massive shit of my life, and the wettest just explode in my pants (sweats)....


    Long story short, my dad carries me to the hospital a few blocks away b/c I can't walk (he was careful with the poop, which thankfully remained in my pants to swill about)...

    I'm hooked to I.V and take some pills for the next 10 hours. Also wen't through like 6 pairs of pants and needed help going to the bathroom (you know, the proper way)..

    Also, I respect squat toliets.

    InHuman on
  • aseriesofchasmsaseriesofchasms Registered User
    edited September 2009
    What’s worse than something embarrassing happening based around sex?

    Something embarrassing happening when you lose your virginity.

    My senior year of high school I was taking a dual enrollment college speech class. It was the easiest class I had ever taken, having always enjoyed speaking to a sizeable audience. One of the speeches we were required to give was an informative speech, basically, we were to teach a subject. We were to come up with a list of ideas we felt we could inform people on, and our teacher would pick the one he wanted to do. Being a bit of a class clown, I wrote down contraception as one of my topics. My teacher, also being a bit of a goof, picked that for my topic.

    Going against my nature, I decided that I would actually give a very in-depth presentation on the subject, and no in-depth presentation is complete without visual aids. My mom (strangely enough) provided me her birth control pills, my cousin was on the (then new) birth control patch, which she happily lent to me, and I figured condoms wouldn’t be that difficult to come across. I, being a virgin at the time, had none in my possession, but I had friends who seemed to do nothing but eat, sleep, and get laid, so I assumed I would be fine.

    But I wanted to take it one step further. What could set my presentation apart from the rest of the pack?

    A ha! My slightly immature brain thought. A demonstration! I’ll show them how to properly put on a condom!

    Feeling proud of myself, I float the idea to my closest friend (who just so happened to be our class valedictorian), and he approved. Not only did he approve, but he himself floated the idea to his mother, who just happened to be the head of the nursing department at the local community college.

    “What will you use for a visual aid for this?” She asked me.

    “I figured the standard banana.”

    “Would you like a model?”

    “Su-wait, what?”

    It turns out, the nursing department at the local community college had, well, a fake penis model for the very purpose of teaching people how to properly put on a condom, and this thing was, for a lack of a better term, realistic. So realistic that it had a standing up position and an “at ease” position.

    “I’ll let you borrow it, you can use it for your project. We’ve got a stash of condoms with it, too, so you won’t have to worry about that either.”

    With my visual aids gathered, I prepared and prepared and prepared. Apparently, though, word of my planned demonstration got around, and the principal forbade me to use my model (seeing that I was a high school student, regardless of it being a college class.) I felt defeated, but I worked around it, and got an A for the project.

    Now, I told you that story to tell you this one:
    Around this time, two things were happening: I was waiting to find out if I was going to be accepted to a university, and my other cousin (not the one who provided the B.C patch) had taken it on herself to get me to lose my virginity. She had a friend who was a little bit promiscuous and she felt that we would hit it off instantly, and the girl had enough experience that she wouldn’t be too disappointed by my first outing.

    Well, one Friday my mom busted through the door with a very large envelope from my first choice school. With bated anticipation, I opened it and read aloud my acceptance letter, and began to jump up and down, screaming very loudly.

    While making my celebratory phone calls to friends, I called my new friend that my cousin had set me up with. Her response was simply this:

    “Yea, you’re definitely getting laid tonight.”

    With quick thinking, I called some close friends and asked if they could take time out of their busy schedule and drive me to this girl’s house so I could have my first sexual experience. They, being the friends they are, obliged without hesitation. Realizing that I don’t have any condoms or money, I think quickly and grab a few out of the box that the penis model was sitting in. My friends drop me off and offer as parting words: “Call after you get your winky whacked!”

    The girl (let’s call her Mary) is at home, alone, with her little brother, who at the time was about two years old. We begin talking, kissing, the normal teenage foreplay rounds, and she grabs my hand and leads me up to her bedroom and shuts the door.

    “Do you think we should lock the door? What if your brot-“

    “Oh, it’s fine. He can’t open doors. He hasn’t figured it out yet.”

    You see where this is going.

    Her two-year-old brother, while I was having my first time with his sister, pops his door-opening cherry while his sister is riding me reverse cowgirl on her bed.

    Pretty embarrassing, right? Well, we threw him out of the room, locked the door, and finished our business.

    Now, what does all this have to do with the contraception speech from before? It seems to be a minor character in this story, but as you shall soon learn, it is in fact the character of the story.

    While I was regaling my best friend (the valedictorian whose mother gave me a fake penis in a box full of condoms), he
    looks at me for a moment, very confused, and frankly, seeming a little disturbed.

    “Where did you say you got the condom from?”

    “From the penis box your mom gave me. Why?”

    “Those condoms are donated by the manufacturers to the college. They’re the factory defects that they can’t sell because they didn’t pass testing.”

    I, very understandably, shit my pants on cue.

    Three days later, Mary called complaining about how her period started. I had never been more relieved.

    Even now, some four years later, my best friend’s mom puts one of the infamous condoms donated to the college into my Christmas card with a note that reads “Just a reminder: If you didn’t buy it yourself, don’t use it!”

    aseriesofchasms on
    If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Invisible wrote: »
    I fell off a booth at a restaurant at the mall today. Really hard too. I got up quickly, hoping not too many people noticed, but when I got out in the food court, two guys asked if I was OK. I said yes and quickly walked away, though to their credit they looked genuinely concerned and weren't laughing.

    But my mother did. Oh yes, she laughed.

    I think I broke my finger, too.
    Much like the time I was eating at a food court with my friend and I leaned back in the chair and one of the back legs gave way, dumping me at the feet of a middle aged scowling business woman right behind me.

    Tofystedeth on
  • DemonStaceyDemonStacey TTODewback's Daughter In love with the TaySwayRegistered User regular
    edited September 2009
    underdonk wrote: »
    <snip>

    Now, in China, this sort of thing is less taboo than it is in the states and there was a general understanding that westerners don't have the intestinal fortitude of people used to all the bugs in their food and water. So when word got around, it was mostly general concern about my well-being rather than mockery. And after about halfway through, I just gave up on being embarrassed and treated it with a sense of humor.

    This is the embarrassing story all other embarrassing stories hope to be. Bravo.

    *insert applause*

    That was amazing. You had me laughing out loud as I pictured the entire thing.

    DemonStacey on
  • BolthornBolthorn Registered User regular
    edited September 2009

    Even now, some four years later, my best friend’s mom puts one of the infamous condoms donated to the college into my Christmas card with a note that reads “Just a reminder: If you didn’t buy it yourself, don’t use it!”


    This is the best advice ever.

    Bolthorn on
  • XOCentricXOCentric Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Oh, embarassing stories hmm... where to start?

    So, rewind back to grade 5, I've got a major kid-crush on this girl in my grade level. In my young developing mind (fueled by hours of watching sweet 80's action movies), I get the idea to do some sort of awesome stunt to win her heart, like any good action movie star. What I plan to do once I "win her over" doesn't cross my mind, being so young, but my lack of a plan should I succeed also doesn't factor in at this point.

    My school has a moderate-sized hill behind it that turns into an amazing sliding hill every winter (I'm from Canada). Kids are allowed to bring sleds and crazy-carpets (roll-up plastic sheets for sliding) to enjoy during lunch hour and recesses.

    I begin to hatch a superb scheme to gain my girl's favour: I'm going to do a sweet-ass stunt jump/roll over her when she's coming down the hill; She will HAVE to think I'm cool and fall for me once I pull this off.

    I do a little recce of the hill during lunch hour and see that she's sliding down this one run, so I casually work my way closer to the bottom of her run.

    "Stay frosty man" I think, trying to stay unnoticed.

    I can see her about to come down, but she's got her BEST friend with her, sitting in the front. I quickly do the calculation and figure "yeah, I can clear them both". They start their run but see me stepping out in front, pretending like I don't see them.

    Now, let me say this: my heart was in the right place at the time, but my understanding of timing, parabolic trajectory and fitness in general was way off.

    What was supposed to be a clean jump over both of them, into a roll and into her heart, turned into me, slamming my kneecap into her best friends forehead at however many kilometres/miles per hour a kid can slide down a hill at.

    There was much blood, crying, stitches, and her friend STILL glares at me whenever she sees me (this was maybe 17 years ago).

    :(

    XOCentric on
    steam: xo_centric uplay: xocentric
  • mightyspacepopemightyspacepope Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    XOCentric wrote: »
    snip

    :(

    If it's any consolation, I just fell in love with you. That's a pretty epic fail right there.

    mightyspacepope on
  • InHumanInHuman Registered User
    edited September 2009
    So you would jump over them as THEY were coming down?

    hmm..

    Kids.

    InHuman on
  • RenzoRenzo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    SyphonBlue wrote: »
    In which Sal will gladly knock down whatever you set up:

    So I'm in this philosophy course, and we come to the new problem of induction. The prof, to kick off the discussion, asked the class if "anyone has encountered grue before."

    To which I replied, "This one time, in the basement of a white house. It was dark and the grue ate me."

    Cue a solid fifteen seconds of blank stares from everyone - everyone - in the room. People's heads turned towards me with exaggerated slowness.

    "...Game called Zork? From Infocom back in the early 80s? Anybody?"

    Still starin'.

    The professor then moves on as if absolutely nothing had happened while I mutter "Fuckin' philistines," under my breath.

    hahaha This reminds me of a story

    In Biology class, we were learning about the bacterial processes that can sometimes lead to yogurt. A friend of mine yells out, for no particular reason, "Yogurt? Yogurt?! I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries." A few seconds goes by, and then we hear this kind of timid little voice pipe up from towards the back of the class of this young woman saying, "I kinda like it with strawberries..."

    I had a social dance class in college. Waltz, Mambo, Tango, etc. 5/1 female/male ratio.

    The teacher was very good, and very outgoing (of course) and expectedly a little weird. We got along well. All the people in the class are cool too. The teacher's weirdness is kind of infectious.

    Several weeks in, we're all standing in a circle as the teacher closes out the class and he finishes by saying, "Any questions? No? Any answers?"

    Me: *raises hand*
    Teacher: "Yes?"
    Me: "42."
    Teacher: "Correct. See you all next week."

    Renzo on
  • XOCentricXOCentric Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    InHuman wrote: »
    So you would jump over them as THEY were coming down?

    hmm..

    Kids.

    Yeah, I still don't know why the fuck I thought this would be a good idea. Turns out I still have about the same level of understanding of the female mind to this day :D.

    XOCentric on
    steam: xo_centric uplay: xocentric
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Did you at least say "Tiger KNEE!"?

    GungHo on
  • XOCentricXOCentric Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    GungHo wrote: »
    Did you at least say "Tiger KNEE!"?

    I did, and the sheer magnitude of embarassment I felt carried it through the ether and into the minds of the developers of said quoted game.

    True story. :p

    XOCentric on
    steam: xo_centric uplay: xocentric
  • aseriesofchasmsaseriesofchasms Registered User
    edited September 2009
    XOCentric wrote: »
    InHuman wrote: »
    So you would jump over them as THEY were coming down?

    hmm..

    Kids.

    Yeah, I still don't know why the fuck I thought this would be a good idea. Turns out I still have about the same level of understanding of the female mind to this day :D.

    I can only imagine how this habit has extrapolated itself over the years. I bet on anniversaries you light your significant other on fire while listening to Blue Oyster Cult's "I'm Burning For You."

    aseriesofchasms on
    If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
  • GammarahGammarah Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    What’s worse than something embarrassing happening based around sex?

    This, along with the rest of page 4, is fantastic.

    Gammarah on
  • XOCentricXOCentric Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    XOCentric wrote: »
    InHuman wrote: »
    So you would jump over them as THEY were coming down?

    hmm..

    Kids.

    Yeah, I still don't know why the fuck I thought this would be a good idea. Turns out I still have about the same level of understanding of the female mind to this day :D.

    I can only imagine how this habit has extrapolated itself over the years. I bet on anniversaries you light your significant other on fire while listening to Blue Oyster Cult's "I'm Burning For You."

    Hey now, to be fair my honest intent was not to cause injury but to perform a graceful leap not unlike a gazelle, that would be admired and result in adoration. It just happened that 10lbs of snowsuit and bulky snow boots on an adolescent frame does not allow one to mimic that feat.

    XOCentric on
    steam: xo_centric uplay: xocentric
  • aseriesofchasmsaseriesofchasms Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Let it henceforth be decreed that thou shalt never try to look cool in a snowsuit.

    We could all learn from this.

    aseriesofchasms on
    If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
  • CristoCristo Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    InHuman wrote: »
    Went to india, got sick.

    Bad. Was either water, or grapes that did it.


    So I'm outside in the street retchin' like an animal, I wake up concerned neighbors (old friends of my dad) and my parents, and pretty much every adult on the street floor of the two houses, plus probably a few mental patients from the asylum next door.

    So I'm there, on the street, infront of an open sewer (this is india) and finally it feels as if my stomach is empty... I start getting up... when right infront of everyone I let the most massive shit of my life, and the wettest just explode in my pants (sweats)....


    Long story short, my dad carries me to the hospital a few blocks away b/c I can't walk (he was careful with the poop, which thankfully remained in my pants to swill about)...

    I'm hooked to I.V and take some pills for the next 10 hours. Also wen't through like 6 pairs of pants and needed help going to the bathroom (you know, the proper way)..

    Also, I respect squat toliets.

    See, when my school did a month long camping/hiking trip to India (which we had to raise money for by ourselves) THIS IS THE EXCUSE I USED.

    Basically, what you described happened to about half of all the people who went on the trip. No thanks. I decided to go to Greenland instead (since school was out for my grade anyway and you weren't forced to go) and I got to eat fucking Polar Bear. Polar bear.

    Cristo on
  • LemmingHeadLemmingHead Registered User
    edited September 2009
    I have 2. I dunno if they can match the epicness of some of there, but oh well.

    I was picking this pottery piece up from a pottery store I go to. And I saw a hat that looked a lot like a hat that I couldn't find. So I mentioned that I thought it was mine.

    Turned out that it belonged to him. Not only that, but he wore it for his relatives in the army, one of who won a purple heart and was at home resting.

    Feeling awkward, I told him to give his cousin a "high five" and a "hug" the next time he saw him.

    Also, when I was in junior high, I gave all my teachers boxes of Pocky at the end of the year. Some other students got them personalized mugs, chocolate chip cookie mix, tickets to the opera, and crap like that.

    LemmingHead on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] hugs!
  • NeylaNeyla Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    This is the best thread for those slow moments at work...

    Here my addition. It isn't as good as others already posted, and mind you it isn't mine but it was told to me last week by a co-worker and i thought it was the best!
    A general contractor was calling Norm (i shall call him) bitching him out because Norm apperantly got his order wrong. Norm tries to be polite to the customer while they are swearing at him, telling them that they will get their salesmen to call them back and correct the issue.

    So Norm hangs up the phone picks it up and dails, call gets answered and he says "You gotta call this fucking asshole, he is pissing me off"

    Moment of silence.

    "this is the asshole"

    Norm, "oh, your salesmen will be in touch with you shortly" <click>

    Apperantly he accidently redailed the customer's number and before realizing who he was -really- talking to went off since he himself was pissed... I lol'd

    Neyla on
  • Look Out it's Sabs!Look Out it's Sabs! Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Okay I got a one story, more strange then embarrassing, luckily this didn't happen to me but happened to someone a friend knows.

    So the friend who told me the story, lets call him Jim, Jim lives in Ireland and is in a rugby team. It is in this rugby team that the person of the story, who will be called Paul, is known from. It's I guess rugby season, and Jim & Paul's rugby team is going around Ireland playing matches against other teams. So they are in a small town where they are playing a match in, and what else is there to do at night but go to the pub and get smashed.

    It is at this pub where Paul meets this pretty attractive girl, lets call her Claire. Of course as these stories go, Paul and Claire attract and the night ends up at her place. They are getting down and dirty in bed when Claire asks Paul "Do you mind if I use anal beads on you?" Thinking of how hot this girl is, and how far they already gone, Paul said sure. So I guess things started going good, and Paul didnt mind it too much when can you guess it Paul darn shited himself in the girls bed. Now this was quite embarrassing for Paul since he never done this before, stammering "I'm sorry I'm sorry." Claire was all calm and unphased replying "Don't worry this happens to everyone." She cleans up the mess, changes the sheets and they return to their previous activity, foregoing any more beads.

    So now it's the morning and Paul wakes up, Claire already left for work and told Paul that he can sleep in, help himself to some food/drinks if he wants before letting himself out. So Paul was dehydrated after last night, and had a rugby match soon so he went to the fridge see what she had to drink. What does poor Paul find in the fridge? He finds a plate of poop. Let's just say he abruptly let himself out.

    Later that day Paul ends up talking to Claire again, and of course he just had to ask.

    "Claire why are there plates of poop in your fridge???"
    "I like to keep them as souvenirs."

    Look Out it's Sabs! on
    NNID: Sabuiy
    3DS: 2852-6809-9411
  • TheMarshalTheMarshal Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    --fridge poop--
    "I like to keep them as souvenirs."

    Wow.... That reminds me of a porn story that my fiance told me about...
    This guy sees a "beautiful man" in a club, and rather than going up and talking to him into the bathroom and proceeds to eat his poop out of the toilet, then bags some of it up and takes it home. Later he (the eater) opens his freezer and notices the bag and is simply overjoyed at the though of eating it again.

    Don't judge, I'm sure we've all read stories we're not proud of...

    TheMarshal on
  • TofystedethTofystedeth Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    That is almost, but not quite as bad as the Alvin and the Chipmunks story from Something Awful. Their goal for that was to ruin your childhood, and they did a good job. I can't see The Chipmunks without thinking of that story.

    I didn't even finish it. I couldn't enjoy it ironically it was just so horrifying.

    Tofystedeth on
  • LemmingHeadLemmingHead Registered User
    edited September 2009
    That is almost, but not quite as bad as the Alvin and the Chipmunks story from Something Awful. Their goal for that was to ruin your childhood, and they did a good job. I can't see The Chipmunks without thinking of that story.

    I didn't even finish it. I couldn't enjoy it ironically it was just so horrifying.

    Can I get it linked? You've made me morbidly curious.

    LemmingHead on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] hugs!
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    Renzo wrote: »

    I had a social dance class in college. Waltz, Mambo, Tango, etc. 5/1 female/male ratio.

    The teacher was very good, and very outgoing (of course) and expectedly a little weird. We got along well. All the people in the class are cool too. The teacher's weirdness is kind of infectious.

    Several weeks in, we're all standing in a circle as the teacher closes out the class and he finishes by saying, "Any questions? No? Any answers?"

    Me: *raises hand*
    Teacher: "Yes?"
    Me: "42."
    Teacher: "Correct. See you all next week."

    Love it. Well done, sir.

    Bobble on
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    <snip>

    Later that day Paul ends up talking to Claire again, and of course he just had to ask.

    "Claire why are there plates of poop in your fridge???"
    "I like to keep them as souvenirs."

    I'm so glad he asked, because that shifted the story from great to amazing.

    Bobble on
  • aseriesofchasmsaseriesofchasms Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Bobble wrote: »
    <snip>

    Later that day Paul ends up talking to Claire again, and of course he just had to ask.

    "Claire why are there plates of poop in your fridge???"
    "I like to keep them as souvenirs."

    I'm so glad he asked, because that shifted the story from great to amazing.

    Paul and the Plate of Poop would be an excellent name for a rock band.

    aseriesofchasms on
    If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
  • Evil GummyEvil Gummy Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Oh man. Oh man. Two international public shitting stories on the last page, and ALSO the bad condom scare?



    This is the best of all things. ALL THINGS.

    Evil Gummy on
  • Professor PhobosProfessor Phobos Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    DaemonSadi wrote: »
    underdonk wrote: »
    <snip>

    Now, in China, this sort of thing is less taboo than it is in the states and there was a general understanding that westerners don't have the intestinal fortitude of people used to all the bugs in their food and water. So when word got around, it was mostly general concern about my well-being rather than mockery. And after about halfway through, I just gave up on being embarrassed and treated it with a sense of humor.

    This is the embarrassing story all other embarrassing stories hope to be. Bravo.

    *insert applause*

    That was amazing. You had me laughing out loud as I pictured the entire thing.

    It's a great story and to this day it gives me tremendous self-confidence. Just the other day I was working up the courage to ask this girl out, and I was like: "You have shat in front of the Chinese, no matter what he reaction is, it can't be more embarrassing than that."

    Professor Phobos on
  • InHumanInHuman Registered User
    edited September 2009
    Dare you to shit infront of the Russians.

    InHuman on
  • Professor PhobosProfessor Phobos Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    InHuman wrote: »
    Dare you to shit infront of the Russians.

    Please, Russia is such a shadow of its former self they should be grateful that I shit in front of them. I'm an American. American shit is the most valuable human waste in the world (I'm not joking; all the chemicals in our food are valuable if recycled).

    But sadly I disgraced our proud nation in front of your soon-to-be-rival-superpower.

    Professor Phobos on
  • darklite_xdarklite_x I'm not an r-tard... Registered User regular
    edited September 2009
    The most embarrassing personal story I can recall happened to me back in high school. Prom night no less.

    I've always been the shy type. In high school I hung out with the 'outcasts'. Surprise I know. Anyway, senior year rolls around and all of a sudden all of the cliques start interacting with each other now. Must have been some kind of magic senior bonding thing or something, but I started hanging around people I hadn't hung around very much. Of course everyone still knew me as the shy, kind of weird kid.

    Cut to prom time frame. One of the guys that hung out with my group (not so much because we liked him but because we were the only ones that would tolerate him) was the type that was always seeking acceptance but was such a klutz that it never really came easy. Well one of the guys in my group of friends knew a girl from another town that wanted to come to our prom, so he hooked the two of them up.

    I myself didn't go to the prom (unsocial remember), but I did go to the after party. The first after party was one of those parent-setup kind of gigs at a bowling alley to keep us out of trouble. You know the type, adult supervision, lame 'casino'-games with calling cards as prizes, good clean fun. While we were there it came to light that the out-of-town girl had ditched the other guy either during prom or after. That wasn't much of a surprise, but what was surprising is that I was actually hitting it off fairly well with her.

    As I mentioned before, by this time in the school year the cliques had started to fade and my group of friends to include myself ended up getting invited to the after party party at one of the more popular kid's house. At the party everyone was loud as hell, parents were either out of town or just didn't care and we were all generally having a good time. I'm not certain when it happened, but at some point during the night I finally grew a pair of balls. I was talking to the out-of-town girl and I said: "Now that I've got this calling card [from the 'casino' games] how about a phone number to use it on?"

    I'm not sure how the fuck it happened, but right as I'm saying that the entire party went dead fucking silent. As soon as I finished my sentence I realized that I had been the only one talking. I thought I was going to shit myself, and I very well may have if someone hadn't shouted out "Smooth!" from the other side of the room. At that point everyone started talking again, I played it off and pretended like nothing happened. The worst part is that I didn't get the number.

    darklite_x on
    Steam ID: darklite_x Xbox Gamertag: Darklite 37 PSN:Rage_Kage_37 Battle.Net:darklite#2197
  • aseriesofchasmsaseriesofchasms Registered User
    edited September 2009
    "You have shat in front of the Chinese, no matter what her reaction is, it can't be more embarrassing than that."
    This is like something Jesus would say. Ranks right up there with "blessed are the peacemakers" as far as I'm concerned.

    Seriously, someone could put these all into a book and it would be the most honestly helpful self-help book ever written.

    aseriesofchasms on
    If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.
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